Volition
by Rochelle Allison
Summary: It's Belfast, N.Ireland and the year is 1972. Bella's worried about her brother and his best friend, Edward, and their dangerous involvement in the Irish Republican Army. Is it really wise to fall in love with a rebel? Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Twilight or its characters. I do, however, have an wild Irish mother. Thanks to my beta, Nic.

_Originally, this was an Age of Edward oneshot, and I decided to expand it._

* * *

I smelled the rain before I saw it. The clouds came in swiftly then, and I watched as their shadows rolled silently across the footpath. I swung my umbrella at my side unopened, not bothering to pick up the pace because I was nearly home. Besides, rain in Northern Ireland is the rule, not the exception.

I unlocked the door to my parent's row house as a chilly drizzle drifted down and closed the door behind me, letting my bag fall to the floor with an unceremonious thump. Homework would have to wait; right then I needed to make sure Emmett was alright. And then I'd really lay into him.

"Em?" I called, stepping further down the dim hall, past the empty coat rack and hung pictures that needed dusting. The house was too still – apparently I was the first one home. I opened the drapes in the sitting room to let in a little light and consulted the watch hanging loosely on my wrist. Mum had likely gone to get something from the market for supper and Da usually didn't come home til five or six, half toasty from a pint or two (or three) at Flanagan's corner pub. I sighed, exhausted from a day of classes and frantic over-thinking. In all honesty that was probably where Emmett was as well– at the pub. _Looks like I'll be waiting for my answers, then._

In the kitchen, I started the kettle for tea and, out of habit, leaned against the counter to start homework. I was nearly done with my literature assignment when I heard the front door open.

"Isabella Marie! What're your boots doing right in the way?" I heard Mum kicking the offending articles aside as she made her way down the hall.

The tea kettle began whistling and I slid over to remove it from the heat. "Sorry, Mum."

She walked in, an affectionate smile betraying her. "How were your classes?"

I dropped a kiss on her cheek before moving past her to retrieve two cups from the cupboard. "Dull."

"Bella…" she shook her head and began unloading her shopping bags.

I shrugged indifferently. "Are you having tea?"

"Please, love. Thank you."

Mum knew when not to push. I was one month from finishing my second year at Queen's University and I was already feeling both stifled and burnt out. I was smart enough to have been able to leave home to attend university elsewhere but housing would have been too expensive. Even with living at home and working part time I'd have to wait at least one more year before leaving Belfast.

I poured us each a cup of tea, and we sat at the small table in the corner of our kitchen. This was something we had done for as long as I could remember, from way back when we were small and Mum would walk Emmett and me home from school. Back then she'd made scones all the time and they'd often be waiting on the table for us, warm from the oven, the kitchen fragrant and inviting.

"Have you seen Emmett today?" I asked casually, studying the steam as it rose from the cup.

Mum shook her head. "Not since he left this morning. Why?"

"No reason," I lied. I couldn't very well tell her what I'd found beneath my bed that morning when I'd looked to find an earring that had slipped from my grasp. I'd been on my hands and knees, holding my breath so as not to breathe in dust, when I'd spied the brown paper bag. I had pulled it out and opened it, sure it wasn't something I'd placed there… and I was right. It was a gun – what kind, I had no idea. Before that very moment, I had never even seen one.

But I knew who it belonged to, and it brought to the forefront of my mind suspicions I'd pushed away for months. I could have continued to ignore the subtle looks and defiant body language between the young men in the neighborhood, the whispered rumors and fierce expressions when news of political setbacks or police brutality surfaced. I'd have gladly stayed away from it, but this…this was tangible and real and cold and it had found its way from outside in.

Mum watched me carefully as I drifted back to the present.

I couldn't very well talk of things I supposedly knew nothing about, so I drained the last of my tea and stood. I gathered my books in my arms, and gently pushed my chair back into its place with my hip.

"I'll be in my room."

Twilight faded into evening as I stood at my window, combing absently through my hair. It was too long, and I'd been considering cutting it so it wouldn't sway to my hips as it had since childhood. I peered through the droplets of rain on the glass and onto the street below, worried that my brother hadn't come home yet. I imagined him off somewhere, strategizing and planning, not knowing I knew of the contraband he'd hidden in my room.

Just then I heard the distant slam of the front door followed by heavy footsteps on our wooden staircase. I sat on the edge of my bed, slowly winding my hair into a loose braid.

"You have explaining to do, "I said dryly when my bedroom door opened.

But the voice that answered was not the one I had been expecting.

"I do?"

I looked up in surprise. Edward Cullen, my brother's closest friend since primary school, stood in the doorway with a bemused expression on his face. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him, eyebrows raised as if he was the one deserving of an explanation.

I frowned. "Where's Em?"

He ran his fingers through his hair, its usual ruddy bronze darkened from the rain. "Hello to you too, Bella."

I ignored the violent flutter in my belly that came about whenever Edward was anywhere near me. I'd had eyes for him since I'd started noticing boys, but I knew to him I was simply Emmett's little sister. I had plenty of practice pretending it didn't ruin me inside every time I saw him with other girls (and there were _many)_. Just last week it had been Victoria from two doors down…

"Sorry Edward, hi. I just…wondered where Emmett was. I haven't seen him all day and I really need to speak to him."

He nodded, leaning against the door. "He'll be home soon."

I watched Edward carefully, wondering why he was in my room. Did he know something? Did _he_ know of Emmett's gun? I had a gut feeling he did.

"I just left him." Edward added, as if that would allay my curiosity. He walked over to my window and gazed out, much as I had done moments before.

For the better part of a year Emmett and Edward had grown more and more furtive about their whereabouts. I knew Mum was concerned with the types of activities they most probably were involved in, but like me she seemed to choose to live in ignorance. Da, however, seemed to encourage it. Like Edward's father, he had always been a strong supporter of Sinn Fein's protests and marches.

Our families had long standing affiliations with the Nationalist party, who was determined to break Ireland free of any British rule, but even the party had differing opinions within itself. The main difference I could discern was where Sinn Fein remained above the warfare of the streets, the Irish Republican Army (and most specifically, the Provisional IRA) had seen to it that there was no better way _than_ to fight back violently.

It wasn't difficult to understand where things had changed for my brother and his friends. They had picketed with fellow students and participated in Queen's University sit-in during October '68. That same year they had been among those attacked by Unionist police at what was supposed to be a peaceful march in Derry. Plainly put, Emmett and Edward were tired of talking and diplomacy. They were young, and idealistic, and full of vitriol.

All of this was, of course, my own speculation. Much as I tried to keep myself immersed in my studies and my social life, it was difficult to live in a bubble when the world around me was in a chaotic state of flux. I saw the tight clusters of men in the neighborhood; I heard the harsh whispers when Emmett received phone calls late at night. It terrified me because he and Edward could be arrested if they were caught, or worse, killed. I wasn't sure I could handle knowing that they were involved with any of the bombings so prevalent in the newspapers and on the evening news.

My stomach clenched painfully, the giddiness and butterflies now successfully squeezed out.

"…so I'll just wait here until he gets back," Edward was saying. He turned to look at me and I blinked, realizing he'd been speaking while I was lost in thought. His eyes narrowed and he nodded toward me.

"What's with you?"

I licked my lips nervously and without another thought slipped off the bed and down to my hands and knees for the second time that day. I wrenched the brown paper bag out and as I straightened up I saw from Edward's expression he already knew. My heart sank.

"What's this?" I griped, standing and tossing the bag on my bed.

Edward scowled and crossed the room in two strides. He snatched the bag up and tucked it under his arm.

"What are you doing with this?" he snapped, coming closer still.

I shrank from his sharp tone and looked away briefly. Even angry, he was terribly beautiful; it was disconcerting and made it difficult to answer. It didn't help that he always smelled so bloody appealing either. What was that scent, anyway? I shook my head.

"I should be asking you and Emmett! This is _my_ room, Edward! The two of you've real nerve coming and planting that shite beneath my bed. If you want to do that sort of thing, keep it in his room. Or yours."

Edward glared down at me, unmoved by my breathless tirade. "And what sort of thing is that?"

I backed away and sat on the bed again, tucking in my legs. "I don't know, just…" I waved him off, already tired of the discussion. If he wasn't going to say anything, then neither was I.

I felt the bed shift, and my heart stuttered pathetically. His fingers, cold from being outside so recently, touched mine. "You won't say anything, then?" He asked quietly. His voice was smooth, and so close.

I exhaled slowly. "Who would I tell?"

"Alice," he replied, referring to his younger sister and my confidant.

I picked at the flared, worn hem of my jeans. "I won't. "

We sat side by side and in silence for a few moments, wordlessly accepting this strange new agreement. If there had been any remaining innocence in our lives, it had now ebbed completely away. Edward's actions, and the things he didn't say, verified it for me. Worse yet, I sympathized. None of us were too happy about the current political climate and the way it trickled down into our every day state of affairs. People were tired of being punished for being Irish – in Northern Ireland! - and Catholic.

My bed creaked as Edward leaned forward, placing the bag on the floor in front of him. Our eyes met as he slowly pushed it back under the bed. He knew I wouldn't argue anymore. I sensed he knew I'd have done anything for him.

I wasn't sure if I liked that.

I looked away first, feeling antsy by the too-quiet and unexpected intimacy looming between us. In general, it was hard to tell when Edward was being genuine and when he was being charming for the sake of it. I'd seen him use his voodoo on all sorts of females, from the neighborhood tarts to the doting women at the market.

I uncrossed my legs and lay back, clenching my eyes shut. Worry over the boy's illicit activities was making me feel sick and my attraction to Edward only intensified the discomfort. My stomach was in knots. I prayed Emmett would hurry up and get home so he could take his stupid gun – and his friend – with him.

"Bella," Edward coaxed.

I startled, caught off guard by his proximity. Now he was propped on his elbow, reclining back and facing me.

I eyed him warily. "What?"

His bright, green eyes flicked back and forth between my own, and I allowed myself to be studied. My heartbeat quickened and I leaned up on my elbow, mirroring his pose. Finally he tucked a stray lock behind my ear and smirked.

I wrinkled my brow. "What?"

"You like me," he mused.

"Of course I do," I replied carefully, smiling a little.

"No. You _love_ me." He clarified.

I was shocked and so…_caught_. Sitting up stiffly, I splayed my palms across my knees, so wracked by nerves that I was nauseated. I did love him, it was true - and I sincerely wished I didn't. Besides a couple of less than stellar high school kisses, I had very little experience with the opposite sex. I also didn't feel like weathering months of torment once my family found out I was hot for the Cullen boy. I felt a tug at my braid.

"Why exactly are you here?" I huffed, yanking my hair away.

Edward sat up and maneuvered so that his body aligned with mine, closing the space between us. I felt his fingers, no longer cold, tickle at my chin and when I looked at him he kissed me right away, a brief brush of lips.

I frowned. "Why-" but he kissed me again, longer, lingering.

It took me a moment to pull myself together after our lips had parted. "Why did you do that?" I whispered, my heart clamoring inside my ribs.

"Because you wanted me to," he answered, his mouth curling up into a crooked grin.

I looked down at my hands, twisting nervously in my lap. Was he toying with me now, amused by my affections? Mortification started creeping in.

"And because I wanted to," he added, his smile fading as I looked up at him.

I glanced at his mouth, perfect really, wanting so much to feel it on mine again. He ran the back of his hand down my cheek and then curled his fingers around the base of my neck, gently pulling me toward him. This time when our mouths came together I let my lips open. His tongue slid into my mouth and it was warm and sensual and overwhelming and my hands grasped his arms of their own volition.

He made me feel desperate and out of control and I didn't want him to stop.

He kissed me deeper still, and gently pried my hands off of his forearms. He placed my arms around him instead, and cupped my face with his rough-smooth hands, our tongues moving together as we tasted one other. He broke away and moved to my neck and I heard myself gasp but I couldn't be embarrassed because I was so aroused it was hard to think.

We heard the footsteps on the stairs at the same time. I stiffened as Edward paused and looked toward the door. He looked down at me and let go, running his hands through his hair. I knew my face was flushed and I willed myself to calm down as I scooted away, unable to bear Emmett's reaction if he knew.

"Bella?" Emmett called as he walked in. He hardly seemed to see me, though, as he strode quickly toward the window. I was beginning to wonder if something was supposed to happen out there, the way the two of them kept checking. Satisfied that nothing seemed amiss, he rocked back on his heels and looked to Edward.

"We have to go," he muttered. He sounded winded, as if he'd been running.

I cleared my throat. "Emmett –"

"Not right now, Bella. I'll be back in a bit." He began moving back toward the door, once again preoccupied.

Edward stood, shoving his hands into his pockets. "She knows, Em."

Emmett halted when Edward spoke. His shoulders sagged and he turned half way to look at me. My heart broke a little as I took in his haggard expression; gone was my brother's usual mischief and lightheartedness.

"I found it under my bed this morning."

"I'll move it later." He gave me a pleading glance, apology written in his eyes, and left. Edward followed, closing the door with a quiet click.

* * *

Saturday dawned unusually bright and muted streams of morning sun peeked around the edges of my curtains. I hung my head over the side of the bed to look underneath. The brown paper bag was gone; Emmett must have come during the night while I was sleeping.

I touched my fingertips to my lips, my insides still quivery at the thought of Edward's kisses. He'd been so forward, like he knew I'd receive him with open arms. How long had he been aware of my attraction? And how long had he felt like doing something about it?

Would he ever do anything about it again?

I wanted to tell Alice, but I couldn't. She wouldn't share in my enthusiasm; she thought it was bad enough I wanted her brother at all. I did have to call her, though. She was supposed to come over so we could embroider our jeans and maybe go out later on.

I stretched and yawned and lazily rolled out of bed, intent on speaking with Emmett at length. I knocked at his door, and when he didn't answer I slowly pushed it open. He was fast asleep, fully clothed atop his blankets.

I sighed, knowing I couldn't wake him yet. God only knew when he'd gone to bed.

Mum and Da were downstairs in the kitchen, making breakfast and reading the papers. I kissed my mother's cheek and then my father's, always his little girl.

"Morning, Da."

"Morning, _inion mo chroi_." He responded affectionately.

I stole a rasher of bacon from the plate beside the stove and darted away before Mum could smack me with her spatula.

"What are y'plans for today, Bella?" Da asked.

I dropped into the chair nearest Da and stifled another yewn. "I'm going to call Alice in a bit to come over. We may see a film later in the afternoon, not sure."

Da sighed, folding his paper before placing it on the table. He removed his reading glasses and rubbed his eyes before looking at me.

"It's getting real dangerous, Bella. There are more and more bombings in public places and the last thing I need is you and Alice cavorting about in potential danger zones."

I forced a small laugh, pretending I found his concern overly dramatic, but I knew he more right. "I'll be okay, Da. Promise. I'll let you know if we decide to do anything."

He nodded and moved his paper so Mum could set his breakfast plate down.

Alice came by and we hung around my room, embroidering our jeans and nattering on about the usual. Later in the afternoon we walked to see a new film at the cinema. I did let my parents know, and although they weren't thrilled they accepted that I was old enough to do as I pleased.

They also knew we couldn't, and wouldn't, live half-lives of fear, barely leaving the house.

After the film we took our time strolling home. I tried to pay attention to Alice's detailed descriptions of Jasper, the new American student in her psychology class, but my mind – as usual - was on Edward. We parted ways when we reached her street and I continued on to my own. Mum was standing in the doorway as I approached. I slowed down, quirking an eyebrow at her, wondering what she was doing.

"Will ye see if Emmett and your father are down at Flanagan's? It's near time for supper."

I nodded and turned right around, retracing my steps back up the street. It was still light out, a lovely evening, saturated in gold and warmth, and I couldn't help but feel buoyant. I wondered if Edward would be at the pub, as well.

As I rounded the corner and Flanagan's came into view, I surmised that Da and Emmett probably were still there; it was packed to the rafters. I pressed my way through the jovial, Saturday night crowd, exchanging pleasantries with the folks who knew my parents and Em, all the while scanning the sea of faces.

I'd made my way back to the front with no success when a hand closed gently around my wrist. My heart skipped and I turned to Edward, who was smiling down at me. We were near the windows and the sunlight was filtering through, illuminating the gold and auburn in his hair. He was gorgeous, as usual, and I couldn't rein in my own smile.

"Are you looking for your Da?" he asked, leaning down to speak into my ear.

Having him so close to me released another slew of butterflies in my belly. _Act normal, for crying out loud Bella. You've known him all your life._

I tried in earnest to keep the tremor out of my voice. "Yes, and Emmett. Mum wants them home for supper."

He nodded toward the bar. "We were all sitting together. "

"Oh." I looked over at the bar but couldn't make them out. Most of the men wore the same sort of sweaters and hat Da did; it was like picking needles out of a haystack.

I turned my eyes back to Edward's and he was watching me now, an unreadable expression on his face. I imagined he was wondering what in the Lord's name he was doing. Emmett would likely off him if he knew his best friend was flirting with his baby sister. His eyes flicked to something behind me and suddenly he scowled.

I started to turn around, but Edward grabbed my arm and wrenched me away from the window right as it imploded, sending shards of glass raining in.

I could hardly keep up with Edward, who was pulling me through the panicked crowd as we headed toward the back of the pub. My first instinct was to run outside, not deeper into the confusion and screaming, but I was also in shock. As we hit the back door the building shook with another massive explosion, covering us with dust and mortar. Bricks and splinters started coming down and I felt something searing into my arm.

Edward heard me cry out and he yanked me through the door to the alley behind Flanagan's. I shook uncontrollably, adrenaline coursing through my body. I looked around wildly as Edward pushed me against the wall and hurriedly began prodding and checking me, looking for my injury. I stilled his hand with my trembling one and directed him to my other arm, which was bleeding but not profusely. Maybe it would hurt worse later, but presently all I wanted to do was get away.

Where were Da and Emmett?

"Edward," I sobbed out.

He grasped my hand and began to walk down the alleyway toward the chaos in the street.

"Edward, what about Emmett? And Da?" I asked frantically.

"We have to go, Bella. There's nothing we can do right now – I need to get you home, it's not safe…" His words spilled out in a jumble and I realized I had never seen him look so feral and vigilant and protective. I realized, belatedly, that he had a deep gash running across his brow. I reached toward his face but he angled away and wiped roughly at it himself.

I tugged at his hand, anxious to find my family but also to leave. Sirens wailed in the distance and people were spilling out of the pub from any and every exit, including the door we'd come through. Through desperate cries and yells I could hear the many more trapped inside, and I couldn't think about the ones who had perished.

Suddenly another explosion wracked the building and Edward took off like a bullet, me in tow. I'd never run so fast in my life, somehow never tripping, survival instinct overriding my usual clumsiness.

We ran up streets and down alleys, and I never asked him where we were going, but it wasn't home. When he finally slowed it was a good thing because my lungs had begun to protest, burning with their need for oxygen. My legs felt rubbery, and the adrenaline had long since drained out of me. I was left exhausted and with a throbbing, sore arm.

I followed Edward through a small gate and toward an older looking building, staring numbly around as he looked for his keys. Daylight had darkened into the soft purple of early evening, and stars were starting to pinprick the sky. We walked up a narrow staircase that led to another door, which he also unlocked. He placed his hand on the small of my back and pushed me gently inside.

"What's this?" I asked, eyeing the tiny flat wearily.

"A sort of a safe house."

"Why didn't you just bring me home?"

Edward ignored my question and flicked on a small lamp. He motioned for me to sit on an ancient looking sofa and then disappeared. Tiredness overtook me and I collapsed onto the sofa, noticing that there was blood smeared on my hands and I couldn't tell if it was his or mine. The panic that had died done suddenly reared up and I stood, shaking. I needed to know if Da and Emmett were all right.

"Is there a telephone?" I called out after a moment.

"In here." His voice drifted out from an open door across the room.

Edward was sitting on a bed, a first aid kit laid out next to him. He was attempting to clean the cut on his forehead, but the blood wasn't stopping. I sat next to him and took another piece of cotton out of the kit, dabbed it with ointment, and held it to Edward's face.

We sat in silence, each staring off in different directions, until I carefully peeled the cotton away. He hissed in pain.

"Bleeding's stopped. I need to call home."

He had already unwrapped a bandage and was about to apply it to the wound. "The phone is right there, Bella."

I rested the bulky black rotary phone on my lap and dialed my home number. Mum picked up on the first ring.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, where are ya?" she cried, sounding near hysterics.

"It's okay Mum, I'm fine. I'm with Edward, we're hiding out a bit. Where- "

She interrupted me. "Well don't go back outside, there's rioting in the streets."

I could hear voices in the background. "Where's Da? Em?"

"They came home moments ago. They were already outside when the bombs went off. They didn't know you had gone to get them till they got home and I told them. Oh, Bella, I never should have sent…" She trailed off. I could hear my father in the background, his voice rising and falling frantically.

"Mum?"

"Just stay where y'are." She sighed, only slightly calmer now.

"I will."

Edward appeared at my side, motioning for me to hand over the phone.

"I think Edward wants to speak to Emmett. I'll speak to you later."

I handed over the receiver and glanced around the room. It appeared to be kept clean, and I had a feeling this was where the boys spent a lot of time. I spied a door tucked into the corner of the room and drifted over to it, hoping it was a bathroom because I was desperate for a shower.

It was indeed a bathroom, so I stepped in and closed the door, shutting out Edward's side of the angry, spirited conversation he was having with my brother.

I turned the water as hot as I could take it and left my filthy clothes in heap on the floor. Moments after I'd stepped into the steam, a knock sound at the door. Before I could answer, Edward's voice echoed in.

"There's a towel and clothes for you, alright?"

I mumbled my thanks and continued assaulting myself with hot water until my pale skin had turned pink and I was, finally, calm.

There was a long pause when I emerged from the bathroom in Edward's old team jersey and pants. They were so long and loose I'd rolled the waist a few times just to keep them on. Edward chuckled at the sight of me.

I smiled shyly and sat beside him on the bed, gathering my wet hair in front of me so I wasn't leaning on it.

He cleared his throat. "We didn't have anything to do with what happened today, Bella."

My smile faltered and I propped myself against the wall, not fully trusting myself to speak. My world had blown wide open today – literally – and I didn't feel like the same girl I'd been that morning.

"Aren't you going to bathe?" I asked, looking over at Edward. He was laying flat, hands interlaced behind his head, seemingly lost in thought.

He jumped up and went into the bathroom without another word.

I must have been more exhausted then I'd realized because the next thing I knew Edward was draping a blanket over me. I sat up, disoriented. It was dark outside now, and the only light in the room came from the bathroom.

"Sorry, Bella. Go back to sleep," he breathed, lying down beside me.

I lay back down, shifting onto my side so that I faced him. I felt very safe with him, especially now that the initial horror of everything had dulled somewhat. I gazed at him, fascinated by the droplets of water on his bare shoulders, how his eyelids fluttered as he tried to sleep. His hair was damp from the shower and I longed to touch it.

After a moment I gave into the urge and lightly pushed his hair from his eyes. He caught my wrist as I started to pull it back, his eyes open and staring back at me.

I swallowed, full of anticipation and tingles. All I wanted was for him to kiss me again, and he must have wanted it too because he dropped my hand and moved closer to me, propping himself up and running his fingers through my tangled hair.

"I love your hair," he noted, and I was absurdly grateful I hadn't cut it yet.

"It's a mess right now, I'm sure," I said, reaching back and feeling how it spread across my pillow.

A ghost of a smile passed over his face and he looked at my lips before looking back into my eyes. He leaned down and kissed me, slowly letting his tongue into my mouth. It was as if we were continuing from where we'd left off the day before.

It was sensory overload: the way he tasted, his soft hair between my fingers, his stubbly chin chafing against mine, his weight coming down on me as he shifted so that he was on top of me. I let my legs fall open and he settled between them. And I welcomed it, all of it, the nerves with the excitement, the fright because I had no idea what I was doing and the thrill because he obviously did.

His kisses became deeper and more insistent and he reached down to wrap one of my legs around his waist. Perhaps I should have been intimidated by his forwardness but I wasn't. I wrapped my other leg around him and I could feel his erection through the rough fabric of our pants and my hips pushed up on their own. He groaned and it was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard. We fell into a rhythm, the seam of my pants rubbing deliciously against the most sensitive part of me.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, before sucking my earlobe.

"Mhm," I moaned. He ran his tongue in hot little trails down my neck and around my ears, making my nipples harder. I felt like I was losing a battle I had no interest in fighting. Good Catholic girls didn't roll around in bed with gorgeous boys…

…but I loved him. I wanted him. I _needed_ him, at that point.

As if he could hear my internal dialogue he pushed himself off of me and ran his hand down to the top of the jeans he'd given me to wear.

My heart pounded so loudly it seemed he should be able to hear it, and I felt my lips part as I watched him nimbly undo the button with one hand.

"You're good at that," I noted in a husky voice even I didn't recognize.

He eyes snapped back up to mine and he smirked. "I'm good at a lot of things."

I lay still while he pulled my pants off and tossed them off the bed before returning to his spot between his legs. I gasped when he held me close; with less denim between us, I could feel almost _everything_. He moved slower now, licking my bottom lip before joining our mouths again.

He ran his fingers lightly across my abdomen, making it contract. When his hand was at the waist of my panties he paused and looked into my eyes.

"Is this okay?" he whispered.

I nodded, pulling his face back to mine because suddenly I couldn't bear to not be kissing him. Instead of dipping down the front of my underwear he moved all the way down between my legs, pushing the thin fabric aside and slipping his fingers into my wetness.

No one had ever touched me that way and I melted into his touch, moving by instinct and opening myself to him. I moaned and he covered my mouth with his again, his body almost still against me as he worked his fingers up and down, and sometimes inside, making me wetter.

Before long tingly little itches started to flash through me and I ground myself against Edward's hand, silently begging him not to stop. My breath fluttered in soft gasps and I came so hard I lost my voice. Our mouths disconnected as I arched up, and I could feel him kissing my breasts through my shirt.

I lay with my arms and legs wrapped around Edward, who planted one last kiss on my neck before pulling back.

"That felt good," I sighed, ready to give him anything. He closed his eyes and returned to my neck, his voice muffled.

"What do you want to do, Bella?"

I stared blankly at the ceiling. I thought what I wanted was clear – it was the same thing he wanted, wasn't it? He rolled off and lay beside me.

"I want…to be with you," I admitted, my voice sounding hoarse and small.

"I want you. I want …" he paused and ran a hand over my exposed stomach, where the shirt had ridden up.

Sitting up, I pulled the shirt he'd lent me off of my body. I climbed on top of him before he could react, straddling him, and lay so that my breasts were smashed against his chest. I kissed his neck much the same way he'd kissed mine moments before, and felt gratified when his breathing quickened and his hands dug into my hips.

He rolled us over so he was back on top. He ran his hands over my nipples and belly button and looked me straight in the eye. "I want to be inside you."

My heart skipped a beat even though I knew this. Hearing him actually say it made me really want it, and I hooked my thumbs under my panties to pull them down. Edward put his hands over mine and rolled them off for me. I pushed him away so I could unbutton his jeans, and after I'd eased the zipper down I pulled them off with my feet.

I shivered now that we were naked. Edward pulled the blanket over us and snuggled down onto me, every surface of his body aligned with every surface of mine. I felt his heart beat unevenly against mine, felt him throb between my thighs. He rested on his forearms, his perfect face inches from my own.

He slid down my body until his lips were at my breasts and he took one into his mouth. I knotted my fingers in his hair, my eyes tearing because he made me feel so good, his teeth and tongue nipping and licking and sucking at my nipples. I writhed beneath him, not wanting him to stop but ready for all of him. I suppose he felt my anxiety because he moved back up and paused.

"Promise me you'll tell me if you want to stop," he said, his voice wavering slightly.

I tried to relax my muscles, knowing it was probably futile. "Okay," I said softly.

He started with shallow thrusts, going a little deeper each time. He slid his hands underneath my behind, holding my hips so they tilted up, and without another word pushed his way completely into me. It hurt a lot more than I'd have ever expected, and my breath caught and I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to relax, willing away the burn. I realized I had dug my nails into the skin on his back and I softened my grip.

"Are you okay?" he asked again and I nodded, wanting to get it over with. He moved slowly, pulling out all the way before filling me again, and he did it over and over, stretching me until the searing stinging had subsided to a dull ache. I started anticipating the thrusts, and the pleasure mixed with the pain.

I opened my eyes and he was staring down at me as he moved inside me. I saw him like I'd never seen him before, his eyes intense and verdant, his lips quivering as he breathed hard. My heart swelled with love for him, and I wanted him to love me, to possess me. He kissed me softly, and my tongue darted out to taste the salt from his sweat. Our bodies, slick, undulated.

"I'm gonna, gonna, "he panted, his cheek pressed against mine. I lifted my legs and wrapped them around his waist and it hurt a little but it also felt better so I locked my ankles together and held him. He groaned and grunted, pumping into me faster and faster and I watched as the concentration on his face gave way to pleasure.

I felt the connection between us grow slippery as he slowed. He started to collapse against me, thought better of it, and began to roll off, but I wouldn't let him. I needed the security of his weight.

After a moment he peeled himself off of me, and I watched as he walked naked to the bathroom. He came back with a towel, which he offered to me, but I thought a shower might feel better, and I told him so.

I rinsed off quickly, not looking to see if I had bled. I dried off gingerly and made my way back to the bed where Edward was already breathing evenly. I pulled his shirt back over my head and got underneath the blanket with him.

I wasn't sure why, but I felt my eyes fill with tears. I started to get back up but Edward's arm snaked around my waist and pulled me back toward his body.

"Sleep," he said into my hair, curving himself around me.

It couldn't have been past dawn when I woke up, my shirt twisted and pushed up, my legs tangled with Edward's beneath the blanket. We had stayed wrapped in each other during the night, even though I had turned to face him at some point. His face was tucked under my chin, and every time he exhaled the warm air tickled my breast.

I savored how he felt; in that moment he was completely mine.

I shut my eyes and would have fallen asleep again had his hot mouth not closed suddenly and wetly around my nipple. I gasped at the unexpected feeling and I felt him smile against my skin.

I giggled and pried him off only to have him push his thigh up further between my legs.

"Mmm, feels like you're ready for another go," he commented crudely, snuggling into my neck. I smacked at him, but we both knew he was right.

He brought himself up so our faces were level and stroked my cheek affectionately, his eyes sparkling.

"You're in a good mood," I said.

He brought my hand away from his side and put it on his very prominent hard on. "I'm a morning person."

I rolled my eyes and returned my hand to its previous place, but he had other plans. He drew me closer still and hitched my leg around his hip. One move and he could be inside.

"Are you sore?" he whispered between kisses.

"Yes, "I whispered back.

He trailed a finger absently up my spine. "Too sore?"

"No. "

Edward kissed me again and then shifted forward, entering me carefully. It still hurt, but it also felt good, and I could finally see what the big fuss was.

He pushed me onto my back and thrust very slowly, holding me tight.

"Your brother might kill me," he chuckled breathlessly after a minute.

"But how will he know?" I panted, my eyes slowly opening.

Edward paused and gazed down at me, his hand curled around my calf as he moved it up. "You don't expect to keep this a secret, do you?"

I grinned and shook my head. "I guess not,"

His face grew serious."I know you're frightened Bella, but I will always take care of you."

Tears began to blur my vision, again, and I fisted them impatiently away.

Edward leaned down and kissed each of my eyelids. "I promise, "he added.

"I know," I murmured and he quickened his pace, the snaps of his hips.

He reached down and rubbed his thumb against me in small, tight circles, giving me the tingly feeling he had given me the night before, pushing me closer and closer until I peaked and clenched around him.

"Always, "I whispered.

"Always."

* * *

"_inion mo chroi_" - "darling daughter".


	2. Chapter 2

Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Thanks for being my beta, Nicki. Much love!

* * *

I walked beside Edward, exhausted and anxious; my clothing from the day before balled up into what I hoped was an unrecognizable bundle of fabric tucked beneath my arm. Whatever this was, we'd agreed it wouldn't be kept secret, and yet still I couldn't bring myself to be so candid in my behavior. Wearing Edward's clothing felt… intimate.

We hadn't spoken much after leaving the safe house. I wanted to feel the silence was companionable but it wasn't – not for me, anyhow. I was consumed with fresh memories of what we had just done together, the night before and that morning. I wanted to know what he was thinking, and how he felt. I couldn't bring myself to just ask him, and that bothered me. I'd known him for so long; why couldn't I just be myself?

"Think it's going to rain?" I asked quietly, my eyes trained on the sidewalk.

When Edward didn't answer I looked over at him, my heart beating so heavily I felt the blush on my face throbbing in time with it. He was expressionless, his hands shoved down into his pockets.

_Oh, God. This is it. He made a mistake, and he'll tell me now._

He sighed. "It always does."

I blinked, on the brink of breakdown, and tried to understand.

He looked up at me then, his face softening when he saw me.

We'd stopped at a corner, the last one before his street and mine. He ran the back of his hand down the side of my face, his knuckles gentle on the curve of my cheek.

"Everything's fine, Bella. Please don't be worrying about this." He settled his hand on my back as we crossed the street.

That did nothing to dissolve the heaviness in my chest; I wanted to tell him it wasn't my physical safety I was worried about.

We separated as we entered my house, seconds before my Mum descended upon us, almost in tears again as she yanked me forward and held me tight. I hugged her back, allowing the reality of what had happened to sink in. I was, in that moment, grateful beyond words that nothing bad had happened to any of us. She let go of me and turned to Edward, running her thumb across the scabbed gash on his forehead as she thanked him profusely for watching over me.

Emmett and Da were in the kitchen, untouched plates of food in front of them as they alternated between argument and agreement. I leaned down and embraced my father, kissing his cheek affectionately before giving Em a quick hug.

"Thank you, "Da murmured, looking at Edward and squeezing his hand. I knew my father, and I imagined he felt an immense sort of guilt for not having been at the pub to take care of me when the bombs went off. No amount of convincing would change his mind.

I doubted Da would be as thankful if he knew what transpired once Edward had led me to safety.

I busied myself in the fridge, hiding my rubescent cheeks and blocking out the conversation. If anyone noticed my ill fitting clothes, they said nothing. I realized that while images of making love to Edward were consuming my thoughts, what had happened at the pub eclipsed everything else at this point.

I felt almost robbed, the best night of my life having coincided with possibly the worst.

"Are you hungry, love?" Mum was moving around the kitchen with purpose, scraping plates and rinsing dishes, keeping busy. I closed the refrigerator door without taking anything.

I was hungry, but I was too tense and the thought of food made my stomach roll. "Maybe later. I'm going to go lay down."

"I need to go home as well," Edward added, scrubbing his hand roughly down his face.

"You should. Your mother's a nervous wreck," Da remarked, clapping him on the shoulder.

Edward caught up to me as I began to ascend the staircase.

"You'll be alright?" He asked, stifling a yawn.

I nodded, giving him a soft smile before turning and climbing the steps. I felt his fingers tug hesitantly at the waistband of my pants. I paused and spun around, trying unsuccessfully to quell the silly little sparks of hope efflorescing in my chest.

He waited two steps down, gazing up at me with drowsy eyes. Without giving myself a chance to over-think it I took a step down and kissed his mouth, sliding my fingers across his smooth cheeks to the nape of his neck.

I ended it before it really began, whispering goodbye as I straightened.

He nodded slowly, sleepy, smiling. "G'bye, Bella."

* * *

Alice sat across from me, her legs tucked beneath her. She slowly put her half-eaten Cadbury's bar aside, setting it on the adjacent nightstand.

"Judas Iscariot," she breathed, gazing at me incredulously.

I pretended to ignore her, staring at the notebook balanced in my lap and jotting down things I wanted to add to my psychology essay. It was due the next day, and Alice had the same assignment, but all scholarly pursuits had been forgotten the moment I'd mentioned Edward…and me.

We stayed that way for a few moments, Alice silently regarding me, as if my news had subtly changed my appearance somehow. The soft, steady pitter-patter of afternoon rain on the roof abruptly shifted and began drumming down in earnest.

"So?" I sighed, after a time, finally looking up.

Alice shook her head slowly. "Judas Iscariot, "she repeated in a dramatic whisper.

"Alice! Please. "I groaned in exasperation, pushing the books off my lap to stare sullenly out the window.

She smiled ruefully. "I'm just … surprised is all, Bella. What do you expect? He's me bleedin'_ brother_."

I shrugged. "I love him," I mumbled sheepishly, knowing I sounded like half the lovelorn tramps in town.

Alice nodded. "I know. I just didn't realize he felt the same way, to actually reciprocate so… thoroughly."

My stomach tightened into an uncomfortable knot. "But _do you think_ he feels the same way?"

"I don't know, love. I don't think he'd put you in this position if he didn't. Emmett would kill him." Alice responded, clasping my hand with her own.

I couldn't help but laugh, amused at how well we all knew my brother. It was true; Emmett was fair and sensible but he had never taken kindly to any boys coming around. In fact, he and Edward had _both_ always endeavored to protect Alice and I as older brothers should.

Edward had made it sound as if _what we did_ would be something _we'd_ _be_ _doing_, and that it wouldn't be a secret. That had sounded good at the time, but two days later and with no sign of him, I was starting to wonder if I had been naïve. I didn't question his sincerity, but… perhaps he had spoken without thinking.

He didn't have girlfriends, everyone knew that.

"Do you think it's strange?" I asked Alice, motioning toward the abandoned chocolate bar.

She handed it over, shrugging. "A bit… but I knew how you felt, Bella. Even before you told me how you felt, I could see it. It makes a sort of sense, I suppose."

"Why?" I asked thickly, my tongue coated in melted chocolate.

"You know Edward, who he really is. You're genuine. He can trust that."

I snickered. "Did you learn that in psychology?"

"No, ya slapper, I just know my brother," she sighed, rolling her eyes.

I smiled, crumpling the Cadbury's wrapper before tossing it back onto my nightstand.

I didn't know why he'd chosen to be with me the way he had, but I trusted he understood my own feelings ran deeper than casual.

I needed to believe that I was more than just a conquest.

* * *

Alice managed to complete her assignment, the next morning, with minutes to spare. This was unlike her -- she normally had the day's assignments done before even leaving university – but it had been an eventful weekend. (Although once we settled into class and she unexpectedly caught sight of Jasper Hale, my own questionable love-life was long forgotten.)

I had another class before noon, but because it was Monday I was then done for the day. Alice and a few of our friends were headed over to Lisburn Road to get lunch but I had to decline. I needed to get to the campus bookstore, where I worked four days a week until closing.

I made my way through the throngs of students milling about and stepped out onto the sidewalk. It was uncharacteristically crisp for late summer, and I paused to tug my cardigan out of my bag before walking the rest of the way.

I was fastening the last button when a pair of dirty grey trainers appeared in front of me.

"Bella?"

"Oh, hi Mikey." I couldn't help but grin at the freckle-faced, beaming blonde boy in front of me. He had been absolutely infatuated with me since we were small, and it had become something of a private joke between the two of us.

"Headed to work now?" He asked, chewing on a bit of licorice.

I cringed. "I can't believe you still eat that stuff, it's so disgusting."

He shrugged, sucking contentedly on his treat.

"Anyway, yeah, I'm off to the job, so I need to run. Say hello to your sister for me."

"I will. And, Bella?"

I stopped in mid step, waiting.

Mikey shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "Just…be careful the company you keep, yeah?"

That sounded rather ominous. I frowned, scratching my arm. "What d'you mean?"

"I mean, watch who you hang around. There's a lot of shite going around lately and I'd hate to see you get hurt."

We had all grown up in the same close-knit neighborhood; I knew _exactly _what he was getting at. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and forced a smile instead.

"Alright, then."

Mikey looked relieved. He nodded and exhaled, as if he'd been holding a deep breath.

"Bye, Mikey." I stepped away before he could continue, barely registering his response as I lost myself in the crowd.

I wasn't stupid. Everyone knew Emmett and Edward had been inseparable since childhood and that if one of them was into something then so was the other. No one would warn me against my own brother, so that left Edward.

I was a part of this now. Apathy was no longer an option, and while almost being killed a few days prior had certainly opened my eyes, it wasn't only the reason I needed to commit to this cause. I was in love with someone who'd sooner die than submit, and if being with him meant fighting his fights, then I would. The boys – and probably Alice - would likely discourage me, maybe even ridicule me, but I knew what I needed to do. I'd been able to avoid the effects of The Troubles for a long time, but it looked like that was coming to an end. In all honesty, had I much of a choice?

* * *

At the bookshop, I chewed absently on my thumbnail, made jagged by an earlier fit of biting. I reluctantly pulled my hand from my mouth, mildly dismayed the nasty habit of my adolescence had made a comeback. Any day now Mum would catch me and the nagging would start up again.

What was with me?

I snorted softly at the inane back and forth in my head, knowing _exactly_ what was with me: Edward Cullen.

I remembered well the moment I became fervidly infatuated with my brother's gloating, obnoxious best friend. It had happened with alarming suddenness; there had been no build up, no gradual realization. I had been shoved from oblivious to achingly aware in seconds. It was the year Alice and I'd turned thirteen, and come that November we were confirmed together at St. Mary's Church…

_After the ceremony, Carlisle and Esme Cullen had thrown a party for the two of us, complete with catered food and generous amounts of Jameson's Irish Whisky for the adults. Needless to say, Emmett and Edward began sneaking tumblers of liquor early on and before long they were completely plastered, blustering around and carrying on like stupid articles._

_The party was in full swing in the back yard when I excused myself from Alice and our girlfriends to use the bathroom inside. I walked quickly down the dimly lit hall and was about to slip into the guest bathroom when I heard a breathy little moan. I'd tiptoed down the rest of the hall and peered around the corner into the parlor, where Edward was pawing a giggly little blonde thing against the wall. My shock gave way to curiosity as he moved his lips from her neck and kissed her on the mouth. I could actually see his tongue, going into her mouth, and instead of being revolted I was…fascinated. Even in his sloshed state, Edward's techniques looked pretty appealing. _

_Then again, he was a damn seventeen year old Casanova around town. He'd had plenty of practice, without a doubt. I eventually pulled myself away, used the bathroom, and rejoined the festivities._

_When the party was over and most of the guests, including my parents, had gone home – leaving me to spend the night with Alice as I often did on weekends – I got the hankering for lime cordial. I left Alice in her room and went down to the kitchen, flicking on the lights as I went. Alice and I had chosen to keep our white confirmation dresses on until bed, knowing we'd probably never get to wear them again, and I was making my glass of cordial with great caution when Edward stumbled in. I stopped immediately and set both my glass and the bottle down, not wanting to be jostled and dirtied. At first he seemed not to notice me, and I was about to resume when I heard his footsteps change direction and come toward me. I rolled my eyes, glancing impatiently over my shoulder. _

_Edward stood beside me, reeking of Jameson's. "What're you makin'?"_

_I wrinkled my nose in disdain and leaned away from him. "Nothing for you, "I sniffed. I was in a hurry to get back to Alice – we had gossip to share._

"_Look at you, all dressed in white." he slurred sentimentally, rubbing the lace on my sleeve between his fingers. "So pretty."_

_I was used to constant razzing from the boys, so I ignored him and moved away so I could finish mixing my cordial. He chuckled suddenly, and I glanced over in spite of myself. He grinned crookedly back at me, his tie hanging loose around his neck. His hair, which had been slicked neatly back during Mass was a tussled, coppery mess, likely the result of several drunken romps with Em and the boys in the backyard._

_My seriousness fell away and I smiled, shaking my head in amusement._

"_You're really sloshed, aren't ya. Go to bed, Edward."_

"_But don't I get to kiss the bride?"_

_I made a face and spun around, shoving him hard in his chest. "Now you've really lost it! Bugger off!" I hurriedly mixed the bright green syrup with seltzer, stirred it, and tossed the spoon in the sink._

"_And anyway, girls wear veils for first communion. Not confirmation." I tried to go around him, but he was standing right in my way._

_I glared up at him, but he remained in place and then my eyes were wandering past his glazed green eyes to the rest of his face, the line of his jaw….his mouth. I thought about how he'd kissed that girl earlier in the parlor and Jesus, Mary and Joseph - what a time to have an epiphany._

_My stomach clenched uncomfortably and I looked rather wildly back into his eyes. He looked confused, and a little disturbed. I pushed past him roughly, my heart pounding for no reason at all._

_And I forgot the stupid cordial._

I was fully absorbed in my book when the silvery tones of the bell hung on the door announced a visitor. I glanced up, sliding a bookmark into my book.

Victoria Mullaney strode up the counter, tucking her lustrous, red hair behind her ears.

She smiled in surprise. "Bella Swan? You work here?"

I nodded, smiling in return. "Yes, I've been here since last year."

"I didn't know that! Well, maybe you can help me," she said sweetly, gesturing toward the rest of the shop.

We chatted as we looked, and I had just helped her find the book she needed when she glanced at her watch. "Oh! I'll have to hurry. I'm meeting someone."

I promptly rang her up and we waved at one another as she left. I watched her as she stepped back out into the waning sunlight, a little startled that she was as pleasant as she was pretty. Her long red hair hung down her back in loose ringlets, and she was tall, slender and fair-skinned, with a smattering of freckles dotting cutely across her nose. She was the poster child of all things Celtic.

I tugged my bookmark out from the pages it was wedged between, about to return my novel, when I caught sight of Edward outside. The conspicuous red gold blush of his hair, the way he ran his hand through it; my whole body knew it was him. My heart constricted and released, and I started mindlessly clearing the counter, wondering if Alice or someone else had told him where I worked.

I fidgeted, staring and waiting for him to come in, but he never did. Instead, Victoria joined him and they briskly walked away together, heads inclined toward one another in close conversation. I watched numbly until they were out of sight, Victoria gesturing animatedly as she spoke.

I gripped the counter and sucked in a sharp breath, suddenly feeling like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I couldn't say I was all that surprised, but I _was_ pissed - at myself for ever wanting anything from Edward at all.

* * *

i know, i know. just...trust me, okay? thanks for reading and also, to me, reviews are little treasures i so appreciate... so thanks to all of you who reviewd (and put me on alert, or favorited this).

xo


	3. Chapter 3

Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Kisses and thanks to Nic, beta suprema, and to all the girlies (I'm guessing you're all girls) that reviewed, alerted and/or favorited. xoxo

* * *

Mr. Connelly, the elderly man who ran the bookshop, arrived minutes after I had finished counting out the register. It had been a slow afternoon at the bookshop, and it hadn't me taken long to complete my few closing duties.

We chatted a minute while he locked the door, and I waved good night as we parted ways. I usually always walked home, especially when the days were still long and not too cold. I had buttoned my cardigan and started to make my way across campus and out to the street when I slowed, squinting at the familiar silhouette approaching me.

"Hi, Bella. Ready?" Emmett took my bag and slung it over his shoulder.

"I didn't know you were coming, Em. Everything alright?" I asked, tucking my now free hands into the pockets of my pants.

"Yeah… I don't really want you walking home by yourself anymore."

I glanced sharply up at him. "Ever?"

"No, not for a while. Too much…" He didn't finish, pulling a pack of half crushed cigarettes from his back pocket and jamming one into his mouth instead.

I sighed, tired of the vagueness. If things weren't so serious it would almost be comical, the way he and Edward danced around things. I wasn't a child; I deserved to know, and now I had Emmett for at least twenty minutes while we walked home.

_You've really walked right into this, haven't you, Em._

I took a deep breath. "Look. I need to know what's going on, I'm tired of the secrets. Please, Emmett."

"Yes, I know, and I want to be honest with you…but there's only so much I can say. It's better – safer – for you if you don't have specific information." He answered, flicking the ash.

I chewed on my lip, trying hard to hide my frustration. I could respect what Em was saying – I really could – especially if what he was into was what I thought it was. Still, though, it obviously_ could_ affect me whether or not I "had specific information". The ash and rubble that remained of Flanagan's corner pub was proof of that.

I hooked my arm through Em's and we walked for awhile in silence. Once he'd finished smoking I squeezed his arm.

"I need to know. Please. I've already figured a few things out," I implored, keeping my voice quiet and my eyes ahead of me. People drifted all around us, dawdling on sidewalks, crossing streets and pausing in conversation, ensconced in themselves. I wondered what sort of secrets swirled in their lives, ones they protected and ones they were protected from.

"Like what, Bella? That I have a gun? That I keep strange hours?" Em asked drily.

"Yeah," I nodded, waiting for him to continue. I had all night; if he didn't divulge now I'd just get on his case after supper, too.

He looked down at me in exasperation. "Ya really are a pain in the arse. "

I waited calmly. We crossed the street and then, instead of going home, Emmett led us into a small, quiet restaurant I'd never noticed before. We settled into a booth, Em sitting so he faced the door.

Almost immediately a truly gorgeous blonde girl approached our table. Em wrapped his arm around her waist and she ruffled his dark curls. She reminded me of the American actress Marilyn Monroe, with her ample curves and coy expression… she even had the beauty mark.

"Rose, this is my baby sister Bella. Bella, Rose."

I smiled timidly, slightly daunted by the girl's looks. She grinned at me though, winking. "Nice to meet you, love. What can I get for you two?"

"The usual. She'll have what I have," Em answered, giving her a squeeze as he let go. She nodded and went back to the bar, where a few old men sat and conversed.

"Japers, Em!" I muttered, feeling sort of mousy in the wake of Rose's glow.

He nodded, grinning slyly, knowingly. "She's a vixen, alright. Been seeing her awhile now."

I smirked. Seems there were a lot of things going on with him that I knew nothing about.

We made small talk until Rose dropped off two overflowing pints. I took a long swallow, wiping the foam from my upper lip before diving in.

"Alright, Emmett, enough of this. I know you and Edward are running around with the Provos. I need to know how serious y'are."

He grimaced and leaned in, answering me in a low growl. "Serious enough for you need to keep your feckin' voice down, Isabella."

I blinked in surprise, feeling the vice grip around my heart return. I nodded sheepishly, wrapping my hands around the bottom of my glass. Em didn't really talk to me that way, ever.

He sat back, scratching his hands through his hair. I patiently sipped on the frosty brew in front of me, giving him time to say what he had to say. Eventually his eyes met mine.

"We're sick of living like this. If they don't want to listen, there are ways to make them. "He shrugged, looking around the near empty bar. "There are political prisoners, Bella, men – even women - put away for years because they fought for the cause. We've been under thumb of the British for way too feckin' long. Look what happened in Derry."

Bloody Sunday had been just seven months before, and its aftermath was searing and fresh. After that approval of the IRA, and recruitment into it, had skyrocketed. Still, hearing words like that come out of my own brother's mouth... he sounded so... patriotic.

"Who's… whose gun was that?" I asked in a hushed voice, leaning in.

"It belongs to someone named James, from Derry. He'd just …acquired it and asked me to hold it until he could get it to where it needed to be," he explained, watching me carefully.

Emmett finished his pint and I struggled to gulp mine down so we could leave. We needed to be home soon, lest Mum harass us for being late. Rose promptly sauntered over, clasping her hands in front of her.

"Ready for another?"

"No thanks, honey. We've got to get home so we can eat with the Mum and Da." Emmett winked at her. "But maybe I'll grace ya with my presence later on."

I managed to finally drink off my Guinness and then stood, trying to ignore my brother's blatant flirting. After saying goodbye to Rose (Em's parting words were just a tad more intimate than mine) we left and continued up the street. It had become dark and I once again threaded my arm through Em's, something I had done since we were children.

He hadn't told me much of what I didn't already know, but hearing it all verified gave me a lot to mull over. We didn't say much as we turned down our street and were nearly to the front door when Emmett slowed.

"Bella," he began.

"Hmm?" I responded absently, feeling my stomach rumble and wondering what Mum had cooked.

"Edward asked if he could take you out, to the pictures." His voice was calm (too calm, I thought) as he slid my arm out from beneath his and regarded me, his eyebrows quirked.

I froze, shocked that Edward had actually gone and done it – he'd asked Em if he could see me. I wondered if he'd asked him before or after I'd seen him with Victoria.

"What's going on, Bella?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing, really…I just – "

He snorted. "Oh come _on_. I know you like him, so save the act."

"That doesn't upset you?" I asked warily.

"He's like a brother to me; I trust him. And anyway, he knows you're innocent. If he tries anything, I'll kill him." He shrugged, very matter of fact.

Innocent indeed.

I frowned. "Um, okay."

"Okay what?"

Mum poked her head out the front door, effectively ending our discussion. "What are the two of you doing, besides being useless? Come on, then."

I near skipped up the steps, relieved I didn't have to explain things to Em, who shuffled lazily along behind me. He locked the front door and pulled gently on my arm before we went any further into the house.

"Listen. You know Edward's got…a bit of a reputation," he sighed.

I rolled my eyes. "No, really?"

He scowled. "Don't go fallin' over yerself for him is all. Keep it light… I won't want to deal with you if it gets messy. And I _really_ won't want to deal with him."

"I know, I know," I mumbled, sullen that his advice seemed to be proving true already.

* * *

I was walking purposefully around the shop, making sure there were no stragglers lingering in the aisles, when I heard the door bells tinkle up front. I pursed my lips in annoyance; the bookshop closed at half past five, everyone knew that. Mr. Connelly had rung moments before and instructed me to lock up by myself, and I was more than ready to do just that.

Edward was the last person I expected to see; Emmett had likely sent him to herd me home. I wondered petulantly what his girlfriend would think. Irritated, I stepped behind the counter and scooped up a small pile of textbooks.

"Ah, so you've got babysitting duty today," I said, sparing myself a glance at his ridiculously handsome profile.

"I didn't realize this was where you were working, Bella," Edward mused, ignoring my comment and reading the back of one of the featured books.

"I keep hearing that lately," I responded coolly, returning the few misplaced books to their proper spots.

He put the book back and propped himself against the counter. "Em just told me. I was around yesterday – I'd have stopped in."

"Yes, I saw you," I murmured, locking the front door from the inside. I wasn't supposed to have anyone in the store when I counted out, but it was only Edward (and really, I was safer having him there than having no one at all when I handled the money).

I returned to the register and started compulsively righting the bills in the cash drawer so they all faced the same way. I had tried, since the day before, to push away the notion I'd been used but so far it hadn't worked. I was caught in a tedious cycle of longing and hurt.

Edward watched silently as I counted and recorded the day's figures in a log book. If he noticed my attitude he didn't mention it. Moments later I shut the lights and ushered him out ahead of me.

He cleared his throat. "I told Emmett I'd walk you home. I spoke to him about – "

"He told me," I interrupted, crossing my arms as we walked. I could see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye.

"Bella, what's with you?"

"You said you'd take care of me. I read into that much more than I should have." I blurted out, my heartbeat picking up. _So much for keeping cool, Bella. Brilliant._

He yanked me to a standstill. "_What _are you talking about_?" _

"It doesn't matter, Edward. I saw you with Victoria yesterday. I didn't know you were seein' her." I said, making myself maintain eye contact. "It doesn't matter."

He stared at me in dismay. "Jesus, Bella,"

"You needn't take the Lord's name in vain to make a point," I snipped childishly, starting to walk again. This was more like the relationship with Edward I knew – back and forth, teasing, _platonic._

"Sorry, St. Josephine, "he replied sarcastically, using the saint's name I'd been given at confirmation. "So _I _can't curse, but _we_ can fornicate?"

I felt my face heat up and I walked faster, not at all enjoying how that had backfired on me.

His lanky strides brought him right back to my side. "Yes, you saw me with Victoria. Victoria, who is engaged to a bloke from Derry."

I faltered, hints of embarrassment threatening my anger, making my face burn even hotter.

Edward sighed. "She's a friend, Bella. I've never been with her like that. I don't even like redheads."

I snorted at that. "Funny, considering you are one."

He automatically ran his hand through his hair, frowning. "It's not that red, is it?"

And just like that, he'd disarmed me. I shrugged almost shyly, glancing up at his hair. "Sort of. I don't know… it looks different depending on the light." I chewed the inside of my cheek, knowing how obsessive I probably sounded, knowing the shades of his hair. Oh, the shame.

He smirked down at me and, like Emmett had done the day before, took my backpack off my shoulders and slung it on to one of his. He put his free arm around me and I sank into his side as we walked, wordlessly accepting defeat in our almost-argument.

He tightened his grip around me. "I'm sorry you saw me with her and thought …whatever you thought. I guess I can't blame you, and I really didn't know you worked right there..." Edward's voice was sincere as he rambled apologetically.

"I've been there for over a year," I said lightly, slipping my arm around his waist. I marveled at how easy we could be, together.

He nodded, looking lost in thought as we ambled down the sidewalk.

"And you _do_ have quite the reputation," I added teasingly.

"Okay, okay, you've made your point." He peered down at me. "So do you want to go to the cinema tonight, then? We can see what's on over at QFT."

I looked back up at him, mildly surprised. "Oh, you really want to go? I thought that was just a way to get Em to agree."

"It was," he laughed. "But we can go anyway."

Warmth spread throughout my body and I tried to rein in the face-splitting grin.

"Alright," I agreed. "But I need to phone Mum and let her know I won't be home for awhile."

We stopped at a phone booth on campus, where I hurriedly slipped a few pence in and dialed home. Mum didn't mind that I'd be missing supper– although she was audibly surprised I had a "date" with Edward. I sighed inwardly; there were sure to be questions when I got home.

Queen's Film Theatre was extremely popular with students, partly because it featured classics alongside the newer releases but also because it was located right on campus. It was notoriously crowded most of the time because of its modest size and tonight was no exception. Before long we were cozied up in the rear, centre seats amidst the hum of dozens of conversations.

Edward reclined back, supporting his feet on the empty chair in front of us. I had my suspicions about why he'd wanted to sit in the very last row, but I kept them to myself… mainly because I wanted what I was sure he wanted: to touch.

Again. In any way and every way.

"So how do you know Victoria?" I whispered, resting my bag on an unoccupied seat.

Edward chuckled and shook his head, examining his jeans. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"No."

He shot me a sideways glance. "Then I hope you enjoy disappointment." He looked back at the blank screen, discussion over.

I looked away, drawing my legs up and wrapping my arms around them. I wanted desperately to trust him, but little warning bells kept going off in my mind. I knew who he was, and who was _I_ to try and change him? Stupid girls did things like that and while I was inexperienced, I wasn't stupid.

Then again, I'd been his from the moment he'd kissed me in my room. Either way now, I was going to get hurt.

"Her boy fights…with the IRA. She takes a very active role in supporting that, and sometimes acts as a go-between since James doesn't live in Belfast," Edward said suddenly, his lips at my ear.

I saw now why he'd hesitated to tell me. This wasn't just about him or even Em, but other people as well, people I had no allegiance to.

I couldn't look up; his face was so close to mine and that would be awkward, like I was looking for him to kiss me. I was terrified he would anyway, and desperate for him to. My heart raced at his proximity.

"Thanks, "I whispered, relieved he had chosen to confide in me after all. I felt him smile and I wondered what had crumbled his resolve. He kissed my ear softly before settling back into his seat and I shivered reflexively. I knew he noticed; he did things to me just to see me respond, and that made me crave him even more.

A thought came to me. "James? James with the gun?" I asked, now the one leaning across the armrest. The lights began to go down, signaling the start of the film.

He looked taken aback. "Emmett told you that?"

"We talked about it last night," I admitted, admiring how dreamy he looked in the dim flicker.

He nodded, watching me intently. "Same guy."

I slid my eyes to the screen, little pulses of ardor teasing through me, making me grateful for the darkness. But he knew, and rested his hand high on my thigh, his warmth seeping through my corduroys to my skin-that-was-blushing beneath.

* * *

Edward was on his feet as soon as the credits began to roll, adamant I be home at a reasonable hour. He knew my parents were still nervous when I was out, particularly at night, and he wanted to mollify them.

We walked briskly, side by side, our hands cocooned in the pockets of our pants. The temperature was definitely beginning to drop, although subtly, and before long the days would become shorter and bleaker.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked when he brought me to my door.

He smiled, shaking his head faintly. "Need to get home myself. You're not the only one with a nervous Mum."

"But you stay out all the time," I pointed out.

He shrugged. "I do, but she's expecting me home tonight." He leaned down and kissed me, careful and chaste. Apparently he had better control than I, because the second his lips left mine I burned.

"Okay. Well…thanks. For walkin' me. And for the film," I said, tucking my hair behind my ears.

"I'll come by tomorrow, yeah?"

I smiled and nodded, and he jogged down the stairs, back out to the sidewalk. I watched him walk away, popping his jacket's collar to keep out the damp wind. We would need to trade light summer clothes for the more substantial ones of autumn soon.

I let myself into the house, grinning like a lovesick fool as I double locked the door and put my boots aside, where no one could trip over them. I walked giddily toward the living room, where the hum and flicker of the telly seemed to be hypnotizing Da. He sat eerily still, an abandoned pipe next to him on the coffee table. My amorous mood faded.

"Da," I yawned, quickly squeezing his shoulder. He reached up and grabbed my hand. His face was drawn and pale, and I moved quickly around his chair so I could sit at his feet.

"What, Da? What happened?"

"There was another skirmish, Bella. Now they're trying to really enforce the neighborhood separations, forcibly removing families and relocating them." He shook his head slowly, apparently having a rough time believing the words coming from his own mouth.

I scowled. "But…that makes no sense. You saw that on the news?" I looked at the telly, which was still on despite there being no picture. The broadcasts had ended at least an hour before.

Da didn't answer. I stood up and embraced him as tightly as I could. He patted my back absently before I stepped away, and settled back into his armchair. It broke my heart to see him so defeated.

Suddenly it became a bit clearer why the boys were doing what they were.


	4. Chapter 4

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, and to her I'll always be indebted. :)

Thanks, Nicki, for being my supa-beta motherficcer. 3 And thanks to you all for the reviews...I got all gleeful when I hit 100. Maybe it's silly to feel validated by them but... I do.

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Funerals. There had been a number of them since the bombing, a few of which my parents had attended. When I asked Emmett why he hadn't gone to any of them, he shrugged and explained he preferred to "see and not be seen". He had a cache of these cryptic little answers to a lot of the questions I asked. Once I'd have considered this silly – contrived, even – but now I understood: Emmett was a careful, practical man.

Playing darts at home or making faces during mass… it was difficult sometimes to see my brother as a _man_. I still remembered Edward and him as crackly voiced adolescents, horsing around and pulling pranks. I thought of Ms. Fiona, Lord rest her, and her neighborhood candy shop. Her senility had kept her from realizing Em and Edward were the repeat offenders behind a year's worth of long winded call-in orders for "foreign candy"… candy that didn't exist. She was silly and sweet and half blind and no one was more repentant than those two when she passed away. Hers was a funeral they _had_ attended, several years ago, and Edward still bought ridiculous amounts of sweets from the shop, nowadays run by her family.

Not surprisingly – in the grand scheme of things - that's where I found Edward one morning. I hadn't any early classes, but the weather was nice enough and I wanted to take my time for once. It had been awhile since I'd spent time in the Botanic Gardens and I knew exactly where I'd sit; soak up a bit of sun…

"Sweets for the sweet," a high-pitched voice garbled as I strolled by the doorway of Ms. Fiona's.

I glanced over, unintentionally slowing.

Edward stood in the shop's doorway, winking at me like a perverted old man. He emptied a handful of something into his mouth.

I grinned. There's nothing quite like seeing the object of one's affections unexpectedly and my stomach fluttered in happy anticipation.

I took a step toward him. "Hey".

He looked me up and down, chewing. "Hey yourself," he replied, his breath fruity and sweet.

"_What _are you eating?" I teased, considering the urge to lick the sugary smirk off his face.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" His voice was playful and laden with innuendo, but I managed to maintain. He held the door open and motioned me inside.

I brushed past him, inhaling again automatically. He had _always_ smelled so good, fresh and soapy and clean, and a little musky too. I'd found it pleasant when I was younger, but now it was one of the specific things I found attractive.

"Good mornin'," I said, nodding at the plump woman behind the counter. She nodded back, smiling.

"'Mornin', love. What can I get ya?" She asked me, but she was eyeing Edward - quite appreciatively.

I swallowed a giggle and pretended to examine the contents of the glass case below me.

"What do you want, Bella?" Edward asked, standing closer to me than was necessary.

I ignored his flirtatiousness (though I loved it) and shrugged. "I don't know. It's a bit early for sweets, isn't it?"

Apparently it wasn't. He patted his bulging pocket. "I'm all settled. Get something for later."

He leaned even closer so his mouth was inches from my ear. "Something to remember me by."

I grabbed his hand without thinking and looked up, admittedly excited by his cheeky antics.

"You're so bold, " I replied in a low voice, only partly kidding. "You know I needn't any help remembering you later."

He squeezed my hand, his eyes shining and on my mouth. "What d'you want, Bella?"He repeated.

My heart plummeted into my shoes. How could such an uncomfortable feeling be so good at the same time?

I tore my eyes away from him and glanced at the shop keeper, who was looking on in amusement. I closed my eyes, shaking my head; it was all too easy to get caught up in this brazen, gorgeous boy and his sexually charged taunting. Really, he was shameless.

I leaned forward and haphazardly pointed out three candies. "Thanks, "I murmured, adjusting the strap on my bag.

Edward paid the woman and we left the little shop together. "You've class now?"

I shook my head. "Not 'til one. I was headed to the Botanic Gardens actually, when you stopped me."

He nodded slowly, curving his hand around the back of my neck, caressing the skin there. It was an affectionate gesture, even a little possessive, and the rest of me hummed with yearning, to be held that way all over.

We paused at a corner, even though the street was empty and safe to cross.

"Do you want to do something else?" He asked.

I nodded my assent before my brain had even processed what he'd asked. He let go of me and started crossing the street, going in a different direction than the one we'd been traveling.

We chatted aimlessly, bantering and joking, and although I wasn't paying attention where we were going I wasn't surprised when we ended up at the building where the safe house was.

I smiled to myself. Finally. Maybe I was too shy to ask, but that didn't mean I didn't think about it _all the time_.

He looked over his shoulder as he pushed the door open. "What're you smiling at?"

I followed him in and pulled the door shut. "Just thinkin'".

"About what? Me?" He was razzing me, grabbing my hand as he pulled me up the narrow staircase.

Well, I couldn't disagree.

He unlocked the second door, the one that actually opened into the flat. I dropped my bag on the floor, squinting in the dusty half-light. Unlike the last time I'd been here, it was daytime – yet it was still hard to see due to the hideous green drapes covering the windows.

Edward dropped his keys inside his pocket and reached around me to pull the door shut. I made to move around him as he turned the lock but he placed his hands on either side of me, trapping me. I let him pin me against the door with his body; breathed a little harder when he began kissing along my ear and down my jaw.

"I like when you…" I breathed, not finishing. I was too distracted by feeling.

"When I what?" he whispered, not taking his mouth off of me.

"When you do that, when you…" I wrapped my arms around him and swallowed, trying to think coherently. "When you…whisper...in my ears."

The kisses paused, and I felt him smile against the corner of my mouth before returning to my ear. "I know you do," he said, doing it again.

I smiled lazily, pleased when he finally made it to my mouth and kissed me firmly, pushing my lips apart and tasting like candy. I liked the second our lips touched but I _loved_ when our tongues touched. I thought about it all the time. I loved how Edward's tongue exploring my mouth made me feel, how it stoked what had been smoldering inside of me for days. He wasn't even touching me yet, anywhere other than on my mouth, but I could feel it everywhere: my face, my chest, between my thighs.

I drifted my hands up, skimming my fingers over his face, and he lowered his own hands from the wall, letting them fall down to my waist. He pushed his hips against me, I guess letting me know what was on his mind.

It was on my mind too, so I locked my fingers around the back of his neck and held myself against him, rising instinctively to my toes. He stiffened, all over, kissed me harder, parted my legs with one of his, pushing his thigh into the center of me, intoxicating me with need.

He released me from our kiss and ran his nose across the skin on my neck, smelling me, tasting me, and I loved him, almost painfully. Romantic and day-dreamy, part of me yearned for his affection and devotion to only me, and in that respect I was vulnerable, so scared of disappointment. I had given him too much, too quickly. But when he touched me like this, it was like we were on the same page, we … matched. I was ready to give him all of me, even the parts I tried to protect.

He pulled away abruptly to lead me to the bedroom, and I brought my fingers to my lips, touching them as I waxed nostalgic at the sight of the bed. Edward shut the door and cradled my face sweetly, rubbing my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. He walked me slowly backwards, tempering his kisses and lessening his aggression, seducing me now.

When we got to the bed I sat and leaned over to unzip my boots. I concentrated on removing them, peeling off my socks and then my sweater. I moved to the middle of the bed, shakily fingering the blanket underneath me, watching him kick off his trainers and shrug out of his jacket.

He smiled faintly as he watched me back and then he was beside me, the bed squeaking and shifting under our weight. We fell back and fit our limbs like puzzle pieces, legs tangled and arms embracing.

"Do you want this, Bella?" He asked, hitching my leg over his waist. I felt where he was hard against where I was warmest.

I laughed breathlessly. "You're asking _now_?"

"I have to," he ran his palm under my shirt, over my belly. He rolled over on to me and propped himself up on his arms.

Impatient, I pulled him down so he was flush against me. "Yes, I want this," I whispered.

He kissed my nose and pushed himself up so that he was kneeling in the space between my legs. He grasped his shirt by its neck and pulled it off, and I ran my fingertips over his skin, appreciating the way he looked now that there was enough light to see.

He unbuttoned my pants and pulled them down, my underwear caught inside. My breath caught and I froze, not expecting to be so exposed so soon, but he covered me with himself, kissing me deep and long, doing to my mouth what he wanted to do to me below.

That's when I felt his fingers inside of me, making me feel good again. I wanted to tell him I loved him… he kissed my ears and my neck and my mouth began to form the words.

The front door slammed, so hard the whole flat shook. I gasped so hard I choked and Edward flew back, yanking his hand away.

"_For fook sake_, " he snarled. I could hear rowdy, male voices on the other side of the door, a bit too close for comfort.

"Who's that?" I hissed.

"The boys, probably."

Edward threw my pants-with-panties to me while he pulled his shirt on inside-out. I looked frantically around, realizing my backpack was still on the floor in the front room. _Brilliant._

Suddenly the bedroom door swung open, barely giving me enough time to cover my lap with my pants.

Edward was already across the room. "Can't ya feckin' knock?!" He roared, holding the door.

"Jaysus, Cullen, who ye got in there?" The voice laughed.

I finally succeeded in getting my clothing back on and stood awkwardly next to the bed, my heart hammering in my chest.

"None of your business. What're ya doing here?" Edward replied, keeping the door open a crack so he could see whoever he was talking to.

"Emmett's on his way up. Wanted to discuss Derry."

My eyes near bugged out of their sockets. There was only one way out of this bloody flat and my brother was about to come through it. Edward glanced back at me and shut the door.

"Well this is shite," he grumbled, raking his hands through his hair.

I sighed. "Forget it. I should just…go. If Em sees me, well, he sees me. We said we'd tell him –"

"That we'd be going out, not going at it," Edward interrupted.

My heart sank and I stared at him, wondering if he was changing his mind. I shoved past him and out into the front room, where three guys I recognized from the neighborhood were standing around.

They all gaped at me, most likely because they recognized me. Mortified, I smiled weakly, intent on getting out as quickly as possible. Edward snatched my bag off the floor and was about to open the front door, when one of the boys flicked his shoulder.

"Emmett is going to feckin' _murder _ya," he chuckled. On cue Emmett strolled in, flanked by two other guys.

He stopped in his tracks, frowning in confusion when he saw me.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" His eyes darted back and forth between Edward and me. The boys stopped their snickering, all eyes on us.

"I have to get to class, Em. Excuse me," I blurted, swiping my bag from Edward and sliding past him into the hall. Em followed me out, grabbing me before I could get very far.

"Tell me this isn't what it looks like," he pleaded, looking pained.

I glared at my shoes, my head now pulsing with a headache. Edward stepped out, shutting the door behind him. I sighed; I just knew those apes were probably all listening right on the other side.

He cleared his throat. "Emmett-"

Em held his hand up. "Just…shut up. I can't believe I trusted you with her. What were you feckin' doing in there?" He slammed his hand against the wall, startling me.

Edward scowled, stepping toward him. "No, you can trust me, I wouldn't hurt her. I'll take care of her."

"Really," Em laughed bitterly. "Same as you take care of all the rest, Cullen?"

I rolled my eyes and hoisted my bag onto my shoulders. "Emmett, can we please discuss it later? I have to go."

He shook his head. "What were the two of you doin'?"

"Nothing. And I'll see who I bloody please," I mumbled, massaging my temples.

Emmett reddened, frustrated. "God, why did I ever let you take her out, I _knew_ this was going to happen." He turned to Edward, shrugging. "How long has this been going on? Since the night you stayed here? Jesus Christ."

"Emmett!" I cried, sick of it already. "Let it go!"

He ignored me, his face red with rage as he moved even closer to Edward... "Why her?!" He growled, pointing at me.

Edward remained silent, his eyes never leaving Em. I wondered briefly what he was thinking, if he ever had second thoughts.

I put my hand on my brother's arm, trying to get him to snap out of it. I was anxious they'd start a row and I'd have to enlist the help of the other boys.

Emmett just shook me off. I knew I'd be hearing an earful later on.

"I'm going," I huffed. I couldn't take any more theatrics; they'd have to hash it out without me. I jogged down the steps and through the main door, blinking as my eyes adjusted to the sunlight. I heard the door open and shut behind me and I spun around, prepared to quarrel with my brother, but it was Edward.

I had an overwhelming urge to cry, and I dug my fingernails into my palms, annoyed with myself. I was all over the place emotionally, and that needed to stop.

_Right, Bella._

"He's right. Why me?" I asked quietly when he was close enough to touch.

He shrugged. "No one else really does it for me."

I looked at him, shaking my headed slowly in disbelief. "Don't be like that."

He frowned. "Like what?"

"Don't just say things, Edward. I can't do that …with you."

He stepped closer and touched my cheek. "I'm not going to hurt you, Bella. You're waiting for me to just drop you and move on, but I won't."

I glanced up. "Why not?"

"I waited a long time to see if the way I felt would change and it didn't. I want to be with you."

My heart skipped a beat but I stayed silent, wondering how deep this was going to go.

"I've been with a lot of girls..."

"I know you have," I broke in.

"So I know what want." He put his hands in his pockets. "What do _you_ want? This back and forth has to stop, I don't like it."

I almost laughed, but he was being serious. "I – I want you," I stammered.

He nodded, smiling a little. I reached hesitantly for him and he pulled me in for a hug. I closed my eyes and smelled his familiar, clean smell, allowing a quiet minute. Just thinking about Em upstairs made my head hurt worse.

"I really do have to go," I said eventually, wishing more than anything I could stay. I realized this was going to be a daily struggle for me.

"I have to stay. We're going to Derry a week from Friday and we need to go over a few things."

I frowned. "What's in Derry?"

He pulled me forward into his arms and rested his chin on my forehead. "You know what's in Derry."

"No, I don't." I pulled away slightly so I could see his face.

"We've a target there."

The thought made me sick and I tightened my grip on his torso. "Oh."

"Bella, you know what you're getting into with me. Don't start up, now."

"I'm not," I mumbled into his shirt.

"You know I have to do this," he continued, stroking my hair, all the way down my back.

"I know. I can help…" I said tentatively.

He grabbed my arms and shoved me gently away, not letting go. "Bollocks. You'll stay out of it."

I looked him straight in the eye. "No, I won't."

"Bella…"

"What's good for the goose is good for the gander," I recited playfully.

He wrinkled his nose. "That sounds like something my mum would say."

I nodded, laughing. "I've heard her say it,"

We gazed at each other for a few seconds, and when it became apparent I wasn't backing down he released my arms. "We'll talk about this later, yeah?"

"Okay," I agreed.

"Don't leave the bookshop til I get there, Bella," he called as I walked away.

I looked over my shoulder at the sight of him standing in the same spot, still watching me. "Alright."

* * *

It was hard to focus on psychology and literature. My mind kept wandering to Em, and the lively discussion we were sure to have later on. On one hand, the big reveal had gone better than I had expected; he didn't punch Edward. Still, the look on his face when he realized we'd been alone in the flat was awful. He'd looked so betrayed, as if we'd been carrying on behind his back. And in a way, we had been – but not because we wanted to be deceitful. Situations like that required tact. Lots of it.

Of course I could appreciate Emmett's concern for me; he'd seen Edward in action for years. However, it wasn't as if he was an innocent bystander while Edward ran wild. Edward had played on every sports team our school offered but Emmett had been captain of both the hurling and football teams. They had both enjoyed an abundance of female attention…which, the more I thought about it, was why Em was worried. He knew how these things worked.

I was also concerned about this Derry mission, or whatever they were calling it. A target? What did that mean? Were they going to _kill_ someone? More than one person? Would they be the ones setting off bombs this time? A wave of nausea rippled through me and I put my cheek to my desk, allowing the cool, hard surface to sooth me.

"Bella," Alice whispered. She was perched in a desk to my left, watching me. "What's wrong?" she mouthed.

I pointed to my watch. "Two minutes," I mouthed back. She nodded and we started to quietly pack our notebooks and textbooks.

As soon as class was over, Alice leaned over. "So what's going on?"

I told her what had happened at the flat – leaving out any mention of Derry - while she listened in amusement.

"Well what did Edward bleedin' expect?" she snorted when I was finished. "He'd have done the same thing to any eejit who tried to get in my pants."

I sighed, getting to my feet. "It's true."

"So it's official then. After years of lustin' you're finally doing a line with my brother."

I made a face. "What are we, in secondary school?"

She smiled and scooped her books off the desk. "Just let me know when to start planning – "

"Alice," I warned, giving her a look.

"Judas Iscariot, love, lighten up."

* * *

When Edward brought me home that night, my Da opened the door to greet us. This was unusual, and I knew instantly that Em had said something to him. I glanced over at Edward but he seemed fine, though he must have known something was up.

We filed into the kitchen and Da held out a chair for Edward.

"D'you want tea?" I asked.

"I'll have a cup, darling," Da said, as I knew he would. Edward said he'd have one too and the two of them got to talking, mainly about politics. I listened carefully, mentally filing away the bits I deemed important. I knew Da loved Edward; he was proud of both boys and their devotion to the cause. He himself had participated to a degree as a younger man, and the fact that the torch had been passed on meant a lot to him.

"So, is there anything you'll want to be askin'?" Da asked suddenly.

Edward smiled, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. "Actually there is."

Da smirked and sat back, resting his tea cup on the table.

"I'd like your permission to see Bella," Edward said. I held my breath, waiting to see what Da would say. He adored Edward, but this might be a little much.

"Haven't ya already been seein' her?" Da asked, an eyebrow quirked.

"Ah, yes, sort of."

Da nodded thoughtfully after a moment. "I suppose that's alright. As long as you do things properly."

I exhaled quietly, relieved. Carlisle Cullen and Da had been friends before any of us were even born. _Of course_ it should be okay for me to date Edward…and yet I'd been so apprehensive Da wouldn't see it that way. I had a feeling Edward's ability to "protect" me was probably of great appeal to my parents.

_Well, whatever works. _

Edward stood, clapping his hand on my father's shoulder."I've got to be getting home. Thanks for the chat, Charlie."

"Anytime, boy. Don't make me regret anything, now."

"Do you know where Em is, Da?" I asked as I turned to leave the kitchen.

"I think he's at the new billiards place near the university," he replied.

I planned to be in bed, asleep, when Em got home. I had no desire for round two, especially not that night.

I walked Edward out then, and we lingered on the front porch.

"Sleep over with Alice tomorrow," he suggested, kissing me.

I felt my face color at the possibilities.

"Maybe I will."


	5. Chapter 5

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Love and thanks to Nicki-Beta, bestfriends Amanda, Caleigh, Kelley, and all of you who review. I get so excited each time one pops into my inbox! Thank you! xoxo

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It wasn't that I didn't like university; Queen's was excellent and I had a number of interesting classes. My father, Emmett and Edward had all gone there, and lots of our friends currently attended. It was more like I resented it - it wasn't where I wanted to be at that point in my life. Alice and I had always assumed we'd leave Belfast once we completed secondary school, but finances dictated I stay home for at least two more years. Alice elected to stay with me and despite my protests she go on ahead, I was guiltily glad when she decided to stick around. Things were good, but they weren't great, and in general I'd been feeling uninspired and … purposeless.

Then I was tossed into this chaotic little world of secrecy and politics and uprising… and, because of Edward, love. I thought about him all the time, and when I wasn't daydreaming myself into arousal, I was sick with worry over him and my brother's plans. Oh, I had purpose now alright: keeping the two of them alive and out of jail.

I'd have been fibbing if I said I wasn't a little intrigued by this point, though. I skipped my last class Thursday morning and sequestered myself in the library, poring over newspapers and periodicals that covered the Troubles. I had bare bones knowledge about it, as we'd all taken Irish history in school and at home Da was very political, but I wanted specifics.

_Fighting between the British and the Irish had been going on for hundreds of years but the Irish Republican Army as we knew it stretched back into the early part of the century with events like the Easter Rising of 1916 and the Irish War of Independence, from 1919 to 1921. In 1918, one of the two major nationalist movements, Sinn Féin, won a majority of seats in British Parliament. They then withdrew from Parliament and declared an Irish Republic, which they governed; they called their new Parliament the Dáil. _

_The Irish Republican Army was formed and in theory, was responsible to the Dáil as the Republic's official army. In reality, they engaged in mostly guerilla warfare and the Dáil worried they wouldn't be able to properly control them. In 1921, the Anglo-Irish treaty was signed, abolishing the Irish Republic, but created the self-governing Irish Free State, within the British Empire. This caused a split in the IRA between those who accepted and those who rejected the Treaty and a civil war ensued. Some didn't mind letting Britain hold on to the North, others wanted total freedom._

I read some of the news clippings and literature with great interest, others I just skimmed. I could easily spend hours in the library doing research, but I was supposed to meet Alice for lunch and the hour was almost up. I hurriedly flipped through one of the books I'd found. Throughout the decades the relationship between the IRA and Sinn Féin evolved…different political parties came into power…and then I finally stumbled onto the 1960's.

_In 1969, The IRA split into Official IRA and Provisional IRA factions, partly because the IRA hadn't defended nationalist areas of Belfast from loyalist attack. After debacles like the Northern Ireland Riots in Belfast in August of that year, and the Battle of the Bogside in Derry, the Provisionalists took it upon themselves to physically protect those areas and support nationalist rioters. _

I sat back in my chair, my mind muddled with too much information. Is that how Em and Edward fancied themselves -as protectors of our cities? I didn't know if that was valiant, or misguided, or both. I shut the book and arranged the papers into a neat pile on the table, glancing at my watch. I was done for the day, but Alice still had classes later after lunch and I didn't want to make her late for those.

Thursday was generally my favorite day of the week because I had just a few morning classes, and no work. Sometimes, if Mr. Connelly felt like keeping himself busy, he gave me Fridays off as well, and that was good because then the weekend started early. On the days I didn't have to work, Alice and I would often see a film or visit one of the crowded little pubs near university.

Classes had just let out when I emerged from the soothing dark quiet of the library. I met up with Alice and we walked down to Lisburn, spending more time looking for a damned spot to eat then actually eating. We rushed through lunch, chatting sporadically through mouthfuls of food.

Alice groaned, tossing her napkin down onto the table. "I'm really not in the mood to go back."

Arranging the cutlery on my plate, I leaned back, stuffed and satisfied after a rather substantial Ulster Fry. It had been really good, but no one could make it quite like Mum. Too bad Da's growing gut prevented her from making it as often as we'd all have liked. I tried telling her it was just his nightly pint adding the weight, but she wouldn't hear it. I'd have to have her teach me how to make it.

"And it's such a bright day," Alice was still complaining, picking at roll on her plate.

I glanced outside at the darkening gray sky and snorted. "Yeah, it's charming out."

Alice consulted the tiny mirror in her makeup compact and dabbed unnecessarily at her face. She stood, looking down at me. "Are we going out later?"

I nodded, getting to my feet as well. "Yes, I'd like to. I'll stay with you tonight?"

She shrugged. "Of course. I'll ring you when I get home later."

We left the restaurant and walked together until Alice turned to go back to Queen's. I strolled slowly, hoping to see Edward as I passed the candy shop, but no one seemed to be around.

Emmett was around, however. He jogged down the stairs as soon as I came through the front door.

"Hey, Bella." He sounded neutral but I knew better.

_Here we bloody go. _

"Hi, Emmett," I said evenly, walking past him to go up to my room.

"Come now, you know we need to talk," he called after me.

I waved my hand back, not stopping. "Talk, then."

He came back up the stairs behind me, his footsteps heavy on the hollow wood but not angry-sounding. Maybe he'd cooled down a bit. He didn't seem to be worked up any more; I wondered if he and Edward had talked more or if they had just let it go.

Emmett closed my bedroom door and sat on my bed, patting the spot next to him. I kicked my trainers off and dropped onto the bed, laying back.

"Bella, try to understand why I was so pissed yesterday. You do know what that looked like, right? And then to have Deklan and Tyler Crowley there to witness it all, not to mention Eric, Sean, Seamus…"

I quickly sat up, scowling. "Alright, alright, I don't need the whole cast of characters. I know, Emmett."

"I know you know. So don't be surprised when the entire neighborhood becomes well aware of your sordid affair. The boys gossip like old women," he replied.

I rolled my eyes. "You sound like an old woman right now, with your admonishments."

He twisted so he was facing me, and stared at me until I began to fidget. I knew he was trying to intimidate me and frankly, it was working. I looked away, frowning.

"The only reason I didn't break his face is because he swore he would take care of you. He swore it. " He paused, and I peeked up at him.

He stood, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I'm not stupid, Bella. I've seen how you look at him. For years I've seen it. I didn't care because most girls look at him that way. But having him look at _you_ that way is a different story altogether now. I don't like it."

I sighed. "What do you want me to say? I can't help how I feel, Emmett. This is what I want. I want him to look at me that way."

He rubbed his hand over his face. "This is worse than I thought."

I rolled my eyes. "You need to just trust me."

He shrugged. "There's nothing I can do anyway– especially since Da gave you the go-ahead."

"Shouldn't that say something to you? That Da is okay with it?" I reasoned, breathing deeply. Em was being calm and civil; I needed to be as well.

"Maybe, " he conceded. He reached down and brushed my hair from my face. "I've been able to trust Edward my whole life, Bella. He's a good friend, the best. But I don't know if he can be much more than that. I've yet to see him settle down."

I stared into my lap, my heart thumping unsteadily, even though he wasn't telling me anything new.

He cleared his throat. "But, he said this wasn't like the other times, so I'm choosing to believe him. But if he hurts you, I swear – "

I stood abruptly, laughing a little. "You'll kill him, Emmett, I know. Everyone knows."

* * *

I walked to the Cullen's around five in the afternoon, after Alice called to say she was home. They lived in a row house too, but it was bigger than ours, and sat at the end of their street. I'd always loved that they had a relatively spacious backyard, a rarity in our neighborhood. We'd played out there a lot as children, the boys kicking a ball around, Alice and I tagging along and getting in the way.

Alice let me in and we went to the kitchen where her mother was making what looked like shepherd's pie. She looked over her shoulder as we walked in.

"Bella," Esme crooned, her eyes crinkling affectionately. She had a rose colored silk scarf keeping her hair back out of her face as she worked, and it matched the pattern on her skirt.

"Hi Esme," I said, kissing her cheek. "I love the scarf."

She beamed back at me. "Thank you, darling."

"What would you like, Bella?" Alice asked from the refrigerator.

"Water's fine," I answered, running my fingers along the countertop. I wondered if Edward was home.

"Are you girls staying in tonight?" Esme asked casually. Alice and I shared a glance; her mother was just as worried as mine.

"No, Mum," Alice sighed. It was obvious they'd had this conversation many times over. "We're going out, probably to Finley's Billiards."

Esme sighed, too. "Hmm."

"I told you we were going," Alice added gently, motioning for us to go upstairs.

"Alright. I'm popping this in the oven now, then," Esme said.

We went up to Alice's room, always the girl-hood haven of purple and pink, even after all these years. Thankfully Alice had traded frills and poof for a more tailored look a few years back. I dropped my overnight bag on the floor and stood with Alice in front of her closet.

"I think you should wear a skirt tonight," she said thoughtfully, tapping a finger to her chin. "Before it gets too cold out."

I nodded. "Yes."

She grinned slyly. "Try this one." She handed me a scrap of plaid material.

"What's this, your uniform from primary?" I joked, holding it against my hips and looking in the mirror.

"Ha, funny. Try it on!" She commanded playfully.

Taking my pants off, I slid the skirt up my legs. I was getting goose bumps from having so much skin exposed _in_ the house, what was I going to do once we went out? I fastened the zipper on the side and straightened up so Alice could see.

She nodded approvingly. "Yes. And here." She thrust a pair of black tights at me.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God."

She rolled her eyes. "Judas Iscariot, Bella, I'm not here to tart you up. I just want you to look a little nicer tonight."

"I don't usually look nice?" I teased, sitting on the bed and rolling the tights on.

Alice ignored me and pulled a black turtleneck out. "There."

When I was dressed, I examined myself from all angles in her full length mirror. I did look nice, and I couldn't wait to see Edward.

"Where's your brother?" I asked, watching Alice assemble her own outfit.

She shrugged, looping a belt through her pants. "Do we ever know where our brothers are?"

"True," I chuckled.

There was a soft knock at the door, and Esme poked her head in. "Let's eat. "

Alice and I were seated at the dining room table with her parents when the front door opened and closed.

Frantic anticipation rippled through my middle and I nearly lost my appetite.

"Oh good, you're home," Esme said, gazing over my head. I felt the whoosh of air as he walked in, bringing some of the outside chill with him.

Edward kissed Alice's cheek and then mine, surreptitiously grazing his fingers along the sliver of skin where my sweater had ridden up.

He greeted his parents and dropped into a seat across from Alice and me. He accepted a plate of food from his mother and answered his father's inquiries of how his day had been, but his eyes were on me. I couldn't look away either.

He looked feisty and not unlike some sort of nighttime fey, his unruly hair more windblown than usual, its autumnlike colors flickering and shifting in the warm dining room light. He smiled smug and secretive, and I burned in my seat, praying no one else noticed the promise of sex in his eyes.

Maybe Alice did; she pinched my thigh and broke the spell. I looked at her, blinking and slow.

"Eat," she mouthed, looking pointedly at my hardly-touched shepherd's pie.

I felt raw and nervy but I ate anyway, and it was good. Esme's cooking was equal parts gourmet and homey and it reminded me of how hungry I'd been a few minutes before.

After everyone was finished, I helped Alice clear the table and Edward helped me carry dishes. I bit back a smile as he strode beside me into the kitchen, dutifully balancing a mess of plates.

"Wait a few minutes for me?" He said, eyeing my outfit with a smirk.

I'd wait forever for him, but that's not what he was asking.

"Okay, " I agreed, wiping my hands on a towel.

"Don't take long, _bucko_." Alice added, filling the sink with water and suds.

"So, Em and I talked for a while today about…Edward and me," I said quietly, standing beside Alice at the sink.

She looked at me in surprise. "Really? What did he say?"

Esme and Carlisle breezed into the kitchen.

"That's okay, girls. I'll wash them tonight. You can do it after breakfast tomorrow," Esme offered.

"How's your Da, Bella? I haven't seen him in donkey's years," Carlisle said, squeezing my shoulder.

"You saw him at mass last week," I laughed, poking him.

He grinned, reminding me of his son. "Yes, but that was just in passing. We'll get together soon, use the yard before the weather cools down."

"I'll have Mum bring her famous fish n chips," I added, wiggling my eyebrows.

"Grand. We'll try for next week; I'll ring your Mum," Esme decided.

Our families used to do this all the time, but it had been awhile. It warmed me to think we'd be doing it again, the following weekend.

_Next Friday the boys will be in Derry._

My heart sank. I looked around, my smile fading. Carlisle had left the room and Esme was wiping down the counter. I felt Alice tug at my arm.

"We're going, Mum."

"Please be careful. Keep your eyes open," Esme said seriously. She cupped Alice's face in her hands.

"I love you, Mum, but your hands are wet," Alice mumbled.

Esme ignored her and kissed her forehead, then mine. "Please…"

I hugged her lightly. "We'll be careful, Esme. Promise. Anyway, we'll have the boys to watch for us."

"That's right, they'll be fine," Edward boomed into the room, embracing his mother so tightly he picked her up off the ground. "We'll _all_ be fine, stop fretting about it. Je –"

"Edward Anthony." Esme cut him off before he could say it.

"Ja-pers," He said instead, smirking mischievously.

His mother smacked him away. "Just go, ya cheeky thing."

We put light jackets on and stepped out into the crisp evening air. Edward put his arm round my shoulder and I leaned into him, breathing in his closeness.

"Did my sister put you up to this?" He asked, dropping his hand to skim the back of my thigh, just below the skirt's hem.

I shivered and reached back, bringing his hand up to my waist. "Yes, but, I like it."

"Oh, I like it too. You're not getting away this time." Edward's tone was light, but his eyes glittered and danced and I knew I was in for it.

My heart skipped and I leaned up to whisper. "Good."

Alice made a face. "Okay, let's keep it decent. Are we going to walk the whole way?"

Edward let go of me and held my hand instead, putting some necessary distance between us. "We could, or we could take Da's car," he suggested.

I grimaced. "I'd rather drive, I think. I walk all day long."

He fished his keys from his pocket and unlocked Carlisle's ancient black BMW, which was parked on the corner. Alice and I crammed into the front seat, and we drove to Finley's Billiards.

"Brilliant," I muttered as Edward found a parking space. "I see Tyler and Deklan Crowley."

He grinned, shrugging.

"What's wrong with the Crowley's?" asked Alice.

"They were at the flat the other day when we ran into Emmett." I responded, sliding out of the car after her.

"The whole neighborhood's heard by now, I'm sure," Edward joked, locking the car doors. We followed him into the smoky pub, so full that people were spilling out onto the path.

I tried to shake off the feelings of self consciousness, hoping by now it wouldn't be that big of a deal to be seen with Edward. After all, it was nothing new, seeing him with another girl. I wondered if other girls would still approach him or let him alone. How _together_ would we look?

I was determined not to let any of it affect me. I knew we would be drinking and, while I didn't plan on getting completely fluthered, alcohol could make a minor situation appear much worse than it really was. I needed to have the same trust in Edward I'd begged Em to have.

Apparently I was the only one in Belfast who hadn't been to Finley's. Both the bar and the billiard's room were packed with people we knew from university and the neighborhood. I saw Em's girl Rose hovering over one of the tables, cue stick in hand, about to make a shot. My brother stood right beside her, a long forgotten cigarette dangling between his fingers as he watched the game.

Edward walked over to him, clapping him on the shoulder before going to greet the group of guys behind him, most of who had been at the safe house. There were a few I didn't recognize as well…and then, Victoria. She was wrapped around a tall, lanky bloke with a blonde ponytail. I gazed curiously at them, wondering if he was "James"…as in, James with the gun.

I supposed I could ask Edward later.

I gave Em a hug, waiting for Rose to finish her shot before greeting her, too. She remembered me and seemed all smiles as she snuggled into Emmett's side. Within minutes a round of pints had been ordered. The boys pushed together a few tables and took turns playing billiards.

Drinks flowed, jokes and stories were told, and before long we were a big, rowdy mess of a group. Alice and I had just dissolved into giggles over a crass story Rose had told us about one of the patrons of the restaurant where she worked when there was a scuffle near the front door. Several of the boys from our groups shoved through the crowd.

Edward stood and squinted toward the commotion, muttering under his breath. Before I could ask what the bloody hell was happening he was in motion, yelling for us to stay put.

"What are they…?" I trailed off nervously. Rose huffed and followed the boys, at a much slower pace.

Victoria, abandoned by her guy, came from her end of the table and sat beside me.

"There's a group of UFF boys outside," she sighed, running her finger down the condensation on one left behind glass of lager.

Four pints and I was as useless as a chocolate teapot. "Ulster…"

"Freedom Fighters," she finished, nodding.

"Ah." I nodded, than glanced up sharply. "Wait, are they _fighting_ out there?" I gasped, standing shakily. I looked over toward the entrance, but couldn't see anything beyond the mass of bodies and dim lighting.

"They're about to, I'm sure," she said. She didn't seem too concerned and I thought that maybe she was used to this by now. I didn't know if I could ever be used to it.

I looked over at Alice, who was white as sheet. She grasped my hand and squeezed. "Bella, I don't want them to fight. It makes me sick to my stomach!"

"I know, me too," I agreed, becoming more fretful by the second. I was pretty sure Alice had no idea how deep our brothers were into this.

I wanted to leave. If they didn't come back into the pub soon I was going to try and find a different way out so we could walk home.

"What do you want to do?" I asked Victoria, extending my hand to Alice and pulling her to her feet.

Victoria stood up. "We can go look, but –"

Several shots were fired out on the street. Someone in the crowd screamed, and then the crowd itself shifted as more people poured out of the building. The music, which had been blaring all night long, came to an abrupt stop, and we could hear sirens in the distance, approaching steadily.

"Oh God, " I moaned, clutching my stomach. "No…"

The sirens stopped out front and the frantic buzz that had been escalating for the past few minutes hit a new a height.

Chaos, everywhere. It wasn't as bad as the bombing, I reminded myself.

Edward burst through the crowd, his face littered with tiny, puffy cuts.

"What happened to you?" I cried, holding my hands out.

"Come on. James is out front, I told him I'd drive you two away from here. We have to go now, though, they're arresting people." He told Victoria. He took my hand, and Alice's, and the four of us made our way outside. The blonde Victoria had been with was standing in the doorway of the establishment and he quickly joined us, tucking her into his side as we left.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked, feeling a nauseating sense of déjà vu settling in.

Edward unlocked the car doors. "He had to go, they'd have arrested him."

"For what?" Alice asked as we got in.

"For being the ringleader of the local brigade."

I gaped at Edward. "He is?"

He shook his head, pulling into the street. "No."

I exhaled, relieved. "Oh, good. But why do they think he's the leader?"

I noticed Edward glance in his rearview mirror, at James in the backseat. "Because he's often seen with the leader."

"Who's the leader?"

He took the next corner a little too quickly.

"I am."

* * *

I had to be woken up when we reached Edward and Alice's. James and Victoria were gone, and Alice told me they'd heard from Mikey Newton outside another pub that Emmett had made it safely home.

I stumbled upstairs, more tired than drunk, and collapsed into Alice's bed.

When I woke again, Edward was carrying me into his room. I still had on the clothes I'd worn to go out, but he seemed to have showered; he smelled even soapier than usual, fresh and clean and appealing. I touched his face softly, feeling the roughness of the abrasions and scabs.

"You're always hurting your face," I murmured sleepily.

He grunted in response, toeing his door closed.

Edward set me down on his bed and returned to his door to lock it. I took my shoes off and was about to peel the tights off as well, when he knelt down between my legs and started to do it himself.

His fingers tickled at my thighs and knees as he unrolled each leg of the tights down and off. He pulled my sweater up over my head and allowed me to scoot up the bed so that I could lay flat. I smiled as he climbed up on to the bed after me, wearing only sleeping pants. He kissed me quickly on my mouth before settling more of his weight down between my legs, pushing himself against me so that we fit, and I wrapped my arms and legs around his body and held him, thanking God that he was safe.

We kissed that way for awhile, and it made me hungrier and hungrier for him. I pushed him away so I could remove my bra, and he reached underneath my skirt to pull my panties off.

"Can I kiss you?" he whispered, and I smiled again because _of course_ he could kiss me.

I nodded and he kissed me slow, our tongues warm and wet and moving in tandem. He licked an incendiary trail down my neck and to my breasts, circling my nipples with his tongue until I pulled his hair. He suckled one, and then the other, and paused to look up at me. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and I could faintly make out the lines and curves of his face by the light of the streetlamp across the street.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked again, and again I smiled, slightly confused.

"Yes," I said, caressing the sides of his face, loving him.

He felt for the zipper on my skirt and pulled it down, and I lifted my hips so he could take it off. When I lay completely bare before him, trembling on the inside with love and lust, he kissed my belly button and opened my legs with his hands.

"I'm going to kiss you now," he said, and he did. I wanted to tell him to stop, wanted to know _why he'd want to kiss me down there_ but then he ran his tongue up my slit, from my entrance to my sweetest spot, and I shivered and shook and maybe even saw stars.

He kissed and licked and _oh God, I loved him_ and I slid my fingers through his so-soft hair and held his head while he moved between my legs. It was too intimate, too much, and I cried out when he put his fingers into me.

I froze, euphoric, and shuddered my release and tried not to make noise because we were in a house full of sleeping people. Edward was suddenly gone, across his room, and when he returned to me he was rolling on a condom.

"You didn't do that last time," I mused, breathless with pleasure and satisfaction.

He snorted as he lowered himself onto me. "I was thinking with my mickey, that's why."

I giggled, giddy and amused by his usage of the juvenile word. He gave me his crooked grin, the one that melts hearts and had certainly always melted mine, and pushed his way inside of me.

Shutting my eyes I held on tight, moaning because it hurt, but it hurt good. I was still new to this, not at all used to having him inside me, but with every thrust it became familiar. Pulling himself up, he grasped my leg, putting it over his shoulder.

"That okay?" he panted, going slow.

"Yes, " I panted back, lifting my other leg so he could do the same to that one, too.

He carefully put it over his other shoulder, deepening the way he fit inside.

"Bella…you feel…so good," he whispered, his eyes closing.

I loved looking at him this way, when he was lost in us, in how we felt moving together, breathing together.

"Do you feel good?" he asked, opening his eyes to gaze down at me.

"Yes," I barely whispered. Good…extraordinary..._transcendent._

I liked the position we were in, it was new to me and erotic, but I craved his closeness, and he must have craved mine because he let my legs down and held me. He started to move faster, _with purpose,_ and I knew he was close.

"Are you…"

"Yes," he breathed, strained. A few more thrusts and he stilled, gasping into my hair.

"Edward," I said softly after a moment. I kissed his forehead, dewy with sweat.

"Mmm?"

"I love you." My heart, which hadn't slowed down yet, raced faster.

I felt his smile, lips pressed into my neck. "I know. I love you, too."

* * *

_bucko - sort of a playboy_

_UFF - Ulster Freedom Fighters. They were/are militant loyalists, enemies of the IRA and Provisional IRA, for all intents and purposes._


	6. Chapter 6

Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I simply sent the characters to Northern Ireland.

Thanks to Nicki, beta-sweet & confidant, & Tiffany-the-Vixen, who's encouraging & loving. To all of you who review....you rock. It makes my day. Special thanks to Amber Energi, vaniiladoubleshot, tinkytinka, saltygoodness24, & Unintended-u. Your kindness means alot.

* * *

The harsh jangle of Alice's alarm clock jolted me out of recently achieved sleep early the next morning. Alice groaned and turned it off while I opened an eye to peek at the window beside me. Her curtains were drawn, but through a split in the fabric I could see it was another dim morning. I touched my fingertips to the window pane, liking the cool smooth and how it contrasted to my warm soft. We lay still a moment.

"When's your class, Bella?" Alice asked quietly, soft and subdued from sleep.

"Nine, but I'm not going," I responded, snuggling my face into the pillow.

"Long night?" She said, smiling and suggestive.

"You could say that," I agreed, not even trying to be coy. I rolled onto my side, pulling the blankets higher so that I could burrow down.

"Bella," she began, sounding wistful. "Please don't change everything for him. I love my brother, so much – you know that – but don't downplay the rest of your life. He'll still be here when you're finished doing what you need to do."

I nodded slightly. "I know; I just need time today. There's so much I want to know, and we never seem to have enough time."

"You have plenty of time to do other things," she teased.

I shook my head, faintly amused. "We hardly even have time for that."

Alice sat up, folding her legs in front of her. "Do you ever have doubts, Bella?"

I sighed, twisting the sheet between my fingers. "All the time. But not really about Edward, not anymore."

She quirked her eyebrows."Oh? Why is that?"

I shrugged, not wanting to discuss what Edward and I had said to each other the night before. It was new, and private, and _ours_ and I wanted to savor it.

"I'm glad." Alice said after a moment, not really minding that I hadn't responded. She leaned down and kissed my temple before easing off the bed. "It must be nice to have the one you're infatuated with feel the same way."

"Have you spoken to Jasper?" I asked, guessing that was who was on her mind.

"Yes, during class. He walks me to class sometimes. I… I love the way he talks." Her cheeks flushed pink as she snatched her bathrobe off a chair and turned to open the closet.

"Where exactly is he from?" I asked.

"Texas. It's a southern state. He said I'd love it …"

My mouth dropped open."You two've discussed all that! Now I really want to meet him. Invite him out, yeah?"

She shrugged, still rooting around in her closet, and I knew she was downplaying how she felt. I knew, because it was familiar and personal to me and I did it all the time. It was a necessary evil, armor to protect our hearts.

Alice turned around, her outfit for the day folded over her arms. "Soon."

* * *

"Alright. Da's shift started a little while ago, so he'll be at the hospital all day. I don't know where Mum is, though. You might want to watch for her." Alice informed me, loosely wrapping a scarf around her neck as she spoke.

"So no one is home now?" I asked, sitting up.

She smirked, slipping the oversized purse that doubled as a schoolbag over her shoulder. "Just you and me brother. Have fun."

I shuffled out to the hall with her, making a left toward Edward's room. I'd crept from it just before dawn, feeling naughty and inappropriate as I got back into bed with Alice. I wouldn't have changed a thing though; no matter how I looked at our situation, I saw myself go to him every time. I couldn't stop myself and I really didn't care to.

I didn't like sneaking, though. That was going to have to change; I turned twenty in one month and he'd recently become twenty three that summer. I understood and respected the beliefs we'd been raised with…but it was easier to follow rules when there was no temptation to break them. He and I were at a point where plain proximity turned me on.

Edward was still asleep when I entered his room. I slipped beneath the covers, shivering as I exchanged drafty air for body heat.

"Bella?" He mumbled.

"Who else were you expecting?" I whispered, flicking his ear lightly.

That woke him up. He flipped over quickly and pinned me down, narrowing his eyes. "No one at all. I thought you had classes."

I wrapped my legs around him and used them to yank him down so we were pressed together.

"I did, but I'm taking a day off."

He stared down at me, his face inches away. I touched the tiny nicks and scars on his skin, troubled by them. It was always like this with him, exhilaration tempered with anxiety. I had never before known anything close to love, and it hit me so hard it that was startling. But looking up at him, his pale, appealing skin and the freckles I'd never noticed because I'd never been close enough to see them…I hated thinking he could be taken from me. I'd been looking at him for years, and I was now realizing he was so much more than a pretty face.

Running my hands up and down his back, I felt his reaction, hard against my belly. My eyes met with his, and I marveled at easy it was to get him excited. He grinned crookedly and kissed my neck once before rolling off. He settled on his side, propped on his elbow. "Now they'll think I'm distractin' you from your studies."

"Who's they?" I murmured, turning on to my side, too.

"Everyone," he said, running his index finger up and down my arm.

"D'you ever think about going back to school?" I asked carefully, unsure if it was a sore spot with him. Carlisle had been disappointed when Edward decided to take a break before starting medical school; one semester off had turned into one year.

"I do, but not for now. This… takes up all of my time." He answered, knowing I now understood was "this" was.

"So you still want to practice medicine, then?"

He shrugged, somewhat indifferently. "It's the only thing I see myself doing in a few years."

I nodded, knowing this was true. Edward had wanted to be a doctor, like his Da, since we were children. His unblemished academic record and parent's money should have ensured his success both getting into and finishing medical school; I wondered if he resented his current position.

"Are you upset, though, that you can't go back?" I persisted.

"It's not that I can't go, it's that I won't. I've made my choices, Bella. For now, I'm right where I need to be." He replied impatiently.

"If I hadn't found the gun that day, and started asking questions, would you have told me about you and Emmett? Were you ever going to tell me you're leading the group here?" I blurted out. I could understand why Edward and Emmett had withheld information from me before; they'd thought the less I knew the better. This was different, though. I was a part of this because I associated with them… how long did Edward think it would be before I discovered that he was not just a participant?

He flopped onto his back and groaned, covering his head with a pillow. "I knew this was feckin' coming," he said, his voice muffled.

I pulled the pillow away. "Don't be daft. You can't give me news like you did in the car last night and _not_ expect me to want answers."

He locked his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. "What do you want to know, then?"

"Do your parents know the extent of it?"

"Da does. He doesn't mind that I'm involved, but he hates that I'm in charge. He's terrified I'll end up at his hospital." He chuckled humorlessly.

I frowned. "What about Esme?"

"She'd break my leg to keep me home if she knew."

I cracked a smile at that, because that sounded about right. "She doesn't suspect anything? She's pretty perceptive, Edward."

"Oh, she knows Emmett and I run with the IRA, but she thinks we dabble in it like half the guys in town."

"How did it come about? Who put you in charge?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. "Emmett and I always involved ourselves with the protests and marches, the ones held at Queen's- or where ever. We started ridin' to Derry and going to meetings and met up with a lot of guys who felt the same way, sick of the shite. There are a lot of people just as committed, livin' all over."

He glanced at me, and I nodded, wanting him to continue.

"James isn't the only one who runs the group in Derry, but he's one of the major players. There were already a few volunteers here policing the streets, protesting, protecting…Em and I wanted to take a more active role. I started speaking up a lot, and…having ideas. Your brother might not be in charge, but make no mistake: a lot of people answer to him. We do everything together. He's my right hand."

I noticed he avoided telling me specifically what he had done or said in order to be seen as leader material. He must have had to prove himself somehow and the possibilities made me sick to my stomach. I was not acquainted with the side of him that would plan - and carry out – savage attacks on buildings and groups of people. He had blood on his hands. I knew that was essentially what war was…but that didn't make it any easier to accept.

Could I come to terms with Edward's choices and even endorse them, the way Victoria did with James? I certainly understood the cause; all rebellions were violent. In the end, was I more concerned with him hurting other people, or becoming hurt in the process?

"You aren't afraid of being arrested?" I asked, my stomach tightening.

Edward sighed. "Of course I am. I'm afraid of being hurt, too. But some things are more important than personal comfort."

"Such as?" I prompted.

"Such as freedom, love of country, my family…you." He spoke careful and slow, watching me keenly..

My breath caught, and I took a moment to absorb what he had just said. I'd never dreamed my years-long infatuation would ever come to this moment. Telling me he loved me was one thing; I could barely contain that. But this…this was Edward saying I warranted a place in his life.

"What is it about me? Why now, of all times?" I fidgeted with the ends of my hair.

"Didn't we just have this conversation the other day?" He joked, attempting to lighten the mood.

I ignored that. "Just…how long have you known how I felt?"

Shifting back on to his side, he propped himself up on his elbow so he could look at me as he spoke. "I don't know when I first noticed, Bella. Little things, I guess. You started constantly blushing. I used to do things just to see you turn red; it was so easy!"

Embarrassed, I smacked his am. "You're an arse!"

He cringed away, still laughing. "Oh come on, it was all in fun – "

"For you maybe, " I griped.

His grin faded as he kept on. "You got so cute at one point. And you were always looking at me, especially when you thought I didn't know…"

_This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life._

"…sometimes I'd watch you when you were competing at swim meets, remember when we'd go to those? I'd known you your whole life, but you became so feckin' shy around me. I'd hear you with my sister, tellin' jokes… and then with me, nothin'." He explained.

"I didn't think you noticed." I admitted.

"I did," he nodded. "Maybe I missed having that sort of dynamic with you."

That made sense; the four of us had grown up together.

"I think it started to change for me when I realized I felt protective over you, and it felt different than my urge to protect Alice. I didn't like when you had dates." He grinned.

I shook my head, recalling the few boys in my past compared to the many girls in his. "Well. That's the pot calling the kettle black."

"Fair enough."

"So you just…decided to give me a go?" I asked, only partly kidding.

"More like, I decided to give in. I tried to ignore it. Bella." He laughed. "I really did. I knew Em would be pissed. What's your excuse?"

"I have none. You seduced me, remember?" I quipped dryly.

"I did, but you let me. Why do _you _like _me_?" He raised his eyebrows, turning the tables on me.

"A lot of things… I don't know. You're right – it's hard to define. I guess you started makin' me really bleedin' nervous one day and that was it." I stammered.

"But _why_?" He looked perplexed.

I shook my head in exasperation. "I don't really know, Edward! Physical attraction, I guess. But it's more than that. Sometimes you still make me nervous but it's different now…"

We were quiet for awhile, likely considering each other's messy declarations.

He paused and looked over at me. "Sometimes I felt like you were waiting for me."

"I wasn't," I said dryly, immediately wondering if I had been, after all. _Had I been waiting?_

"Maybe I was waiting for you, then." He clamped his hands around my waist and pulled me closer.

I laughed quietly."Waiting? You've never been alone in your life."

He gazed at me, looking very serious. "Girls are alluring."

"Oh," I said lamely, looking away, wondering if I was ever going to understand what he was about.

His voice became very low, and he spoke into my ear, knowing I liked it. "But I told you, no one else does it for me. You make sense to me. I trust you. I'm attracted to you. There's always been something there."

"It didn't seem that way," I whispered, my eyes shutting on their own.

"Yes it did. You could hardly look me in the eye."

"I felt it from me, but I didn't feel it from you." I opened my eyes and turned my face back to his. "And even if I had, that's what you do, isn't it."

That seemed to trouble him. "What's that?"

"You... charm women. You're very charismatic."

He pulled back a little. "Do you feel like that's what I'm doing to you?"

I shook my head slowly. "Not anymore."

"Good." He said, kissing the tip of my nose. "Because I'm not."

"So you admit you do that, then, in general." I continued, letting him nudge me back.

"You said no one was home, right?" He asked, tugging on my underwear.

"That's what Alice said," I answered, already becoming breathy and warm. I let him slip my panties from underneath the long shirt I had on, but I when he tried to pull that off too I sat up, pushing him back.

"So, answer me," I grinned, realizing for the first time I might actually have an inkling of control, also.

He knelt in front of me, devilish and disheveled. "I admit I used to do that, sometimes." He shrugged and inched closer, stroking his fingers along the outsides of my thighs, gliding the hem of the shirt up.

I was going to do this – all of it - without reservation. I wanted to stop being so full of shite and just let go. I didn't know how much time either of us had, and I didn't want to be careful anymore. I wanted to be straight with him, and myself, physically and emotionally honest. I'd already told him I loved him, and I believed him when he said he loved me. I was giving in.

I shifted onto my knees and lifted my arms, letting him take the last layer between us away.

* * *

"I can't stay in here. Your Mum will walk in and be fierce pissed." I sighed.

I felt Edward yawn because he was wrapped around me. I didn't know how he could stand it; my hair was loose and probably tickling his face, and I imagined his arm was half numb from me resting on it. He didn't seem to mind, though, and this wasn't the first time we'd lain like this.

"My mother loves you," he said, sounding sleepy.

I kissed his fingers, and detangled myself from him.

"She'll love me til she sees me getting off with you like a common slut," I laughed, pulling my shirt back on. I leaned over to give him a parting kiss but he grabbed my wrists, forcing me to lie back down, on my stomach.

"Come now, I really don't want to be caught like this, Edward." I pleaded.

He seemed contemplative, threading and unthreading his fingers through mine, playing with my hands. I let him, and fingered the gold claddagh ring he wore on his right hand, on what would be the ring finger.

"Yours is so nice," I murmured, squinting at the detail. He'd been wearing it as long as I could recall.

"Didn't you used to have one?" He asked.

"I did, yeah, but I lost it after a swim meet actually." I let go of his hand and managed to get off the bed without further harassment.

Edward said nothing as I left, and I thought it just as well. He'd sounded tired, and he should rest if that was the case. I took my overnight bag from Alice's room and brought it into the bathroom where I took a long shower.

I was making sandwiches in the kitchen when Esme came home.

"Hi Esme," I said, pausing to greet her.

"Hello, love, Alice mentioned you'd stayed today." She kissed my cheek and gave me a quick squeeze.

"Oh, right. We were out a bit late, so…" I trailed off and returned to my sandwich-assembling with gusto.

"Is Edward home?" She asked conversationally, retrieving a couple of bottles of Lucozade from the fridge. She handed one of them to me and leaned against the counter.

"Yes, he's still asleep I think." I murmured, wiping my hands to twist open the bottle.

Esme took a swig of her drink and winked. "I'm sure he is."

I paused mid-sip. _She knows. Brilliant._

Setting my Lucozade down I grabbed the knife I'd been using and carefully cut each of the sandwiches into diagonal halves.

"Esme," I began.

She folded her arms and smirked. I was beginning to see where Edward got his penchant for seeing me squirm. "I know those aren't both for you, Bella."

"No, they're not." I agreed, turning to face her.

"I also know you love him. " She smiled, pushing still-damp strands of hair from my forehead.

I shook my head in dismay. "How does everyone know this? Is it that obvious?"

She shrugged. "You forget I've known you since you were small; of course I noticed when you began looking at him differently. And I certainly wasn't surprised when he started paying attention to you, as well."

I loved Esme, almost as much as my own mother and the last thing I wanted was for her to disapprove of Edward and me. She seemed to be alright with it, but I couldn't push away the guilt of having been with her son the night before under her roof. I doubted she suspected just how far we had gone.

Granted, Carlisle and Esme were more easy-going than my parents, and even my Da had given Edward and me the go-ahead. Still though, there was a difference between dating and…living in sin. All those years of brainwashing… I couldn't even be intimate without thinking of what I'd have to admit during my next trip to confession.

"Bella?" Esme laughed, calling my attention back to her.

I looked at her sheepishly. "Sorry, I was a bit lost there; I've a lot on my mind. What were you sayin'?"

"Carlisle spoke to Edward the other night."

"About me?" I asked, sitting at the table.

Esme finished her drink and tossed the empty bottle in the trash where it clanged hollowly against the metal sides.

"Yes. Your father called, lettin' us know he'd had a chat with Edward."

I dropped my head into my hands atop the table. "Ugh, tell me you're jokin'."

"He just wanted to let us know he and your Mum don't mind. You and Edward are old enough to see who you like." She chuckled.

I looked at her incredulously. "Then why is everyone talking about it?"

"Because it's something to talk about," she shot back, tugging at my hair. "And because you two seem bent on secrecy; it's quite funny."

"Emmett didn't find it too funny," I lamented, picking at the label on my bottle.

"Well no, he wouldn't. Edward doesn't like anyone sniffing after Alice either."

I shrugged. "He hasn't a say in it, anyway. He promised to relax, as long as Edward doesn't…" I took a deep breath and looked Esme in the eye, "as long as he doesn't hurt me."

She nodded. "That's what Carlisle discussed with him. We're not naïve to how he's been in the past."

Edward stalked into the kitchen, glaring at his mother.

"I'm really feckin' sick of being the bad guy," he grumbled irritably.

"Excuse me, watch your tone. Bella and I were havin' a talk is all." She replied calmly.

"I've heard this from you. From Da. From _her_ Da. From Emmett. Next Alice is going to want to sit down over tea." He said scornfully, grabbing a sandwich. "This for me?" He asked, his face softening when he looked at me.

I smiled, immune to his tantrum. "Yeah."

"Thanks," he mumbled around a bite. He picked up the other plate and handed it to me before joining me at the table.

"Oh, Bella, I did speak with Renee today about next Saturday, so it's on." Esme said, picking up her purse and leaving the kitchen. I watched her go, relieved she was so casual and accepting of our new relationship.

I watched Edward eat for a moment. "Will you be here?"

He pause, swallowed. "What, on Saturday?"

I nodded, taking a small bite.

"Em and I'll ride through the night to get back. We'll be here."

* * *

Apparently James was heading back to Derry the next morning, and he needed to meet with Edward before he went. Edward called Em and it was decided they would all get together at Finley's Billiards. I'd had enough of that place, and thought it was daft of them to go back so soon.

I told Edward this, but he simply shrugged and said they always met there, which is probably why the UFF blokes knew just where to find them. He wasn't concerned, and I wasn't about to start meddling. I'd called Mr. Connelly to see if he needed me at the bookshop that afternoon, but he didn't, so I had more unexpected free time. Edward drove Alice and me to a cinema downtown and dropped us off, making us promise we'd wait for him and Emmett afterwards.

I was looking for exact change in my purse when Alice gasped, grabbing me by arm and digging her sharp little nails into me.

"Bella!" She hissed.

"What?" I whispered back, wondering why we were being quiet when the setting was crowded and downright cacophonous. I pried her fingers off my arm, rubbing the skin.

"That's Jasper!"

I perked up, desperate to finally see the boy who'd stolen her heart. "Where?"

She pointed subtly at a very tall, lanky blonde standing in line at another ticket window. I eyed him up and down, taking in his attire and how he stood; Alice was right. He _was_ really nice looking, and now I was curious to hear how he talked, too.

"Well, you didn't lie. He's gorgeous," I said appreciatively. "Is he here with anyone?"

Her face fell. "I don't know."

"Well, say hello then. Go on," I suggested, gently pushing her.

She chewed anxiously on her lip. "Okay,"

I watched her go to him, her hands in tell tale fists at her sides. He looked surprised to see her, and glad, judging by the smile that brightened his face. I giggled a bit at how much taller he was; he towered over her. She motioned back to where I was standing and I waved promptly when he looked.

I cheered inwardly when they walked back together a moment later.

"Jasper, this is Bella. Bella, Jasper." She said sweetly as we shook hands.

"Nice to meet you, Bella." He said pleasantly. He really _did_ have a cute accent.

"You as well, Jasper. You joinin' us for the film?" I ignored my best friend's deer-in-the-headlights expression.

"Uh, sure, thanks." He replied, looking down at Alice.

"That would be great," she agreed, only slightly pink-faced.

I nodded, amused that for once I wasn't the love struck one. We purchased three tickets and entered the theatre, and I noticed Jasper place his hand on the small of Alice's back as we made our way down the darkened aisle.

Edward and Emmett were waiting down the street, the engine idling at a low rumble, when we walked out a few hours later.

"Do you have plans this weekend, Jasper?" I asked politely.

"Not really, I'm just trying to get a feel for the night life around here." He said, walking slow and close to Alice. I looked ahead and noticed Edward, watching us intently in the car's side mirror.

"He came when summer courses began, and he hasn't been out too much." Alice added, her shyness dissolving a bit.

"Yeah, I've been busy, but, Alice promises she's a good tour guide…" Jasper grinned and Alice giggled and I looked away, giving them their moment.

Edward stepped out of the car and Alice bounded over to him. "Edward, meet Jasper; we have a few classes together. He's from the States. Jasper, this is my brother." I knew she was slightly nervous about them meeting.

They shook hands briskly, and I could see Edward evaluating Jasper, but he seemed cordial. He spoke to him for a few minutes, and to my surprise – and I'm sure Alice's – extended an invitation to the get together the following Saturday.

I squeezed Alice's hand when Jasper left. "That went well!" I whispered.

She nodded, beaming. "It did! Edward wasn't a total gobshite!"

"No, he wasn't." I said, wanting to laugh. I swiped Em's cheek with a kiss as we got into the backseat.

"How was it? Was the film any use?" He asked, drumming his fingers along the console of the car.

"It was fine. I've seen better."

"You know Jasper from university, you said?" Edward broke in, obviously not interested in discussing films.

"Yes," Alice said hesitantly. "He's nice, always walks me to class."

"He seems alright," Edward acceded, pausing at a stop sign. Our eyes met in the rear view mirror and my heart thudded in acknowledgment.

"Did you need anything from their house, Bella?" Em asked.

"I do, yeah. My bag is in Alice's room."

"I can walk you home, if you'd like." Edward offered, still staring at me in the mirror.

"I would," I said softly, my eyes darting on their own accord to Em. If he had an opinion, he didn't show it, and I was glad. I didn't want the dynamic of their friendship - or of our own relationship as siblings - to be altered beyond recognition.

Emmett gave Alice a hug when we returned to the Cullen's, and then put his arm around me. He waited until we were alone, and I felt myself grow irrationally panicky.

"What is it, Em?"

"Relax, keep your alans on." He chuckled. "I just wanted to talk to you- you know – about last night."

I sagged against him. "That was awful. I was so feckin' worried about the both of ye."

He nodded, squeezing me.

"I hate fights, Emmett." I moaned.

"I know, Bella, but that's the sort of thing that happens. All the time. If you can't handle it, ye might want to re-think things. "

_Cognitively_, I understood. But that was about it. Emotionally, I was unwilling to consider any option that did not involve Edward.

"It's all around me. I didn't have to go lookin' for it, it finds me, remember?" I said.

He didn't have to say anything, because he did know that, and there wasn't much he could do. Things were escalating; in some places, soldiers actually invaded people's homes, looking for IRA volunteers or supporters.

I cleared my throat after a time and stood back, taking a good look at Emmett. He had circles under his eyes; that was new.

"How's Rose?" I asked, realizing I hadn't really talked to him in a few days.

Like the sun coming up over the horizon, his whole demeanor brightened. "She's a fine bit of stuff, isn't she?" He mused, practically simpering.

"Well, yeah. Guess it's all workin' out, then?" I surmised, glad he'd something in his life that made him so happy.

"It is, Bella. She's perfect." He said.

Edward came out with my bag, pulling the door shut behind him. "Everything alright?"

Em slapped his back. "It is. I'm headin' down to see Rosie. Take care of my sister, yeah?"

I watched him walk away, renewed by thoughts of his girl. "Wow," I murmured.

"What?" Edward started down the steps, holding his hand back for me.

"I don't think I've ever seen him that way." I said, lacing our fingers.

He glanced down the street, where Em was just disappearing around a corner.

"Speaking of which, it was nice of you to invite Jasper for next week." I said.

He shrugged. "Alice was too excited for me not to give him a chance. He seems okay."

"I think so, too." I agreed.

He delivered me to my front door, and though I'd hardly been home lately I didn't want to leave his side. He let go of my hand and stepped close, holding my face.

"Are you going to mass tomorrow night?" I whispered anxiously. We needed all the prayer we could get.

"Are you going to make it interesting?" He teased, leaning down to kiss me.

"Maybe," I said, kissing him back. My heart beat unevenly, unhinged at his closeness and the new knowledge that he really, really did want me like I wanted him.

"Well then. Count me in."

* * *

if you're ever wondering what any of the terms mean, just shoot me a message. i think they're pretty self explantory, context-wise, but still. i love hearing from ya'll. xoxo


	7. Chapter 7

Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. God bless her.

thanks nicki and tiffany, for everything. sleepy kisses and chocolate kisses to you. thanks to all of you who review... i absolutely ADORE you. (babette, getshorty, houroflead...love!)

there's a thread now, on twilighted. 3 and a banner (link) on my profile.

* * *

I'd spent most of Saturday going over my school work, catching up on reading and making sure I hadn't overlooked any assignments. Classes, and the workload related to them, had been the last thing on my mind lately; I didn't want to show up on Monday foggy and ill-prepared.

Every once in a while we attended mass on Sunday, but more often than not we went on Saturday evening instead. Mum insisted we leave early so we could all go to confession before the six o'clock service, causing Emmett to rush through his shower and grumble all the way to St. Mary's.

"Bring Rose next time, that'll entertain you." I suggested, sitting next to him in the car.

"She's not Catholic, Bella." He sighed, cutting me a sideways glance.

"Oh," I said, mildly surprised. "Well, you going to see her later?"

"Probably." He shrugged.

This was new; Emmett was polite and straight forward enough, but decidedly non-committal concerning women. I rolled my eyes at his attempt to act casual about the girl when he'd been near glowing last night at her mention. Rose looked like she _could _be his other half, though.

Even if she wasn't Catholic.

The Cullens were already at St. Mary's when we arrived; Da parked our car next to theirs and we filed in silently, pausing to dip our fingertips in the shallow basin of holy water just inside the door.

Edward wasn't sitting with Carlisle, Esme and Alice. I frowned at my watch, wondering if he was skipping out or just coming later on. Mum nudged me into the pew behind the Cullens, and I tugged a lock of Alice's hair as I sat. She turned her head slightly to acknowledge me, and I was going to ask about her brother when Mum patted my hand.

"You can go first, love." Mum whispered, motioning toward the confessional booth. Nodding, I noted that the door was shut, signaling that it was occupied. I looked back to Alice, but she had turned around and I didn't want to fuss too much. Disappointed that Edward more than likely had not come, I picked up a hymnal and began reading, trying to clear my mind and ready myself for both confession and Mass. I was so distracted it was ridiculous.

If I was honest with myself, paying attention during mass had been getting even more difficult. It was bad enough when puberty hit and Alice and I would sit together, scribbling notes to each other on the backs of our bulletins. We'd giggle til we cried - or until our mothers separated us.

Developing a heady infatuation with Edward only made matters worse. Sometimes our families would sit together, and God help us all if I was inadvertently placed next to him. I'd fidget and pick at my nails, and he'd ignore me, distant and divine.

The door squeaked open and I jumped up, my heart lurching in my chest when Edward stepped out.

We smiled at one another as we passed, our fingers touching in silent acknowledgment. My skin prickled with awareness, with the unexpectedness of seeing him after all.

_Not the time or the place, Bella. Really._

Taking a deep, cleansing breath I stepped into the familiar, dusky quietude. I reached out to pull the door shut behind me, glancing at Edward as he sat down. Shafts of light from the windows above shone through his hair, giving him – ironically – a halo. Once the silence of the small room set in, I took my seat.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last confession."

* * *

"So, did ya tell him about us?" Edward questioned slyly, slipping marginally nearer to me. Mass was finished and we were standing off to the side while our parents spoke. Emmett had long since left, saying he had plans to meet Rose.

"Who, Father Harrington?" I asked self-consciously.

He nodded, his mischievous smile growing.

"I, um…. I told him I had…made love to someone? More than once. But I didn't say who." I stammered, smoothing my hair back. "Why, what did you say?"

"Isn't that supposed to be between myself and Father?" He teased, running his fingers along my ponytail.

Taking into account the lifestyle he currently led, that was a little too true.

"You certainly came up." He yielded, coming closer still. He leaned me subtly against his Da's car and rested his hand on my hip. "I told him all the things I did to you and all the things I think about doing."

"You've some cheek!" I gasped, pushing him away with one hand but pulling him back with the other. Knowing Edward, he'd probably been just that candid with poor Father Harrington.

He laughed uproariously, causing everyone to glance over at us. My face colored at the attention and I let go of his hand. Alice smirked, making her way over.

"I don't even want to know the sort of malarkey you're up to, Edward." She leaned against the car beside me, folding her arms. "You finish the psych paper?"

"I did, yeah. Not my best, but, it'll do." I sighed.

"The whole assignment was shite, I thought. Completely pointless." She reassured me.

"True," I nodded. I hadn't paid much attention to it, settling for going through the motions without applying myself as usual. As much as I enjoyed the nervous excitement Edward incited in me - whether he was near me or not- thinking about him constantly was mentally exhausting. I'd always been a passionate person about the things I liked, but this was excessive. Then again, I didn't just _like_ Edward. I loved him.

"I think Charlie's calling you to go," Edward said, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.

I glanced back at Da, who sure enough was waving at me. Hugging Alice, I turned my face up to Edward's. "Will I see you tomorrow?" I asked, my words tumbling hopeful and bare.

"I'm not sure yet," he answered carefully, his eyes dimming slightly. "We've a lot of things to take care of before next weekend. I'll try, right?"

I pushed the disappointment down and nodded, tiptoeing to kiss him.

That was enough for Da, apparently. "Alright, Bella!"

Stepping away reluctantly, I touched Alice's arm. "I'll call you later."

* * *

Sharp rapping at the glass door of the bookshop startled me out of my counting. Squinting, I came around the counter and peered through the glass.

Mikey Newton stood on the other side, waving.

I smiled warmly and let him in. "Hi, Mikey. I'm not really s'posed to let anyone in now, you know."

"That's fine, I can wait out here. The boys asked me to make sure y'got home safe." He explained apologetically.

Even though he'd warned me he mightn't be able to come, disappointment whispered through me. I shrugged, pasting a smile on my face.. "That's fine, thanks. Just come in, I'm near done."

I recounted the monies and hastened through the shop, making sure it was neat and set for the next day. Mikey waited patiently as I locked up and then fell in step beside me, unzipping his lightweight jacket.

"Weather's funny lately," he noted, flickering his eyes toward the bruised red sky.

"It really is. The chill at night seems to come and go, I wonder when it'll stay." I added conversationally, deciding to forgo my own jacket. The night wasn't humid, but it wasn't cool either.

"Hopefully not for awhile," he shrugged.

"How's Jessica?" I asked. His younger sister was incredibly smart, and despite being two years younger, had started university the same year as Alice and me.

"Oh, she's grand. Tearin' her way through school." He grinned.

I elbowed him affectionately. "Your Mum must be so proud, Mikey. That's really great."

We walked at a relaxed pace, chatting for a while about my classes and his job. Mikey and Jessica's father had died years before, leaving their Mum to raise two small children alone. While Jessica had excelled and gone on to receive a full scholarship to Queen's, Mikey was more the average sort. He hadn't had the grades or the money to continue his education, so he worked fulltime at a construction yard.

"Um, can I ask you something a bit…personal?" I ventured, peeking at him out of the corner of my eye. I knew he'd oblige; poor bloke never could say no to me.

"Go on," he replied.

"How do you stay away from all the fighting?"

He was quiet so long I began to worry I'd offended him or depressed him. I turned to apologize but he then he spoke.

"Do you know what happened to me Da, Bella?" he asked with a somber tone.

I shook my head slowly, my stomach sinking. My parents were friendly with Mikey's Mum, but not close to her.

"He was put in jail for his involvement, and he died in there. He got sick and he feckin' died." He said harshly.

I swallowed hard, squeezing my now trembling hands into the tight pockets of my jeans."I'm so sorry, Mikey, I didn't know…"

He kept his eyes cast down. "Yeah, well. He did what he did and he had his reasons, but… I can't do that to Mum. We're all she has. Even if I wanted to fight, I couldn't. Not now."

My surge of sympathy felt pathetically inadequate next to his pain and circumstance. Tears blurred my vision and I delicately palmed them away,

"Come, Bella, it's okay. It's an old wound." He sighed, noticing anyway. "That's why I worry sometimes. Emmett and Edward are good guys, but what they're doing is dangerous. You know that."

I nodded quickly. "I do."

"Just," he huffed exasperatedly. "Be careful. I don't know why I'm even bothering…"

We stopped at an intersection and I looked up at him, touching his arm. "No, I understand. But unless I leave town, I can't exactly get away from it."

We crossed the street. "No, but you can limit the time you spend with them…which I know you won't. You'd do anything them… for _him_." Mikey said softly.

"I would," I agreed firmly.

He ran a hand over my back as we approached my house, bringing our walk home to an end.

"See you soon, yeah?" He stepped away almost reluctantly.

I hugged him tightly. "Thanks for watching out. And for walking me home."

"Anytime." A tiny blush dappled his cheeks before he glanced down, turning quickly to the street.

It made my heart hurt, watching him walk away, his step brisk but his posture slightly slumped. He was too young to shoulder such responsibilities…and yet he did. Every day.

* * *

Yawning blearily, I finished off my second spot of tea and placed the cup gently in the sink. I'd been up late studying, and was having a rough time getting it together; maybe now was the time to switch to coffee. Black coffee – the way Da drank it. I shuddered, thinking about the bitterness. I preferred sweet things…

The phone in the kitchen rang, too loud for the insulated stillness of early morning, and I swiveled to reach it before the sound could pierce again.

"Hello?"

"Hi Renee, did Bella leave yet? It's Edward."

"It's me, Edward. Do I really sound that much like Mum?" I replied, laughing a little.

"Yeah, you do," he said, chuckling.

Hoisting myself onto the counter, sleepiness apparently crowded out by the happy, sappy effulgence of love, I caught my reflection in the window. I was positively beaming. Edward made me that way.

"So… you never call me," I pointed out, swinging my legs.

"I know. Sorry about the other night – "

"No, you said you mightn't be able to make it. Mikey was great, thanks for having him come."

He sighed. "Okay, then."

Glimpsing the time, I jumped back down as quickly as I'd gone up. "Listen, I have to go. I didn't realize it was getting so late…"

"That's why I was callin'. D'you want a ride?"

I frowned. "You've Carlisle's car?"

"No, actually, I've one of my own."

My eyes widened. "Oh! That's grand! I'd like that, then. My first class is at eight thirty, think you can make it?"

"You've driven with me before," he laughed. "I'll be there in time."

We got off the phone and I hurried upstairs, stripping, showering and re-dressing in record time. I was on my way back downstairs, pulling my hair through a rubber band, when he knocked on the front door.

"That _was_ fast," I greeted him, moving aside so he could come in.

He smiled, and dipped his head to give me a kiss. Kisses and touches came easily and frequently now that my feelings were requited, and I lived for them. I was aware that all of this just solidified our connection, and like most things concerning Edward – it both thrilled me and made me nervous. I felt like I was becoming too dependent on him, which may not have been so bad if we were a typical young couple. But we weren't: we lived in a city war torn and plagued by daily aggressions – many of which he himself participated in. So easily, he could just…not come home. And then where would I be?

My eyes opened when he ran his hand down my cheek and pulled away. He stepped back out the door, jiggling his keys in his pocket as I followed, pausing only to lock the door.

"I can't believe you have a car now," I mumbled as we walked, checking to make sure I had everything I needed in my bag.

"Well, I needed it. Da was tired of fighting me for his." He explained, starting down the steps.

Glancing up from my belongings, I stood slack-jawed at the curb,, taking in Edward's fancy new vehicle. "What is it?"

Edward grinned, folding his arms. "A Land-Rover. One of Da's colleagues is leaving and sold it to him for a fair price. It's only a year old." He opened the passenger door for me and I slid in, impressed by the new, crisp feel of it. I wasn't too familiar with this sort of car…and it wasn't even a car – or a truck. It was boxy, and reminded me of the filmstrips we'd watched about the second world war in history class.

"So your Da bought it for you then," I said once he was in the driver's seat.

"Sort of. It was contingent on me returning to school next year…and I have to pay him every month." He glanced up the road before pulling out.

Despite his ridiculously flexible schedule, Edward did in fact work. After going on hiatus from school, he and Emmett had both become employed by courier services downtown. At the time I hadn't given it any thought but now, knowing what they were into with the IRA, their reasons for choosing that particular job made perfect sense. On the days they worked, they were constantly on the go, getting paid to roam around and deliver things. It was the perfect way to check up on other things – plans, people – while legitimately working.

"Well. It's fierce." I said, shaking my head. I'd probably never have a bloody car.

"I need it anyway - to travel. Things are happenin' and I can't always be relying on the boys…" he continued.

My stomach dropped at his words and I stared silently at the road. Just like he'd said before, I'd known what I was getting into when we started. So my next question surprised even me. "Can I come with you sometime?"

"No." He replied, emotionlessly.

"Never?"

He paused at an intersection and glanced at me, rubbing his hand roughly over his face. It looked as if he hadn't shaved in days. "It's not fun and games."

"Don't be condescending." I retorted quietly.

We didn't talk after that, and I grew antsy, staring blindly out the window. James didn't seem to mind Victoria helping him; I wondered if they'd always had that arrangement or if she'd had to convince him, too. After a time Edward rested his hand on my thigh, his fingers curling around it. He pulled into a parking space near Queen's and angled his body toward me.

"I love that you want to be by my side in this. You believe in me, in what we're doing. But that scares me too, Bella. I can't properly protect you when I'm supposed to be running an operation." He searched my eyes, trying to make me see it his way.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and rested my bag on my lap. "I understand. But you have to see it from my point of view. We don't know how long you'll be doing this. Am I supposed to wait forever?"

He pulled back a bit, his eyes saddened now. I realized what I had just said – and how bad it sounded.

I grabbed his hand. "I don't mean I won't wait for you. I mean I want to wait it out _with you_. We could go places together sometimes…"

"I'd feckin' lose it if something happened to you." He leaned over the console again, hooking his hands behind my neck to pull me toward him. His kiss was warm, slow, and not as urgent as the words he'd just said.

"Don't you think I feel the same way?" I asked when we broke apart. "Every day I worry that's the day you won't come back. I don't know how much time we have, Edward."

"I know… but things are happening quickly now. We've established three brigades here in Belfast and I run just one, so the responsibility is a bit more evenly divided."

"Oh? And who do you all report to?"

He smirked. "The less you know the better."

I squinted at him in annoyance. He thought he was so clever. "All this secrecy. Who are ya now, James Bond?"

He smiled affectionately, letting go of me. "I've already told you more than I should have. You'll be the death of me…"

"Don't say that," I said, suddenly sober. "Victoria helps James, doesn't she? Maybe I could do what she does."

He nodded, running his fingers over the stubble on his chin, done with the conversation.. "We'll figure it out. But you'd better go, or you'll be late."

He was right, so I opened the door and slid out of his car. We agreed he'd meet me at the bookshop, when I had finished my shift, and he'd drive me home. I could get used to this, especially with autumn and then winter fast approaching.

A paper was thrust into my hand by a pair of girls as I passed the library. Stepping away from the flow of foot traffic, I scanned the flyer, which was promoting another student organized "peace rally". Rallies and marches like these had been going on for years now, decrying police brutality and calling for action and change. I'd participated in one or two before; after awhile they could become boisterous with all the chanting and yelling (and sometimes singing). Local protest coordinators often drew parallels between Nationalist efforts and the Civil Rights Movement in America, whose ongoing trials and triumphs were frequently on the telly and in the papers.

I folded the flyer into a little square and stuck it in my back pocket. The rally was later that day, around the time I had to be at the bookshop. _Maybe next time_.

Alice met me for lunch around one o'clock, bringing Jasper with her. She'd told me that they had begun speaking regularly on the phone, and even had plans to catch a film at QFT that evening. Not only was Jasper the perfect gentleman, he was a great conversationalist. He seemed to know something about everything, and not in a way that was off-putting. He said that the political climate in Belfast reminded him of the one back home – especially in the South, where he was from. We discussed the similarities between the two causes, and I gave them the flyer I'd been handed.

I wasn't surprised when they said they'd attended other rallies, and so they would this one. Alice had always been idealistic, and more importantly, peaceful; even as a child she'd avoided confrontation. Like Edward, she wanted to go into medicine, but so that she could use her skills abroad, helping those less fortunate. It seemed appropriate that fate had matched her with a man who not only majored in law, but had marched for justice and peace in his own country. They seemed to be a seamless fit.

Every facet of our lives changing so quickly, sometimes I'd grow sentimental, thinking of the old days when we knew nothing about romance or fighting. Days were spent gabbing away, misbehaving and chasing the ice cream man for a 99. Such light hearted pleasures now seemed fleeting, having dwindled away when we weren't looking. Life was much more complicated now.

In my heart I felt a sort of selfish relief that Alice had Jasper now. I knew I was going to be spending more and more time with Edward, and the last thing I wanted was for her to feel neglected.

After classes, as I made my way through the throngs of people at the rally, I spotted Tyler Crowley, deep in conversation with two blokes I'd never seen. He saw me and waved, winking, and I waved back, shaking my head in amusement. These people were here to promote peace, and he was recruiting virile young men for the IRA.

* * *

Edward had one stop to make before he dropped me home, at a hole-in-the-wall pub near Queen's that was wildly popular with students.

"You want a pint as we're here?" He asked once we were inside.

I nodded, and he reached his hand behind him. I grasped it like a life preserver, letting him string me through the crowd. Everyone seemed to know him and by the time we actually received the beer it had been paid for already.

"There's Seamus. I'll be right back," he said loudly, above the din. He jumped off his stool and went to the opposite end of the bar to sit with his friend.

"Was that Edward Cullen?"

I looked up in surprise, recognizing the voice even though I hadn't heard it in years.

Tanya. She'd been a close friend to Alice and me when we'd all been younger, but as the years passed she'd traded us in for a different crowd. She had always been a pretty girl, and I suppose it finally went to her head, because she became insufferably conceited. Alice had shrugged it off, because that's how she was, but it had hurt me and I'd missed Tanya's friendship. That faded in secondary school when I saw what a bitch she'd become, and an easy one at that.

_Hello to you, too. Long time no see._

"Hi Tanya. Yeah, that was Edward," I replied, glancing up at her. She was still gorgeous, with her slate gray eyes and strawberry blonde locks, but right now it was in a drunken sort of way.

"So what's that?" She asked, lazily flicking cigarette ashes into an ashtray on the bar. "You together now?"

I stared at her, wondering what the hell she was going on about.

"Yes," I said finally, wishing Edward would come back. "So... it's been ages. How have you been?""

"He doesn't _do_ relationships, Bella," she informed me, rather snidely.

She must have dated him at some point; that was the only explanation for her attitude. While the thought of it turned my stomach a bit, the logical, rational part of my brain saw this for what it probably was: a jilted girl lashing out.

Ignoring her, I swallowed down half my pint, letting the bitter bubbles soothe my ire.

"You're thick if you think he'll stick around," she continued.

"I don't know what went on with you two, but I assure you that has nothing to do with me so _feck off._" I slid off the stool and walked away. At the moment I didn't care if Edward what was doing was confidential, I wasn't going to sit and listen to Tanya's shite.

"Good luck with that!" She called, her laughter tinkling along behind me.

I approached Edward and Seamus, annoyed that I let her affect me. I set my glass down next to Edward. "I'm going to the bathroom," I told him.

I could scarcely believe my eyes when I came out minutes later. Tanya and her friend were giggling and gabbing all over the boys, flipping their hair and standing closer than was appropriate. I rolled my eyes as how desperate the scene looked; Tanya was so plastered it was funny…only, I wasn't laughing.

Having no idea what her angle was, I returned to Edward's side, nodded a hello to Seamus and polished off my Guinness.

"I'm all set, you ready?" Edward asked, standing and placing his hand on my back.

"Yeah," I resisted the urge to grab his other hand, not wanting to look clingy. If I was going to trust him, it was going to have to be all the time. I needed to show him my trust, not just tell him; he couldn't take back what he done in the past, and it wasn't fair for me to hold it against him. I knew he was tired of hearing about it from everyone else – he didn't need to sense jealousy and judgment from me.

"Bye, Edward. So good to see you! You should come out more often," Tanya slurred, starry eyed.

He smiled politely, shrugging. "Yeah, alright." He turned to his friend, slapping his shoulder. "Ring me when you get it done."

He allowed me to go first, and this time I took his hand to lead him out.

"Did you use to see her?" I asked once we'd stepped outside, bracing myself for what could be an unsavory story.

"A long time ago. We went out a few times," he admitted, unlocking the car and letting me in.

"She was really nasty to me before she went to talk to you…" I trailed off, hoping he'd fill in the blanks.

"She was really into me, and wanted more. I didn't, end of story." He shrugged.

"I figured it was something like that," I sighed, feeling the last of my irritation ebb away.

He linked our hands and rested them on his lap. "Does that bother you?"

"She said you don't do relationships."

He snorted. "I don't. But I do you."

I yanked my hand away and smacked his leg, letting him lighten the mood. "You're disgusting,"

"You love me," he reminded me.

That was true, so I let him take my hand back.

* * *

_.99 - ice cream cone with chocolate flake stuck in it. yes, mmm._

_and, Land Rover introduced the Range Rover model in 1970._


	8. Chapter 8

Twilight, and all recognizable characters, belong(s) to Stephenie Meyers.

thanks nic, for staying up late and helping me get this out. love you! thank you to all of you who review - especially faithfully. i love being in contact with you!

* * *

On Thursday morning IRA men with their signature black masks were everywhere, armed and patrolling several of the areas Alice and I had to pass to get to Queen's. We may have even known some of them, but it was impossible to tell with their faces and hair completely covered. They looked ominous that way, with nothing but their eyes peering out, AR-18s cradled in their arms like skinny, metal babies.

I wondered if something had happened that would have initiated a switch; it had become a gloomy habit to see British RUC officers riding through the neighborhoods in their armored vehicles, harassing and patting down any youth that had the misfortune of strolling by. Today they were nowhere to be seen and, brandished weaponry aside, seeing the IRA instead was encouraging… familiar. These boys were on our side – _we_ were on _their_ side. At the same time there was something feral and unpredictable about them. Maybe it was just the way they dressed; those black masks were bloody intimidating.

"What's with that, you think?" I asked Alice as we hurried along.

She nodded politely at a pair of masked men and they nodded back, hardly shifting at their posts.

"Um, I don't know really. Perhaps because the rally got a bit rambunctious yesterday…"

I glanced at her sharply. "What d'you mean? I didn't hear anything."

She shrugged indifferently. "Well it's nothing new, now is it? The crowd got a bit excited and of course both the Royal Ulster Constabulary _and_ the UFF boys were there on the fringes, just waitin' for something to go down so they could jump in." She shook her head in disgust.

I frowned at the ground. "But did anything happen, though?"

"Not really. It got louder and louder and some of the officials tried to quiet it down, and then of course the IRA was there, riling people back up. It was mainly shouting and threats, a few bottles and stones thrown – the usual. Anyway, the peaceful part was over so Jasper walked me home." Alice explained.

"Ah, so he walks you home now, does he," I teased, bumping her playfully with my shoulder. I welcomed the shift in our conversation, not willing to expend too much energy on worry. I'd been doing enough of that lately…

She tucked her hair behind her ear, a soft smile playing at her lips. "He did yesterday, yeah. He got a bit nervous when the crowd dissipated from the campus into the streets."

"I'm glad. Did he meet Esme?" I asked. We stopped at a busy intersection and I turned to her, watching as her face flushed.

"Yeah, and she told him he was _so_ handsome. Judas Iscariot, Bella!" She squeaked, covering her face with her hands.

Hooking my arm through hers as we started walking again, I chortled in amusement. "That's so your mother, though! That's hysterical!"

"I was mortified," she huffed, but I could see she was also pleased. Things were going accordingly for Alice; Jasper seemed to return her feelings, and so far her family approved of him.

The sun broke bashfully through a small space in the clouds and I breathed deeply, appreciating the moment. Alice saw it too – it was impossible to ignore sunshine where we lived – and she closed her eyes lightly, tilting her face up and tightening our linked arms. It was bright little pockets of time like this that helped me to recalibrate, to remember who Alice and I really were, who we had always been. We didn't have to be defined by our surroundings…

Smiling to myself, I saw from the corner of my eye yet another pair of IRA men, silently leaning against a wall. One was looking the opposite way, at something up the street, but the other one's gaze was set steadily on me. My heart stopped as I recognized the clear green hue of his eyes.

He said nothing; none of them ever did when they were on patrol like this. Caught off guard, I blinked and looked away first as Alice and I passed by. My mouth went dry and I swallowed roughly, my thoughts scrambled as I tried to reconcile my love with the man I'd just seen. I glanced back as we turned a corner but his attention remained focused the other way.

* * *

Summer classes were drawing to a close and once next week's exams were out of the way, I had a two week reprieve before fall semester. The break couldn't come fast enough; I was burnt out and if I hadn't already enrolled for fall, I'd have taken more time off then, too.

I'd been going to school fulltime since entering Queen's two years before. Seeing how long it was going to take me to get my degree, even with a full course load, I had decided early on to attend summer classes both the first and second years. A lot had been accomplished academically, but at the cost of becoming mentally and emotionally exhausted. I was seriously considering reducing my work load, if only for a semester.

And then of course there was the not-so-quiet voice inside my head, reminding me that less time at school meant more time with Edward. I thought back to Alice's advice, reminding me to not get so carried away with her brother that I lost my sense of priority, and I knew that she'd been right.

Priorities change, though.

Because of upcoming exams, by late afternoon most students were gone or in the library studying, so the bookshop was quiet. I took the opportunity to bury myself in my textbooks and notes, squeezing in study time of my own. Visions of a masked Edward looped through my mind; seeing him in his element like that had both fascinated and stunned me. The dichotomy was ever-present, as with most aspects of our relationship: impetuousness and caution, love and war, being proud of Edward and terrified for him. I wanted him safe, but I wasn't so ignorant about my own desires that I couldn't see how his bad side appealed to me. It was a slippery slope.

Mr. Connolly came around five thirty to relieve me, wishing me luck on my exams. Usually my paychecks came by mail, but he paid me my wages straight from the till and threw in a little extra, despite my protests.

The weather, which had been fluctuating all August, felt like it was starting to cool down. I brought out the jacket I kept in my bag and slipped it on, wondering where Edward was now. I doubted he was still out on the streets; perhaps he gone back to the safe house to fine-tune details for Friday in Derry. No one had come to bring me home, and while that didn't bother me, I knew Edward and Emmett disliked me walking alone. Still, I was tired and didn't feel like waiting around.

I was several minutes into my hike when Edward pulled up alongside me.

"Sorry I was late," he said, flashing me a tense smile.

I crossed around the front of his car and got in, giving him a kiss on the cheek before buckling my seatbelt. "It's alright. I wasn't sure which of you would be coming anyway." I reassured him, placing my bag between my feet.

He nodded, staring wearily at the road as we began driving again. I didn't think I'd ever seen him look so tired and lackluster…the stress of the following day had to be wearing on him. His jeans looked rumpled and dirty, and he had a black cap pulled down over his hair, covering most of it. A few copper curls tickled the nape of his neck and I reached out to touch them, rubbing the softness between my fingertips.

After a few moments I noticed we weren't headed back to the neighborhood. We'd passed several peace lines now, and were headed out of the city. I didn't ask where we were going; it had been awhile since I'd left Belfast and I enjoyed the change of scenery.

Edward didn't speak much and I didn't push him to; I knew this was not one of our usual dalliances. I stared out the window, transfixed as the city limits gave way to countryside and the late afternoon sun reddened the grass. I could tell we were driving toward the coast of County Antrim, and eventually I saw signs for Ballycastle.

We pulled into a parking area near the beach.

"I haven't been here in ages," I grinned, suddenly excited. Pulling my jacket's zipper all the way up, I hopped out of the car, hardly pausing to shut the door behind me in my haste. Rubbed my arms briskly, I stared down the grassy bluff at the water further out, crashing softly in long, rolling swells. Edward appeared beside me and slipped his hand through mine.

"It's cold," he noted, zipping his windbreaker.

"Yeah," I agreed. I didn't mind though; it felt good to be away from the stifling simmer of the city and I inhaled the briny air greedily, gratefully. We made our way down to the sandy shore and walked along the water's edge. Save a few silhouettes fishing on a far off bluff, we were alone.

He stopped after a while and squinted out at the horizon, where the sun was making its gradual descent. "I haven't been here in awhile, myself."

"I'm glad we came," I sighed, closing my eyes. "Are you okay?"

He squeezed my hand gently. "I'm alright. Got a lot on me mind."

I nodded, tucking unruly strands of hair behind my ear, only to have the wind free them again seconds later. "You're anxious for tomorrow?"

He paused, and then sat on the sand, pulling me down with him. "What do you think?" He smirked, glancing at me sideways. He rested his arms on his knees, clasping his hands.

I shrugged, drawing my finger through the sand.

"We've been at it all week, working out the details. Its… it's a big undertaking. James and his boys have taken care of their end of it, and we've done our part. Now it's just putting the plan into action."

"When do you leave?"

"We're meeting at the safe house around three."

I looked up sharply, squinting. "Three in the morning?"

He nodded.

"And what time is your …mission?" I continued cautiously.

"Eight a.m."

"Rather early, isn't it?" I mused, whipping my hair into a loose knot before it drove me insane.

"That's sort of the point," he smiled sadly.

"What do you mean?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"It will be at its busiest then." He answered simply, his eyes flickering back and forth between mine before he looked abruptly away.

"You don't have to do this," I offered quietly…pointlessly.

He scowled at the water. "But I do, Bella. If keeping up a violent campaign slowly saps the British government of its strength, then it's worth it."

I knew, in my heart of hearts, that he was right; I just wished it was someone else's responsibility. My stomach tossed restlessly around and I decided it was good he hadn't given me specific details of their mission. I was fretful enough with my over-active imagination churning out one awful scenario after another… _Edward being injured…Emmett being arrested…one of them killing someone…one of them dying._

I shuddered and he, mistaking my nerves for being cold, shifted and wrapped his legs around me, pulling me to lean back against him. He rested his chin on my shoulder, and I rubbed my cheek back and forth along the stubble as we watched the sun drift down, extinguishing itself in the sea.

"I should get you home," he murmured, sounding wistful.

"Will you come later?" I asked, like I always did.

"I don't know if I can…"

Twisting around, I knelt so I was facing him. I reached into my pocket and took out my keys, quickly separating the one for the front door from the others.

"Here," I dropped the key into his hand. "Try to come… I'd like to see you before you go."

_I'm afraid I mightn't see you again._

He put the key into his pocket and cupped my face. "Everything will be fine, Bella."

He knew what I needed to hear, and I loved him, so I let him lie to me. "I know."

We stood, brushing the sand off of our pants. Locking my hands behind his neck, I pulled him down to me so we could kiss before leaving. He wrapped his arms around my torso and kissed me the way I wanted, sweet -but not too sweet - unhurried, unending. My heart started racing and I tried to run my fingers though his hair, stopping when I felt fabric.

I leaned back, letting him hold me as I arced away, and studied the black cotton cap, noticing how it was folded several times at the hem.

"That was you today," I remembered, unrolling the material down over his face until I saw nothing but his eyes burning back at me through two holes. This was the version of him that would be in Derry tomorrow. My stomach flipped anxiously but I couldn't look away, recalling how unnerved it had made me feel when I saw him unexpectedly that morning.

He yanked the cap off altogether, releasing his messy tangle of hair, and held me tight against the wind.

* * *

Mum made a roast for dinner, complete with mashed potatoes and carrots. Emmett looked as if he'd died and gone to heaven. Regardless of how hectic our lives became, we usually ate supper together as a family. Sometimes, over the years, Em or I would eat at the Cullen's or they would join us, and that was fine too.

"How's the studying coming?" Da asked, spearing a huge chunk of meat on his fork.

"Fine. I'll be glad when it's over. I don't know what possessed me to overload my schedule like that." I grumbled, leaning back in my chair to rub my belly.

"You eatin' that?" Em whispered, pointing his knife at my left over food. I shook my head, pushing the plate toward him.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Emmett. You've eaten two servings and now you need hers? Where d'ya pack it all?" Mum admonished. I rolled my eyes at her theatrics; she loved when my brother gorged himself on her cooking.

"I should probably get upstairs; I need to study before I go to bed." I announced, pushing away from the table. "Do you need help in here?"

Mum waved me off. "It's alright love - it's Emmett's turn to wash dishes, so you can go."

I grinned as Em stopped chewing, seconds away from trying to weasel his way out of dish duty.

After a long shower and washing my hair of sand I hadn't even realized was there, I settled into bed and began reading. Although I had five exams to prepare for, I'd done exceptionally well in the classes themselves and only required a light review. When I caught myself dozing for the second time I decided to call it a night, placing my books in a messy pile on the floor.

Sometime later I half-woke to Edward's voice, whispering warm into my hair and I shifted over to him, my body craving his even then. Smiling in the darkness, I embraced him, so glad he was there; his hair smelled of rain and his skin was damp with it, too.

"You came," I sighed.

I felt his lips curve into a smile. We lay together, a tangle of limbs, all kisses and touches and irregular breathing. The sough of sheets against our skin soothed my senses, making it hard to wake fully from my oneiric, sleepy swoon.

"Love me," I breathed, trying to pull him on top of me.

"I do," he said, his fingers tracing my belly button beneath my shirt.

"Show me," I said, running my tongue against his ear.

He took his pants off but left his shirt on, and slid my underwear down my legs. Our kisses grew needy and he reached down between us to make sure I was ready for him, and I was. He loved me slowly, much slower than the other times, like he didn't want to ever stop. He kissed me over and over, on my face, my neck, my lips, my ears, and I locked my legs around him and held him tight with every part of me.

I could tell when he was close, because even though he tried to hold back, his body moved quicker and suddenly he pulled out, groaning into my neck as he came on my bed. Catching his breath, he chuckled a "sorry" and scooted us away from the wet spot before using his fingers to make me come, too.

My eyes betrayed me, shutting on their own accord, and I knew as soon as I was asleep, he'd go.

* * *

I awoke the next morning before the alarm went off, feeling groggy and irritable. I had slept restlessly after Edward's visit, hovering between sleep and wakefulness for most of the night. Reaching over, I lightly smacked the "off" button on the clock and had begun to lay back down when I felt a foreign _something_ on my finger. I brought my right hand up, and sure enough, Edward's claddagh ring hung loosely around my middle finger. It was the only one big enough and I snickered, imagining him fussing in the dark, trying each of my fingers until he found one the ring wouldn't slip off of.

My heart squeezed, and I glanced at the clock, really looking at it this time.

Seven thirty.

In a half an hour, they would carry out their plan. Clenching my eyes shut I mouthed a brief, fervent prayer before getting up. Noticing the stain on the sheets, I made my bed anyway, figuring I'd just have to wash them before Mum tried to. _There's a conversation I'm nowhere near bleedin' ready to have._

After breakfast, I rang Alice to see if she wanted to walk to Queen's together again. I didn't want to be alone, and relied on her chipper morning insouciance to distract me from heavier thoughts. I forced myself to engage in chit-chat, ignoring the few IRA men we saw scattered around. There seemed to be fewer of them this time, and I wouldn't have been surprised if some had gone to Derry in the wee hours of morning with Edward and Emmett.

Jasper met Alice and I for lunch, and I faded in and out of the conversation, knowing they were too infatuated with each other to notice. When they left to go to the class they had together, I found a study group in the library and tried to concentrate on literature and political science, the latter making me think about The Troubles anyway. I ran my thumb over the face of Edward's ring, and the tiny emerald embedded in it reminded me of his eyes.

_I can't live like this._

On my way home, I did something I'd never done: I stopped off to have a pint by myself. I ventured into the tavern where Emmett had taken me the night I met Rose, hoping she was there today. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light I spied her at the opposite end of the counter, bantering with an older couple.

"Bella!" She cried, gliding up to where I was standing. She clasped my hand across the bar, and I saw what I must have looked like for the entire day reflected on her face.

"Hi Rose…you alright?" I asked, dropping my bag to the floor as I settled onto a stool.

She sighed and looked down, releasing my hand. "Not really. This shite with Emmett has been on me feckin' mind all day."

I nodded, resting my head in my hand. "Yeah, I know."

"Did you want something, love? A pint?"

"I would, yeah. Thanks." I said gratefully, drumming my fingers anxiously on the bar top.

Seconds later an overflowing glass appeared in front of me, accompanied by a little shot glass. I looked up, smiling in question at Rose. She smirked, raising her own shot glass and tapping it against mine.

"_Slainte_."

We tossed back the whiskey; Rose – not surprisingly – took hers straight, but I chased mine with a long swallow of Guinness. We chatted about inconsequential things until the bar started to fill up and she became busier at which point I bade her goodbye, promising I'd see her the next day at the Cullen's. I covertly left her a tip when she wasn't looking, knowing she'd try to shove it back at me.

Two pints later I made it home, fiddling with the lock until I realized I'd forgotten to put my house key back on the key ring. I couldn't remember if Edward had even given it back, not that it mattered now. Slumped in defeat, I knocked churlishly on the door.

Mum opened it, screwing up her face when she saw me. "What's this about, Isabella? Ye smell like a brewery!"

"Ye don't take issue when Emmett drinks," I pointed out, trying not to stumble past her.

"Jaysus. Get on upstairs then. Ye could've at least waited til your exams were over." She chided, shoving me toward the staircase.

I trudged to my room, vaguely disappointed that the alcohol was making me more sentimental than giddy, and collapsed onto my bed. Maybe now I could fall into a deep, numb slumber, and when I awoke, the boys would be home.

Safe.

But, like the night before, sleep evaded me and all I could think about was Edward, the night before, gripping me so hard while he was inside me I could have sworn he left marks. I almost wished he had, so I had a physical reminder to look at in his absence, but I supposed that's what the ring was for. I peered at it, using my thumb to move it in circles 'round my finger.

_I can't live like this, but I can't live without him, either._

And now that I knew what loving him was like, nothing else would do.

* * *

_RUC - Royal Ulster Constabulary. The police force in Northern Ireland around this time (disbanded n 2001)._

_UFF - Ulster Freedom Fighters. Loyalist paramilitary organization; like the IRA but with opposing views (they want N. Ireland to remain British)._

* * *

**fic recs**: "a litany at dusk" by duskwatcher2153, "mind's eye" by lambently and "ars moriendi" by vanilladoubleshot


	9. Chapter 9

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all recognizable characters.

Thanks to the sweetest, most supportive beta-doll, Nicki. Thank you to all of you who review; each one is a tiny treasure of wordage. :) It's a wonderful feeling to know that something I wrote can maybe connect with one of you. much love!

* * *

I was on my third cup of tea, seriously considering moving on to hot toddies, when Mum handed me a folded slip of paper.

"I need it for the trifle," she said in explanation, placing money in my pocket as well.

Crumpling the grocery list in my hand, I strode quickly to the door, glad to have something to do. I still hadn't heard from Edward, or even Emmett, and the waiting was killing me. I hadn't been able to sleep late, despite my desperate imbibing the day before, and had wandered down to the kitchen early, where Mum was already at work making the fish and chips we'd be bringing to the Cullen's.

It was early morning, a mild day so far. The sun seemed tentative, almost intimidated by the watery, grey clouds coming in and I wondered – dramatically - if that was a sign of things to come. Grabbing a basket at Wellworth's, I walked the aisles of the store, gathering items off Mum's list. I approached the cash register and was about to unload my basket when one of the newspapers caught my eye.

**Several Derry RUC Stations Targeted in Early Morning Attack**

The anxious flutter in my gut turned to a cold lump of lead and I shot forward, snatching up the paper.

Everything else faded. I zeroed in on the words beneath the headline and scanned numbly, looking for anything that might clue me into the boy's status. Car bombs had been detonated outside three RUC stations around Derry, in both the city and further out in the suburbs. They had gone off within seconds of one another, causing extensive damage to the buildings.

According to the article no one had died, but many officers were critically injured. No arrests had been made but "the authorities" had plenty of suspicion and speculation as to who was behind it. My eyes felt prickly from lack of sleep and I rubbed them impatiently.

"Ready, love?" The woman behind the register asked, smiling pleasantly at me as she smoothed her apron down.

"Oh. Yes, thanks," I shuffled forward and carefully placed my purchases on the counter, adding the newspaper as an afterthought. Da was the one who read and watched the news in our house, not so much me… but that might have to change now. My need for knowledge was growing, and becoming more specific, and if the boys weren't ready to level with me I'd bloody well do it on my own.

After leaving the shop I paused outside, setting the bags down at my feet. Leaning against the wall, I read the headline a bit more thoroughly, searching for names or faces in the words and grainy photographs, but there wasn't really anything else. At least now I knew the nature of the mission and exactly why Edward had been so apprehensive during the days before.

How many attacks in the past year had been results of his planning? Of my brother's?

Turning onto my street, I noticed a huddle of younger boys, whispering and gesturing agitatedly. One of them turned as I passed, and I recognized him as the youngest Crowley boy.

I nodded warily at him. "Hey, Danny."

The other young ones threw troubled glances my way, a couple of them waving nervously. I slowed to a stop as they approached, looking feverish and excitable. Danny stepped forward, his eyes wide."Hi, Bella. Did ye hear wha' happened to Pat O'Flynn?"

Mr. O'Flynn was the butcher several streets over and was known in the community for his work with Belfast's civil rights movement. Relatives of the O'Flynn's that lived in Derry had been injured during last January's Bloody Sunday incident; after that Mr. O'Flynn's eldest, Pat, spent less time helping at the shop and more patrolling with the local Provos.

Of course Pat would've gone to Derry with the boys.

Agitated that I still hadn't heard anything from Edward, any news had the potential to be catastrophic. I shook my head slowly, willing my heart to slow down before it beat out of my chest. "What d'you mean? When?"

"Yesterday…"

"What happened?" I asked grimly, putting my bags down before I dropped them by accident. My stomach clamped in on itself and my mouth went dry.

_Just tell me, Danny._

One of the other boys elbowed Danny, who was rubbing his palms down the front of his pants, over and over. He glanced around and then lurched forward, cupping his hands up to my ear. I bent down to ease the distance.

"He was with the others, and one of the bombs went off too early. Thomas said it blew him right up!" His voice trembled.

Shutting my eyes against the sudden dizziness, I sank to a squat there in the street. I felt like I was either going to be sick or in desperate need of a bathroom the way my stomach was cramping now from raw nerves. Feeling Danny's small, clammy hand on my shoulder, I peeked back up at the semi-circle of concerned little faces.

"Are you sure, Danny?" I croaked, touching his hand. He nodded solemnly.

"Who told Thomas?"

He shrugged, looking at the other boys. I rubbed my hand over my face, having a hard time with the fact they seemed to know more about what had happened than I did.

_Good God, they're really too young to even know about any of it in the first place._

Grabbing my bags, I rose to my feet and took a deep breath. "D'you who was with him when it happened?"

They looked at each other, shrugging again.

"Alright. Just…thanks for letting me know," I forced out. I wanted to reassure Danny that Tyler and Deklan would soon be home, but at this rate I didn't know what to think.

Pat O'Flynn had been just twenty – about my age. We'd gone to school together.

I thought of his mother, how sweet she'd always been while servicing me at their shop the days I ran errands for Mum. She'd make small talk while wrapping the cuts of meat, always asking about my parents and brother.

I imagined Esme, and how she'd absolutely fall apart if anything like this happened to Edward.

Pat's accidental death was a worse-case scenario, come to fruition. I had no choice but to believe the others were alright; Edward had promised me and it was all I had to cling to. Whenever the boys finally managed to make it home, they'd be in a really bad state – no matter how successful their mission had been, they'd lost one of their own.

Upon returning home, I shakily placed the grocery bags on the kitchen counter and slumped into a chair, tossing the newspaper I'd bought on to the table. Da eyed it as he walked in, poking it with his pipe.

"You know I already get two papers; why'd y'buy this?" He questioned quirking an eyebrow at me.

"Figured it was high time I get with the times, Da," I answered, meaning to be sardonic but failing. I had a feeling he knew more than he let on regarding the IRA's current plans and activities, especially since he'd once been so active himself. He'd eventually stopped when I was born, and only then because Mum had begged him to, not wanting to become a widow or a prisoner's wife. Since then he'd focused solely on his other passion and livelihood - commercial fishing – but I knew he missed being part of the action.

I couldn't imagine having a small child with another on the way, being terrified every time my husband left to go to work, to the pub, or to consort with the other Provos. If Edward and I were meant to be together, and I hoped that we were, we would inevitably come to such a crossroads.

Da gave me a look. "Ya must think I'm daft."

I scowled, dropping my face into my folded arms. "No, I don't. But sometimes I wonder if you think I am."

"Why do you say that?"

I sat up and twisted around so that I faced him squarely. "Where's Emmett right now, Da?"

He narrowed his eyes and paused. "Emmett is doing what he feels he needs to do and will be home shortly."

I stopped just short of rolling my eyes at that blarney; this was my father with whom I was speaking and he was not deserving of my disrespect. "Fine. Did you speak to him, then?"

"I did, yeah."

My arms fell limply to my sides as I leaned forward anxiously. "When? Is he alright? Is Edward… with him?"

"I think everything's fine, Bella. They'll be back in the city within the hour."

I nodded, blinking back sudden, angry tears. I was relieved, but hurt. This wasn't the days of old where messages had to be relayed with a feckin' horse and cart; Edward could have – and _should_ have - called.

Da pulled me out of the chair and into his arms, letting me be his little girl. "You're just like your Ma when you fret. Everything will be sorted out, love; ya just need to trust in that. I don't like those two puttin' themselves in danger but it's for the cause." He spoke quietly, patting my back.

The tears fell anyway and I pushed away, looking up into Da's eyes. "No, it's not fine. I just saw Danny Crowley on the street – he said Pat O'Flynn was killed by a bomb going off prematurely."

My father stiffened, his eyes widening in shock. "What? No. No…" He let go of me and crossed the kitchen, nearly ripping the phone off the wall in his hurry to dial.

"Hi, Maggie? Yes, it's Charlie Swan… no, I'm alright – listen, have ye heard anything about O'Flynn's boy?"

I sagged in the doorway, picking at the peeling paint near the threshold. Maggie Reilly owned the flower shop next door to O'Flynn's; if anyone could verify what I knew in my gut was true, it was her. Da's face fell as he listened, and when he lifted his eyes to mine I had all the confirmation I needed. Stepping back, out of the kitchen, I turned and flew up the stairs and into my room, bypassing the bathroom and my urge to dry heave.

The sheets of my bed were cool on my face and I lay still for awhile, trying to calm down. My eyes focused on a framed picture of Emmett and me at one of my swim meets years before, and I reached out to pluck it off the nightstand. Carelessly I wiped it against my jeans, smearing the dust off so I could better examine the image behind the glass.

I chuckled hoarsely, my throat thick with the need to have a good cry. In the picture I was soaking wet, just having won a race, and Emmett was screwing up his face because I was getting _him_ wet, as well.

The world as I knew it simply didn't work without my brother.

There was a soft knock at my door and Mum stepped in, her eyes glassy – probably from just having heard the news. Wordlessly, she came to me and sat, cradling my head in her lap.

"D'you still want to go to Carlisle and Esme's?" She asked eventually, smoothing her fingers through my hair. It was the same way she'd soothed me as a child, when I'd run home with a minor injuries or hurt feelings.

Sniffling, I nodded.

"I think it would be best," she agreed. "We should be together today."

* * *

I wore a pale green dress to the Cullen's, with delicate straps to match my delicate mood. I needed to feel pretty when Edward saw me, all the while knowing that would probably be the last thing on his mind. Walking along the cracked path behind my parents, I tried to imagine how Edward must be feeling, knowing he'd likely feel responsible for Pat and what had transpired.

Esme opened the front door, her pretty face graced with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. I wondered if she knew something.

"Hello Renee, Charlie," she welcomed us in, taking the trifle from my mother. "Bella," she added, patting my hand.

We followed her into the kitchen where Da set the fish and chips on the counter and left immediately for the backyard, where Carlisle presumably was. I glanced out the window, surprised to see that Jasper was already present, sitting on the wicker seat with Alice.

"Can I help with anything?" I asked, twisting Edward's ring around and around with my thumb. I'd decided it was good he'd given it to me, if for no other reason than to provide tactile comfort.

Esme winked and waved me off, turning back to my mother as they chatted and whipped heavy cream to top the trifle.

Alice jumped up when I came outside, enveloping me in her arms while Jasper stood more slowly, an amused expression on his face. I waved to him over Alice's shoulder, slightly surprised by her affections.

"Did you know, Bella?" She asked suddenly.

"Know what?" I asked in return, taking a step back so I could really look at her.

She ran her fingers through her hair, a gesture that was familiar to me, but because of her brother, not her. "About Edward…and Emmett."

I wouldn't coddle her, or insult her by lying. Nodding slowly, I wrapped my arms around myself but did not speak.

Her face crumpled. "Why didn't you tell me?" She whispered.

Grasping her hand in mine, I pulled her to an empty corner of the yard. "Twasn't my secret to tell, Alice. I had to beg and bargain for them to even tell me."

She nodded, staring at the ground.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I wanted to tell you. I'm scared for them, all the time."

"Da told Mum today," she sighed, finally bringing her gaze back to mine.

"Why?" I wanted to know.

Alice shook her head. "She's not stupid. She wanted to know where he could have gone overnight if he wasn't at your house with Em."

"What did she say when your Da told her?"

"She's devastated, what do you think? She feels like a fool for not knowing…"

"It's not like that; he would have told her eventually, he just didn't want her to be scared," I said, well aware of how faulty that logic sounded.

"Mum's always felt we could trust her with anything. She's not angry he didn't tell her, but I think she feels betrayed. And now everyone's talking about Pat O'Flynn, and she's terrified Edward's going to end up the same way. You know she hasn't the stomach for violence," she continued.

"Nor do you," I pointed out. "Which is another reason I didn't say anything."

She sighed. "I suppose the signs were there, weren't they."

"Maybe. I just wish they'd hurry and get home. My stomach's been in knots since they left for Derry." I groaned.

Alice squeezed our still-linked hands, bringing them up suddenly to peer at my hand.

"Is that Edward's?" She asked curiously, squinting at the claddagh ring.

I nodded, feeling my face color a bit.

Beaming at me, she dropped our hands and looked over to Jasper, who, having been given more beer, was now conversing with both of our fathers.

"They've taken him right into the fold," I joked as we started to walk back toward the house.

Alice leaned toward me, dropping her voice. "Jasper wants me to visit America."

"When?" I grinned, not really that surprised. They _had_ been spending a lot of time together, both on and off campus, and Jasper was the first bloke I'd ever seen Alice act this way around. Their connection was the strangest thing, as if they'd known one another in a past life. I mentioned that to Alice once, and she had agreed that it was in fact, just that way…

She smiled a tiny smile. "For the New Year."

"I think that would be really grand, although I must say I am quite jealous," I said, glad for her. Leaving town might be the best thing Alice could do, even if it wasn't for the same reasons she had in mind.

Catching a bright spot out of the corner of my eye, I looked toward the house just as Rose stepped outside. My heart raced; if she was here then so were Em and Edward. She stopped briefly to say hello to Carlisle, Jasper and Da, then made a beeline for Alice and I, her eyes wide.

"Bella – "

"Hi Rose… is everything okay?" I asked, anxiety seeping from my pores.

She nodded quickly, knowing what I needed to hear. "They stopped to get me on their way here,"

I grabbed her hand, in no state of mind for cordiality. "So they're here, then?"

Before she could respond the both of them came out, and Edward's eyes found me immediately. I was so relieved to be able to see him it was overwhelming, and I watched as Carlisle hugged him, whispering into his ear. He nodded and clapped his father on the back, pausing to greet Jasper and my Da before approaching us.

His eyes were red-rimmed, exhausted and haunted. Alice flew into his arms, and he held her, looking at me all the while. And then it was just us, and I stepped into him, feeling his arms tremble slightly as he held me, resting his chin on the top of my head.

"I saw the papers," I said quietly. I moved back and touched his face; no new cuts or bruises, anything to indicate the last few days were anything significant. Our eyes met again, and he stared at me, moving his hands to hold my face between them.

"I thought of you," he admitted, trying to smile. He found my hand and looked at his ring, turning it so it faced forward.

I swallowed, trying to ease the lump in my throat. "I prayed for you."

He nodded and closed his eyes. "You heard about Pat."

"I did." I bit my lip, floating between my own fresh wave of pain and the need to buffer Edward's.

We stood quietly for awhile, in the corner of the yard, and everyone seemed to content to let us alone. Esme announced that it was time to eat, and she began carrying dishes of food to the table beneath the awning. The sky gave up and the rain began to weep, and Edward caught my fingers in his and led me over to the others.

Leaving Edward for a moment, I tugged on Emmett's arm, and he wrapped me in a ferocious hug.

"You okay?" I asked automatically, knowing it was a pointless question.

"Not right now, but I will be," he replied, letting go of me.

"I'm glad you're back. It's been a rough couple of days."

"I know," he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

Edward reappeared at my side, once again linking our fingers. "Can't really eat just now, I'm going up stairs for a bit."

We went back into the house, up to the heavy stillness of his room. I opened the window to let in fresh air while he pulled his shirt off and unbuckled his belt, letting both drop to the floor. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Okay," I sat down on the edge of his unmade bed and tipped back against the headboard, letting my shoes slide off and tucking my feet beneath the blankets. Listening to the raindrops hit the roof, and our family's voices drifting up from the covered patio below, I allowed myself a small measure of peace.

The boys were home, safe. Horrible things had happened, things that could not be undone, but still, selfishly, I was content to have my boys back. Edward returned mere moments later, toweling his hair and pulling an old shirt on from his chest of drawers. He lay across his bed, his head in my lap, and I ran my fingers through the wet strands, grateful we were together again and I could do so.

"Why'd you give me the ring?" I asked, uncertain if he'd fallen asleep.

"I didn't. It's on loan," he said, his voice muffled against my dress. He turned his face so we were looking at each other.

I continued working through the back of his hair. "Then why'd you loan it?"

"I thought you'd like it."

"I love it…but it scared me, too. It was like you weren't sure you were coming back, like you were leaving a bit of yourself behind."

He nodded, and I could feel his unshaven cheeks prickle through the thin material of my dress to my thighs.

"Is that what you were doing?" I panicked, finally letting the shoddy fortress I'd built around my emotions crumble.

"In a way; I wanted to leave something behind with you because I knew it would be safe with you, not because I thought I wasn't coming home."

Bending forward, I kissed his forehead and took the ring off. "D'you want it back then?"

Edward moved off of my lap and pulled me down so we lay facing each other. "Not 'til I've something to replace it with." He pushed the ring back onto my finger.

My heart skipped a beat as I processed his words, and he smiled his first real smile since coming home.

Tears slid sideways across the bridge of my nose and onto his pillow. "Edward?"

"Hm?"

"Will you be going anywhere soon?"

"No, not for a while. We have enough to do here," he sighed, rolling onto his back and tugging me along with him.

That wasn't quite as reassuring as I'd have liked, but it was a start.

"Well, I've exams this week and then two weeks off," I told him.

Lifting my face to his, he kissed me all over, finally settling on my lips. I felt myself melting into his mouth, in the movement of our lips and the taste of his tongue… and then, his tears.

Pulling back slightly, I palmed his cheeks, finding them wet. "Tell me," I whispered.

He shook his head and held me painfully tight. "Thinking of Pat's parents," he said, sounding broken.

Someone downstairs laughed; the sound so easy and light.

It just made me want to cry, too.

* * *

_Provos - shortened version of "Provisional" (as in, provisional IRA)_

_Stories i like lately: "The Boy in the Window" - hopefulhappenings09 "Carpe Noctem & Fiat Lux" - queenofgrey_


	10. Chapter 10

Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

_Thanks to Nic, beta-superior. She's a doll. And to those of you who put me on alert, or favorite me, or *swoon* review: thanks so, so much. Slainte!_

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We left when the sun started sinking, taking its moderate warmth with it. Mum, Da and I parted ways with Emmett and Rose on the corner when they turned the opposite way so he could walk her home. Rose lived in one of the Protestant neighborhoods, and Emmett could only walk her to the peace line there, but that didn't deter him from going as far as he could. I wondered what they planned to do if they got married… where would they live? Would she convert? I knew Emmett would rather die than turn his back on his faith…

Edward and I didn't return downstairs. The hours had been spent talking quietly, and kissing, touching. Things never grew heated, as it just wasn't that sort of day; but for me, it felt like a subtle turning point. There was a part of me that constantly craved his touch, making me marvel at the sort of impious woman I was turning into. I thought about Edward, and his hands, and his mouth – all the time – to the point where I even had to censor myself with Father Harrington. The shame.

Another part of me, however, recognized that what we had was deeper than that. He seemed to depend on me, to actually _need_ me. Never in our lives had he seemed the type to really need anyone, and I knew that was silly because everyone needs someone, but his independent spirit had always been so brash and blatant. It was probably the very thing that made him well suited to be a leader of men fighting for freedom.

I rubbed my arms vigorously as we made the quick walk home, chastising myself for not having brought a cardigan or sweater earlier. I hadn't wanted to leave Edward just now; every part of me rebelled silently against it, but I knew he had a lot to discuss with his parents and Alice. I could be patient; Esme deserved this belated audience with her son.

When I came out of the bathroom later on, combing through my wet hair, Mum was waiting in my room, perched on my bed. She smiled when I walked in, holding her hand out for the comb as she scooted back on the bed.

Grinning, I plopped down onto the floor and handed her the comb, glad for the comfort of what was once a nightly ritual. My mother began working methodically through the snags and tangles, ever-gentle and persistent with the more stubborn knots.

"I know you've been nervous lately," she began cautiously.

"I have," I sighed, not bothering to skirt around it. As close as I was to my mother, this was one topic we'd yet to broach, mainly due to her preference to keep our lives as normal as possible. Obviously, I could respect that desire – "ignorance is bliss", after all.

God only knew I'd no idea what it was like to have grown children making dangerous decisions. Between my Da and Emmett, Mum had experienced her fair share of worry.

"Edward's a good boy. I've faith he'll do what's right," she assured me, reminding me – as Esme had – that there were no secrets within or between our families. I felt her fingers start to separate my hair so she could plait it.

"Right for me or right for the cause?" I asked.

Her movements stopped. "Isabella. Why'd ye even start this?"

"Start what, seein' Edward?"

I knew better than to get cheeky with Mum when she was in control of my hair. She yanked the three sections sharply and starting braiding with purpose.

My eyes watered as I backpedaled. "No, I mean, I love him and I support what he's doing, I just wish he'd let me help – "

Mum tightened her hold on my hair. "I don't think so, love, so get that out of your head right now."

"Mum!" I growled, lifting my hand to pry her fingers away.

"I'm not to hear you're trying to involve yourself - leave that to the men. Please. Emmett takes my heart every time he leaves this house," she continued in a low voice.

_Jesus, Mary and Joseph, she's lost it. _"Alright, then," I agreed, patting her hand so she'd loosen her hold.

Mercifully, she got the point and softened her grip. "I supported your father's efforts until the point came where, had he continued, I'd have ended up alone. You have a decision to make, once and for all. If you're going to do this, Bella, then do it. But don't waffle. The last thing that boy needs is indecision…"

Shocked by my mother's advice, I twisted out of her grasp and turned around. "What are ye sayin', Mum? I thought you hated all of this!"

She eyes searched mine. "I do, Isabella. I despise it… but I understand it's a necessary evil. Edward and your brother are going to do it regardless, so stand behind him or leave him alone, but don't be in his way. It's just going to break your heart that you can't change him, and it's going to distract him from what he's trying to do. You don't want him stranded out there with lost focus, Bella."

Shaken, I returned to my spot on the floor between her feet. "I … understand. But he needs to at least let me know what's going on - I nearly lost myself the past few days, I was so worried."

"Then talk to him, love. Let him know he can't keep you in the dark about things if he wants you to have a proper relationship," Mum said. "I know how you feel, but I also want you to understand that it wouldn't be fair to either of you to agree to a relationship if you can't see eye to eye on certain things."

"Sometimes I feel like it's a matter of him being committed to the IRA, while I'm committed to him," I mumbled.

"He's committed to you as well, don't think I haven't noticed his ring on your finger," she reminded me, finishing my braid and dropping it. She massaged her fingers over my scalp, soothing the tightness.

I nodded, knowing she was right and glad because of it.

Edward needed to agree to full disclosure, and I had to make sure that once he gave it to me, he could trust me not to use it against him. I was going to have to swallow my fear once and for all, and leave it in God's hands.

* * *

Since we'd been at the Cullen's until Saturday evening, we went to mass the next morning instead. Emmett, Mum and I settled into our regular spot while Da went to confession.

Moments later Edward sat down beside me, the rest of his family filing quietly into the shiny, polished pew after him. His hand found mine and he entwined them together on his lap and I, ignoring Mum's sideways glances at our questionable church behavior, relaxed against him.

Edward sighed heavily when it was his turn for confession, pausing before he let go of my hand. He started to rise reluctantly from the pew, but then stopped, looking at me. There was such despondency in his eyes, and my heart squeezed when I saw it. We hadn't spoken since he'd arrived; we didn't have to. I knew the pain and guilt of Pat's passing was tearing him up inside.

I wanted to tell him he didn't have to go just yet, that he could hold off a bit longer til he felt up to it, but then he got up abruptly and disappeared into the confessional booth.

He was expressionless when he came back.

After mass, Edward nodded to his vehicle, which was parked across the street.

"Ride with me?" He asked.

I let my parents know I was leaving with him, and soon we were on our way toward the city centre.

"Hungry?" he asked, thrumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

"A bit," I answered, covering my yawn behind my hand.

"You look tired," he observed.

I nodded my head. "Haven't slept well lately."

"Seems that might be my fault."

I shrugged. "Maybe."

He slowed down for a stop sign and looked at me. "You need to stop worrying so much. I don't want this happening to you; you were just fine before you started up with me."

"Tis a bit late for that now, isn't it?" I scoffed.

Reaching over, he cupped his hand behind my neck, the way he did sometimes.

"Maybe," he replied.

After getting take-away from one of the few spots open on a Sunday, we drove down to the docks and parked. For a while we ate quietly, watching the boats floating nearby.

Wiping my hands on a napkin, I turned to face Edward, folding one leg beneath me. He looked back at me and blinked, methodically putting chips into his mouth.

The best way for me to explain what I wanted would be quick and to the point, like ripping a bandage from a scab, so I cleared my throat and dove on in. "I know your trip to Derry was all bolloxed up, and I'm not going to pretend to know what ye went through," I paused and took a deep breath. "But… you've really got to let me in, here. I was worried sick the whole time, Edward – couldn't you've taken a dander to a payphone to let me know you were alright?"

Swallowing, he crumpled the take-away bag and shoved it between the console and the seat. "Yeah, I should have called, I know… I was just…" he trailed off, staring out at the water.

"What?" I prompted softly, touching his arm.

"Just too feckin' upset. I could hardly even talk to Emmett, let alone you," he muttered, rubbing the back of his arm over his face.

I remained quiet, giving him the space he needed. Finally he looked up at me. "I'm sorry."

"Please, call me next time. I won't fall apart and I won't leave you. If we're going to be together you have to trust me. I love you, and not knowing if you're dead, alive, or arrested is awful," I implored, the feelings of the past few days welling up inside me. I took a few more deep breaths, determined not to cry about it. I was so emotional all the time lately.

He let his eyes meet mine, and he nodded slowly.

"Promise?" I whispered, almost sheepish.

That cracked a smile, and for that I was relieved. "I promise, Bella."

"Good," I said, appeased.

"So, I'm going to get a flat of my own," he announced seconds later.

My mouth dropped open. "Do your parents want you to leave – "

He shook his head. "No, no, nothing like that. My mother was upset –understandably – but she doesn't want me gone. I'm moving because it's not fair to them for me to be hangin' around their home, doing the things I do. It's not smart."

"But what did they say when you told them you wanted to move out?"

Tilting his head, he smirked at me. "Mum cried, of course."

"Well, ye can't blame her – you're her only son," I chided.

"I know. Dad didn't seem to mind as much. And actually, Emmett's thinking of moving in as well."

This was news to me, but I couldn't deny that it made sense. The two of them were well old enough to be on their own, and with the nature of their lifestyle growing more violent by the day, it was the right thing to do.

"Has he spoken to my father about that?" I wanted to know.

"He said he mentioned it last night."

"Have ye started looking at places yet?" I asked.

"There's one flat, not too far up the road in the Markets area. It's available on the first."

"In a week," I noted, taking a sip of my drink.

He nodded, leaning his head back. Our conversation tapered off and I started to clean up the mess we'd made from our impromptu lunch, all the while aware of how he kept his eyes on me. After a moment I looked up at him, smiling self consciously.

"What?"

He smiled, too. "Tis about time we had a place to ourselves," he commented, narrowing his eyes at me.

He had _that look_ on his face, and my stomach flipped.

"Plenty of privacy," he continued, tracing his finger along the underside of my wrist.

"Mm, that's true," I agreed. "Unless Emmett and Rose decide to make it their own personal den of iniquity."

Barking a laugh, he slipped his fingers through mine and squeezed. "Where d'you get this stuff, Bella?"

Shrugging, I grinned, thrilled to have made him laugh. It was a sight I'd been missing.

Just like that, the mood had changed into something else. Opening the door, I scooped up the takeaway trash and carried it to a nearby trash bin, nervous energy skipping through my body like a stone across water.

Edward started the Land Rover when I got back in, putting it into reverse.

I gazed out the window as we left the dock, the barges and boats fading from view. "Are ye bringing me home, now?"

"D'you want to go home?"

"No."

"Then, no."

* * *

We were back at the beach, only this time he'd pulled up onto one of the bluffs further out that looked down over the water.

Unlike the last time we'd been here together, this ride had been more light hearted, and I'd let my hand out the window, letting the air catch it and make it fly. The air outside wasn't quite cold yet, but it was remarkably cooler than it had been; autumn was just three weeks away.

Edward seemed somber again, leaning forward and resting his chin atop his hands, which were still wrapped around the top of the steering wheel. My heart skipped around as I gazed at him, at how beautiful he really was. The light from outside made his green eyes look almost gold, and his hair wound into soft, messy waves, several different colors in the spill of sunlight.

"Will you teach me to drive?" I asked tentatively, sliding my shoes off my feet. I wanted to feel the grass beneath my toes…

"Not today," he murmured.

"I didn't mean today."

"Yeah, I'll teach you."

"Okay," I pushed open the door, fighting the wind's attempts to shut it. It may've looked bright and sunny, but as for the wind, it was savage out.

The gusts blew fitfully around me, catching and billowing in my hair like it would the sail on a boat. Glancing back at Edward, I hoisted myself onto the hood, pleasantly surprised by the heat from the engine. I looked toward the choppy sea, letting my legs dangle, silently willing him to come out, too. I wanted to make him forget, even if for a minute, everything else; I wanted to touch him.

The Land Rover shook slightly as he got out and strolled over to me, placing his hands on my knees. He pried them open with his body and placed himself between my legs, replacing my chilly shivers with shivers of another kind.

"What're you smiling about?" he asked lightly, thumbing the corner of my mouth.

"Your car's warming my bum," I grinned.

His eyes flickered to my lips, and he smiled. "I've got something else to warm you."

_And there you are, Edward. I've missed you._

"Have you?" I smirked, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him to me. Obliging, he leaned closer, sliding his hands up my thighs and underneath my skirt. He stopped when his palms lay flat between warm metal and my skin, his fingertips grazing the edge of my underwear.

He kissed me once, twice, three times, until I grasped him by the hair and kissed open his lips, letting our tongues touch. I lifted my legs and hooked them around him, my laughter muffled against his mouth when his knees buckled.

"What are you tryin' to do?" he moaned, burying his face in my neck.

"I can never get close enough," I confided, laying my head on his shoulder affectionately.

He skimmed his nose along my jaw and then turned around, wrapping my arms around his body and leaning into me. I closed my eyes, breathing in the wind and sun. We could have been anywhere just then, and it felt good to let anything of consequence disappear. This is what I'd wanted for him, to be able to just _be. _He let go of my hands and let his fingers trail absently up and down my legs, curving behind my calves and down to my bare feet, which were propped on the bumper.

"Let's get back in the car," he suggested, extracting himself and trying to pull me down with him.

"But we just came out, and the sun feels nice…"

He coaxed me down anyway, back to the driver's seat, where he proceeded to pull me onto his lap.

"Edward, there's no room," I complained, secretly loving that.

His brow furrowed in concentration, he maneuvered me on to his lap so I was straddling him. "Never stopped us before."

I wondered momentarily if he was being perverted.

"Bella," he sighed, motioning for me to shut the door.

He reached beneath his seat and pushed his seat back, giving us more room. I gave him a dubious look and glanced outside. No one seemed to be around, but still; it was _Sunday_ and the last time we'd been on the beach there'd been fisherman up here.

He ran his hands over my hips and up my back. "You okay?" he chuckled.

Keeping my eyes on his, I tried to relax, resting my hands on his shoulders and leaning back a little. Except for the night he'd come to me in my bed, he was always the one to initiate, and even though we had been together a few times I still felt unglued when we were this close, when he touched me with his hands and mouth.

Edward's physicality was as daunting as it was delicious, and like the first time he'd put his lips on mine it made me yield, overwhelmed.

I loved it.

His hands were on the small of my back, and he was bringing me closer again, sensing my usual jitters. Undoing the first few buttons on my blouse, he leaned forward to place a kiss on the skin he'd uncovered. A shudder rolled through my body and I touched my forehead to his, at once weak and warm and wanting.

He loosed another button and skimmed his nose along the places not covered by my bra and I, in return, stroked my fingers through his hair and lay my cheek against it, closing my eyes and simply feeling.

Easing down the fabric of my bra, he pulled my nipple into his mouth and I jerked against him, not expecting the wet hot so sudden. He ran his tongue over the tip of my breast and then let it go.

I looked down at him, and he was looking up at me, his expression somehow seeming both carnal and pure. Lowering my lips to his, I kissed him intently. The minutes melted by and still we kissed and gradually our bodies started rocking, longing to be part of our mutual enjoyment. His hands moved low, helping me grind my lap a little harder against his. He arranged us so I was riding his erection and I pulled away, gasping a little.

"Wait-"

He looked dazed, his lips wet as he stared at mine.

"We can't… here," I stuttered.

Kissing my chest again, he drew me closer. "It's okay," he whispered.

"Okay," I acquiesced, pitifully easily, and nuzzled my face into his hair; it was silky and smelled so nice…

Tightening my thighs around him, I could feel him through his dress pants, hard against me. By this point I was quite wet, and probably getting him damp, but he didn't mind and so neither did I.

Keeping one hand around my waist, he kissed me hungrily, our tongues sliding against each other, deep… exploring. He moved his mouth to the swell of my breast, sucking lightly and then so hard it hurt. We were working toward something; I could feel it building, and I grabbed at him frantically, desperate to find the right rhythm.

I found it, he found it, and then we were coming apart, not together, but close enough. Whimpering quietly, I shook in his arms and lay against him, cold now that we'd expended all that heat. We inhaled and exhaled together, and his breath tickled through my hair.

After a moment, when my heart had returned to normal but I still felt giddy, I straightened up. Edward watched me, a lazy grin on his face, and began buttoning my shirt, pausing to touch the sensitive place where he'd almost broken skin.

"Don't let your Da see that."

"I won't," I promised, lifting myself off of him and climbing clumsily over the console. It was cold and empty on my side of the car and I was glad we'd not have to sneak around for too much longer, if he got his own place…

"So's that all we came for?" I teased, watching him grimace and fix his pants.

"Eh, what a feckin' mess," he muttered, looking around. I handed him a napkin and he accepted it, shaking his head. "We need to go, else I'll be in a state."

He reversed out, away from the bluff overlooking the water, and turned back onto the road.

"I like when we come out here," I sighed in contentment.

Edward looked back toward the shore as the road began to veer away from it. "It's nice to get away from all the shite, but it's never long enough."

I bit my lip, not wanting to get into things but sensing that maybe I should.

"Are you…going to be okay, Edward?"

"It is what it is. Nothing I can do about it now," he spoke in clipped tones, his face hardening as it had after confession earlier. "It doesn't… change anything."

The ache in my chest whispered back, always hovering at the edges. "I need you to know that I understand, and I'll do whatever you need me to."

"I know, Bella," he smiled gratefully at me.

And it was true. I'd do anything.

* * *

Edward drove both Alice and I to university on Monday morning for our exams. We arrived early, and split up at the library, taking separate tables for last minute studying. By mid-day, I was done but Alice was not; she'd told me earlier that she had plans to meet with Jasper though, so I walked home on my own.

Two exams down, four to go.

I knew Edward would be busy for the day, working for the courier service downtown and doing whatever else he did when he wasn't with me. Mikey waved from the opposite side of the street as I entered my neighborhood.

"How're ye keepin'? I called fondly, smiling at him.

He grinned back, shrugging. "Things could be a lot worse."

"Didn't y'have work today, Mikey?" I slid my bag off my back, trying to locate my keys as I neared my house.

"I did, yeah, but I've been comin' home for lunch lately, taking a bit of a break," he explained.

"That's good, you work too hard as it is," I answered.

He nodded. "I'd better be getting' back, though. Say hi to your brother for me."

"Alright," I waved to him as he left, and turned up my walk.

The sweet scent of scones met me as I soon as I opened the door.

Placing my shoes dutifully off to the side, I quickened my step and rounded the corner into the kitchen.

"When will they be ready?" I moaned, sniffing indulgently.

Mum shook her head, eyes twinkling. "Soon."

I gave her a quick hug and emptied my books onto the table, glad to spend time with her as I studied for the next day.

"How were the exams?" She inquired, coming to the table.

"They went well, actually. I'm much better prepared than I was last time," I assured her.

"That's good, love. Well, study up… we'll have a spot of tea when these are done," she tossed her over mitt on the counter and put on the kettle.

I gave Edward three scones when he picked me up the next morning, and if there was any doubt that he loved me it certainly evaporated when he started shoving them into his mouth and thanking me profusely with kisses . He had to work all day again, and Alice didn't have any exams until the next day, so I was on my own after that.

My time of the month had come the night before, making me feel frumpy and famished… constantly. Giving into my urges, I ducked into Ms. Fiona's candy shop on my way home from Queen's- if there was ever a time for sugary comforts, it was now. I chose a couple of candies for Edward and several chocolates for myself, eating one on the spot. There was licorice on the counter and it reminded me of Mikey, so I requested a little bag of it as well, knowing he'd appreciate the gesture whenever I next saw him.

My timing couldn't have been more perfect; he was ambling down his walk, probably about to return to his job, as I turned the corner. He laughed when he saw me.

"What's this, ye stalkin' me now?"

Crossing the street, I held out the bag of licorice. "I couldn't help myself," I grinned.

He took the bag, peering into it curiously. "Grand! Thanks, Bella."

I shrugged. "I stopped at Ms. Fiona's…"

We heard the familiar rumble of an RUC truck and I looked up, my heart sinking when it slowed to a stop in front of us.

"Feckin' gits," Mikey muttered, stepping forward so he was between me and them.

"Good afternoon," the officer in the passenger seat said, opening his door and getting out. He was flanked immediately by two others.

"Afternoon," I mumbled, trying to quell my anxiety. This was routine; they did this all the time. We just had the misfortune of being outside when they passed…

Mikey held his hands out. "I'm headin' back to work, yeah?"

"Oh that's right fine; it's not you we need to speak to."

Mikey shot an alarmed glance over his shoulder while I cowered back. "She's just a student –"

The tallest of the three came closer and peered at me. "Isabella Swan, is it?"

"It is," I confirmed, keeping my shaking hands on my backpack's straps.

He nodded briskly. "If you'll just come to the station, we've a few questions to ask."

I looked up and down the street; no one was really out, save Danny Crowley and a friend with their bikes on the opposite corner.

"C-couldn't ye just question me here?" I asked quietly.

The first one spoke up again. "No ma'am, our inquiries are of a delicate nature."

"But what's this about – she didn't _do _anything!" Mikey said, shaking his head in disgust. I put my hand on his arm to calm him, not wanting any additional trouble.

The tall officer took me by the arm. "Your brother's Emmett Swan and we all know you run around with Edward Cullen. Things have happened recently we think you might know something about. Don't play stupid, it'll only make things worse for ye later on," he snapped.

"Bella," Mikey leaned forward to take my free hand, and the third officer, who had been standing quietly off to the side, moved quickly, cracking his elbow across his face.

"Feck!" Mikey sank to his knees, holding his nose as blood started to seep through his fingers.

"Oh, my God! Mikey!" I cried, panicked. I glared at the men holding me. "I'd have gone with you – you didn't have to hit him!"

They ignored me and ushered me into the backseat of the truck. Looking wildly around, I made eye contact with Danny, who was gaping at the spectacle.

"Danny, go get my Mum!"

He took off, running up the street toward my house, right as Jessica Newton rode up in someone's car. The last thing I heard before they shut the door was her, screaming her brother's name.

I sank, trembling uncontrollably, into the seat and stared sightlessly at the streets as they passed. The officers didn't speak to me again, and I bit my lip viciously, determined not to cry.

Soon we reached a local RUC station, which, like many of the others, had been fortified as a result of harassment and even attacks by the IRA and PIRA. We were let through the gate and they brought the truck to a stop, roughly helping me out and leading me inside.

I'd decided I wouldn't say a bloody thing; they could feck off. I was disgusted with the manner in which they'd beat Mikey to the ground, like a feckin' dog, and the way they'd dragged me off for questioning with no real concrete reasons.

And out of all the days for this to happen, too. I'd a nasty case of cramps and all I'd wanted to do before this shite was take a scalding shower, get into bed and stuff myself with candy.

Edward was going to be livid, and so was Em, and me Da.

I fidgeted in the hard, uncomfortable seat they'd placed me in, waiting for someone to come and interrogate me so I could leave.

"Ms. Swan, this way please." I was deposited in a dim little room, put to sit at a wide table across from the tall officer who'd picked me up and another man I didn't recognize.

Tall officer tilted his head, making me feel like the prey to his predator. "D'you know why you're here?"

"No," I answered shortly, hoping my fear played off as annoyance.

"Where were ye last weekend?"

I frowned. "Right here with me Mum 'n Da."

"And where was your brother?"

My stomach tightened. "Around."

"What about Cullen?" He pressed, leaning forward.

"What about him?" I asked numbly.

The other man scowled. "Please, Ms. Swan. This would be so much quicker if you'd just cooperate."

Sighing, I dropped my gaze to my hands, feeling nervous heat pinprick across the back of my neck.

"So, let me ask again," the unknown man's voice dripped with condescension, and he enunciated each syllable slowly and specifically. "Where was Edward Cullen last Friday and Saturday?"


	11. Chapter 11

_Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer; this particular plot belongs to me._

_Special thanks for the beta-love, Nic & Tiffany. You girls are golden. _

_Thank you to everyone who gave this story a chance, and has favorite, alerted, and especially reviewed; deedee aka wetdishrag, izzzyy, sendmeonmyway, jackiehydelover, monica08, twilightobsessed09 – your reviews made me a mushy, happy sap. Love!_

_

* * *

_

Forcing myself to look up, I stared brazenly at the officer who'd asked. Did he really think I'd give my family up like that? The person I loved?

"He was around as well. Here and there," I said, equivocating.

His eyebrows shot up, and he leaned forward, acting incredulous. "Well, was he here or not?"

"He was here," I verified, nodding slightly.

How simple it was to lie for him.

"Really? Because we have reason to believe that Cullen was _not_ in Belfast on Friday."

_Then why are you asking me at all, ya stupid eejit?_

I shook my head slowly, maintaining eye contact. "He was here," I repeated.

Tall officer spoke up. "Doing what?"

"I don't know; I saw him a few times…"

"So, you're with him, but you don't know what he does?" A look of manufactured confusion played across the unknown man's face, and I clenched my fists, hating him. I managed to feign calm, though.

"I don't know what he does when I'm not with him," I answered vaguely.

He snorted in amusement. "Well what does he do when you _are_ with him?" This time his voice was laced with double meaning, making me feel vulnerable and almost dirty.

Blushing, I lowered my eyes again, although frankly I'd rather they'd a laugh at my expense then keep me detained, or worse, apprehend Edward too. "We go to the beach sometimes," I mumbled.

Unknown man slapped his hand down on the table, and I jumped, even more on edge now; I'd no way of knowing if violence toward someone like me was more commonplace than vagary and I hoped to God that I wouldn't find out.

It wouldn't matter that I was a woman, in fact, that probably put me at even more of a disadvantage.

"What do you _know_, Ms. Swan? I need to know what you _know_," he pressed, his voice deadly calm.

"I don't know much; no one tells me anything," I replied quietly.

"I find that difficult to believe."

I shrugged. "It's true."

He didn't say anything after that, and neither did the Tall Officer. The three of us sat in loaded silence, and the minutes dragged by.

I wondered if Edward and Emmett knew yet. My mother, God help her, what was she thinking right now? I'd sent Danny to tell her; what exactly had he reported? And Mikey… the only thing keeping me from dissolving into utter hopelessness was the indignation I felt concerning the way they'd treated him. My stomach was in knots, exacerbating its swollen, sore condition.

I'd never say anything to implicate the boys, so that wasn't an issue for me. I'd no choice but to stick to my guns, especially now that I'd started down that path. The question was, how many times would I have to repeat myself before they grew tired of interrogating me?

"When can I go?" I asked eventually, shifting in my seat. The chair they had put me in was hard and uncomfortable, but that was the least of my worries at the moment.

Mikey's father, and countless others, had died at the hands of these people; the RUC in particular was not known for its ethical methods and fair treatment of Irish citizens. I'd seen the newspaper headlines with photos of volunteers being marched into Crumlin Road Gaol and other such prisons, had heard true tales of women giving birth while incarcerated. Those involved in the nationalist cause were constantly marching for civil rights because, as it were, we _had_ _no rights_… and really, anything could happen to me in here.

"When you decide to be more forthcoming," Tall Officer said.

I rubbed my eyes in frustration. We were going in circles. "I don't have anything to give you. I'm sorry."

The officer tilted his head. "Do you understand why that's hard for us to believe?"

"I do understand, but I really don't know anything. You're wasting your time with me. Please, I have exams," I pleaded, using anything I could.

Silence.

I shifted in my seat, inhaling sharply as another cramp punched through my abdomen. "Well, may I use the bathroom at least, please?"

They did let me use the bathroom, mercifully. I tried to freshen up the best I could, hoping again that I'd be home before things got dire and I needed new underwear. The potential embarrassment of having to explain my situation to one of these apes made me cringe.

When I was finished, they directed me back to a narrow, but thankfully empty, holding cell. "Make yourself comfortable," Tall Officer sneered, locking it soundly.

Sinking onto a wooden bench, I rested my head on my palms and cried. It had been building in me for days, especially today, and it was cathartic to finally just let go. I was terrified they would get the information they needed, anyway, and use it to catch Edward and Em. The very likely possibility that they might not let me go after all was sobering; in a way, I couldn't believe it had come to this. I had naively believed they would question me and let me go in a timely fashion.

Once again, my life had been turned upside-down in a matter of seconds.

Not seeing any tissue or toilet paper, I rubbed my snotty nose on the hem of my shirt, not caring how disgusting that was.

My head ached from crying, thoughts of Mum swirling around – she must be so frantic with worry. Would she try to come and get me? I supposed she would; hopefully Edward knew better than to be a stubborn arse, trying to save the day to his own detriment. That would be exactly what these gobshites wanted… I had to trust he'd think with his head and not his heart.

I listened to the sounds from up the hall, the rise and fall of voices in conversation, the mechanical clink of doors opening and closing, papers rustling, phones ringing. The air inside the station was chilly, and I wondered if they would allow me to retrieve the cardigan from my bag, which they'd earlier confiscated.

Tall Officer came to the door at one point and peeked through. "Have anything for me yet?"

I shook my head, sniffling.

"That's alright then, we'll see how ye feel in the morning," he remarked, rapping the door as he left.

My heart leapt into my throat. _Tomorrow morning? How in God's name am I supposed to last that long?_

Slumping against the cold concrete, I shut my eyes and began to pray.

* * *

God listened.

About an hour after I uttered my last prayer, there was a rattle of keys at the door. I turned my head warily, wondering who it would be this time, and it was Tall Officer…followed by Father Harrington.

It was hard to tell how long they'd been holding me, because I hadn't a watch and there was no window with which I could gauge the time of day, but I approximated it must have been about four hours.

"Father!" I sobbed, throwing myself at him. He held me awkwardly, patting my back and shushing me.

"Tis alright now, child."

Any embarrassment I may have felt for practically mauling my priest was quickly overshadowed by the awesome gratitude I felt at seeing a familiar face, and especially one that could offer so much comfort. After a moment I took a small step back, still clinging to Father Harrington's arm.

Tall Officer cleared his throat.

"You can go. Your belongings are up front."

I let go of Father Harrington, gaping at him. "I can go with you?" I asked timidly.

He nodded solemnly. "Yes, Isabella. Let's go now; your Mum's beside herself with worry."

Before I could take a step, Tall Officer put his hand out to stop me. "Your priest has vouched for you, Ms. Swan, but don't think we won't be keepin' an eye on you. This isn't a fecking joke, now is it?"

Shaking my head slowly, I gazed back into his cold, blue eyes, but he seemed to want to make a point, and he stared right back at me until I blinked and looked away. I ducked my head submissively, willing him not to change his mind, and after a moment he stepped out of the cell. Running my arm across my face again, I tried to clear it of tears and snot. I followed the two men out of the tiny room and up the hall, toward the front area where we'd come through initially. No one seemed to pay much attention to me as I walked to the front and was given my backpack, and I shuddered, wondering how long I'd have been stuck had Father not come on my behalf.

Sensing I was a complete mess, Father kept his hand on my arm as we exited the building. We were escorted to the gate leading to the sidewalk outside, and then let through. These dreary streets had never looked so good.

I turned to him as soon as we were outside, feeling grateful tears welling up again. "Thank you for coming, Father. I was so scared…."

He rubbed my arms firmly, trying to calm me down. "I know, and it's disgusting what they did. But you mustn't be bitter. Don't harden your heart."

"I'm trying but it's so hard!" I wailed. "They cracked Mikey Newton's nose, it's probably broken!"

He frowned, nodding. "Yes, your mother told me. I'm sorry you became mixed up in this."

I didn't trust myself to speak without having yet another meltdown, so I focused instead on my breathing as we walked down the block and turned the corner.

"Am I…am I the first one you've had to get from jail?" I asked quietly.

"Unfortunately, no. We've done this many, many times. This is a turbulent time, and many've been wrongly accused," he sighed.

"But it's so unfair," I whispered.

"Tis. They even arrested Father Daniel a few years ago, when he'd first moved here from Cork, on the grounds that he was impersonating a priest."

"What? That's awful!"' I gasped.

"I had to get him out, too," he said matter-of-factly, shrugging. "Isabella, your mother is waiting in that car."

He pointed, and I looked down the street to the small car Da normally took to work each morning. Father Harrington squeezed my hand gently, bringing my attention back to him.

"Your Mum came to me today, asking for my help. I'd no idea you and the Cullen boy were…together."

My face warmed, and I knew I looked guilty as sin – literally.

_Grand. Now he knows who Edward was talking about during confession. _

"He's a good boy –"

"Is he, Father?" I interrupted, staring at my feet.

"He is, but he's doing dangerous things. Please mind yourself. There's only so much I can do, and that isn't much as it is," he implored.

I gave him a brief, tight hug and stepped away. "But it was enough, for me, today. Thank you, so much. I don't know what I'd have done…"

He waved me off. "Go to your mother, now."

I didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

My mother nearly collapsed in the driver's seat when I slipped in beside her, exhaling a long, slow breath. We sat for a moment, without moving or speaking. Her exhausted eyes roved over me, probably seeking visual confirmation that I really and truly was okay, and in turn I gazed at her, noting how drawn her face was, as if she was too relieved to even smile.

When she took my hand, I leaned across the gear shift and into her, tears making hot tracks across my cheeks again, quietly. She ran her hand over my ponytail over and over, and I could feel the angles of her face pressed into the top of my head.

"They all wanted to come, but I said no," she whispered.

I nodded, understanding, thankful.

"Your father is a mess, Bella. I'm letting you know right now. He's was terrified they wouldn't let you go, at least not so easily. They're waiting for me now, to see if I come home with you," she continued, her voice remarkably steady. Perhaps she was in shock.

Or maybe she was stronger than all of us.

"What about Edward?" I asked, pulling away.

Mum closed her eyes, sighing. "He's like a caged tiger, pacing up and down the house-"

"-are they all at the house?" I interrupted.

"Yes. When little Danny came and told me, I rang Esme and she came straight over with Alice. Edward and Emmett found out when they got off work and came home. Your father didn't get home til a bit later; he was still out on the boat when you were taken in," she explained, her eyes never leaving my face.

My mind racing as I absorbed all of this, I steadied my hands and focused on buckling my seatbelt. "What about Mikey? How is he? Mum, you should have seen what they did-"

"I saw his nose, love. It looks awful, all bruised and swollen. We don't know if it's broken yet…" she started the car and glanced behind before pulling out into the street. "Disgusting bastards. Mikey's such a good boy."

"He didn't do anything but try and protect me," I moaned, covering my face with my hands.

We drove through the slowly darkening streets in silence; I'd lost most of my day and now the city was murky with twilight. Now that I was going home, my stomach rumbled and I grimaced, glancing over at Mum. "I'm a bit hungry."

She laughed humorlessly. "I'd imagine y'are. I've plenty to eat at home."

"How did you know to contact Father Harrington?" I wondered.

"Well, actually, Mrs. Newton was the one to suggest him. I went to go see about Mikey, and ask him what had happened. You know his da used to be a volunteer?"

I nodded. "He told me, yeah."

"Apparently, the priests at St. Mary's have been serving the community for years in this way. They're not always successful, but it was worth a try," she replied, looking over at me and taking my hand again. "In our case, it worked." Her voice broke on the last word and my heart broke along with it; one of the only things worse than my own fear and discomfort had been the knowledge that my parents would be beside themselves with worry.

Squeezing Mum's hand, I rested my head against the back of the seat and prayed again.

This time, it was a prayer of gratitude.

When we pulled up to the house, Alice was the first one out. Flying down the steps, she didn't even give me a chance to shut the car door behind before embracing me. Her small body shook with sobs and I held her fiercely.

"It's okay, Alice. Father Harrington appealed on my behalf," I cried into her hair.

She let go of me, her sweet face still contorted with a mixture of worry and relief. "I know. I'm so, so glad…"

Mum pushed us toward the house then, and immediately I was surrounded my Da, Emmett and Esme. Glancing back toward the street, I saw a few of the neighbors had come out to witness the moment. You'd swear I'd been incarcerated for years; it would have been funny if it wasn't so horrible and happening to me…

Suddenly everyone was everywhere. Emmett was bemoaning the fact I'd ever gotten "involved", and Da was using the most foul language I'd _ever_ heard him use to describe _anyone_, and Esme was asking if I wanted tea…

Edward hung back, though, sitting at the bottom of our staircase, his hands yanking at his hair. The scowl on his face softened as our eyes met, but his hands were in fists as he stood up.

Somewhere along the way, there had been a shift, I felt it, and it seemed as if he did, too. He had a claim on me now that had once been solely my parent's and Em's; what had happened to me affected every member of both our families, yet they all moved subtly away to give us space. Mum took my bag and muttered something about stew, and I sensed the others follow her out of the room.

Stepping into his embrace, I clung to his body, allowing him to support me. His heart was pounding, and he kissed my forehead before wrapping his arms around me completely. This time I was the one with the battle wounds, albeit smaller and less dramatic than the ones Edward bore, emotionally and physically.

I couldn't speak, and neither could he, and after a while I could feel his trembling start to rival my own. Peeling myself away, I looked up at his face, startled to find it hardened… blanched with anger.

"Edward," I said, sliding my hand around his neck, trying to remedy his fury with my touch.

"No," he growled, gripping me tighter still. "For fook's sake, you did _nothing wrong, _Bella! They'd no right-" he cut himself off, fury bottled behind his closed eyes, exhaling sharply.

Hoping to calm him just by being there, I rested my cheek against his chest, shutting my eyes as well. He'd been just as distressed as Mum and Da, and I knew he needed time to cool down, to accept I'd made it home safely.

Besides, I could appreciate his frustration, his righteous anger; he and Emmett had gone to great lengths to make sure something like this didn't happen, and the one time they weren't around, it did. The IRA, and the Provos like Edward and Em in particular, often struck on the offensive, but their primary goal was to protect our neighborhoods and the people in them. To have one of us taken away like that had to have been devastating to him and I wondered if it had been a sort of message, maybe.

"I didn't tell them a thing," I assured him.

"I know that, Bella. I know," he breathed, kissing the top of my head.

"They didn't believe me though; I can't believe they released me…"

"I'm so sorry," he whispered into my hair.

I shook my head. "I know, Edward, it's fine. It's over now…"

"It won't happen again," he insisted.

"I know,"

"We won't let you or Alice alone from now on,"

"Fine, just promise me ye won't do anything stupid," I begged, knowing how ridiculous that request was. What a tired, clichéd thing to ask of someone like him.

As to be expected, he promised me nothing along those lines, and so instead I breathed him in, glad to be home and not at that rotten RUC station. Another silent prayer of thanks went up; I was not unaware of how blessed and lucky I was.

The smell of beef stew began wafting out of the kitchen, making my mouth water and my stomach grumble again. I was starving.

Edward released me from his iron grip, but kept his arm fastened around my waist.

"Let's go eat; I'm being a real arsehole, keeping you out here like this," he relented, walking us toward the kitchen.

"You're not," I murmured. "Actually, I'll be right back." Unwrapping myself from him, I took the stairs two at a time, intent on freshening up properly for the first time in hours.

Once I'd made my way back downstairs, I joined everyone in the kitchen, where the mood was gradually beginning to lift. After a few basic questions from Em and Da about my ordeal, we spoke of other things, choosing instead to enjoy the food and each other's company. Mum had prepared a hearty stew laden with beef, vegetables and potatoes, and had paired it with generous helpings of soda bread. It felt good to be surrounded by the people I loved, by those that knew me best and made me feel safe.

We'd had gatherings like this many times over the years, although never under this type of circumstance, and the simple nostalgia of it was just as comforting as the food. A small part of me thought perhaps Mikey should have been included, along with his family, but I knew they were dealing with things in their own way. I'd check on him tomorrow…

All the while I could feel Edward brooding beside me, probably vacillating between a sense of guilt and a renewed lust for action; I could almost hear the wheels turning inside his head. I kept my hand on his knee, hoping that my being home, safe, was enough to sate him – for now.

When Da offered me a shot of his Jameson's Whisky, I accepted it quickly, downing it before Mum could comment. Perhaps she felt bad for me, because she said nothing until my father poured another one.

"Charlie," she admonished softly.

"Here," I said, handing it to Edward. He drank it quickly, handing me back the little glass as promptly as he'd taken it. I allowed Da to fill it up one more time, and I finished that too, grateful for the warmth, the soothing burn.

"Thanks," I said hoarsely, standing up. Now that I'd eaten, the one thing I craved most was a shower…

There was a knock at the door. Everyone paused, looking dumbly around, until Esme sprang to her feet. "That must be Carlisle; I spoke to him at the hospital earlier."

I dawdled aimlessly about while my parents served Carlisle stew and Jameson's, not wanting to seem rude by disappearing. All I really wanted, though, was to soak in the tub until any trace of the day was washed away. Eventually, I did say my goodnights, promising Alice we'd ride to Queen's together the next morning with the boys.

Edward followed me to my room, watching from the doorway as I gathered my nightgown and clean underwear to bring with me into the bathroom.

"Are you going to be alright?" He asked wearily, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn.

"Are you?" I countered, kicking my trainers into a corner and peeling my socks off with my feet.

"Bella," he groaned, coming closer.

I tucked my head under his chin and leaned on him. "I'm okay. Just really bloody tired, and I've two exams tomorrow."

"I hate this; you shouldn't be dealing with this," he said, looking pained.

Pursing my lips, I pulled away; I'd been crying all day and had no desire to revisit that. "I've made my peace with it for the most part, Edward. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. We can't go back now, can we?"

He folded his arms, resuming his position in my doorway. "Are you…sure that this is what you want? I don't want to keep you from getting what you want out of life."

My heart slammed in my chest and I swallowed thickly as I took in the meaning behind his words. "You are what I want," I responded firmly.

He shook his head. "I just don't want your plans to get all banjaxed because you're running around with me. You were getting along fine before."

The feelings that came surging over me just then were much blacker than anything I'd felt all day, and it took a second for me to catch my breath. Tears filled my eyes before I had a chance to push them back down.

Glaring into his fierce green eyes, I yanked his arms down from his chest. "Don't do that," I ground out. "Don't be a fecking martyr, not for me. I made my decision years before you made yours, so save the desperate shite."

His eyes grew round, surprised. We stared at one another briefly, until I dropped my eyes and moved past him into the hallway. He caught my hand and gave it a sharp tug, stopping me.

"Alright."

I stared at his chest. "Alright what?"

"Alright, nothing changes. I don't want to hurt you, is all." He spoke quietly, smoothing my probably horrific hair down behind my ears.

"The only way you could really hurt me is by leaving me," I said, laying it out the way I always did with him.

"I won't leave you," he promised, bending to kiss me.

* * *

The next two days were handled with almost military-like precision. Edward and Alice picked up Emmett and me in the mornings, and then we'd all drive over to Queen's University together, where Alice and I were dropped off to take our exams. Both my parents and the Cullens agreed with the Edward and Em's over-protective game-planning (which, admittedly, no longer seemed over-protective) and encouraged us to stay on school grounds until one or both of them could come pick us up.

I still hadn't seen Mikey Newton, and that made my heart heavy. He'd held the torch for me for so many years, and knowing that had cost him a nasty thump in the face made me feel terrible. He'd specifically chosen not to participate in The Troubles, but the fighting was brought right to him anyway. Perhaps I'd go to his house one evening, with Emmett or Da of course.

On Wednesday, Alice and I were dropped to my house, and on Thursday we went to hers. I was feeling lighter than I'd felt in ages, due to the fact I was completely done with my exams – and classes – for the next two weeks. I'd have loved more time off than that, but I was committed to at least one more semester before I could even consider a longer break.

Alice and I were in the kitchen, contemplating nail polish, when Edward came home.

"You came back quickly," I noted, putting a purply mauve aside for later consideration.

He stood behind my chair, tickling his fingers around my neck. "Alice, is Mum home still?"

"She's upstairs, why?"

"Good; I'm taking Bella for a bit," he announced, tapping my shoulder.

"But we just settled in," Alice pouted.

"Where are we going?" I wanted to know. Edward's eyes were almost sparkling, he looked so pleased with himself.

He held out his hand. "You'll see, come on."

I looked at Alice, who smirked back at me. "Don't let me keep ye; I'll call Jasper."

Grinning, I pecked her cheek with a kiss and followed Edward back out the front door. As was my habit now, I couldn't help but glance up and down the street, always nervous about RUC trucks. It was shite, living this way, inured to constant threat.

Once we were buckled in, Edward wasted no time barreling down the busy road. We entered into the Markets area, which happened to be considerably close to the university. Plenty of students resided there as a result; it was ideal for younger people in general, being so accessible to the city centre.

Edward parked on the curb, outside a stout brown brick building. He jingled his keys, smiling.

"This is your new spot?" I asked breathlessly, beaming back at him.

"Yeah, it's grand too," he held my hand as we walked inside, up to the third floor.

His flat was modest, and not yet decorated, but it did have large, lovely windows on two of its sides. Also, he'd managed to secure a corner flat, so we had a bird's eye view of two intersecting streets. Admittedly, I was impressed.

"This will be my room, and Em's is down the hall there," Edward was saying, pulling me from my reverie.

I followed his voice and found him standing in a small room with a sole, sunny window.

"What do you think?"

"It's perfect," I smiled, peering out his window. It looked down onto one of the same streets as the front room. "Will you be keepin' the safe house, then?"

"Yeah, we have to. It's half way across town, and we need various points where we can convene at a moment's notice," he shrugged.

"Or escape to," I added.

He smiled crookedly. "Right."

"When d'you move?"

"Whenever I want. I'll likely get the boys to help me tomorrow."

"I can help," I offered, stepping back into the main room, where it was brightest. I was almost envious; I loved my room in my parent's home, but I longed to be on my own, too.

"You can help -" he began, standing behind me and sliding his hands into the front pockets of my jeans, "-me christen my room."

"When you have a bed," I clarified, rubbing his arms affectionately.

"So the floor's out, then?"

"For now, yeah," I chuckled, turning my face so I could kiss him. "Is that why you brought me here today?"

"One of the reasons," he teased between kisses.

I turned around the rest of the way in his arms, raising my eyebrows. This was our game: he chased, I pretended to run, and he always caught me… but not today.

"You'll have to wait about two or three more days before ye get any action, bucko."

He frowned, and then understanding washed over his face. "Ah. Well that's shite."

Shaking my head, I traced my hand over the line of his jaw and chin, smooth in some places, rough with stubble in others. "Not really, seeing as we haven't always been careful…you know."

"One day it won't matter," he commented, closing his eyes as my hands moved up to his hair.

Warmth tingled through my heart and belly, the best sort of anxiousness. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

He never said it outright, but he hinted at it sometimes and really….that was enough for me.

On the way back to his parent's house, we passed Mikey Newton, sitting on his stoop.

"Edward, stop," I said, tapping at the window glass.

He pulled over and I jumped out. "Mikey!"

Mikey smiled at me; the poor thing really did look a sight. His face was swollen due to the bruising and redness all over and around his nose. My heart sank as I approached him, and I hoped he hadn't been trying to avoid me altogether.

"Bella," he answered, holding his hand out. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, looking back to make sure Edward was coming out as well. No one else was about, but we still had to make this a quick visit.

Plopping down next to Mikey, I hugged him quickly. "Are ye alright? I've been worried-"

"You?" He broke in, incredulous. "I wasn't the one carted off by the authorities. Jaysus, Bella, I felt feckin' useless."

"Don't be daft, there was nothin' ye could've done," Edward said, walking over with his hands jammed down into his pockets. "I'm sorry they busted yer face, man."

Mikey shrugged. "Yeah."

"Did you at least get your licorice?" I asked, nudging him with my shoulder.

He laughed. "Actually, I think Danny Crowley made off with it, the little chancer."

"I owe you some more then," I joked, thinking I owed him a lot more than candy.

Mikey eyed me sideways. "Do me a favor and deliver it to me house next time, yeah?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Twilight and all of its recognizable characters is owned by Stephenie Meyer**, but I, Rochelle, own this particular malarkey-of-a-plot.

Thanks to the beta queens Tiffany and Nicole, for their sweetness & love, attention to detail, grammar greatness, and sentence savvy.

thanks to those who alerted, favorited, & reviewed (especially regulars like babette, readingmama, icelandgirl812, tnuccio. much love. thanks, jime22 & rpgirl27 - for reccing me elsewhere. hugs!)

* * *

Rose knelt beside me, bringing another box to the cobwebby corner of the room we were organizing. Today was finally moving day, and the Crowley brothers had brought their father's construction truck to help Em and Edward move furniture to the flat.

Emmett, being typically single and male, hadn't much in his room besides sparse furniture, clothing and dust, so our job was fairly easy, but we'd been at task throughout much of the morning, managing to pack up most of my brother's bedroom. I'd have done the same for Edward, but apparently he'd packed most of his things gradually over the last few evenings.

I was comfortable spending time alone with Rose; our conversations had grown easygoing and effortless over the few times we'd gone about as a group. She never patronized me, and I found myself wanting her opinion on certain matters.

"We'd have probably been together if not for all this shite with living in different parts of town," Rose was saying wistfully, a light frown marring her face as she studied one of Emmett's hurling championship trophies. He'd a whole collection of sports mementos, dating back to his earliest school days.

Folding the flaps of my now-full cardboard box, I looked over at her. "Probably," I agreed, nodding. I sat on the floor, looking around. "Well… I think we're done, then."

She sat down too, wiping her palms over the thighs of her jeans. "That wasn't too bad. They should be back soon, yeah?"

"Yeah," I agreed, studying her, the strands of buttermilk blonde in wisps around her face.

She smiled at me briefly, turning her attention to her nails.

"Rose?" I began cautiously, not wanting to seem nosy… when in fact, that's just what I was about to be.

"Hm?"

"Do your parents know about you and Em?"

Rose drew her knees into her chest, and then rested her cheek on top of them. "I haven't spoken to me da in years."

"Why?" I asked, my curiosity besting my manners.

"We …don't get along," she answered cryptically.

"Oh. I'm sorry," I chewed my lip repentantly, sort of wishing I hadn't brought it up at all.

She shrugged indifferently. "It's probably better this way; he'd kill me if he knew I was seeing a Catholic."

I nodded, understanding, because that's just the way it was. My own parents had strong opinions regarding the _government _of course, but they really loved and accepted Rose; they could see she was a good match for Emmett - despite their incongruous backgrounds.

"I don't mean to pry, Rose," I said, watching her closely.

Sighing, she shook her head. "You're not, and you'll find out soon enough so I might as well tell you… I got pregnant two months before graduating and me Mum and Da kicked me out."

I gaped openly, not understanding how anyone could treat their child that way. "But, then, what –"

"I lost it," she said dryly, anticipating my next question. "All that, and I didn't even have the baby."

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, my insides twisting.

While Rose was older than me, only a month younger than Emmett actually, she didn't look it; her skin stayed a flawless peaches and cream. Her eyes, and the things she spoke of, were the only things that betrayed any sort of aging at all, making her seem wise, as if she'd seen a lot. You'd never know by looking at her that she'd endured such loss, from both her parents and the child she'd never even known.

"Oh, Bella, 'twas years ago; it's alright. I did call my mother afterwards, to tell her I'd miscarried, and she offered me my old room but… I wanted nothing to do with that. I talk to her every now and then, but there isn't any point in me telling her anything," she continued.

We sat quietly for a while, resting, and I tried to absorb the weight of what she'd just told me.

Finally I spoke up, reaching out and patting her hand. "I'm so glad Em's with you. He's really happy," I said honestly.

She nodded, her own face opening up. "He's the best part of me life, Bella. I want to be with him always."

It warmed my heart to know Em had a girl like this in his corner… and that he treated her the way she deserved, as well.

"Judging by his face when he talks about you, that's quite likely," I grinned. "Out of curiosity, would you convert? If he…asked you to get married?"

"Oh, he's already asked me that, love," she said smugly, straightening her legs out.

My eyes nearly popped from their sockets. "What?!"

"Twas a casual conversation but, safe to say we both know where the other stands on that particular subject."

"Marriage or religion?"

"Both," Rose answered, folding her hands atop her legs. "I've no allegiance to anything. I mean, I was raised Protestant but… I can't recall the last time I stepped inside a church. As for marriage, I'd gladly commit to Emmett."

She was so matter of fact about it all, and that was refreshing. "Rose, how long have the two of ye been going around?" I asked.

"A year last month," she replied promptly.

"He did a fine job of keepin' that under wraps now didn't he?" I remarked, a bit indignant at being left out of the loop.

"He had to, hardly anyone knows. I've already been harassed about it…"

"By who?" I wanted to know.

"Certain… boys on the street. We try not to hang about in public much, but he does walk me home sometimes as you know. And Edward's been grand about letting us use his vehicle, so that helps," she explained.

My heart sank further and further as I listened. If I thought I had problems, poor Rose had it infinitely worse; not only was her man a Provo, and therefore constantly risking his freedom and his life, but society frowned severely on relationships like theirs. It wasn't unheard of for members of one group or the other to attack couples that chose to ignore such societal "rules".

I shuddered. "What will ye do?"

"Keep on sneaking about for now, I don't know. It doesn't make a difference really. When the time comes, we'll figure it out," she said, shrugging again.

"So, what about you and Edward?" she asked suddenly, catching me off guard with the change of topic.

My face warmed, just like it used to do whenever I'd think about him. "He's my first…everything," I admitted, picking at the hem of my jeans. For some reason, it was easy to confide things like that to Rose.

"Why am I not surprised?" she mused, chuckling.

"What do you mean?" I asked, sitting straighter in anticipation. It occurred to me that if she'd been seeing my brother for a year, then she'd plenty of insight as to who Edward was when he wasn't with me.

Or, at least, who he'd been – if there was a difference.

Rose's eyes shone like tiny oceans as she watched me, seemingly pondering her words. "Not that Emmett was the tame sort when I met him, but, Edward's a different story altogether."

My face must have fallen, because she rolled her eyes, scooting closer to snatch at my hand. "Oh, come now. You know he's different now, yeah? He's…satisfied."

Now my face was burning. "Satisfied?" I repeated, sounding and feeling really young.

She snickered quietly, obviously amused by the gamut of my expressions. "I didn't mean sexually satisfied, Bella, although I'm sure that's true as well. You say I'm good for Emmett, well, I think you're good for Edward. He's got something centering him now - before he sort of just blazed around town like he'd dogs nippin' at his arse."

That image was so ridiculous I had to laugh. It sounded about right, though.

"You see?" she pressed, quirking an eyebrow.

"I think so, yeah. But why'd you say you weren't surprised he was my first?"

"You're supposed to save yourself for marriage, aren't you?"

The blush was back; why, I had no idea. We were obviously getting everything out today.

"Erm, yes," I acknowledged sheepishly.

"Have you?"

I shook my head slowly.

"It's hard to resist something when it burns that brightly, isn't it? Especially when it burns for you," Rose smiled kindly, squeezing my fingers once before letting go. I knew she was likely speaking from experience again.

"I burned for him for a long time," I agreed.

She nodded. "I figured. But I meant Edward; he burns for you."

My heart skipped with giddy approval.

I loved that thought and imagined I could live on it alone…

The front door downstairs clicked open and hurried shut, the sounds exaggerated in the quiet, still house. Seconds later two pairs of footsteps came trotting up the stairs, culminating in Emmett and Tyler Crowley's entrance into the newly bare room.

"Done already?" Em stooped next to Rose, tilting her face up to his for a kiss. I looked away, allowing them their affectionate moment.

"Where's Edward?" I asked Tyler, getting to my feet. I hadn't seen Edward yet; he and Em had already left the house by the time I'd awoken.

"Downstairs," he answered, stacking two of the boxes closest to the door before hoisting them into his arms.

Grabbing another box, I followed Tyler back down to his father's monstrous white truck, parked out front on the curb. He unloaded his boxes into a corner of the truck bed before twisting around to take mine as well. Meanwhile I glanced around, my tummy twitchy and tense in anticipation of seeing Edward.

"What're you lookin' for?" He breathed close beside me, his lips brushing my ear, hands kept to himself. Knowing Edward, his intention had probably been to startle me but really… all he did was arouse me.

'You," I answered quickly, shunning coy and cute for frankness. I'd realized early on in our relationship how addicting he and his mouth were, and I spun around to kiss him right away.

Keeping my hands to myself, too, I stood on tip-toe and placed my mouth on his, nipping his lip with my teeth just a bit.

"Feck," he whisper-snarled, yanking his hands out of his pockets so he could hold my face.

His eyes were inches away, vivid green gems on a dull grey and cloudy day.

Tyler passed on his way back inside, pretending to ignore us.

"Sorry," I whispered, only slightly contrite.

Smiling, he kissed me properly, two little presses of lips giving way to a brief meeting of tongues before pulling away promptly. He snuck a glance at my house, probably looking to see if Emmett had reappeared yet, before focusing back on me.

"I miss you," I said, snaking my arms around his waist. He'd been busy for the past few days and I'd only seen him in passing, when he stopped by for a minute on his way home from work. A lot had been going on, apparently, in terms of the usual planning and plotting, but despite my boundless curiosity, for once I didn't want to know.

I knew that wouldn't last, but I'd finally realized – with my stint at the RUC station – I was in this for the long-haul. There would be plenty of time for me to stalk Edward's schedule later on; for now, I was going to enjoy my break from school in _every_ way.

"I've been working extra, so I could take a few days off coming up," he explained, kissing my cheek before detaching himself to walk toward the house.

"What for?" I asked, excited at the prospect of us both having free time.

He shrugged, motioning for me to go in the front door ahead of him. "I have things to do, especially on September 13th."

Putting my little finger through Edward's belt loop, I eased him to a stop, and he turned around, grinning as we paused in the foyer. I could hear Rose's voice upstairs as it carried, followed by the deeper tones of Emmett's.

"My birthday?" I asked, pleased as punch and silly about it.

"Thought I didn't know when 'twas?" he teased, tugging my finger from his pants and hooking it around his finger instead.

Shrugging, I swung our joined hands gently. He was right; I would have never expected him to remember my birthday, especially not now, with our relationship this new and so much happening all around us.

Maybe Rose was right. Maybe… he did burn for me like I burned for him.

"I knew it was in September… but I had to ask Alice exactly when," he conceded.

"Aha!" I jabbed his chest playfully.

"When's my birthday, Bella?" he countered, folding his arms squinting at me.

"June…" I bit my lip, trying in vain to pinpoint it.

"Mhm," he said smugly. "June 20th."

"I'll remember," I promised, slipping my hands into my own pockets, containing them.

He inclined his head toward the staircase. "Let's get Emmett's things; I want to finish this sooner than later."

***

By the time the sun hung heavy and low in the sky, we were smudgy, sweaty messes – and not in the appealing sense. My flirty banter had long been suffocated by hours of unpacking, and endless trips in trucks and up staircases. All I could think about now was my shower at home and the scented soap Mum had bought toward the end of summer.

Rose was working the lunch shift at the pub the next day, so Em had taken Edward's car to bring her home earlier. It hadn't escaped my attention that they had been gone for hours, but I was too exhausted to care.

I was stationed in the kitchen, putting away plates Edward's mum had "found lying about". None of us really believed her when she said she'd discovered a full, matching set of dishes, from saucers to dinner plates, tucked away and forgotten in her cupboards. Like the curtains and the cutlery, we knew she'd snuck out and bought them for the boy's new flat.

Edward said Esme had been extra emotional for the past week, helping him pack and cooking his favorite meals. Alice and I had come to the conclusion that their mother's reaction likely stemmed from the fact that she'd been the last to _really _know of the boy's involvement with the IRA; she was probably overwhelmed with everything happening at once. Carlisle and my parents had all known, in varying degrees, for the last year or so (long before even I knew), so they'd had time to adjust.

Esme was simply trying to get used to an alternate universe in which her Edward wore masks over his face and set off car bombs in his spare time. I knew what she was going through to an extent, because I'd had to accept it recently too, but, he wasn't my child. I couldn't pretend to know how she really felt.

I'd have thought _my_ Mum would be the outwardly sentimental, clingy one but she was being very matter of fact; she had handed Emmett a bag of rags and bleach this morning, telling him to clean the new place properly before dumping his belongings all over. She _seemed_ alright with her first born leaving the nest, but I suspected that it was mostly an act, that she was tender too. She hadn't even seen the new flat yet, and I got the impression that she might be avoiding it for now.

Meanwhile, Emmett and Edward were obliviously tearing up and down the road all day. I'd the radio on in the kitchen and Edward was in his room, putting things away. Stretching, I placed the last dish on its shelf and rested my elbows on the counter, leaning heavily.

Edward joined me a moment later, mimicking my stance beside me. "Thanks for helping all day," he said, nudging my shoulder with his.

Yawning, I bumped him with my hip, too tired to even answer.

"Staying with me tonight?" How he had that playful, raffish glint in his eye, I'd no idea.

"Oh yeah, Mum would love that," I mumbled, feigning disapproval.

He shifted over so he was standing behind me, pressing his body into mine. Lowering my face to my hands, I tried not to laugh at his nonverbal, yet obvious, request. He was hard, and I was so tired it was making me giggly instead of amorous.

Placing his hands on either side of the counter, he caged me in. "Stop," I gasped, swatting at him.

"Why?" he asked, laughing now too. He turned me around to face him.

"Because I'm tired and dirty and need a bath," I whined, letting him pull my arms down.

He made an exaggerated show of looking me up and down. "Hm, yes, you do need a bath. I'll give you one."

"No! Em will be back soon," I tried to wiggle free, but now he and his hardness were pinning me against the counter again. Being physical with Edward always felt so good and right, but the last thing I needed was for my brother to come through the door and get an eyeful. He'd accepted that we were together, but shoving it in his face that way would just irritate him all over again.

"He's probably doing the same thing right now, with Rose." He was sweet-talking now, rubbing his thumbs just under the hem of my shirt.

I shivered, and my body curved toward his touch, even as I tried not to encourage him… verbally.

"I do wish Em would bring back the car though, I really need a shower," I sighed, staring past him at the wall.

"Take one here," he suggested.

"I can't, I haven't any clean clothes," I countered.

He shrugged. "That didn't stop you before," he reminded me, referring our first night together, at the safe house.

As I paused to reconsider, Edward took the opportunity to lead me to the bathroom. He closed and locked the door behind us, and then turned on the water, allowing the room to fill with steam.

He quickly peeled off his own clothes and started pulling at mine impatiently. "Come on," he urged.

"I'm not doing_ it_ in there," I said, twisting away so I could undress myself.

To his credit, he managed to leave me alone once we were inside the wet warmth of the tub. At first, it was strange to be naked with him, and not in a bed, strange to be naked together and not doing anything sexual. But as we took turns with the water and the bar of soap, sudsing up, talking tiredly, things between us naturally relaxed.

Half the time his attention was on my breasts as we nattered on, but that was to be expected… and I liked that he wanted me that way, anyway. I was musing over how this surely meant we were maturing as a couple when he reached over and softly squeezed my nipple, his fingers still slippery from soap.

"But I just rinsed off," I complained half-heartedly.

He grinned, doing the same to the other one. Then he palmed both my breasts, sliding his slippery hands all over them, giving up any semblance of casual conversation.

"You're like a little boy, obsessed with diddies," I laughed, amused by watching his hand, but also very turned on.

"Are there lots of little boys that do this to you?" he teased, coming closer.

"You know what I mean," I said, ignoring his erection bobbing between us - until it touched me.

"Edward," I warned, putting my hand out to stop him from coming any closer. I was petrified Emmett would come home and find us in here.

Dropping his hands, he stood right in front of me, water dripping from his hair. Frustrated I couldn't just have him when I wanted – when it was bloody convenient – I edged past him so that I was underneath the stream of water. I rinsed again, aware of him right behind me, watching…

My heart thumped heavily at his dark expression. "Are ye done?" I asked, looking over my shoulder.

He'd made up his mind.

"Yeah," he said, so I turned off the water and pulled aside the curtain.

There were no towels on the racks. We looked at each other.

"Please tell me you've towels somewhere," I said, feeling the slight chill in the room replace my need for a good romp.

Edward ran his hands back and forth through his hair, causing scattering droplets everywhere. "I feckin' hope so," he muttered, stepping out of the tub.

I'm sure my whole body blushed, watching him walk about naked as the day he was born. He looked perfect, but still, he'd no shame. He disappeared out the door and came back a minute later – with a bed sheet.

"So, I don't think we've towels after all but we do have sheets," he announced, holding one open for me.

"Edward! I _knew_ I should've just bathed at home!" I cried, carefully climbing over the side of the tub and into the sheet. I scooped my dirty clothes of the floor and glared at him.

"Stop yer complaining," he laughed, sauntering back to his bedroom wrapped in a sheet of his own.

We dried off the best we could with what we had, and then he gave me a plain white shirt and the same jeans I'd borrowed the last time. I let the sheet down so I could pull the shirt over my head, but Edward was at my side in an instant, easing me onto the bed.

"You're still wet," I chided, ignoring the absolute ache between my legs.

"So are you," he said, rubbing himself against me as we moved to the center of the bed.

"You're awful," I whispered, loving that he was finally, _finally _in my arms the way I wanted. He kissed me soundly and just as I was really getting into it he slid down to my chest, sucking a nipple into his mouth.

"Back to those? You're insatiable…" I smiled, shuddering with how good he made me feel.

Giving one last lick, he released the breast he'd been suckling, and rested his face on me, gazing into my eyes. I loved him so much it made me quivery inside; I could feel it deeply, almost hurting me, in my stomach, my chest, my fingertips, in the heated secret place high between my thighs.

"I really do love you, Bella," he said seriously, startling me with the sameness of our thoughts.

I knew this moment was safely etched into my mind, and so as much as I liked seeing him where he was, I craved his kisses, so I gently pulled him up to me. He held his body over mine and we kissed, slowly, locked lips and sinuous tongues and sharp teeth.

My heart was pounding from Edward's antics and I was caught between desperate lust and a forced sense of modesty. I'd be mortified; maybe I'd even die, if Emmett ever heard us. "I'm afraid Em will come home soon," I admitted after a while.

Edward groaned, dropping his face to my neck. "God, I've wanted you all week."

"I want you too, I just…" I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. "Fine, let's do it. Quickly."

He sat back, grinning broadly. "You're definitely my kind of girl."

"Stop feckin' around and do it, then!" I cried, riling him up in spite of myself.

Reaching into his wallet, he pulled out a condom and rolled it on. He positioned himself between my legs, but then instead of hovering above me he slid down.

My breathing picked up and I automatically covered my face with my hands. I really liked - loved - how this felt, but it was _so_ intimate and raw; there was no escaping the reality of it: he was tasting me.

"Bella," he coaxed after a moment.

"What?" I moaned, half stupid with pleasure.

"Stop hiding yer face," he said, going back to what he was doing.

I was so keenly aroused from all the kissing and touching and licking I crested seconds after his tongue touched me again, and had to push his head away when it got too sensitive. He climbed up my body and entered me right away, and I was so wet I received him easily, my muscles continuing to spasm with after-tingles.

For once, there was no one else around and it was apparent in the way we moved; no cautious movements or hushed whispers. He leaned back onto his knees and moved quickly, forcibly, his eyes flickering between mine and our connection. And I liked it.

I knew I was being louder than usual but I just didn't care; he felt divine inside and all over.

"It doesn't hurt, does it?" he asked, slowing down when my breath caught.

"No, don't stop," I whispered, sounding like someone else to myself.

His hips moved languidly again, his hands running lazily over my legs. "Do you want to turn around?"

I tickled my fingers across his belly when he stopped."Like how?"

"I mean," he pulled out, rolling me flat onto my stomach. "Like this."

With his hands on my hips, his thrusts were deep, almost too deep, but he went slowly, the sex more intense when we had it like this. It was primal and possessive, but I wasn't sure if I liked it because he felt far away; I couldn't see his face.

"Are you okay?" he whispered brokenly, lowering down and aligning our bodies so I felt more of our skin connect. Sweeping my hair aside, he sucked at my ear, his hot mouth melting me.

"Mhm," I moaned. Maybe I did like making love this way, so long as he kept our bodies close. He pulled my hips up slightly so that he could slip his fingers underneath to touch me and there was nowhere that _he wasn't_; I felt thoroughly consumed.

I felt like I could come again, if he just kept touching me, and I did. He followed right after, carefully collapsing on top of me the way I liked. It made me feel loved, and safe, and I could feel his heart racing against my skin.

When our breathing had slowed, he pulled out and sat on the edge of the bed, cleaning up. I sat up, too sore and spent and satisfied. And, as usual, glad I'd given in to his pursuit.

"Alright, now I'm worried," Edward said suddenly.

"About what?" I asked, reaching for his shirt to pull on.

He held up his watch, which had been lying on the floor in the mess next to his wallet.

"Em and Rose left four and a half hours ago. I knew they'd be gone awhile, but not this long," he remarked, yanking his jeans on and going to the window to look outside.

"Maybe…maybe they're just fooling around like ye said. Or they went for a drive," I said, getting worried myself.

"I wouldn't doubt it, only usually he calls to tell me if that's the case," he shrugged, turning from the window.

After cleaning up in the bathroom, again, I got dressed properly and went to the kitchen to boil water for tea. It was getting late, and I was hungry.

"I'm going to call Mum, tell her I'll be home later than I thought," I called to Edward.

"The phone's in the corner by the door," he called back, his voice echoing down the still-empty hallway.

I rang Mum, explaining the situation, choosing my words carefully so she wouldn't begin fretting over Em's whereabouts. As we were saying goodbye she reminded me of Pat O'Flynn's funeral the next morning, dampening my spirits.

Pat had been on my mind on and off all week, yet the day of his memorial service had still crept up on me. It was scheduled for ten o'clock, Sunday morning.

"Did you know Pat's funeral is tomorrow?" I asked Edward when he came into the kitchen.

Nodding, he picked up a spoon and began stirring the tea I'd made him.

"I forgot, I feel awful," I said, hating the constricted feeling in my chest. "Are ye going to go?"

"I'll go, I just have to mind myself," he shrugged, his voice wavering. He took a sip of tea and set the cup aside, swiping his hand over his face.

"In some ways it feels like he's been gone much longer than a week," I commented, thinking over all that had happened in the last seven days.

"And in some ways it feels like it just happened," he said, hoisting himself onto the counter.

I walked over to him and stood between his legs, putting my head on his chest. He stroked absently at my hair, but I knew he was elsewhere, mentally. My sleepiness started coming back, twice as bad, and I sagged comfortably against him, letting my eyes flutter shut.

Emmett came home just then, closing the door quietly behind him.

Opening my eyes, I tried to stifle a yawn as we looked at him expectantly.

"Sorry it took so long, we took a drive and got caught up talkin'," Emmett said quietly, leaning against the wall. He slid his hands in his pockets, in my opinion looking much too forlorn for just having had lengthy, lusty sexual relations with his girl.

Apparently Edward thought so too, because his hand stilled in my hair. "Y'alright, man? Ye look like shite." I turned around fully, watching Em closely.

He exhaled heavily and shook his head. "Rosie's pregnant."

"What?" My mouth fell open. "She just found out today?"

"We both found out today. She was…late, so I brought her to the doctor's office before it closed." He looked ashen, rubbing the back of his neck.

Edward had been silent, his legs dangling on either side of me. He'd started playing with my hair again. "You marryin' her?"

Emmett nodded. "I have to, but that's not what I'm worried about."

"She's Protestant," I sighed, twisting my hair into a loose knot. "She said she doesn't care though, maybe she can… just-"

"What, convert on the sly? Bella, there are people who know who she is. Just because she lives in a neighborhood different than the one she grew up in, doesn't mean she'll have no trouble. They've already messed with her at the pub," Emmett ranted, pushing off the wall.

"She can't work there anymore," Edward pointed out.

"As of today she doesn't," Em scowled.

We fell silent. After what Rose had shared earlier that morning, I wondered if she'd thought she couldn't get pregnant again, or couldn't carry a baby full-term. It didn't matter though, if my brother was anything like Edward – and I knew he probably was – it was likely they hadn't always been careful. They had been together for a year, giving them plenty of time to slip up.

"You want to marry her, right?" I asked, peeking up at Em. Rose had told me they'd discussed it, but I wanted to hear it from him.

He nodded. "Yeah, I love her. It's just a big feckin' mess."

"I've to bring her home," Edward announced, nodding toward me and sliding off the counter.

Emmett tossed him the keys. "I need to take a shower; we'll talk when ye get back."

"Bye Em," I murmured, grabbing my purse off the couch.

He hugged me, squeezing tight. "Bye, Bella."

The street was quiet as we made our way out to the Land Rover. It still smelled faintly of Rose's perfume, I thought - light and floral.

"What do you think they'll do?" I questioned, buckling my seatbelt.

"I wouldn't be surprised if they left Belfast, Bella. That's a rough situation to be in," Edward answered, putting the vehicle into gear as he pulled off the curb.

With his words, my stomach sank. Leave Belfast?

I felt like my life had been moving slowly, at a normal pace, for so long, and then with that one night at the pub, it had blown open. And now? _Everything_ had been accelerated, everything was changing, and I couldn't keep up.

As the buildings flew by, I held Edward's hand across the console, wondering if this is what Esme felt like. Wondering if, when the dust settled, anything would be the same.

* * *

_** if you would be so inclined, please take a quick second and review; i adore hearing from you guys - whether it's a question, general comment, constructive criticism, fangirl squee - whatever! i'm really all about that open communication. also, i'm super curious to know how you found the story... so let me know... _

_for those of you who do review, psshhh - i love you guys. your words make me grin and giggle. love._

_xoxo_


	13. Chapter 13

**Twilight and all its recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **I own this little plot right here, though.

Thank you Nic, for your latenight beta lovin. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Special thanks to Belli486 for her bevy of wonderful reviews and for reccing me on the Twilight Enabler. Also to Denise (DeeDee aka wetdishrag) for being my for real Belfast Bella - what a peach; she's helped me with her insider info so much...

* * *

The sun blazed bright and brazen on Sunday morning, unfettered by cloud cover and apparently with little regard for the sort of day it was. Mum ironed the one black dress I owned, along with dark colored pants and white dress shirts for Emmett and Da. We ate a quiet breakfast of toast and tea before leaving the house a few minutes before nine.

Pat's memorial service was directly after St. Mary's morning mass, and both the parking lot and the street beside it were packed when we arrived. Despite the full house we found a partly empty pew toward the front, whose inhabitants graciously moved down so we could be seated.

Trying not to be too fidgety, I let my eyes wander, searching the faces in the crowd. While I couldn't see the Cullens I knew they were there; I'd heard Mum speaking on the phone with Esme earlier, her voice hushed. I could see the O'Flynn family, though, up front in the first pew. As I watched Pat's mother bow her head sometimes, or turn to his father, my own eyes began to burn because I just couldn't imagine outliving my child…

Forty five minutes later, mass ended and the funeral began. Needless to say, it was a closed casket service, and I wondered numbly if there had been anything left of Pat at all, besides his memory.

Concentrating on the message was a harder task than I'd anticipated, and I hardly even heard the priest. I didn't know him as well I did Father Harrington or even Father Daniel but his face was familiar; he was new, from Cork, and had a soothing lilt to his voice, managing to weave a few funny and poignant stories into the service.

I'd thought I was beginning to come to terms with what it was Edward did when we weren't together, but sitting here, in a church made stifled and warm by an overabundance of mourners, old worries starting wearing again at my tenuous resolve. I could intellectualize the cause all day long, sympathize with its efforts, support it even, but in the end the possibility of loss loomed so large I could scarcely see anything else.

Caught in my own thoughts, it wasn't until midway through the service that I happened to look down. Emmett was seated beside me, and his hands were so tightly fisted on his lap that his knuckles were white, protruding sharply from beneath the skin. My heart lurched in my chest and I moved my hand to cover his, squeezing gently. Immediately, he loosened his grip and carefully turned one of his hands over, so his palm faced up to meet mine.

We hadn't held hands since I was small and we really didn't do it now, but we stayed palm to palm until it was time to leave. The physical contact loosened the knot in my chest a little bit, and I hoped it did the same for Em.

I hadn't been there, in the direct aftermath of the accident that took Pat's life. What my brother and Edward, and the rest of the boys who'd been in Derry that day, were dealing with this very second took my breath away. Theirs was a ferocious kind of pain, riddled with guilt, responsibility and maybe even failure. One of their own had died needlessly, and they were all still alive, free to continue fighting or not.

Tears fell freely now, and I blinked them away, not bothering to wipe my face just yet. I saw Edward suddenly, a few rows up and across the aisle, sandwiched between Alice and Esme. I wasn't sure how I'd missed him before; the hue of his hair was so unlike anyone else's and his family wasn't sitting all that far away. Alice whispered something into his ear just then and he shook his head slowly, turning his face slightly to look at her. In a tiny movement, she lifted her hand and carefully swiped her thumb under his eye.

* * *

There was a wake later on, at the O'Flynn home. After the burial several of the families closest to the family joined them as they returned to their home, my parents included. I had been invited too, of course, but after offering my condolences to Pat's Mum, who looked like she was in shock while her husband sat in their car, sobbing… I wasn't sure I could handle such unfiltered waves of grief, and for so long.

Feeling selfish for even thinking that way, I glumly followed Alice to her parent's car. Edward and Emmett had left moments after our families converged in the crowd pouring out of the church. Edward could hardly even look at me at he grasped my hands weakly and tried to explain that he just "couldn't do it today". He'd kissed my cheek quickly and left before I could respond, Em right by his side.

I wanted to be there for him, always, but I also knew he needed space. I didn't _like_ that, and in fact it made me feel a bit useless, but I understood all the same. They were going drinking, I knew - all of them- and that just wasn't where I needed to be.

"Are ye staying the night, Bella?" Esme asked, twisting in the front seat so she could see me.

Shrugging, I glanced at Alice, who shrugged back and smiled wanly.

"Um, I could, yeah," I responded. "Would y'mind stopping at the house so I could gather my things?"

"That's fine," she nodded, touching Carlisle's arm. He nodded as well, and we made our way back to the neighborhood with very little chatter. I stared out the window, thinking about Edward and the self-flagellation he was probably putting himself through. It didn't matter what any of us said, he blamed himself; it was his and James' mission to begin with. We hadn't spoken of the accident since the day the boys came home from Derry, but I knew he thought of it often.

For once I just wasn't in the mood for such fair weather, the happy, puffy clouds and sun oozing obnoxiously like an enormous egg yolk. Feeling too warm, I yanked my cardigan off as I stepped into the house and ran upstairs to quickly pack an overnight bag.

A few hours later, Alice and I sat on the grass in the backyard, enjoying the late afternoon chill. The sun had finally bowed out gracefully, giving me the clouds and gray I normally resented but so desperately craved today.

Somehow, having the weather commiserate with me made me feel a little better, and I told Alice this.

She giggled, poking my arm. "I know what you mean, actually," she admitted, peeking up at the silvery sky.

I looked toward the house, spying Esme as she moved about the kitchen. She'd a generous double window with red shutters that opened out toward the yard, its sill lined with an aromatic array of herbs. She had always enjoyed gardening and cooking and experimenting with flavors, so her selection changed with the seasons. Autumn was just about here, so little pots of rosemary, coriander, savory and mint were currently on the sill.

As I watched, she passed by the window, pinching off several leaves from her collection. She was making roasted Cornish game hens tonight, with new potatoes and brussels sprouts, and even though I hated brussels sprouts I'd eat them for her.

"How is Jasper?" I asked, resting back on my elbows.

"Grand. I want you to get to know him a bit better, now that we've some time off," she answered, lying back too.

"I want to know him too. I like him," I assured her. "What does he think of Em and Edward's involvement with the IRA?"

Alice cast her eyes down, not answering me right away. Sensing that this might become awkward, I sat up, resting my elbows on my knees.

"He's…ambivalent," she said after a moment.

I remained, quiet, knowing she would explain further.

"Jasper didn't go to university right away. He joined the army in America, and served for a few years. That's why he's the same year as us now, even though he's the boy's age."

I nodded, having noted the age difference but not having given it much thought.

She looked up at me, her eyes brimming with tears. "He thinks the reason they do what they do is right and brave, but he doesn't always agree with their methods."

Lacing my fingers through hers, I scooted closer. "What do you think about it?"

"I…I feel the same, I think. I would do anything for my brother – anything at all – but I hate the violence. I'm petrified, all the bleedin' time. I pray for them constantly," her voice quaked and she took a deep breath, shutting her eyes.

"I feel like that too, Alice. But sometimes I feel it's a necessary evil. You remember Bloody Sunday, how they gunned down those people like dogs…" I whispered, not trusting myself to use my voice.

She nodded quickly, sniffling. "I do, I do. I know. It's just, in the end, if no one's left, then what's the point? And you're worse off, having a brother and a boyfriend fighting."

This time I was the one to keep quiet, so I could gather myself. Everything Alice said was true, and she wasn't voicing thoughts I hadn't had myself…but I also realized I'd gone past that point. I had worked it out in my mind, and my heart, and had come to terms with what the Troubles meant to _me_, and how I was going to proceed.

Our hands were still clasped, and Alice gently nudged me with her shoulder. "You're not upset?"

"No, love, I'm not. Everything you just said is true. But it doesn't change anything. You said Jasper served in his army, so I know he understands the concept of wanting to defend one's country," I said.

"Oh, he does. He really does. I think that's what he relates to. It's the idea of innocent people getting caught up in the action… that's why he was glad he never got drafted to go to the Vietnam War. He says there was too much ambiguity with innocent people getting hurt," she sighed.

I hadn't thought about that. I knew little about the Vietnam War, other than what I'd gleaned from the telly and the newspapers. It had always seemed rather distant, especially when there was homegrown warfare right in my backyard to contend with.

Smiling, I pulled us to our feet. "I can see why you said he's ambivalent, there's no easy answer is there?"

"No," she grinned. "But he really likes both Edward and Emmett. A lot. That's all that really matters to me right now."

* * *

In the middle of the night I went to the kitchen for a glass of water. Rounding the corner, I flipped the light switch and gasped, clutching my chest.

Edward was sitting at the table, in the dark, his head in his hands. He looked up at me, red-eyed and lethargic, still in the same clothes from earlier that day, only now they were horribly wrinkled. His shirt was wet in places, most likely from the pub.

"Jaysus, ye scared the life out of me!" I cried, my heart racing. "What're you doing, Edward?"

"I wanted to see you, but…" he trailed off, slurring.

"Did ye drive here yourself?" I asked, folding my arms. I was glad to see him, but upset too. He didn't seem like himself, and I didn't know how to handle this maudlin, drunk version.

"Em has my car," he said slowly. "We went to your house first but Renee said you were here."

Standing up, he pushed the chair back and walked unsteadily over to me.

I didn't realize I'd taken a step until my back hit the wall and he was standing in front of me, reeking of whiskey.

"Are y'alright?" I asked quietly, abruptly tender for him. He looked like a lost, naughty little boy, and my heart swelled for him. I moved a lock of hair from his eyes and he curved down to hold me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"For what?" I whispered back, trying to stand still as he rocked.

"For everything."

I thought about that for a moment. Knowing the way Edward took so much on, I wasn't surprised he'd drunk himself into a stupor in an attempt to not have to think or feel. As I had times before, I wished I could take his mind away from it all, make him forget. The things that happened me, too, but Edward was always on the front lines, so much closer to it.

To everything.

Pushing off the wall, I led him back to his chair and made him sit. "Can ye just stay there a minute?" I encouraged, sounding like I was addressing a toddler.

He didn't answer, only returned his head to his hands.

I poured each of us a glass of water, and sat down beside him. "Here, drink this."

He eyed the water and gave me a look.

"Edward," I warned, before drinking my own.

He sighed exaggeratedly and drank the water, wincing at the end. I stood to get him more, but he caught me around my waist and pulled me over, pushing his head into my stomach.

"It's been such a long feckin' day, Bella. I just want it to be over," he moaned.

"It's over now," I soothed, setting the glasses down so I could work my fingers through his hair.

He sighed heavily, resting his cheek against belly.

"I don't think they've put a bed in your old room yet," I noted, massaging his scalp.

"I'll sleep on the sofa," he said, pushing my nightshirt up past my hips.

"Stop it," I chastised, yanking the shirt back down and trying to wriggle free.

"I just want to feel you, Bella."

I looked down at him, and his face was so serious, so sad, that I softened. "Feel me how?" I wondered, relenting.

He smiled a little. "Not that way."

"Okay," I agreed uncertainly, stepping back so he could stand up. I turned the light off as we left the kitchen and made our way down the hallway, which was nearly pitch-black. Edward's hand found mine in the darkness and he led me to the sitting room, where several loveseats and sofas were arranged in front of their telly.

He kicked off his shoes and we lay down on one, facing each other. He covered our bodies with a blanket and pushed his thigh between both of mine, tangling our legs. He moved his hand up my shirt again, but rested it on my hip, his thumb brushing the elastic of my underwear.

"I missed you," he breathed, still smelling strongly of liquor.

"Me too," I said, sliding my hand over his neck so I could play with his hair.

"I'll take care of you," he mumbled, sounding as if he was already drifting off.

"I'll take care of you, too."

* * *

Laying flat on the bed, I dangled my leg over the side so Alice could have a go at my toenails. I'd spent yet another night at her house, and she'd offered to paint them since it was my birthday and we'd be going out later. We were nearing the end of our break; come Monday we'd be back at Queen's and for the first time, I was completely dreading it. I'd been thoroughly enjoying myself – doing copious amounts of nothing.

I'd spent most of my days with Alice, lazing about the house, catching afternoon films at the cinema or, if the weather permitted, sitting in the last of the season's sun at the Botanic Gardens. Sometimes Jasper joined us and at night, if Em and Edward weren't at the safe house with their brigade, we'd drink and play cards at their flat.

I noticed Edward stuck to beer and stout these days, steering clear of anything stronger. He'd been so hung over the day after Pat's funeral – and his subsequent drinking binge with the boys – that he'd earnestly sworn off Jameson's forever.

Forever probably being until the next time he felt he needed it, I thought, and I told him so.

Alice blew gently on my toes, sticking cotton balls between them.

"Judas Iscariot, Bella, when was the last time ye paid these things any mind?" she sighed, not really caring. She finished and unfolded gracefully onto her back, propping her leg on the wall beside her. Capping the tiny bottle in her hand, she placed it on the floor and unscrewed another, getting to work on her own toes.

"I don't even know," I admitted. "I love the way it looks, I just never think to do it. Anyway, it's getting cold. Who's going to see my toes?"

"It doesn't matter who sees them; you'll know. And that's all that matters," she responded promptly, flicking the little brush over her nails swiftly.

"That's true," I smiled, relaxing further into the soft rumples of her bed.

Alice was, and had always been, one of the most self-assured individuals I'd ever known. Even in our childhood years, it was apparent she held little regard with the way others saw her. This could have manifested as aloofness, but on the contrary, she was genuinely warm to nearly everyone. Unlike me, she had a preternaturally thick skin and wasn't easily hurt; because of this she was generous in her fair treatment of others. Perhaps God had gifted her with the ability to truly _see_ people, to read them, regardless of how cruel or kind they seemed to come off.

Never having bothered limiting her own personality, Alice was a study of contrasts: energetic but not easily upset, sweet but to the point. She dressed impeccably, but her style was instinctive; she threw together outfits with both mathematical efficiency and artistic flair.

The fact was, she'd rather read up on sustainable development in third world countries than waste time hunting for the season's most fashionable slacks.

Having a doctor for a father and a mother who had served with the VSI in her teens, Alice and Edward had been raised with an acute awareness of civil responsibility. It was no surprise they both wanted to study medicine; Alice even wanted to follow in Esme's footsteps and go abroad to work in underdeveloped countries.

"You really won't tell me, Alice?" I asked, still trying to cajole her into telling me where we were all going later.

Alice and Edward had planned something really grand, something we could all enjoy, apparently. It was perfect – she said – because it was a place Rose could enjoy (even while pregnant), where Emmett could relax (despite his tricky situation with Rose) and Jasper would love because he'd never been. That was as much as she'd tell me, because any more information might ruin the surprise. I loved my birthday, always had, even though I felt a bit silly being the center of attention. As long as the "surprise" wasn't too overblown I was fairly sure I'd be able to handle it.

Edward and Emmett came over a couple of hours later with Rose. She has always been stunning, but now that she was pregnant, her happiness made her breath taking.

We'd spoken about it, and she said she felt God was giving her another chance to be a mother. She was well aware of how ill-timed it all was, but she was confident that it would work out. And Emmett was boosted by her optimism, as well. He had gotten her a simple gold band for her ring finger and a crucifix on a delicate gold chain to wear around her neck; Protestants tended to wear simple crosses, whereas Catholics wore actual crucifixes. Now that Rose practically lived with Emmett and Edward in the Markets area, which was unapologetically Catholic, it was imperative she not stand out.

Em and Rose had also been counseling privately with Father Harrington on the best way for her to convert, and for them to marry. I didn't know all of the details on how they were going to manage it, but one thing was clear: Rose was deeply devoted to my brother, and he worshipped the ground she walked on. Everything else was peripheral.

Being the proud almost-auntie, I looked forward to the day Rose's belly was big enough for me to feel the baby moving inside. Right now, she still looked the same, although she swore she'd begun to gain weight.

Edward greeted me with kisses, insisting I bring a heavier jacket than the one I had in my arms. To my surprise, several vehicles, including the Crowleys in their car, were outside, idling and waiting for us to go. Wherever we were going, it was as a fairly large group. Once we left the house, we stopped only to pick up Jasper from near Queen's, and then proceeded to drive out of Belfast.

At first I thought we were going to the beach, but as time went on I saw that the direction we were going in was a different one. The car ride was lengthy, but we made up the time chatting and laughing and finally I began noticing signs for Portrush.

"Wait, are we going to Barry's?" I gasped, squinting up ahead. When no one said anything I had my answer. I glanced at Edward, who grinned back.

"It was Alice's idea," he said.

"No it wasn't, Bella. It was his," she retorted, flicking his ear from the backseat.

Barry's Amusements was really grand, and we'd gone there countless times as children. It had been donkey's years now, though, and I was thrilled to be going again. I had a penchant for roller coasters, and even a soft spot for the old carousel.

"I find it funny the whole bloody brigade wanted to come," I snorted as the rest of our caravan of sorts pulled up nearby.

Emmett jumped out as soon as we parked, stretching his long legs. "That's a long feckin' drive, I hope I'm too buckled drunk on the way back to notice."

The rest of us spilled out of the Land Rover and soon we were surrounded by the members of Edward's brigade, the faction he was in charge of. I knew a good deal of them from school or the neighborhood; some were older than me and others a few years behind. There were a couple of unfamiliar faces as well, and some of them had brought girls along.

Right as I slipped on my jacket, already feeling the shock of the ocean air in autumn, Tyler sidled up and gave me both a Guinness and a hug, wishing me a happy birthday. Things got a little rowdy then, with everyone – except Rose, of course - drinking and carrying on, but it was fun. It felt good to be away from the city, to be someplace completely different, a place we'd all come as children.

"Are we ever going to leave the parking lot?" I teased Edward after a while. He threw his arm around my shoulder and started to lead me toward the entrance of the park. Looking back, I motioned for Alice and Jasper to come along, and the group commenced its sloppy journey inside.

I slipped my arm under Edward's jacket and around his waist, stopping when my fingers met with something cold.

"What-"

He promptly moved my hand so it rested above his jacket instead, glancing down at me briefly.

I knew then what it was, and I frowned, wondering why he'd had to bring something like that to a place like this. As if he read my thoughts, he squeezed me closer and put his mouth to my ear.

"It's just in case, Bella. We're far from home, and there are a lot of us here."

"So then we should be better off then, yeah? Safety in numbers?" I questioned, watching him closely.

"Yeah," he agreed, his face signaling that was the end of the conversation.

"What d'you want to ride first?" Emmett asked, next to me all of a sudden.

"Will you be able to go on anything?" I asked Rose.

"I'll be fine," she nodded. "Although, I'm sort of hankering for an ice cream wafer now."

"Aw God, only two months up the pole and she's already started with the cravings," Em lamented, rubbing her stomach.

She grinned, stilling his hands. "Let's go, then," she insisted, nodding toward an ice cream vendor.

Edward waited til they left before he pulled me flush against him, sliding his cold hands underneath the back of my shirt. I shivered, and my nipples hardened, from the chill or Edward's closeness, or both, I couldn't say.

He gazed down at me, pulling me somehow even closer. Being outside always made his eyes look even brighter.

I wanted to kiss him, so I locked my fingers behind his neck and tugged him down. He smirked right as our mouths met…

"What _do_ you want to ride, Bella?"

* * *

_VSI - Volunteer Service International. Kind of like the Peace Corps, but in Ireland; VSO, or Voluntary Service Overseas, is the British version. For more info visit www (dot) vsi (dot) ie_

_Barry's Amusements is an amusement park about two hours away from Belfast, in the seaside town of Portrush._

one story i'm really excited about these days is "Trust, Loyalty, Commitment" - it's unlike anything i have read before in Twi-fic and i can't recommend it enough:

http://www (dot) fanfiction(dot)net/s/5310641/1/Trust_Loyalty_Commitment


	14. Chapter 14

_Twilight and all recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. This plot belongs to I and I._

_Special thanks to Vixen and Cicada, who graciously put up with my last-minute cries of desperation. In other words, they're smart, perceptive & wonderful betas. _

_

* * *

_

I managed to veer Edward away before he could tug us back to his favorite ride at the park, a rickety rollercoaster that rattled my teeth and made my stomach drop out from under me. I liked rollercoasters, but going twice in a row was enough for me.

We had been at Barry's for a few hours now, the lot of us carrying on like children, eating sweets and cavorting on the bumper cars and twirly rides and even the carousel for Rose, Alice and me. It was a relief seeing Edward like this, carefree and smiling-the way he was when not weighed down by pressure and guilt. The past weeks had taken their toll on him, dimming his spark, and he deserved a day of play as much as I did.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked Deklan Crowley, who was propped on a bench outside the arcade, smoking. A group of the other boys hovered nearby, loud and rowdy with their seemingly never-ending supply of stout.

"Haven't got a baldy," he flicked his cigarette and shrugged, looking around the crowds walking by. "He was here a minute ago with his girl, but they wandered off, so they did."

Tyler placed another cold Guinness into my hands (where he was keeping them, and how he kept them so cold, I hadn't a clue), and I tugged the sleeve of my thermal down to cover the palm of my hand, creating a buffer between my skin and the freezing condensation on the bottle. I wore a jacket over my shirt, but night had fallen, bringing a considerable bite to the air.

Edward noticed me shivering and shifting from foot to foot.

"What, d'ye need to use the toilet?" he teased, squinting in amusement.

"No, not yet, thanks fer askin'," I sassed back, giving him the bottle so he could open it for me.

He pried the cap off and took a long pull before handing the bottle back. "You're still cold?"

"A bit, yeah," I nodded. "I'll be fine once I swallow this down."

"And then you _will_ need the toilet," he snorted. "You've already had–what–four?"

"Five; Tyler keeps giving them to me!" I protested.

"He likes gettin' everyone as plastered as he is," he said loudly, giving Tyler a look.

Shrugging, I thought I saw Alice's shiny black ponytail through a break in the throng of people. She looked over to where we stood and I waved her and Jasper over, wanting to reconnect with them after hours of being on our own.

"Let's go down to the sand dunes, then. I'll get a blanket from the car," Edward said, pulling the zipper on my jacket up further.

I grinned slyly, knowing full well the sort of debauchery that went on down at the beach below the park.

"What?" he asked, laughing a little. The wind blew his hair fretfully, and he pushed it back out of his face.

"Nothing, let's get the blanket," I said, slipping my arm through his for extra warmth.

Alice and Jasper finally made it over, their faces flushed from the insistent wind.

"We're going to the car to get blankets for the beach," I told them, finishing my beer and tossing it into a nearby receptacle.

As predicted, the alcohol warmed its way through my system, making me feel slightly drunk as well. I decided I probably did need to use the bathroom after all, and since we were close enough it made sense to go now.

We began walking, Edward and Jasper talking as Alice and I fell behind.

"Come to the bog with me?" I asked Alice, grabbing her elbow.

"Okay," she agreed. "Edward, go on ahead and get blankets, we'll meet you back here."

Edward smirked back at me, shaking his head. "I told you."

"Are ye goin' right now?" the blonde who had been sitting with Tyler asked. Her name was Lauren; I didn't know her very well, but she seemed pleasant enough.

"We are, yeah," I answered, gesturing for her to come along.

She hopped up and the three of us fell in to step, weaving through people of all ages strolling in every direction.

"Judas Iscariot, this place is heavin'," Alice remarked as we dodged yet another baby pram.

"It really is…has it always been this packed?" I mused as we cut over to the public restrooms.

The bathroom stalls were mostly occupied, so Lauren waved Alice and me in, saying she'd wait just outside the door. I quickly took care of business and was washing my hands when I heard Lauren's irritated voice right outside the door. Wiping my wet hands on my jeans, I ducked back out of the restroom to see two dodgy looking blokes harassing her, standing way too close. Alice stepped out behind me, and we hastened to Lauren's side.

"Ah, the more the merrier!" the shortest of them leered, looking me up and down. He wore ridiculously tight jeans and a wee black jacket, probably fancying himself as the James Dean of Portrush.

I rolled my eyes, grasping Lauren's arm to pull her away. "Yeah, I don't think so."

We went back into the bathroom. "Ugh, what were they saying?" Alice pressed, looking concerned.

"Just the usual filth," Lauren huffed, making a face. "Anyway, I'll be right out."

Unfortunately when we emerged, the two offenders had become a party of four.

We immediately turned to walk the opposite way, but they noticed and ambled over to join us, making lewd comments and invading our space. It was obvious they'd all been drinking, so maybe they simply weren't sharp enough to pick up on our indifference, but I knew this could get nasty if our boys caught them sniffing around like dogs.

"We're not interested," Lauren said sharply, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"But what if we are?" one wearing a red shirt retorted.

"Well then it's too bloody bad, isn't it?" I snapped, tiring of their antics. "Look, we're not here alone so you might as well bugger off."

"Where ya from?" the one nearest me asked. "Belfast?"

I nodded once, not bothering to answer verbally. I could see Tyler and Deklan and the others ahead and impatiently yanked the girls in that direction.

As predicted, Tyler scowled when he saw the three of us returning flanked by the four of them. He jumped off the table and swiftly walked over, a bottle dangling from his fingertips. I groaned inwardly, recognizing the half-cut swagger to his walk and the dark gleam in his eye; he was just itchin' for a row.

I glanced over to the main path, hoping to see Edward and Jasper on their way back, but they were nowhere around.

_If these eejits start up, I'm not hanging around to watch._

"Wha' ya lookin' ah?" Tyler sneered, taking Lauren's arm and scooting her away from them. Alice and I followed quickly, keen to put some distance between us and them. "Might as well get goin' now, wouldn't want trouble for you."

"No trouble here, just makin' conversation," the short one replied, smirking suggestively.

"Well go chat with someone else, or I'll have to chat with ya myself," Tyler warned. The bottle no longer hung from his fingers; now he was grasping it by the neck. By this point, his brother Deklan and a couple of the others had wandered up, watching the exchange intently.

Red Shirt folded his arms. "Why don' cha?"

Leaning back against the wall, I fidgeted with my zipper, growing increasingly antsy. Why hadn't these fools left us alone yet? They were obviously outnumbered.

Perhaps, for them, fights were one of the many _amusements_ here…

Emmett and Rose appeared, their smiles fading a bit as they took in the tense situation unfolding. Rose made a face as she sipped whatever was in her takeaway cup. She came to stand next to me, resting an arm over her midsection.

"All right then, that's enough," Em said firmly, nodding toward Tyler.

"They were feckin' around with the girls," Tyler explained.

"Just keepin' them company, is all," Red Shirt said, holding up his hands as he took in Em's size. His face remained cocky, though.

"Fine," Em replied curtly, folding his arms. My brother wasn't one to fight gratuitously, but he would fight if it came to that. He raised his eyebrows, nonverbally telling Red Shirt and his cronies to leave.

Edward and Jasper joined us just then, and I almost wanted to laugh, imagining what the scene must have looked like from their point of view. It was like one of those American Westerns at the cinema, replete with testosterone and drunken bravado. Edward frowned, handing me the blankets.

"What's this shite?" he breathed incredulously. "I leave for five fookin' minutes and there's a fight?"

"It's nothing; they were bothering us. Tyler told them to go and they wouldn't, so Em is getting rid of them," Alice sighed. "Can we just go now? To the dunes?"

"Hold on," Edward replied, his eyes trained on Emmett and Tyler.

Em walked over to us, glowering. "It's always something, isn't it?"

"I know one of them, though- I've seen him in town," Edward commented, relaxing now that the troublemakers were walking away.

"Yeah?" Em looked back over his shoulder. "Which one?"

"The little one in the back, with the black jacket," Edward insisted. "Ah well, it's probably nothing."

"Sometimes this one really acts away in the head," Em remarked, glancing over to Tyler, who had returned to his bench and was now wrapped around Lauren.

"When he's been drinkin'," Edward clarified. "Let's go, then. You coming? We're going down to the beach."

"Yeah, we'll come. Rose?"

Rose pushed off the wall, straightening her sweater. "I recognize him, too," she said, looking thoughtful.

"Where do you know him from, you think?" Edward asked as we all began making our way to the beach exit.

"One of them asked if I was from Belfast," I added.

Rose nodded. "I went to school with his brother."

"Are you sure it's the same guy?" I asked.

"Yes," she said simply, reaching for Emmett's hand to catch up with him.

The blinking bare bulbs on a photo booth caught my eye and I slowed down. "Edward!"

He looked back over his shoulder at me, one eyebrow quirked.

"Can we do this?" I asked, jerking my thumb toward the booth.

Smiling, he turned reluctantly. "Really?"

"Yeah, I don't have any pictures of you," I implored, peeking behind the dingy little curtain to see if the booth was empty.

"Because you see me all the time."

A quick check of my pockets yielded no loose change. "Got any coins?" I asked Alice, who promptly emptied a fistful into my hand.

Edward slumped in defeat. "Fine, after you."

We squeezed into the booth and put the money in. "Look nice for at least one," I snickered, fully expecting him to make hideous faces.

"I always look nice," he muttered, pulling me onto his lap.

A few blinding flashes later we tumbled back out to wait for the little strip to come down the chute. Grinning giddily, I squeezed Edward's hand.

"Are ye going to give me one of them?" he chuckled, squeezing back.

"But you see me all the time," I teased.

Alice tugged gently at my belt loop. "Let's do it together, Bella."

* * *

Lying back on the blanket, I held up the narrow strip of black-and-white pictures so Edward and I could look at it together.

"I like that one," I said, pointing to the one of us kissing. It had actually happened by accident; I'd turned to kiss his cheek, he'd turned to kiss mine, and instead we kissed each other's mouths. It was silly and cute and I couldn't stop gazing at it.

"I like it too," he murmured, folding his hands behind his head.

"Thanks for today," I said quietly, shivering a bit as I unzipped my jacket to carefully tuck the photos inside.

"It was fun," he agreed, looking up at the sky.

It would have been nice to stargaze, but we were too near Barry's and the bright lights and moderate cloud cover made it impossible to see anything.

Edward had obviously planned to end up down here in the dunes, because the two blankets he'd brought along were huge, heavy and thick. We were huddled between them, one underneath and the other surrounding us, our hands wrapped around the last of the Guinness-compliments of a completely hammered Tyler. He'd passed out a few dunes down, much to the chagrin of the people he'd driven in with.

Mostly everyone had filtered down after us, settling into little scattered groups. Rose and Em, and Alice and Jasper weren't too far off; they'd tactfully wandered just enough that we'd have privacy, and so would they.

Covering my mouth, I tried to stifle a yawn. Edward caught it anyway, and he grinned, rolling onto his side to face me. He tipped back his bottle to finish what was left inside before tossing it to the bottom of the blanket.

"I'm getting tired," I admitted, rolling onto my side, too.

"We'll head back in a bit," he shrugged, resting his hand on my hip.

"It's all right, I like hearing the waves crash. It's soothing."

"So soothing you'll fall asleep, and I'm not carryin' you," he joked, snaking his hand under my jacket to the skin beneath.

I jumped from the feel of his fingers; they were freezing. "You've been teasing me all day," I sighed, scooting closer.

"Have I?"

I rubbed my thumb along the stubble on his chin. "Yes."

"Hmm," he brought his eyes up to mine and we stared at each other for a while.

I could always tell when he wanted me, because the air between us became charged, almost tense, but in a good way. His nearness still made my heart beat unevenly, still caused butterflies to tickle through my belly, and I brought my mouth to his to calm the craving I felt.

The way he touched me calmed neither of us, though. Kisses don't cool fires, they coax them.

We kissed and touched 'til the point of frustration, and then he unzipped my pants and tried to wiggle his hand down the front. He didn't have room to do what he wanted, so he started to tug them off altogether.

"We are _not_ taking my pants off," I giggle-groaned.

"I'm just moving them down," he grunted. "A little."

"Let's just wait," I suggested, running my fingers through his hair. The wind'd had its way with it all day and now he looked feisty in the moonlight.

"Wait for what? It's late, I'll have to take you home soon as we get back," he argued, a stubborn pout flickering across his face.

"Mmm hmmm," I hummed absently, dropping my hands to the blanket. The last beer had done it for me, leaving me cozy and comfortably full.

Edward shifted me onto my back and succeeded in pulling my jeans midway down my thighs.

"You're always trying to get into my pants," I laughed, feeling effervescent.

"I don't have to try very hard," he replied, tilting my face to his so he could kiss me. "Anyway, this is tradition. This is what people do here."

He licked his way in to my mouth before I could argue, and when his fingers found the warmest parts of me, I didn't even try.

* * *

"You see, I knew it," Edward snarled, throwing the Land Rover in to reverse as he backed out of the parking space.

The jerky movement roused me from my sleepy state, and I sat up straighter, looking around.

"What?" asked Emmett from the backseat. He poked his head between the two front seats, trying to see where Edward was pointing.

"There's the same guy, from earlier. Look who he's with now," he said, turning around and letting the engine idle as the rest of the cars in our group pulled out of their parking spaces and lined up.

"Jaysus," whispered Em.

"What?" I asked impatiently, rubbing my eyes.

"Yeah, that's the one I went to school with. Lenny something," Rose piped up.

Yawning, I followed Edward's line of sight to a black van at the centre of the lot. There were a number of people hanging about, smoking and drinking, and I recognized the four blokes from earlier among them.

"Who are they?"

"UVF. Let's go-they're a no-good bunch, and we've made it the whole day without any shite," Em replied.

My stomach knotted up, and I thought of the gun Edward had tucked away.

_So that's why he brought it…_

It wouldn't have surprised me to find out Emmett had one, as well.

Edward lingered a moment longer, chewing on his thumbnail while he watched them interact with one another, almost studying them.

"Edward," said Emmett, touching his shoulder.

Edward blinked, slowly lowering his hand. He glanced in his rear-view mirror briefly and started to roll forward. The procession of cars behind us followed, one by one. I looked as we passed the UVF boys, knowing from what I'd heard that they were particularly aggressive, and glad that our run-in with them earlier had been a minor one.

* * *

Monday morning found Alice and me back at Queen's. I'd mentally prepared myself as best I could, but I could longer deny that I wanted to do something else for a while. Sometimes I even fantasized about traveling to South America with Alice, who'd be going to several countries there the following year.

That would never happen, I knew. Volunteering that way was Alice's dream, not mine. Besides, at the rate she and Jasper were going, they would probably end up going together anyway.

Because it was the first day, the university was in introductory mode and classes were brief. For once, Alice and I hadn't any courses together; after being dropped off in the morning I didn't see her again for the day. Wandering aimlessly around campus, I eventually made my way to the bookshop to ask Mr. Connelly about hours.

The influx of students needing textbooks had him too busy to talk, but he promised I could start the following week. Having nothing else to do, I walked home, hurrying so I wouldn't have to deal with any unexpected problems. Between nationalist gangs and RUC officers, the streets were the last place I wanted to be alone-even during the day.

I called Edward when I got home, but there was no answer. He was likely just leaving work or maybe at the safe house. He'd told me the night before that my return to school meant he needed to focus more on the goals and plans the Provos had for the remainder of the year.

Toward the end of August there had been another accident with a premature bomb, this time in Newry, killing three IRA volunteers. Though Edward and Em didn't know them personally, the news stung, ripping the scab off the wound that was Pat's passing. They were determined to tighten up current operations, and apparently had plans to travel into Derry in a week, this time for a meeting with other leaders and factions.

I hated the idea of them returning to Derry, but I knew it was only for talking, and not another mission.

Besides, there would be many missions to come and there wasn't a thing I could do about that.

The end of the week came, and I still hadn't seen Edward, aside a few conversations we'd had over the phone. I missed him. Throwing myself into schoolwork could only distract me so much; I'd become accustomed to him over my two week break.

When Emmett brought Rose home for dinner on Friday night, I cornered him in the downstairs hallway.

"Did Edward work with you today? Is he coming?"

Em looked past me, at the wall. "He's at the safe house, Bella. He said he'd come by later to see you."

"Did he drop you off just now?" I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, hoping Edward wouldn't do that to me.

"Tyler did," Em said.

"Is everything all right, then?" I pressed, folding my arms anxiously.

He shifted, finally meeting my eyes. "Everything's fine."

"Then why haven't I seen him?" I asked, trying to not to whine.

"We've a lot going on right now, you know that. He'll be along soon, though." He patted my arm and stepped around me so he could return to the kitchen, where my mother was chatting with Rose.

Not bothering to wait around, I trudged back upstairs. Languishing in a bath sounded like just what I needed, so I got the hot water going and scattered my clothes across the floor. After dumping an inordinate amount of bubbles into the steaming water I lowered myself in, groaning in satisfaction.

Mum rapped on the door after awhile. "Dinner's just about done, Bella."

"I'll be right there," I called back, making no move to get out. I'd limited myself to the convenience of showers lately, and now that I was actually enjoying a real bath I wasn't going to rush it.

Several minutes later, there was another knock.

"I said I'm coming," I called out, exasperated.

Edward poked his head in, prompting me to gasp and cover my breasts, which were now visible through the rapidly depleting bubble cover. "When did you get here? Wait, does Mum even know you're up here?"

He smiled, taking a look behind him before focusing on me. "I just got here, and no, she doesn't know I'm in here. With you. And all that wet skin."

"Then you'd better go wait downstairs before me Da catches you, that would be a sight," I warned.

"Hurry up," he whispered, shutting the door.

After dinner, when Rose and Em were cuddled on the sofa watching the telly and my parents had gone to sleep, Edward sat with me on my bed.

"I really missed you this week," I said, drawing patterns on my sheets with my finger.

"I know it's been hectic. How are your classes this semester?"

"They're okay. I'm not feeling as inspired as I used to. I need to figure out what I want to do after university," I replied. "Are you still coming back in the spring?"

"I have to, yeah. That was the deal with Da," he said, smiling.

"Are you glad to be going back?"

"In a way, but it's stressful because I have so much to get done first. I'll have to start delegating responsibilities in the brigade so things run smoothly when I can't be there all the time," he explained.

"But you won't stop running with them," I concluded.

He looked up sharply. "Never."

"Never ever?" I questioned, feeling anxious at the thought.

Edward's eyes searched my own, and he softened. "Not never ever. Just…not for some time."

Nodding, I looked down at our hands.

"James came down on Wednesday-"

"James is here?" I interrupted.

He shook his head. "He was; he left this morning, and he took Victoria back with him. You know she was almost arrested at the rally yesterday?"

"The one at Queen's? I didn't know that…"

"Yeah, they had tear gas and all that shite. Anyway, she'd been wantin' to leave, so I guess it's okay," he said.

"Are you going to Derry this Sunday or next?"

Edward kicked his shoes off so he could recline more comfortably. "This Sunday, but we're coming back early the next day."

I nodded, pulling my blanket over the both of us. We were quiet awhile, playing with each other's hands.

"We've another mission, Bella, happening in the beginning of November," he said quietly, watching me.

"Where?"

"Here. Do you remember last July, right before we got together, when the Brits brought tanks in to take back the areas we controlled?"

"Yes," I did remember; it had been a terrifying ordeal, waking up to thousands of heavily armed soldiers bent on reclaiming whole neighborhoods.

"You could say their operation was successful, but so will ours be," he continued, eyes narrowed.

"What are you going to do?" I wanted to know.

"I'll let you know, as we get closer to it. I just wanted to explain what's kept me so preoccupied."

"Thank you," I said softly. "For trusting me."

"I always have, Bella," he said, kissing the corner of my mouth.

"One thing you should know is that after the mission in November, I might have to leave 'til things die down," he added.

"Where would you go?" I asked, my heart pounding.

"Probably to family in Cork," he shrugged, twisting his ring that I still wore around my finger.

"How long would you be gone?" I questioned.

"Bella," he began, taking both of my hands in his. "I don't know yet. You want me to tell you things, so I am. I don't know how long I'll have to be gone."

"Could I go with you, then?" I asked.

"We'll see."

I paused, chewing the inside of my cheek. "Would you want me to?"

"I'm not going to upset your plans…" he said tersely.

Closing my eyes, I leaned back against my pillows. "I am asking if you would _want_ me to come."

"I would."

* * *

_Bog – (slang) bathroom_

_Haven't got a baldy - haven't got a clue_

_**UVF**__ – __**Ulster Volunteer Force**__; loyalist paramilitary group in N. Ireland. (remember the UFF from chapter 5? here's another, and perhaps more aggressive, group.) sometimes their actions were blamed on the IRA/PIRA (bombings etc) … which is usually what they wanted because that helped paint nationalist paramilitary groups in an even worse light._

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_

**The Twilight Fandom Gives Back**_  
_Did you know that every year over 200,000 children worldwide are diagnosed with a form of childhood cancer? We cannot ignore this shocking statistic impacting the youth of the world, and we certainly hope that you won't either. We need your help.  
Starting Nov. 15th, through Nov. 20th, you will have the opportunity to help in the fight against childhood cancer. We haven't set a monetary goal because we're firm in the belief that no matter what we set, you as a fandom will surpass it.  
For more information or to donate, please visit:  
**www[dot]alexslemonade[dot]org/stands/19842**

******(Thanks to lolashoes**, **ninapolitan**, & **tby789** for putting this together.)


	15. Chapter 15

_**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all recognizable characters. I own this plot.**_

_**Thanks to my beta, Nic, who's a "real dote". ;) **_

_**Also, big thanks to Angelsoul Cullen for the fantastic pictures! I have them posted on Volition's thread over at the Twilighted forums, if you want to see them. Speaking of Twilighted, this is now being posted there, as well – under AH (All Human).**_

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I put a crease in the page so as not to lose my place and put the book down, stretching carefully so I didn't jostle Edward. I needed to ring Mum to see if she'd mind me staying the night; Emmett had the car again and Edward had fallen asleep an hour before, exhausted from an endless week of work, patrolling, and "brigade business".

And it was a Friday. I'd nowhere to be the next day, and I was just going to end up with Edward anyway.

Between his schedule and mine, we'd very little time to be together lately, so he'd started picking me up after dinner to go back to the flat. If Emmett and Rose were there- and they usually were-we'd play cards or just talk, catching up. If we were alone, however, there were other ways we preferred to spend the time, usually in his bed.

It's a shame to let an empty house go to waste.

There had been none of that tonight, though, at least not yet. Edward had picked me up from the Queen's bookshop and brought me straight to the flat, stopping only to pick up take-away food. After polishing off his fish and chips, he'd put his head in my lap and nodded off.

I didn't mind; just knowing he was here, safe with me, gave me a feeling of peace. I'd plucked a book out of my bag on the floor and had been reading ever since, enjoying the rare quiet time with Edward – even if he was sleeping. Glancing at him every now and then, I ran my fingers continuously through his hair, pausing only when I needed to turn the page.

Darkness had fallen over Belfast now though, and while Mum knew where I was, she still expected me home at some point. Lifting Edward's rather heavy head carefully, I slid over and awkwardly shoved a pillow under it before standing. He rolled over a little but didn't wake, so I went to the phone in the kitchen, gnawing on my lower lip as I contemplated the best way to make my request.

The phone rang three times before Mum's voice came on.

"Hi Mum, it's me," I said, keeping my voice low.

"Yes, love, everything all right?"

"It's fine. Erm, so Em and Rose are still out and Edward's asleep…" I trailed off uncertainly, twisting the curls of the phone cord around my index finger.

Mum paused. "Okay?"

"I'm just going to stay the night and have Edward bring me back tomorrow, yeah? Since it's getting late and I'm a bit tired," I said quickly.

The pause was longer this time.

"Mum?"

"Do you think that's wise, Isabella?"

"I'm twenty years old-"

"Right, and Rose is twenty-three, but that didn't stop Emmett from knocking her up," she interrupted.

I peeked over at the sofa to make sure Edward was still out before responding. "I'm not going to get pregnant, so just stop it."

"So yer doin' it with him, then," she said, not really asking.

"Mum…"

She laughed humorlessly. "Never mind, I don't really want to know. Stay if ye like, but if your father wants to know where y'are I'm not lying for you."

"I'm not asking you to," I rolled my eyes in mild exasperation.

"Good,"

There was silence for a few very loaded moments.

"Right then, I'll see you in the morning," she sighed.

I tugged anxiously at the end of my ponytail. "Are you upset with me?"

"No, Isabella, I'm just tired. Go on, we'll talk later," she replied, sounding far away.

"Okay," I said, knowing not to push it. "I love you."

"Love you, bye." She clicked off promptly, leaving the drone of the dial tone humming in my ear.

_Well, it could've gone worse._

While I didn't appreciate being compared to my brother, I could respect Mum's concern. Sex before marriage was a _mortal sin_, one with possible consequences both current and eternal. It didn't matter that I was no longer a teenager; the fact remained that I wasn't married, and I was sleeping at Edward's house, in his bed.

A car backfired loudly on the street below and I jerked, tightening my grip on the receiver still in my hand. I hung it up and went to the window, watching the glow of lights move steadily up and down the street. Friday night was in full swing, apparently, and would be 'til around midnight, when the pubs and bars started closing.

A crisp breeze blew through and I pulled the window closed a bit to lessen the chill.

"Hey," Edward's voice drifted over.

He was laying flat now, hands running absently through his hair. I returned to the sofa and nudged him, wanting my place back.

He yawned, sitting up part-way. "How long have I been out?"

"Ah, maybe an hour and a half?" I sat down and pulled his head back to my lap.

"Really?" He yawned again, and I felt for him, being so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open.

"Why don't you go lie down?" I suggested.

"I am lying down."

"In bed," I curved over to kiss his temple.

He threaded his fingers through my hair, combing through the strands as I straightened. "I'm okay."

"You're worn out," I insisted.

"I am," he agreed. "Em's not back?"

I shook my head. "Not yet. It's all right though; I called Mum, she knows I'm staying here tonight."

He rolled on to his back and squinted in disbelief. "She agreed to that?"

"She did, yeah. After a bit of harassment," I nodded.

"Bella, I don't care what time it is, I can bring you home. I don't want your Mum n' Da after me now because yer shackin' up with me," he groaned.

"How is one night shacking up?"

He snorted. "It's all the same to them."

"It's just for tonight. Don't you want me here?" I asked innocently, resting a hand on his stomach.

Smirking, he sat up. "Yeah, I do. What I don't want is a bunch of shite from the family about how I'm defiling you."

I rolled my eyes, taking my hand off of him. "They'll have to accept it eventually. Anyway, I think your mother knows."

"Probably." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he rubbed his eyes.

"All right then. What d'you have for me to wear to bed?"

Edward stood, looking at the clock in the kitchen. "It's not even ten."

"Did you want to play cards? Is there stout in the fridge?" There was nothing on the telly at this time of night; I didn't know what else he wanted to do.

The phone rang, ending our indecision. Edward went to answer it, and I escaped to the bathroom, making sure this time I had a clean towel and a shirt before getting into the shower.

Edward was reading a newspaper in bed when I walked in twenty minutes later. I bit back a smile, thinking that if we were married, this is what it would be like.

"What?" He peered curiously at me over the top of the over-sized, crinkly pages.

"This looks a bit domestic," I commented, dropping my clothes on a chair near the door.

He smiled faintly, setting the paper down. "Em and Rose came home, but they went to bed… Rose is always tired now."

Nodding, I eased under the sheets. "That's normal at this stage, I'm sure. Do they know I'm here?"

"I told them," he stretched languidly, the newspaper fluttering to the floor.

"What did Em say?" I curled into a ball beside him.

"Nothing," he shrugged.

"Hmm," I shivered, not having warmed up enough. "You've socks, right? Clean ones?"

He got out of bed and began rustling around in a drawer. "Stealing my socks now, too?"

"You don't mind," I said, narrowing my eyes as he tossed the socks to me.

"No, I don't," he agreed, returning to bed. "In fact, I'd like to see you in them and nothing else."

"Is sex all you think about?" I asked playfully, pulling the socks on before retreating back beneath the blankets.

"When we're in a bed and you've no pants on, then yes." He turned on to his side, propping his head on a stack of pillows.

My stomach tightened pleasantly. "But other times…"

"I like thinking about the things we do," he nodded, drawing the blanket I'd up to my chin down with his finger.

"Me too," I whispered, watching his hand.

"Yeah? Is sex all you think about?" he teased, sliding over so we were together under the blanket.

Anticipation tickled through me. "Sometimes."

He ran his hands up my thighs, stopping when he reached my hips, where the elastic hem of my panties usually rested. He glanced up and smiled slyly. "What's this?"

"I hadn't any clean ones to put on after my shower," I shrugged casually.

Wiggling his hand between my thighs, he slid his way up, coaxing me open and grazing my warmth with his thumb. I took a sharp breath, zeroing in on that sensation, everything else dimming in my peripheral.

"So you think about it sometimes?" He brought his body even closer, pulling his now-wet fingers away and peeling my shirt off.

"Maybe more than sometimes," I amended, running my fingers down his abdomen, below his waistband.

"Even before?"

I frowned, my hands stilling. "Before we… did it?"

He nodded, discarding his pants.

"Well, not really. I used to…" I blushed, unexpectedly shy around him for the first time in a while. He touched my warm face, probably seeing how pink it looked in the lamp light.

"Used to…" he prompted, pressing my skin to his, "why are you blushing like that?"

Bodies warm and bare, we fell into a tangle: touching, tasting, teasing. He used his lips and tongue to disable me, knowing I couldn't function when he sucked my neck and licked my ears the way he did.

"Used to what?" he whispered insistently, wrapping his mouth around one of my nipples.

It was terribly hard to think when he was questioning me this way.

"I used to… fantasize about you kissing me," I said finally.

He let go of my breast and gazed at me, bringing his face to mine. "Tell me," he grinned.

"No," I laughed, letting my legs embrace him as he rolled us over and hovered above me.

He laughed, too. "Why not?"

"Because it's silly..."

"Come on."

"They're private thoughts," I said into his neck, trying to distract him with my tongue the way he did to me.

"I'll tell you what I used to think about," he offered, gliding purposely against me. Aroused from touching and verbal foreplay, we slid together easily and I fought against the instinct to tilt my hips so he'd slip in.

My mother's admonishments echoed through my brain and I sighed, gripping Edward's hips to slow him down. He was really hard now, and I was really wet, and even though we'd made love this way before, Emmett and Rose's situation was a sobering cautionary tale.

He stopped altogether, inching down so he could lie between my legs and rest his cheek on my chest. His hair was inches away from my face, and it smelled so good, soapy and clean.

"These," he began, skimming his fingertips across my breasts. He thumbed my nipple, watching as it hardened, "always caught my attention."

"Yeah?" I breathed, hypnotized by his fingers, how they looked, how they felt.

"I did things to make you blush, I told you that… but your body had other reactions, too."

_Speaking of blushing…_

"Oh."

He looked up at me, his eyes burning. "Your swim meets were always fun," he said.

I gasped quietly, thinking back to ages fifteen and sixteen, the years I'd been especially focused on competitive swimming. "I can't believe you were looking at me that way back then."

"I couldn't either, but the more I ignored you–and these–the more I had to look. And then I started noticing them all the time- at dinner, during mass-"

"You've been starin' at my tits during mass?" I gaped, although maybe it shouldn't have been as surprising as much as it was typically male.

All those years of yearning to be near him, dying if he sat next to me in the pew, he was waiting for me to catch a draft so my nipples would poke through the fabric of my dress.

He grinned, turning his face so he could pay attention to the other breast, starting the process all over again. I moaned a little impatiently, pulsing under him.

"Tis a wonder you made it through twelve years of Catholic school, with your mind constantly in the gutter," I murmured, scratching lazily through his hair.

"With honors," he bragged.

"Right."

"And anyway it's not the gutter; if God hadn't wanted me to be tempted he'd wouldn't have made women so bleedin' appealing," he said.

"Have ya told Father Harrington?" I giggled, urging him up before he drove me out of my mind. "I'm sure he'd be fascinated by your theories."

Kissing me briefly, he reached into the nightstand next to the bed, steadying himself so he could roll on a condom. He settled between my legs, lowering down, and I readied myself for my favorite kind of invasion.

Instead he brought his face alongside mine, his lips at my ear.

_"I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit. May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples…"_

"What's that from?" I whispered, locking my ankles around his thighs to pull him in.

"Songs of Solomon," he said, ready to push his way in to me.

"Oh," I held his cheeks between my palms, caught between amusement and adoration. "You would know the most sensual bits of the Bible."

"I would," he agreed, staring intently into my eyes as he pushed his way inside of me.

The first few seconds were always this way, a sort of exchange where my body bid my mind goodbye. Coherent thought bowed to the most raw and basic tactility; I found myself overwhelmed every time by how good he could make me feel.

_Will I ever get used to this? Will he?_

"I use to have to… write verses… as punishment…in school," he explained, his breath labored and punctuating his words, "but I chose… which ones."

"Mmm," I hummed, fascinated with his focus just then. His eyes were fixed on my chest, and I glanced down too, noticing how my breasts jiggled with our movements. Then I looked back up at him right as he looked at me, and he grinned, knowing he'd been caught.

Soon though, the playfulness subsided and we tumbled deep into the rhythm of our coupling.

"I love how you feel inside of me," I said, during a moment of prolonged eye contact.

"I love how I feel inside of you."

He pushed my knees open further, easing them back toward me, opening me wide. After a moment I hooked a leg over his shoulder, and he groaned, folding forward and anchoring his palms on either side of me.

I could hear my breaths coming quick and shallow, and I gripped his arms, adjusting to how our bodies were arranged. It was almost too intense, but he knew me, and always remained present enough to know when I couldn't take it, even before I told him.

And besides, I could take this; watching the pleasure ripple across his face was gorgeous.

Eventually I pushed on his chest and he straightened, pulling back and nudging my leg from his shoulder. He flung off the sheet we'd been beneath and wrapped my legs around his waist to secure me, raising my hips so he could touch me as he thrust.

I lowered my arms, letting him do with me what he wanted because it was what I wanted, and I was so, so close.

"Bella," he panted, one hand gliding over the sweat on my stomach while the other stroked me to a climax. The urge to come teased through me and I tightened, my body curving with a wave of release.

No sooner had I come down he dropped my legs and lay me flat, driving into me fierce and fast. He buried his face in my neck to muffle his sounds, tensing and then relaxing, kissing me before he rolled away.

Later, languishing and exhausted, we closed our eyes and drifted off. I had a feeling I'd resent my bed after this, for the simple fact that he wouldn't be in it with me.

* * *

The world seemed to conspire against us when it came to sleeping late.

I was jarred awake around four by a seemingly distant, but persistent, pounding at the front door. Edward was already sitting up, rubbing his eyes and mumbling curses under his breath. He felt around for a shirt before standing, unable to stifle his yawn.

_Never a dull moment, is there?_

"Is it one of the boys, you think?" I burrowed back beneath the blankets, shivering in the pre-dawn chill.

He strode to his bedroom door and yanked it open. "I know it is."

Right as Edward closed his door Emmett walked by, also on his way to the front door, and our eyes met for a second. My heart fell a little, and I was at once nervous and guilty, wondering what he thought about me staying the night.

None of that mattered, though. I got out of bed and edged to the door, cracking it open so I could see who'd come.

The usual suspects of course: Tyler and Deklan, Seamus and Sean. They seemed agitated, and Emmett was now pacing, his hand over his mouth in a gesture of stress. Edward must have sensed I'd be watching, because he looked back to his bedroom and when our eyes met, I shut the door.

Edward's weight shifted the bed, rousing me from light sleep a short while later.

"What was that about?"

I heard a lengthy exhale. "They were out last night…"

When he didn't continue I peeked at him with one eye, reluctant to fully commit to being awake.

He flopped back on to the bed. "There was some trouble with a couple of UVF boys at the pub. One remembered Tyler from Barry's."

I turned onto my back. "What did he say?"

"The usual…shite. They started getting loud, the RUC rolled through, everyone ran. Anyway they met up again later, on the corner, and things got out of control-"

"What d'you mean, 'out of control'?"

Frowning, he glanced down at me. "They were fighting. As much as I tell them not to feckin' get into it, they do – time and time again. Tyler becomes a real gowl when he drinks."

"They came straight here?"

"They ran straight here," he corrected, swiping his hand across his face. "And now they're sleepin' on the floor 'til it's light out and they can walk home, cos I'm not feckin' driving."

* * *

Summer had finally handed the reins to autumn a few weeks before; there had been no more back-and-forth in terms of weather. Days like this one were my favorite kind: bright but chilly; the air felt crisp and invigorating, an ideal between the cloying heat of summer and the aching cold of winter.

A class of mine had been unexpectedly cancelled due to the professor falling ill, and I had two hours before my first shift at the bookshop began. Not knowing Alice's schedule as well as I had the semester before, I tried ringing Edward instead.

To my surprise he actually picked up, at the safe house. "Yeah?"

"Edward? It's Bella."

"Hey, where are you?"

"School, still. My journalism class was cancelled, and I've nothing to do 'til work."

"Ah, okay. Well I'd love to talk but…I'm bit tied up. I'll see you afterwards, yeah? At five thirty," he said quickly, and I wondered it was that had him so busy.

"That's fine. I – I'll see you then," I stammered, ignoring the part of me that wanted to tell him constantly I loved him.

Our conversation ended way too soon, and I hung the receiver up with a huff of irritation. I'd been without him for most of my life, why was it suddenly so taxing to be away from him now? Strolling toward the Botanic Gardens, I reached into my purse and retrieved the black-and-white photo-strip I kept inside. It was missing one of the four pictures, the one Edward had wanted, but I liked looking at the ones that were left.

We were two weeks into October, and he'd said their next operation was sometime in November. The pain in my stomach was starting up again, and I knew that if I was to weather the next however many years with Edward I was going to have to get a grip. Again.

I decided to go to the bookshop early, figuring I could reacquaint myself with things before my shift officially began. Mr. Connelly was standing outside, locking the door when I approached.

"Hi, Mr. Connelly," I stopped, slightly confused.

The older man smiled apologetically at me, tucking his keys into his pocket. "Oh, hello Bella. I'm so sorry, but I have to close up early today."

"Is everything okay? What happened?" I asked, touching his arm gently.

"Well, my sister died, and I need to go over to the house now, be with family…"

Gasping, I clutched his arm. "I'm so sorry! What-"

"She was very old, love, older than me. We knew this was happening, had known for the past month," he explained quietly, patting my hand. "The rest of us are gathering today, to be together."

"Is there anything I can do? Are you sure you don't want me to mind the shop?"

"It's fine, Bella. I don't want to have to think about it today, and I will if it's open. You can come tomorrow," he assured me. "It's all a part of gettin' old," he added, seeing my stricken expression.

Swallowing hard, I squeezed his arm before releasing it. "All right then. I'll just…see you tomorrow. You'll be in my prayers, Mr. Connelly."

"Thank you, love, you're such a dote. Be safe now, go straight on home."

Turning on my heel, I walked briskly toward the sidewalk to begin my journey home. I'd killed all that time for nothing; I could have been home by now – not that Mr. Connelly could help his situation, bless his heart.

Upon reaching the neighborhood, I ducked into Ms. Fiona's candy shop on impulse, picking out sweets I knew Edward loved as well as the ones I wanted for myself. The safe house wasn't too far away, and I made it there in minutes, hoping he was still there so I could surprise him.

Turning the knob, I found the main door unlocked, so I entered the building and climbed the stairs, slowing as I reached the door to the flat. I could hear voices inside, and I rapped my knuckles against the door loudly.

Deklan swung open the door, his eyebrows well into his hairline with surprise. "Bella."

"Hi, Deklan. Is Edward still here?"

"Er, yeah, um –"

Smiling sweetly, I slipped past him and walked into the main room, which was empty.

"Ey, who's it, Deklan?" someone bellowed from the other room. I walked toward the voice, pausing just inside the threshold of the flat's only bedroom.

Emmett saw me first and scowled, glancing over at Edward.

Edward…who had no idea I was standing there as he carefully connected the wiring inside a half-assembled bomb.

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_Please review :) And many thanks to those of you that do. xoxoxo_

_Gowl – stupid person, idiot (but… a really fowl way of saying so. Ha, I won't expand further, okay?)_

_Dote –lovely little thing, sweet person_


	16. Chapter 16

**Twilight and all recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **I do own this particular plot, however...

Thanks to my beta, Nic xoxo for her time, patience and mad skill :) Thanks to all of you who review. I know you don't have to, so it means a lot when you do... these chapters don't always come easy (despite my posting weekly) and knowing I connect with the reader makes me breathe easy. Thanks also for the faves and alerts! ;)

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The silence must have become audible, because Edward did look up after a moment, recoiling slightly when he saw me. It quickly became embarrassingly obvious how inappropriate my being there was, and my heart sank. Edward dropped his eyes after a moment to carefully release the wiring in his hands and I took the opportunity to step back out of the room, almost queasy with the acute need to leave.

"Bella," his voice called quietly, but I didn't need to hear whatever he was going to say.

I simply needed to deal with it.

There was a flurry of murmurs in the bedroom, and footsteps right behind me as I reached the front door.

"I didn't...sorry," I began to open the door but his hand shot out and slammed it shut, startling me, making my heart slam manically in my chest as if it was trying to escape the prison of my ribs.

Edward didn't say anything.

The edge of his jacket touched my arm and I stared at his shoes, swallowing compulsively as I tried to calm the storm within myself.

_Why are you acting this way? You know what he does, who he is…_

But maybe I'd been looking the other way a bit too often, letting the things he didn't tell me fade away enough so that they simply didn't exist. It was easy to ignore the unsavory details, to disregard death and destruction when I was losing myself in his gorgeous green eyes.

Maybe I was just a God-awful human being, subjugated by my desires, acting because _I loved Edward_ and not out of any true sense of morality or purpose. At that moment I didn't know who was worse, me or Edward, and if I even had the right to be so self-righteous.

"Why'd you come?" His voice was hard, not a tone normally reserved for me. "Ye can't just be traipsing about, especially by yourself… they know who y'are now."

"I got off early…" I exhaled slowly and looked at him, finally.

He avoided me, looking at the door instead, and I panicked a bit on the inside, feeling shaky and out of sorts with how wrong the distance between us felt. Desperate to connect, I hooked my little finger through his, drawing his attention back to me.

We regarded one another for a while, our eyes flickering back and forth between one another's. Although my heart was slowing to a more peaceful pace, my stomach continued to coil and cramp anxiously.

Edward leaned against the door, keeping his eyes trained on me as if he was studying the details of my face.

"I wanted to see you," I said, letting my finger go slack so it slid from his. "But I'll go."

"I want to see you too, but this is not the time."

"I see that," I shifted my weight, tightening my grip on the strap of my backpack.

"I'll have one of the boys drive you-"

I shook my head. "No."

"Ye can't stay, Bella."

"Obviously," I muttered.

"Then what's the problem?" he asked impatiently, straightening up.

"I don't want one of them to drive me. Just let me go, I'll be fine," I said. I knew why he wanted someone to accompany me home, but I was so tired of being coddled. It had been a mistake to come, I knew it- everybody in the flat knew it-and all I wanted was to go back the way I'd bleedin' come.

"Not by yourself."

"Fine!" I snapped, the nervous energy within me manifesting in irritation.

Emmett walked out of the bedroom, pulling his jacket on. "Come on, Bella, I'll take you."

Edward shook his head, frowning. "Maybe I should just go, Emmett."

"Don't be a wanker, I'll take her. Go finish up, ye can't just leave that shite layin' about," Emmett sighed. "Where are the keys?"

"Kitchen counter," Edward shoved his hands into his pockets, watching me once again. I knew there was more he wanted to say, I could see it on his face and feel it, but he didn't speak up so I didn't ask.

"I'll see you later, okay?" I whispered, opening the door.

But he followed me into the hallway and turned me around, snarling his fingers in my hair.

"If something happened to you, I would never forgive myself," he said in a fierce whisper, his eyes dark and wild.

"I know," I whispered, feeling my innermost parts collapse in on themselves.

"I am _always_ making you cry," he shut his eyes and touched our foreheads together.

"It's not like that," I shook my head slightly.

"But it is. How am I good for you?" he asked.

I pulled back a little, prompting him to open his eyes. "Do you love me?"

His fingers withdrew from my hair and he nodded.

"Then you're good for me."

Emmett came out and I turned to follow him down the hallway.

"I'll be by later," Edward promised from behind me. I spared a glance over my shoulder to see him turn and disappear back inside the flat.

Emmett slowed, wordlessly offering his arm, and I slipped mine through it.

* * *

Hanging around the kitchen while Mum made dinner almost always helped me focus my thoughts and feelings. It wasn't that I wanted to forget what I'd seen at the safe house earlier that afternoon; I simply craved normalcy, and the soothing, aromatic warmth of my mother's kitchen provided that. This was the one room in the house that had remained the same my entire life, and that in itself was comforting.

Besides, she was making a pound cake for dessert, and I'd always had a knack for baking.

Emmett brought Rose by around six and then left again, saying he had to run a few errands. I had my suspicions about what sorts of "errands" he meant, but needless to say I kept them to myself.

Once dinner was assembled and simmering on the stove, Mum made a kettle of tea and sat with Rose at the table while I lost myself in the catharsis of cake-baking.

Rose had been going to mass with our family regularly for the past month. At first, she'd found a few of the practices a little odd, like being locked in a tiny booth for confession, but she seemed to be getting used to it. She'd also begun conversion classes in September; the full RCIA process would take until Easter, but Father Harrington had agreed to meet with her twice a week instead of the customary one in light of her situation.

Being raised Catholic, I sympathized with the staggering amount of information Rose was now having to process; it was like going to university. What had taken Alice, Em, Edward and I thirteen years, Rose was going to have to accomplish in six months. She was preparing now to make her first communion, something we had all done at age seven.

Additionally, Em and Rose had been attending pre-marital counseling sessions with Father Harrington once a week so that they could be wed as quickly as possible. While Father didn't approve of the fact that Rose and Emmett had gotten pregnant out of wedlock, he could appreciate their desire to make it right.

The wedding, which would be a small, simple ceremony at St. Mary's, was scheduled for the first of November. Mum and I were helping Rose plan it, along with the intimate gathering afterwards in our backyard. The narrow space behind our house was small but pretty and very welcoming thanks to Mum's green thumb.

It made me a bit sad that Rose's parents would not be present, but she'd assured me that this was for the best. She was still estranged from her father and his side of the family, and though she spoke from time to time to her Mum, they weren't close, either. Still, I couldn't imagine my own flesh and blood disowning me that way, and the fact that my parents so welcomed Rose as a daughter, despite religion and the unplanned pregnancy, truly warmed me.

Mum and Rose were going over potential wedding cake designs when Emmett and Edward came through the front door. My heart still beat funny when I knew he was near and I rolled my eyes at myself, tearing off a piece of wax paper with which I could butter the cake pan.

"All right, all right, keep your alans on," Emmett boomed obnoxiously into the room, smacking loud, wet-sounding kisses on Mum and Rose. I cringed, waiting for the assault and sure enough he planted one on me next. Edward's entrance was subtler, and even without turning around I suspected he was hugging my mother.

"Are ye staying for dinner, love?" she asked him, and I turned to see her rubbing his arm affectionately.

Edward glanced over, smiling crookedly when our eyes met. "I could, yeah."

"You should," I said nonchalantly, turning my attention back to the batter. Carefully lifting the heavy glass bowl, I emptied its contents into the waiting pan.

"An hour, right?" I called over my shoulder, sliding the pan into the oven.

Mum jumped up from her seat, unable to resist sticking her hand in the proverbial pot. "Right," she nodded, setting the timer herself. She checked the pots and pans on the stove and, satisfied all was well, returned to the table where Rose was showing Em a sketch of the cake she liked.

Edward leaned on the counter next to me, lazily licking the wooden mixing spoon I'd been using.

"It'll taste better when it's cooked," I remarked, trying to ignore the way his tongue lapped the batter. Plucking the spoon from his fingertips, I leaned in for a quick peck.

"I guess I couldn't wait to taste it," he replied, smirking at his own suggestiveness.

We had heavier things to discuss, but in moments like these there was no denying how close we'd become, how easily we got along. I'd seen enough long term relationships and marriages to understand that the butterflies and blushes wouldn't last forever, but that was okay.

I wanted to be with Edward always, to have what my parents had.

And I knew "always" was a fairy-tale word, that plenty of people promised "always" and "forever" and ended up with nothing; sometimes I wondered if I was naïve to think that after just a few months Edward and I would be any different. If he hadn't indicated that he thought about the future, I'd be a lot more careful about protecting my heart.

The sound of Em scooting his chair closer to the table roused me from my reverie, and I snuggled closer to the oven, glad for the warmth it provided in an otherwise drafty kitchen.

"When's Da comin' home?" I asked, eyeing the clock. It was past seven, and he was usually home from the pub by now. He still spent plenty of time socializing with his chums from the past; apparently no violence or threat of danger was severe enough to keep them from enjoying their pints each evening.

"Ah, the car was givin' him trouble again. He stopped off at the mechanics after work, so he did," said Mum.

"In that case, we'll be upstairs. Call me when the timer goes off, yeah?" I said, catching Edward's eye. He followed me out of the kitchen, placing his hand at the small of my back as we climbed the stairs.

Making sure to shut the door soundly, I sat on my bed and patted the spot next to me.

Edward sighed, the faintest smile playing at his lips. "I'm supposin' ye want to talk it out," he said.

"Yeah," I shrugged.

He flopped backward on to the bed, making the mattress - and me - bounce.

"This is where you first kissed me," I mused romantically, lying back also so that we were side by side.

"It is, isn't it," he said, watching me sideways. He chuckled and shook his head a bit, probably at my utter girlishness "So, out with it. I can tell you've been stewin' all day."

Rolling onto my side, I scowled lightly. "How d'you know what I've been thinkin' on?"

"Because I know you. You were ready to eat the head of me earlier," he teased.

"I was not!" I shoved him.

"You were," he said softly, lacing his fingers behind his head.

"I wasn't angry," I sighed. "I was caught off guard, and really scared… for you."

He didn't say anything for a while, and I stayed quiet, choosing my words. There was plenty I needed to say, and would, but I hadn't brought him upstairs only to gripe. Sometimes, just being with him was enough, and I could let myself appreciate that if nothing else.

Still though, seeing the bomb today had unnerved me, and I wanted him to know.

_Life is fleeting enough without shoving yourself in harm's way every chance you get…_

He took a deep breath and I turned to him expectantly.

"What do you want me to say, Bella? We can't keep on having the same discussion over and over. This is what I do."

"You said if anything happened to me you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself," I began, propping myself onto my elbow.

He nodded, staring at the ceiling.

Forcing myself to look at him, I spilled out the words that had been running through my mind -in one form or another - all day. I didn't have the energy for tact or evasive language.

"Don't you know I feel the same? Nothing I say can stop you from doing this. It calls to you, and I accept that. But ye need to put yourself in my shoes. Pat _died_ doing the very same thing you were doing today, and the thought of losing you that way kills me. You say you'd never forgive yourself if I was hurt, but I'd lose it entirely if anything happened to you. I love you, but I hate this. I hate this life. I can't have forever with you if you die!"

At this point the tears that had been threatening me all bloody day came seeping out and I sat up, wiping my face. Frankly, I didn't care if he saw me crying; this was my truth, and he could do with it whatever he wanted.

The bed shifted as he moved closer. "Bella," his voice seemed very hushed.

Sniffling, I looked at him, self-conscious about how unapologetically direct I'd just been.

He rested his hand on my thigh and squeezed. "You really want that?"

My mind felt jumbled up and I frowned, confused. "Want what?"

"You said," he paused, and for one of the first times ever I saw his vulnerability. "Forever?"

_So much for feckin' subtlety._

Maybe barreling on ahead would be the best approach, after all. "Yes, I think about…that."

He nodded thoughtfully, staring at the floor.

"I've known you my whole life; there's just not anyone else," I blurted, silently cursing my inability to be even a bit couth.

Edward snorted, looking at me. "So I win by default?"

"Yeah," I grinned, averting my eyes. This conversation wasn't going the way I'd expected at all, which was both good and bad. Good, because we were talking about _us, _bad because we were avoiding the real issue.

"Jaysus, you're scarlet," he remarked, running the back of his hand across my warm cheeks.

Silence ensued. The front door downstairs closed loudly, distantly; Da was home.

"I don't want to lose you, Edward, not when I just got you," I admitted, taking his hand off of my face so I could hold it on my lap.

"This makes everything so hard," he said, staring at our hands.

"Why?"

"Sometimes it's easier to die for something than to live for it. I don't want to break your heart, Bella."

"Too late," I whispered.

He turned my face so that I was looking at him. "I can't promise you nothing bad will happen, but I will do my best to prevent it. It's going to have to be enough for now."

I nodded, understanding. This was what I had agreed to from the very beginning, whether I'd realized it or not. The bad came with the good, and that's the way it was.

"This is why it's easier not to get involved," he laid back, pulling me gently with him. "You complicate me."

"Sorry," I said, both regretful and delighted at his words.

"You're on my mind at the worst times," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good," I said, and he wrinkled his brow.

There was a knock at the door. Wiping my face, I sat up, leaving Edward to marinate in his thoughts.

"We're going to eat," Rose called, and I wondered why they'd sent her of all people to tell us.

"All right, we'll be down soon," I replied, wondering how long we'd been upstairs and if the cake was nearly done. Knowing mum, she'd likely taken over and dealt with it herself.

Edward pulled me back down, making my stomach flip at his touchiness. "You'll be fine, yeah?"

"Sure," I pulled myself closer to him so our mouths were almost touching. Sensing what I wanted, he pushed me onto my back and bent to kiss me.

* * *

"I've a mouth on me," Da was saying, drumming his fingers on the kitchen table. He shook his head in amusement when Edward and I walked in. "Ah, kind of you's to join us."

"Hi Da," I went straight over and hugged him as tightly as I could, kissing both cheeks affectionately.

"Are ye French now?" he teased, his eyes glowing.

"Not that I know of, unless Mum's keepin' secrets," I sassed back. The timer went off and I turned quickly, smug when I reached the oven before Mum.

The cake was perfect when I pulled it out, and I inhaled indulgently.

Crowding 'round the table, we hurriedly intoned the usual grace of "Bless us Oh Lord" before digging into Mum's supper.

Mum and Da were sitting side by side, talking quietly, chuckling every now and then at some private joke or another. Em rested one hand on the back of Rose's chair while the other steadily shoveled food in to his mouth. Every now and then he'd kiss her cheek or touch her hair, and she'd feed him a bit of food from her plate.

"I'll have to go in a bit," Edward whispered in my ear, stealing my smile.

"Already?" I asked. "Don't you want cake?"

"I'll have a slice," he nodded, putting down his fork.

I rose from the table, collecting some of the other empty plates and placing them in the sink. While I was incredibly glad for my brother and Rose, seeing the closeness they shared tugged at my heart; soon they would be leaving with Edward, free to spend the night - and the rest of their lives - together, and I would be stuck home, alone.

* * *

Jasper, Alice and I stood outside the library, observing as crowds amassed for yet _another_ civil rights sit-in. There had been rain earlier, and both the grass and concrete were still damp in places, but for the most part the weather had dried up nicely, leaving the day brisk and bright. Thursdays were my free days; I'd made sure to call Mr. Connelly just in case, but the shop was quiet and he'd encouraged me to enjoy my day off.

Teeming with the young and idealistic, Queen's was still quite a hot spot for sit-ins, protests and marches, especially those of an irenic nature. Jasper and Alice had attended the events a lot in the beginning, but lately the break outs of violence were a deterrent. I was usually working, out of the loop and oblivious to any of the excitement - good or bad.

Today's protest was a joint effort between the campus NICRA group and the People's Democracy, two student organizations coming together to speak out against sectarianism and police brutality by task forces like the RUC and the USC, known by most as the B-Specials.

We found a less crowded spot near a bench and took a seat, a little ways back from the majority of the chanting, sign-wielding students. Speakers took the make shift podium one by one, inciting everyone and even I began feeling feisty.

Jasper grinned in amusement after I'd yelled in approval following one particularly eloquent call for unity.

"Okay, so it's hard to resist," I grinned back, shrugging.

"They're a charismatic bunch, that's for damn sure," he drawled, lacing his fingers behind his head as he slouched comfortably on the bench. "Doesn't matter where you go, Belfast to Boston, this is what's happening."

"How long d'ye think you'll stay?" I asked.

"I'll probably head back for good next spring," he said, glancing briefly at Alice before squinting ahead.

"Oh! Sooner than I thought," I said, also looking at Alice to see how she felt about that.

She felt me watching and shot me a sideways glance, shaking her head almost imperceptibly. We'd be chatting about that later, I'd a feeling.

"Yeah, well… I originally wanted to do a year, but I've been making a lot of headway with my classes. I hardly go out, unless it's with little miss here," he said affectionately, stretching his arm out to pull Alice close.

"I can relate," I sighed, thinking of my own hyper-active class schedule.

Just then Deklan Crowley walked by, doing a double take when he saw me.

"Hey," I said, sitting up straight. Immediately, I scanned the faces in the crowd, wondering if Edward was around.

Deklan walked over, nodding at Jasper.

"Yer into this shite now?" he laughed, jerking his head back toward the commotion.

"Yeah, it's all the same, isn't it, minus the guns," I shot back, narrowing my eyes, but smiling too.

"I suppose, yeah," he conceded, looking around.

"Are the others here?" I wanted to know.

He tilted his head in the direction from which he'd come. Tyler, Seamus, Emmett and Edward were strolling up the path along with four or five other boys I sort of knew.

Standing, I shoved my hands in to the pockets of my jeans. "What're ye all doin' here?" I asked Deklan quietly, noticing the second Edward's eyes found me.

"You don't really think everyone is here for peaceful protest, do ya? Come now, yer a smart one," he replied.

The others stopped when they reached our bench, Emmett winking at me before squatting down to speak to Jasper. Edward and I met in the middle, and I tiptoed to kiss him in greeting.

"I didn't expect to see you here," I commented, my heart fluttering as the wind tussled his hair.

"Didn't expect to see you here, either," he said. His voice was sweet, but his body language seemed off, tense somehow.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, looking around nervously.

"It's fine, just…" he trailed off, his eyes continually scanning the crowd.

Then I understood, and the potential for something awful happening pricked at my sense of well-being. When would our lives ever be calm?

After a time, Emmett tapped Edward's arm. "Where's Tyler now?"

"Went to the shitter, so he did," Deklan answered.

"He's been gone awhile, hasn't he?" Em insisted, frowning.

Deklan leaned up against a nearby tree. "Maybe it was that new fish and chips place, I told him not to go but he…"

I blocked him out at the point, having no interest in his brother's digestive woes. Edward looked troubled, even more so than before, and I touched his arm.

"_What_ is the problem? Are those blokes here today?"

He looked at me sharply. "Yeah, actually, outside on the street."

"I'm going to go look fer him," Em announced, looking meaningfully at Edward. I looked apprehensively back and forth between the two of them, growing more disquieted by the second. Was there a reason they were this mindful of Tyler's absence?

Had this anything to do with all of the almost-fights he'd been getting into?

"Jaysus, fine," Deklan muttered, pushing off the tree. I really didn't understand him; it was his brother in question; why wasn't he more concerned?

The Crowleys had never been known for smarts but _Jesus, Mary and Joseph_, this one was thick as a ditch.

Jasper stood up, too, sighing. "As usual, the shit's about to hit the fan, so I think I should escort you ladies to a safer spot."

To the naked eye, nothing seemed amiss. The rally was still going strong, the speeches punctuated by loud chants and cheers, everyone behaving civilly. Of course the presence of RUC officers on the fringes, making sure the activities remained peaceable, were an eyesore – especially since it was their methods the rally was protesting – but otherwise all seemed well.

"I'm taking them to my apartment, okay man?" Jasper said to Edward.

"Yeah, good," Edward replied, absently, already in motion. My stomach churned sickeningly; I hated when he got this way, acting on his nerves and going on autopilot. If anything, not knowing only added to my stress.

"Alice, give him Jasper's phone number so he can find us later," I said. She quickly tore a piece of paper from her book bag and jotted down the number, handing it to her brother.

"Go on, I'll be by for you later," he said, glancing at me.

We diverged upon reaching the edge of the campus, Edward and the boys turning left onto the street and Jasper leading us right, in the direction of his flat.

RUC trucks and even an ambulance idled on the curbside, waiting in the event things turned ugly. Jasper said he lived only three blocks away, and we walked quickly, silently acknowledging the need to get off the street.

Suddenly Alice gasped, jerking Jasper and I to a stop.

Before I could ask what was wrong, I followed her gaze into the alley we were about to pass. Tyler Crowley lay in a bloody heap on the ground, one of his legs bent at an unnatural angle.

"Oh, my God!" I cried, racing down the alley. Jasper was right behind and he dropped to his knees, carefully holding Tyler's wrist so he could check for a pulse.

"This isn't good, I can hardly feel anything," he said breathlessly. Standing, he looked around wildly. "Where's the nearest phone?"

"There's already an ambulance out there!" Alice whimpered, tears streaking her face. I was crying too, shaking so hard I could barely breathe.

Without another word, Jasper sprinted out of the alley. Alice and I stayed with Tyler, whispering and praying over his motionless body. His blonde hair was soaked with blood, his face stained incarnadine, black and blue.

"Alice, his eyes," I sobbed.

"What?" she leaned down, crying out when she saw for herself how swollen shut his eyes were, how bruised his face was.

The ambulance pulled up out on the street and two paramedics rushed out, promptly pushing us out of the way so they could assess Tyler's injuries.

"Can I ride with him?" I asked moments later, once they had secured him onto a stretcher and were wheeling him into the ambulance.

"Only one of you," the dark-haired paramedic answered, never taking his eyes off of Tyler.

"I'm going to go," I told Jasper and Alice. "I don't want him to be by himself."

Jasper nodded. "If I see the others, or if Edward calls, I'll let him know."

Inside the ambulance, I asked if it would be okay for me to hold Tyler's hand, but apparently there was a good chance some of his fingers were broken. I gazed down at his broken body, hot waves of pure fear and helplessness washing over me.

"We see this shite all the time…" the other paramedic sighed, shaking his head. "…'tis a bleedin' shame."

He looked directly at me, finally. "You can put yer hand on top of his; just don't hold it, yeah?"

Gently, I did just that, praying the whole way.

* * *

**NICRA **- Northern Ireland Civil Rights Association (_campaigned for civil rights for the Roman Catholic minority in Northern Ireland during the late 1960s and early 1970s._ )

**People's Democracy** - (_felt the only way rights could be achieved for N. Ireland's Catholic minority would be to establish a socialist republic for all Ireland. Often worked with NICRA in terms of marches etc (although NICRA didn't share the extreme left politics) )._

**USC/ "B Specials**" - Ulster Special Constabulary (_reserve police force; welcome by unionist (loyalist/Protestant) community because the felt it helped defend them against the IRA. Mistrusted and disliked by the Catholic/nationalist community, who felt the USC was anti-Catholic.)_

**RCIA **- Rites of Christian Initiation for Adults (_basically, the official set of Catholic conversion courses. For adults.)_


	17. Chapter 17

**Twilight & all recognizable characters all belong to Stephenie Meyer. **Rochelle Allison owns this plot & all ensuing drama, however.

_thanks so much, my lovely beta-fish NicNic. you always help me out even when you're pressed for time. you are truly selfless and sweet and sugar and ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY! a pint of Guinness for ye._

* * *

Minutes after the ambulance reached Royal Victoria Hospital, and I'd gone as far as I could go before being forced away by those tending to Tyler, I located Carlisle. He contacted Tyler's parents right away from a phone at the desk in the orthopedic unit he was in charge of. Diana Crowley came almost immediately, little Danny in tow. Their faces were blanched with identical expressions of worry and anguish, and I sank lower into the chair I'd been sitting in, feeling vaguely apprehensive. Mrs. Crowley had a reputation for being quite a shrew, and while I ached with compassion for the woman, I didn't want to be the target of her misplaced emotional outburst.

Even within the Catholic community, each family had its own experiences and opinions when it came to the Troubles; some loved and welcomed the IRA and others despised them as troublemakers. I hadn't any idea how the Crowley's felt about their two eldest son's involvement with the neighborhood Provos. If Mrs. Crowley disapproved, and she knew who Edward was – and who I was – things could get ugly, and I wasn't sure I could deal with anything else just then.

Danny sought me out like a heat-seeking missile and was at my side in seconds, eyes wide as saucers.

"What did they do to him?" he asked, his lower lip trembling as he sucked it between his teeth.

He looked so little and pale, and the whole situation broke my heart – much it had when he'd been the one to inform me of Pat O'Flynn's death. I hated that this child had to try and make sense of such horrible, _adult_ matters; Danny's main concerns should have been of finishing homework and avoiding chores, not of people he knew suffering violently.

Instinctively I reached to gather him into my arms and he came willingly, pressing his skinny little body as close as he could.

"They beat him up really bad, Danny, but the doctors here are going to fix him," I said as reassuringly as I could manage, praying that my words weren't well-intentioned lies.

He nodded, and I released him, not wanting to be overbearing. Mrs. Crowley hurried over just then, having finished her discussion with the nurse at the reception desk down the hall.

"Bella," she greeted me briskly. I could see plainly that her face had been recently scrubbed of tears.

"Hi, Mrs. Crowley," I replied, willing myself to look her in the eye. She deserved my full attention, as a frightened mother, regardless of the way she acted in general.

"Are y'alright?" she asked, staring dully at my hands, which were clenched in my lap.

Looking down, I saw with horror that my hands were speckled and smeared with blood.

My stomach lurched; I'd been so preoccupied with worry, I hadn't even bothered to really look at them, let alone wash them. "I'm…fine," I murmured, standing. "I'll be right back."

In the bathroom, I caught sight of myself in the mirror, taking in my reflection's sallow complexion and stringy hair. Too drained to really care, I wondered absently how many more tragic or frightening incidents I'd have to withstand before fully losing my mind - and my looks, too. Scalding water burst out of the faucet, and I jerked my hands away in a quick flash of pain, carefully adjusting the temperature so I could wash my hands clean of blood and grime.

Back in the stark hallway outside Tyler's room, I could hear rapid, heavy footsteps approaching. Mrs. Crowley and Danny had disappeared – probably into Tyler's room; Edward, Emmett and Deklan abruptly turned the corner and I flattened myself against the wall, warily anticipating the anger and tension.

Deklan raced past, going straight through the heavy double doors separating us from his brother's room.

Edward was eerily calm, and that disturbed me more than his rage because I knew him well enough to recognize when he was in planning mode. Too emotionally exhausted to even ask, I sank into him, letting him support me.

"Tell me what happened," he said calmly, working his fingernails gently over my scalp.

I explained the way we had found Tyler, and why I'd chosen to ride with him. "Didn't Alice tell you? Where is she?"

"I left her with Jasper," Edward responded, looking down at me. "I'm worried about you, you know."

Frowning, I held myself away from him, so I could see his face. "Why? You think they'll come after me now?"

"Yes," he said simply, darkness passing across his face. Barely blinking, he looked at me, running his thumbs across the paper-thin skin beneath my eyes.

Carlisle came through the set of double doors, his face expressionless.

"He's not doing too well, but he is stable."

My legs felt as if they might give out, and I sat in a huff, staring at the floor tiles.

"Is he awake?" Edward asked.

Carlisle shook his head slowly. "No. He's plenty of painkillers running through his bloodstream, so he'll be out for a good bit. Ye might as well head home, now."

"What did they do to him?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"Besides multiple lacerations on his face and head, as well as severe bruising covering most of his body, he has several broken ribs. His worse injury is in his legs though; they knee-capped him. It's going to be awhile before he can walk."

My chest tightened, and I wrapped my arms around myself weakly. How much longer would Tyler have survived had we not walked by the alley where he lay? Thinking about the pain he must have felt before losing consciousness made my stomach roll and I gasped softly, trying to calm down.

"Fookin' bastards," Edward snarled loudly, causing the nurse down the hall to look up in alarm.

"Edward," his father warned, frowning. "Go home. Now."

The thought of Tyler waking up alone and in pain had immobilized me earlier, but now that his mother and brothers were with him I felt all right about leaving. Nodding at Carlisle, I got to my feet and followed Emmett, who had already started walking toward the elevators.

Edward reached for my hand. "It was risky for you to come here by yourself, but I'm glad you did. Tyler shouldn't have been alone, whether he was conscious to realize it or not."

"I couldn't leave him," I shrugged, glancing up at my brother as he repeatedly poked the button that would summon the lift to our floor. He looked a mess; shoes untied, pants dirty along the hem. He tapped his foot impatiently, and I noticed his hands were in fists – something he always did when he was anxious.

"You okay, Em?"

"Not really… I need to get to Rose, she's probably worried now," he answered, getting into the waiting elevator car.

We descended to the lobby in silence and stepped out into the late afternoon sun. It had rained again while I'd been inside the hospital, giving the world a glistening, clean appearance. We didn't speak much on the ride over to Edward and Emmett's, and my brother was out of the car before we'd even come to a complete stop.

"I'm going to bring her home, yeah?" Edward called out.

Em waved and vanished inside the building.

We spoke very little on the way to my house, mentioning only the most minor things in passing.

When we stood outside my door, and I rummaged through my bag to locate my keys, Edward took his own keychain out of his pocket and used one of the keys to let us in.

"How do you still have that?" I asked, confused.

"Made myself a copy before giving you back the original," he said, following me inside.

"Ah," I said, heading straight for the kitchen. After putting the kettle on to boil, I retrieved a few leftovers from the fridge and proceeded to assemble sandwiches.

"Do you think they did it?" I asked, knowing but wanting to hear his response.

"Of course," he answered, shrugging. "They've had it out for him for ages, all of us really. He shouldn't have been by himself that way."

"You make it sound like it's his fault he got caught," I countered.

"It is. He didn't deserve that shite, though."

"It could have been you, Edward," I shuddered at even the thought of that.

"It _never_ could have been me," he said firmly.

I frowned, tearing a piece of bread off the slice on my plate. "Why not?"

"Because," he sat back, clasping his hands over his belly and looking at me. "I keep my eyes open. I don't run my mouth and I don't go anywhere alone. This is serious, it's not a game. We're in this for social change, not to rumble with those stupid fecks."

"You're alone right now," I pointed out.

"Seamus is down the street," he said, finally picking up his sandwich.

"Oh," I frowned, chewing and swallowing mechanically. "There's always someone around, then?"

"Always," he nodded.

"I … I didn't know it had gotten that bad," I admitted, shaking my head.

"Something like this happened a few weeks ago, except the poor bloke died right where they left him, over by the docks. They don't really care if ye live or die, so long as you're Catholic," he said.

"That's disgusting," I cried softly, dropping the remainder of my sandwich onto the plate. My throat closed with the need to cry, killing my appetite and making it hard to swallow. "His face was so beat up, Edward. Twas awful; it's a wonder he didn't bleed out there in the alleyway."

The events of the day were taking their toll on me, and I stood from the table. "I'm going upstairs for a shower. You stayin' or leavin'?

"Where's your Mum?" he asked, looking around the kitchen as if my mother would suddenly materialize.

"Don't know," I said, picking up his empty plate and carrying it to the sick. "Probably at the shops, getting food for supper."

"I'll stay til she gets home, I'm not leavin' ye by yourself," he followed me out of the kitchen and we began up the stairs.

"Ye can go, I'll lock up."

"No," he sighed. "Why d'ye think Emmett went straight home to Rose? None of you should be alone, not til we figure this out."

So, rather than argue with him I pointed him to my bedroom and continued on to the bathroom, where I took a long, cleansing shower.

My thoughts were going a mile a minute, and for once simply having Edward nearby wasn't enough to quell the sense of foreboding and uncertainty I just couldn't shake. I kept seeing Tyler, over and over, and I wished I could wash it out the way I'd washed his blood from my hands earlier.

* * *

After allowing the shower to pound the physical stress from my body, I stayed in the bathroom and occupied my mind with mundane, comforting routines: shaving my legs, filing my nails, rubbing cream in to my skin.

"That would drive me up the bloody wall," Edward said, watching me comb methodically through my wet hair a few minutes later.

"I'm used to it," I shrugged. "Besides, I thought you liked my hair."

"I do. But I don't have to brush all the time."

Edward was underneath my blankets and I was sitting beside him in a towel, working through the tangles in my freshly washed hair. His eyes followed my every move, and my eyes remained on him.

"This is silly," I chuckled quietly after completing a loose braid.

"What?" he smiled halfway.

"This," I motioned back and forth between the two of us. "Sitting here, staring."

"It is. Go get dressed before your mum comes home and finds me violating you."

"I should, yeah," I agreed, going to my chest of drawers to find clean clothes. "Not that I'd mind if you violated me."

Edward snorted. "I wouldn't mind it either, but your mum would. We've plenty of time for that later, anyway."

Feeling bold, I dropped my towel without warning and stepped into a pair of panties and then pulled a shirt over my head before turning around. My body warmed, sensing his eyes on me, and I glanced over my shoulder to check on him.

"That wasn't very nice," he remarked, narrowing his eyes.

Jeans securely buttoned, I joined Edward under the covers. "Nothing ye haven't already seen."

"And seeing it makes me want it, every time. That'll never change," he grinned, scooting down so our faces were level. I linked my fingers behind his neck and engaged him in a long, slow kiss that left my heart stuttering.

"See, you always say things like that," I said, laying my head on his chest.

"Like what?"

"Things like "that will never change"."

He played with the bottom of my braid, tickling the ends across my face like a paintbrush. "Well, it won't." He seemed very matter of fact, and I sat up, easing my hair out of his hands.

"So be straight then, and stop the roundabout nonsense."

He laughed heartily, his eyes shining in amusement. "Roundabout? What do y'want? Declarations of love and devotion?"

"Sure," I nodded, raising my eyebrows expectantly.

The mirth faded from his face and he looked down, taking my hands into his. "Bella, there aren't any guarantees. How can I promise you something I have no control over?"

"I promised you," I whispered as he twisted the ring of his that I wore in circles.

"You're braver than I am," he said, his eyes flickering up to me for a second. "You've more faith in things."

"That's a pile o'shite," I said eloquently, sliding my hands away and resting them on my lap.

How could he be so dense? It was _because_ things were so unpredictable and volatile that I craved this one certainty. Perhaps he was courageous on the street, but behind closed doors he was being cowardly, and I resolved to tell him so.

"It's hard," he began suddenly. "If we had normal lives, if we knew that we had more time, I could do this the right way. The way it is now we're always in a state of emergency. We never relax."

"Do what the right way?" I asked in exasperation. "Ye either do it or ye don't."

"I love you, alright? You're the only girl I've loved, and the only one I want to love. Everything I do revolves around how I can get back to you, how I can keep you from being hurt. I want to be with you, always."

Blinking in shock, I sat very still, almost afraid that if I moved too fast his words would un-do themselves.

He continued on, almost scowling at the bedspread. " And, you know, I'm really feckin' glad that you didn't get pregnant, because your da would feckin' do away with me, but that doesn't mean I don't want it. I think about it, Bella. I want you to mother my children. One day, when things are calm and we think about more than just survival."

He exhaled dramatically and looked over at me. My face flushed and my poor overworked heart skipped a beat or two. "Oh," I said, biting my lip to rein in my giddy grin.

"So I tell you what I've been thinkin' and all you've got is "Oh"?"

No, that wasn't all; my heart was singing and I felt like I was dreaming. I gave up on trying to keep my cool and beamed at him, amazed that he really felt that way.

I slithered over his lap so that I was straddling him, earning one of his sexy smirks. "Yeah, how does it feel to bare all and be left hangin'?

"You're a brat," he teased, tickling my ribs so that I crumpled over in gasps and giggles.

After years of merciless tickling from Emmett, you'd think I'd have built up immunity to it. "Stop it," I squealed, trying to roll off.

My door swung open and Edward shoved me off, making me land in a graceless heap on the edge of the bed. I peered over to the doorway where Mum stood, her hands planted on her hips.

"Well now this looks dodgy," she huffed. "I leave the house for five bleedin' minutes and return to find Edward ticklin' the cacks right off of ye."

"You were gone a lot longer than five minutes," I pointed out breathlessly. "And my pants are still on, thanks."

Edward threw me a withering glance before climbing out of bed. "Sorry Renee. I didn't want her to be alone after what happened to Tyler today."

My mother's face fell instantly. "Tyler? Tyler Crowley? What happened?"

Just like that, our lightheartedness evaporated. Like a meteor hurling to earth, I crashed back to reality with a painful thud.

"He was attacked today, outside the rally at Queen's," Edward said, glancing back at me. "Bella and Alice found him."

Mum covered her mouth in horror. "Jaysus, the poor thing. Will he pull through? He's at the hospital now?"

"Carlisle said he would recover, but it'll be awhile. They kneecapped him, Mum," I said, straightening my bedspread as I rose.

Mum closed her eyes, shaking her head slowly. "I'm so afraid for ye kids nowadays. It's always been bad, but this is just brutal. I can't-" she cut herself off, abruptly turning and walking away.

Edward and I stayed quiet and still for a few minutes, ruminating over the present situation. Ours was a close-knit neighborhood and every child lost or hurt affected every parent. My mother had been living with this reality for most of her life, having uncles, a husband, and now a son all fighting for the cause.

As teasing and jovial as Mum came across, she'd more than her fair share of worry. Yet somehow, she managed to flourish and remain a positive force; if I was to thrive I'd do well to take a page from her book.

"I should help with dinner," I said, stepping around the edge of the bed to where Edward stood.

He nodded, running his hand absently down my arm.

"Thanks for letting me know," I whispered suddenly, hugging him tightly.

"Well, you dragged it out of me," he teased, kissing the top of my head. "I'm not a Romeo, so don't be expecting that shite all the time."

"God, ye really know how to romance a girl," I grumbled, giving him a dirty look.

He smiled, kissing my mouth. "I do, actually, but not always with words."

* * *

Staying after to speak with my professor caused me to be late for my shift at the book shop, and I jogged across campus as quickly as I could without making a total arse of myself. The sun had gone down a while before, as it tended to do so late in the year, making the hour feel much later than it actually was.

In some ways, Queen's felt like a different place altogether after dark. Feeling foolish for even thinking about it, I made sure to stay in the best lit areas, away from shadows and trees; the campus was huge and sprawling and any dusky corner could be keeping secrets.

Mr. Connelly regarded me kindly when I arrived, smiling serenely. "No need to kill yerself to get here," he joked, patting my back as I wheezed past him.

"I was just talking with my English professor about an assignment due next week," I explained, putting my backpack down behind the counter.

Mr. Connelly nodded. "Quite all right, love. Now, listen, I need you more in the back today… we've two new shipments of anthropology books and I made a real hash of things by mixing them up."

This wasn't the first time he'd done something like this; I was going to be buried in books and paperwork for a good while. "Okay, d'you want to just run the front while I go to the store room, then?"

"If you don't mind," he agreed.

Picking my bag back up off the floor, I moved to the tiny room in the back where we received new shipments. So involved was I, categorizing the new books, that I scarcely noticed how quickly the hours were passing. The urge to take a breather and stretch eventually became overwhelming, and I stood up, rolling my neck in half circles to relieve the stiffness.

It had been a quiet day at the shop, barely any customers, and I poked my head out to see what Mr. Connelly was up to. Scanning the shop, I noticed with a chuckle that he was dozing sitting up behind the counter, perched on his stool. The little bell on the door jingled faintly, alerting me to a new customer, and I was about to call out to Mr. Connelly when I realized that I recognized the young man coming in.

He was a tall, lanky bloke, sandy haired and handsome, but that wasn't what struck me. I knew beyond doubt that he'd been with the UVF boys the night we'd seen them congregating in the parking lot at Barry's. Fear clenched around my stomach like a cold fist and I slipped back into the store room.

Protestants and Catholics both attended Queen's; it wasn't as if he didn't belong on campus. And yet, something didn't feel right. Surely it wasn't a coincidence that I'd never once seen him around, but a day after Tyler's attack he was lurking about my place of employment.

"Can I help you?" Mr. Connelly grunted suddenly, having woken up.

_Thank God_.

"I'm just lookin'," Sandy Hair said.

"Right, well, let me know."

The shop was silent for a few minutes. I didn't dare begin working again; any movements in the back might alert the guy to my presence and I figured it was better to be paranoid and safe than careless and compromised.

Of course, Mr. Connelly chose that second to shuffle back to the store room. "How's it going, Bella? Ye almost done?"

"I am, yeah," I responded in a low voice, throwing him a brief smile.

"Good, good. Almost time to close up."

He walked away and I froze, nervousness prickling all over my skin.

_You're losing your bloody mind, Bella. This is what you get for hanging about Provos in your spare time…_

After a moment the bell on the front door sounded again and I breathed a sigh of relief, squinting over at the clock on the wall. It _was_ just about time to go and Edward or one of the others would soon be around to take me home.

Quickly sorting the last of the shipment, I divided the books into two piles and placed them neatly by the door of the store room for Mr. Connelly to put out on Monday morning. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I took one last glance around the little room and stepped back out into the main floor.

"Mr. Connelly, I…"

Sandy Hair swiveled around from his spot at a display near the door.

"Yes, love?" Mr. Connelly said, writing busily.

"I'm um, I'm done," I stammered, unable to look away from the guy as he stared brazenly back.

Within seconds Edward, Seamus and Donal Murry, who, incidentally I remembered from catechism class as a child, strode through the door. My knees weakened in relief and I began to go to Edward, but he stopped me with a look. I halted, watching as he took a step toward Sandy Hair, glaring murderously.

Poor Mr. Connelly, by this point, knew _just_ the sort of malarkey this was becoming. His eyes bounced between me and the tense foursome near the front as if he were watching a tennis match.

Sandy Hair eyed the boys and then me, smirking as he left.

Seamus turned to follow him out but Edward grabbed his arm. "Not now." He focused his attention on me. "How long was he here?"

"A few minutes," I shook my head. "How did you know he was here? Or were you coming to pick me up?"

He walked to me, closing the distance. "Both... Donal has been around, and I just got here." He took my bag from me and offered his hand. "Let's go."

It hadn't occurred to me that this hedge of protection would surround me, as well, although it certainly made sense. Every single person that was connected to the boys was in danger of being hurt, arrested, killed or just harassed.

Edward paused at the door, peering through the glass out into the darkness. "I don't want you working here anymore, Bella."

I bristled not liking the direction my life was suddenly taking, and was about to let Edward know when Mr. Connelly cleared his throat.

He'd gotten off of his stool and now stood behind the counter. "I…think that might be for the best."

"You're letting me go?" I asked, aghast.

"For now, Bella. Let's see where things are in a few weeks," he said mildly.

While I could completely understand his concern, and would never want to put him in a dangerous situation, I hated how out of control my life had suddenly become. Nothing was in my hands; decisions were being made for me left and right.

"Okay," I agreed, pasting a smile on my face. "Maybe I'll call or come by in a few weeks." I knew that this was my last time inside the shop, but Mr. Connelly was a dear man and I didn't want him to feel obligated to me.

He reached across the counter and patted my hand affectionately. "Any time, love."

Outside, the temperature had dropped enough that I could see each breath I took. Seamus walked ahead of us and Donal right behind, and if this strange parallel universe I'd found myself in wasn't so serious, I would have found it funny.

An American film called "The Godfather" had come out earlier that year, and when it came to the local cinema Em convinced me to go see it with him. Normally I wasn't into violence, but the story line was so intriguing I found myself literally on the edge of my seat. Those mobsters lived dangerous lives, constantly having to watch their backs and keep an eye on their surroundings.

This arrangement was just like that, I thought dryly as we walked to the Land Rover. I had people protecting me, watching to make sure no one inappropriate approached me.

"You're angry," Edward said.

There was nothing for me to say, so for once I kept quiet.

"Are you angry at me?" he asked.

"No."

We reached his car and got in, Donal and Seamus jumping in to the back seat.

"I'm a bit cheesed off at losing my job," I mumbled.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry."

"I know."

"What do you want me to do, Bella?" he asked irritably.

"Nothing," I sighed, rubbing my eyes.

"Edward," Seamus spoke up.

"Yeah," Edward looked into his rear view mirror, adjusting it so he could see Seamus.

"Across the street, on the corner," he said. "That the one?"

I frowned in confusion. "Who?"

But Edward and Seamus were having their own conversation. "Looks like it," Edward said, pulling over to the curb. "Stay in the car," he snapped at me, flinging open the door.

Seamus and Donal were right behind him as he hustled across the street. I watched as they approached the two young men; I recognized this pair from Barry's as well. The tension was obvious even from where I sat, and I chewed anxiously on my thumbnail, hoping things didn't escalate.

Seamus reared back and belted one of the UVF boys in the face.

I gasped, clutching my stomach and ducking lower down in the passenger seat. Fights made me physically sick; especially when people I knew were involved. The street was basically deserted, but it wouldn't be for long; it was a Friday night and people were out. I was terrified the boys would be caught.

I was also terrified they might do to the UVF boys what had been done to Tyler.

Dragging my eyes back to the fight, I looked just in time to see Edward punching viciously someone on the ground, and he wasn't stopping. The person wasn't moving, and I felt a tidal wave of nausea rock through me. Opening the door, I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned out, vomiting all over the asphalt below.

It didn't escape me that he'd certainly done worse. I'd be a damned fool to pretend otherwise.

The Land Rover shook with the force of the boys getting back in and throwing it into drive.

"Bella, close the door," Edward said urgently.

Shaking, I complied and we accelerated down the street.

Seamus and Donal were still riding high from their victory, adrenaline coursing through their veins as they recounted the details of what they'd just done.

Pressing my cheek against the window's cool glass, I took the deepest breaths I could manage, trying to concentrate on anything other than what I'd just seen.

Edward touched my knee and I cringed automatically, sickened that the hands that touched me and loved me could mutilate someone else.

"Bella," he said roughly.

I looked at him blankly.

"That was who attacked Tyler," he said, his eyes desperate.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"I went to see him today, and he told me everything. He described them…"

"Okay," I said. While a part of me felt a small measure of satisfaction that the people who had harmed Tyler had been dealt with, the image of Edward beating someone to a pulp was now lodged in my mind. Every time I thought I'd caught up, and was cognizant of what was going on…something else would happen to remind me that really, I knew nothing at all.

And the scary thing was, nothing he could do seemed to change the way I felt.

Even when I didn't like what he was doing, when I wondered if I even_ liked_ _him_ right there and then, I loved him more than I could understand.

* * *

_so...yeah. let's not forget; edward is a fighter, a rebel, some would even classify him and the boys as terrorists (although the IRA of then and the IRA of today are two different matters but let's not get into that please and thank you). edward is not romeo (although actually, romeo was pretty violent himself... he totally murdered juliet's cousin, tybalt. but i digress.) anyway, if seeing edward this way disturbed you or made you mad well...good. it should. it's a dirty business, isn't it?_


	18. Chapter 18

**Twilight and all recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.** The plot and all other characters belong to me!

Thanks to my beta Nic, who worked with me tonight - early on - so we could both go see New Moon. :) Love you much, girlie. xo

* * *

Sleep didn't come easy.

As much as I tried, I just couldn't stop thinking about the fight I'd seen hours before; it had really gotten under my skin. I wasn't afraid of Edward - I knew he would never hurt me - but seeing such an unrestrained, savage side of him _did_ frighten me. It was like there were two sides to him, and I was only now becoming acquainted with them both. Even as children, there had been enough of an age gap between the boys and Alice and me that we'd never seen their school yard fist fights.

Then there was the UVF gang. Retaliation was imminent, and imagining who they might try to target next literally cramped my stomach. If our boys carried guns and sometimes knives, surely so did they.

For hours I moved around restlessly, caught in the maddening limbo between consciousness and dreams, until eventually my brain settled down and allowed me to drift off.

Because I was so sleep deprived the next day, and riddled with a sense of dread I couldn't shake, by the time I'd allowed myself to be dragged along to the market for Saturday shopping with Mum and back, I was speechless with exhaustion.

Mum overlooked my silent stupor, likely blaming it on Tyler's assault and hospitalization. And obviously, that was part of it, but what she didn't know was that the following vicious attack - the one that I had actually witnessed - had been perpetrated by someone I knew and loved.

I understood Edward's actions, and hated – literally _loathed_ – whoever had hurt Tyler, so why was I out of sorts about it? Additionally, I knew that the guy who had been stalking me at my workplace was from that same gang. I knew these things, and yet still images of the fight haunted my thoughts. I longed for the callousness that Edward had perfected, a thick skin to protect me from over-feeling.

After dinner and a bath, neither of which did much to ease my disquiet, I crawled into my bed. For once I didn't feel like reading, not for pleasure, and certainly not for school. Edward hadn't called or come by since dropping me home the day before, and even though I'd gone longer without seeing him, this time it was making me feel anxious and empty.

For awhile I sat in the dark, gazing out my window at the washed-out sky, wishing I could better see the stars.

No sooner had I fallen asleep I was awoken by gentle, but insistent, hands.

"Bella," Edward was whispering, quietly but urgently.

Yawning and not all that surprised he was in my room, I grasped him with one hand and pulled the chain on my bedside lamp with the other.

"What are you doing here?"

He bent one knee on my bed, half standing and half kneeling, his face impossible to read. "Come with me."

In spite of myself – and my sleepiness – I opened my arms and he came to me, easing into my blankets and my embrace.

"Why?" I whispered, closing my eyes again and smelling his hair. My tummy ached with longing; I wanted to be with him, too.

"Because," he began, holding himself a way a bit so we could look at one another. "I don't like having you so far away."

My eyes drifted open, and I looked at him. "I don't want to be far away from you, either."

"I'm tired of this; you should be with me," he complained, pulling away and sitting on the edge of my bed.

I scooted over to him, bringing my blankets to ward off the chill. "With you at your flat? Or with you all the time?"

"Both," he said.

Frankly, I didn't see how the latter would work. While Mum and Da loved Edward like a son, they'd probably disown me if I moved in with him before marriage. Still, I liked the thought of it, and knew even though Edward tried to be practical when it came to our future and whether we realistically had one or not, he did think about it.

He could feel the draw between us, too. It was what forced him to give in and kiss me the very first time, and it was what brought him back to me every day after.

"So… you want me to come right now? Like this?" I asked, motioning to my nightgown.

He nodded once, his eyes flickering to me for a second before returning to the floor.

"What will I tell my parents?"

"The truth," he shrugged. "Write them a note."

I rubbed my eyes and flipped the blanket off, shivering in the cold. "Where is all this coming from?" I yawned again.

"Couldn't sleep," he said tiredly.

Certainly, I could understand that, so I decided to go with my gut desire, which was to be wherever he was. I was a bit caught off guard, true, but that mattered little. The fact that he had come to get me told me we were on the same page.

Shivering, I climbed out of the bed, pulling my nightgown down as I walked to the dresser. Opening several drawers, I pulled out clean clothing for the next day and packed them into a bag.

After slipping my jacket on and locating a piece of paper, I penned a brief note, explaining simply that I was with Edward. Chances were Mum wouldn't see it 'til early the next morning; if I was lucky she'd assume I'd left recently and not in the middle of the night.

"Ready?" Edward asked, my bag already in his hand. His sudden calmness struck me, and I wondered what it was about me that made him feel that way. Perhaps it was similar to the completeness I felt in his presence; it occurred to me that the anxiety I'd been wrestling with before bedtime had dissipated.

_Is it normal to be this dependent?_

"Yeah, let's go," I turned off my light and followed him out of my room.

The streets were absolutely empty at this time; there were no people, no cars. An RUC truck crossed the street ahead of us at one point, causing my heart to skip a beat, but otherwise all was quiet, peaceful. Edward pulled up to his building and we got inside as quickly as possible, silently acknowledging the danger of being outside too long at this time.

Edward carefully and quietly locked the door behind us once we were inside the flat. We padded softly to his room in the inky darkness, not wanting to disturb Em and Rose.

Edward opened the door to his bedroom and stepped right in, but I paused in the doorway, straining to hear the low voices coming from my brother's room. At first I thought they were talking, but it soon became clear that wasn't the case.

Rose gasping, moaning softly...

My face heated up to the point where it was surely in flames, and Edward, who had just turned on his light, noticed. He walked back to where I was standing, a half grin on his face.

"What are you doing?" he asked, almost looking like he knew.

I inclined my head toward Emmett's room, where now Rose's sounds were becoming more passionate and _pronounced. _Edward's eyes widened, and he pulled me into the room, locking the door.

"D'you hear that a lot?" I asked, going straight for the promising coziness beneath his blankets.

"At times," he shrugged.

"I'd go crazy," I grimaced.

"Why d'ye think I went and got you?" he teased, exchanging his jeans for pajama pants before getting into bed. I gazed at the lean muscle in his chest and stomach, vaguely bummed I was too tired for any hanky-panky.

"I hope they've never heard us," I said, eyeing him sideways.

Grinning mischievously, he reached for me. I smacked his hand away playfully but when he winced I froze, my eyes falling to his hands.

"Oh my God," I gasped, gingerly touching his right hand. It was black and blue, and terribly swollen; I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it before. His left hand was bruised and a little puffy too, but nowhere near as bad as the right.

"It'll be fine in a day or two," he said, watching me. "Come on," he reached for me again and this time I slid closer to him, kissing his hands and snuggling close.

"Did you to the same things to them? That they did to Tyler?"

"Beat the shite out of them, so I did."

"Did you kneecap them, too?" I wanted to know.

"No," he sighed, and I could tell he was ready to end the conversation. "Seamus did."

I let that thought absorb for a moment, intrigued by the almost vulgar sense of satisfaction it brought me. "Good," I whispered, holding him as tight to my body as I could.

"Your toes are freezing," he said, jerking his feet away but nuzzling his face into my neck to compensate.

"That's what you get when you steal me from bed at odd hours," I whispered, smiling when strands of his hair tickled my nose.

"I thought girls liked that sort of thing," he mumbled.

"Girls, or me?" I asked, starting to fade.

He twisted away to turn off the lamp. "You're the only girl."

* * *

November rolled around before any of us were ready. Changes would have to be made in terms of Edward and Emmett's living arrangement, because it wouldn't be fair to Rose – or the baby when it arrived – to have to share a tiny flat with someone else.

Since the night Edward had taken me home with him in the middle of the night, we'd formed a bit of a habit. It was easier to do it on weekdays, because I was always up at dawn anyway to get ready for classes. If Mum suspected that I was leaving during the night, she said nothing about it. I knew Da didn't know, because he would have had both mine and Edward's heads by now.

After the night Edward found Sandy Hair lurking about my job, he'd become a lot more judicious with my safety. Deklan Crowley and Donal Murry were my unofficial bodyguards; Donal had a car of his own, so the two of them drove Alice and I home most days unless Alice went to Jasper's. I couldn't imagine how bloody dull it was for them to hang about the campus while I went from class to class, but they did it.

Tyler had been released from the hospital and was recuperating at home. Some days Alice and I went with Deklan to visit him; seeing him return to his normal, obnoxious self was a relief and a blessing. It would still be awhile before he could walk, but he _was_ healing.

Rose stayed at our house the night before the wedding. Mum insisted we maintain at least a semblance of convention, and that included keeping the bride and groom separated during the hours leading to the ceremony.

My mother was quite the seamstress and although she hadn't sewed in years, beyond the occasional hem or button, she'd really wanted to make Rose's dress. They had spent more than a few afternoons bonding at the kitchen table, going over designs, or choosing fabric at the shops. The end result was a simple yet stunning dress and I had to wonder: if _I_ couldn't take my eyes off Rose how was Emmett going to?

Alice and I spent the early morning hours embellishing the backyard with sprigs of baby's breath and sprays of cream-and-yellow daffodils. Rose scoffed when we attempted to "let her rest", complaining that "pregnant" didn't mean "useless", so we put her to work rolling silverware. By the time Mum was finished cooking for the reception and Da had arranged tables and chairs around the grass, the yard had been transformed.

Our guest list was by no means large, but we did have a few cousins, aunts and uncles coming, mostly from Belfast and Derry but also Kildare and Dublin as well. Those that couldn't be accommodated in our modestly sized home would be staying overnight with the Cullen's, who had graciously offered their extra rooms.

Alice was helping Rose get ready and I was only half dressed when the doorbell downstairs rang, announcing the first of our family's arrival.

"Judas Iscariot, Bella, d'ya remember how your cousin Leroy used to gape at me? I hope he's outgrown that shite," Alice commented, pulling a bobby pin from between her teeth and securing it in Rose hair.

"I suppose we'll see," I snorted. "Zip me, please."

I had on a pale pink dress I'd owned since the university formal the year before. Rose had insisted from the beginning that she didn't want this wedding to be an extravagant expense, so we had tried to keep things simple where we could. The dress was tea-length with a light green sash; I thought the color and style coincided nicely with the reception's "garden theme".

While I was grateful for the bright sunshine and dry weather, I was truly questioning our sanity in planning a bloody outside reception in _November._ I suspected that by the time daylight began to fade, everyone would either be back inside or too drunk to notice they were freezing their bits off.

"Isabella," Mum called, her voice carrying across the house, past the excitement and voices downstairs.

"I'd better go before she becomes vexed," I groaned, hurriedly loosening the braid I'd had in during the night. Pleased by the soft waves in my hair, I put head band on that was the same color as my dress, found my shoes, and scurried out the door before Mum came charging in.

The kitchen was a mad house. Family members I hadn't seen in ages were coming at me from all directions, hugging and squeezing and poking and squealing.

The biggest surprise was my cousin Charlotte, who had really grown up and was now absolutely lovely. She and I had been close as children until her parents relocated down south to Dublin. We'd kept in touch over the years through occasional letter writing, but it had been quite some time since we'd seen each other.

"Bella!" she gushed, her eyes lighting up when we finally reunited with a hug. "I can't believe it! How have you been?"

"I'm grand," I laughed. "What about you? You're gorgeous, Charlotte."

"Look who's talking," she smirked, eyeing me from head to toe. "Auntie Renee tells me you've quite the boyfriend now."

Flushing slightly, I rolled my eyes. "She would say that, yeah."

"So do you?" Charlotte pressed, her eyes sparkling.

"I do," I said, nodding. "Do you remember Alice? My best friend? Her brother."

Charlotte frowned. "I don't quite remember, no. You'll show me?"

"Oh you'll meet them both today, I'm sure," I said, right as Mum swooped by and began pushing me out the door.

"We've got to go, love. The boys are on their way to the church now," she said.

"I'll see you in a bit," Charlotte grinned with a little wave.

"Who's that again?" Alice asked once we were in the backseat of Da's car, poor Rose stuffed between us.

"Who? My cousin Charlotte?"

"Yeah," Alice said, squinting thoughtfully. "I think I remember her…didn't her family come up for Christmas one year?"

"Oh, they did, actually," I agreed, also remembering. "That was a while ago."

"Hmm," Alice smirked. "She had a thing for my brother."

"Oh, Jaysus, here we go," Rose muttered, dropping her head back on the headrest.

"Now come on, you'll ruin the flowers," Alice chided, sliding her fingers under Rose's neck to ease her head back up.

"She liked Edward?" I asked, trying to recall the last time Charlotte had been in town.

"Wouldn't be a proper wedding without the family dramas," Rose sighed.

"She really did. Don't you remember, Bella? The party? At our house? She was absolutely warped after drinking Bailey's all night, and she tried to kiss him in bathroom."

"What?" I cried. That was news to me.

Alice nodded somberly. Rose rolled her eyes and picked at her cuticles.

"So what did Edward do?" I asked.

"I think he pushed her off on Emmett."

Now Rose was glaring at her. "For the love of God, don't say anything else."

"Em's her cousin, Rose. Edward obviously didn't know at the time," I reassured her, before turning back to Alice. "Well that's some shite. She acted like she didn't remember either of you!"

Alice shrugged. "She probably doesn't; I'm tellin' you she was fall-down drunk."

"That's true," I conceded.

Rose stiffened visibly as the church came into view.

"Y'alright, Rose? Nervous?" I asked, squeezing her hand.

She nodded, taking several deep breaths.

"It'll be fine," Alice murmured, patting Rose's knee.

"I'm just really feckin' jumpy," Rose said once Da had parked the car, her face paler than usual. "I don't know why."

"That seems normal, though, doesn't it?" I said reassuringly, linking my arm through hers after we'd extricated ourselves from the backseat. The three of us walked inside and then Alice went to sit with her family, leaving us in a little room off the main sanctuary where we would wait 'til it was time.

"I'm so glad it's you," I told Rose, touching her shoulder. "You and Emmett really make sense."

"Don't start now, Bella. I need to make it through this without crying. I'm already really close!" she laughed, rubbing her slightly swelling belly. Her dress draped lightly down the front in an empire waist, so the bump was almost invisible.

"Sorry," I said. "But it's true."

"Thanks," she beamed, her blue eyes glassy.

There was a knock, and then Edward opened the door slightly. "Can I come in?"

"Is it time?" I asked, pulling the door open completely. My heart skipped a beat at how handsome he looked in his suit.

"It is, yeah," he grinned, appraising me with his eyes. "I like your dress."

"Thanks," I ducked my head to hide the silly blush and turned to Rose. "Da's right outside, so as soon as you're ready come on out."

"I'm ready now," she said, standing and picking up the bouquet of daffodils Alice had helped her put together.

Edward took my arm and we walked over to the vestibule, pausing at the heavy wooden doors opening into the church. I could see Emmett waiting at the altar, seemingly miles away, and the first couple of pews filled with family and friends.

The real reason Edward and I had been paired to walk down the aisle was because he was my brother's closest friend and best man, and as the little sister, I was a logical maid of honor for Rose. But as we made our way, arm in arm, it was not lost on me how appropriate the scenario felt. I could see him smiling out of the corner of my eye, and when I glanced at him he winked at me.

We separated at the altar so that he could stand beside Emmett. The music shifted then, and the guests stood to watch our Da accompany Rose to the altar and hen give her away.

I gazed into the crowd, curious to see who exactly was in attendance. Mum was in the very front, clutching Da's arm as she cried openly. Not ready for that just yet, I averted my eyes and saw several of the Provos from Edward's brigade, including Seamus and Donal Murry, reclining in the last row.

Next I spotted Charlotte, who was sitting with her sister Irina and their parents, her mouth slightly agape as she stared at... I followed her gaze… Edward. Rolling my eyes, I peeked over at him, only to find that _he _was watching _me_, a questioning expression on his face. I shook my head slightly, figuring I'd explain later.

When my father stood at the altar and reverently placed Rose's hands into Emmett's, a lump formed in my throat. Crying in front of all of these people was the last thing I needed, and thankfully I managed to hold off until the priest told Em he could kiss the bride.

Edward smiled down at me as I came down the altar's steps, wiping my tears with his thumbs before we turned to follow the happy couple back up the aisle.

"I knew you'd cry," he teased.

"Oh, shut it," I said, punching his arm. "You didn't find that touching?"

"Of course I did."

"I love weddings," I sighed, noticing that our steps were perfectly in sync.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said. "So now, what had you makin' faces back there?"

"Oh," I leaned a little closer, keeping my voice conspiratorial. "My cousin Charlotte has eyes for you."

"Really?" he said, looking around. "Where is she?"

"The blonde one there, in the blue dress," I nodded to where she was standing. Right then she looked at Edward, turning a terrifying shade of tomato red when she realized we were looking at her.

"Looks like blushing runs in your family," chortled Edward.

"Please tell me my face was never quite that red," I frowned. "Anyway, Alice said Charlotte tried to kiss you one Christmas years ago."

"What?" Edward laughed loudly.

"Obviously you were plastered as well."

"Probably."

The rest of the day was a blur of food, drink, and toasting the newlyweds. It was hard to believe that Emmett was a married man now, and that soon he'd be a father. I wondered how this was going to affect his involvement with the IRA; Rose was tough as nails and very sympathetic to the cause, but not even she was immune to the reality of being with a volunteer. The same worries that plagued me had to be affecting her as well.

At sunset they drove away in Da's car, headed for a bed and breakfast in the countryside where they'd spend the night. No sooner had they disappeared around the corner the celebrating continued, as I suspected it would until the liquor ran out. As I'd predicted the party had to move indoors due to the rapidly dropping temperatures outside, and we spent the next few hours mingling and drinking ourselves into toasty oblivion.

Not surprisingly, the more intoxicated Charlotte became, the bolder she was. Upon returning from an errand for Mum, I found my cousin in the kitchen, hovering around Edward as he made himself another drink.

"So you've met Edward," I said, smiling sweetly.

"I have!" she giggled drunkenly. "When's _your _wedding going to be?"

Edward snorted, ripping a piece of ham off what was left on the platter and shoving it into his mouth.

"Good question," I said, taking whatever Edward was drinking and polishing it off myself. I turned to him, touching his arm. "I need something from upstairs."

He nodded, flashing a dazzling grin at Charlotte. "Lovely meeting you," he said, leaving her stunned and blinking in his wake.

"You're awful," I said, pulling him up the stairs. "Laying on the charm like that."

"Are we doing what I think we're doing?" he asked, placing his hands on my hips as we stumbled down the hall toward my room.

"I don't know; what are we doing?" I tittered.

"Bella."

"Yes," I said, growling in annoyance when I found my door locked. "Now what's this?"

"Maybe someone's sleepin' it off," Edward said, jiggling the doorknob.

"Maybe," I sulked, walking back toward the stairs.

"But I don't know where ya think yer goin'," he said, pulling me into the bathroom and slamming the door.

"Oh, my God," I laughed. "You can't be serious."

He pushed me up against the sink, kissing me sloppily and sliding his hands up under my dress.

"You _are_ serious," I moaned against his mouth, shuddering when his hands found my behind and lifted me onto the counter. Wrapping my legs around him right away, I kissed him back eagerly, needing to feel him as close as possible. He tangled his hands all through my hair and dove for my neck, licking and sucking his way down to my chest.

Gasping, I ran my fingers through his hair, losing myself to the giddy, sweet sensations of his mouth and hands. He latched onto my neck, sucking so hard it stung, and slipped his fingers beneath my panties, stroking me.

"Edward," I panted mindlessly, trying not to tug his hair too hard in my excitement.

"I need to be inside you," he groaned. "Right now." Pulling me roughly off the counter, he spun me around and bent me over so that I was facing the faucet.

"Please," he whispered, and I heard the sound of his zipper. "Like this, can I…?"

"Yes," I whispered back, understanding and needing him, too.

He yanked my underwear down and right away I felt his hardness against me. Fuzzy thoughts of all the family downstairs and how inappropriate we were being flashed through my head, but then his hands were on my hips and he was pushing his way inside of me.

It could have been the drinking, or a result of watching and wanting him all day, or perhaps it was because we were being desperately naughty and going at it in the upstairs bathroom… but he felt so, _so_ good. Crumpling against the counter, my eyes fluttered shut while I enjoyed him enjoying me, loving his grunts and his sighs, his hands and his body.

"That's…really good," I cried softly.

"Mmm," he agreed, moving one of his hands so his fingers could play with me while he thrust.

I came hard, my knees buckling. He followed seconds after, just barely pulling out in time; I could hardly feel his fingers digging into my hips because my muscles were melting.

"Wow," he breathed, running a towel down my legs before cleaning himself off. Grasping my panties in his fist he grinned lazily, the very picture of contentment. He leaned me – gently this time – against the counter for one last kiss as I attempted to pull my dress back down.

But before I could properly fix it, the door creaked open.

"I need to- " Charlotte halted, her mouth dropping open. "What – you – " she sputtered nonsensically, her eyes darting back and forth between Edward and me.

_Good thing she didn't come in five minutes ago, she'd have had a stroke._

Squirming slightly, I glanced up at Edward. "Brilliant. You didn't lock it."

* * *

_So, next week is Thanksgiving here in the US, so I most probably will not be posting next Thursday. One of my bestest friends :) is coming in from out of town, and I'll be busy with her - and the turkey. However, I might just post earlier the following week (like on Tuesday). Trust me, I hate doing this.... I'm addicted to posting weekly...but i think it's for the best._

_I adore you guys, too much. :p_

_**So... where's the most "desperately naughty" place you've ever done it?**_


	19. Chapter 19

**Twilight (& all recognizable characters) belongs to Stephenie Meyer**. This particular plot belongs to me.

love & thanks to my super-sweet beta, Nic. you come through every time, babe, and i adore you.

thanks to all of my new and regular reviewers, as well as everyone who put "Volition" on alert, or favorited it. I'd love to hear from you all, too. I know we're supposed to be all modest and pretend like reviews don't matter, but, honestly.... I frigging love knowing what you guys are thinking, so...yeah.

xoxo

* * *

Alice leaned back against her mountain of pillows, yawning widely.

"Late night?" I teased, knowing that it probably had been.

"Yeah…" she smiled, glancing up at me briefly. "Jasper and I were on the phone 'til all hours."

"How's he?"

"Okay, I guess," she shrugged, a pensive look on her face. "I think he's ready to get away from all of this… excitement."

"I can understand that. If I wasn't from here, I doubt I'd want to wait it out," I nodded, rolling on to my belly.

Alice shut her eyes, looking tired all of a sudden. "Bella, I _am_ from here and I don't want to wait it out."

"So – what – you're leavin'? With him?" I guessed, curious to see if she'd confirm the suspicions that had been niggling at me for weeks. I wasn't blind: I'd seen how close she and Jasper had become.

The truth was, Alice and I were slowly growing apart… but mainly because we were growing up. It was a subtle sort of shift; we were still best friends, but our priorities had finally begun to dissever. I knew this was all a part of getting older; you can't be hangin' about your friends nonstop for the rest of your life. Eventually, you find the One, marry them, and start a family. Emmett had been the first to do it, and needless to say he wouldn't be the last. At this time last year he and Edward had been inseparable; now he and Rose were a unit… and Edward was usually with me.

Likewise, there had been a time when Alice and I had spent most of our free time together. If we weren't at school, my house or hers, we were on the phone…but now I had Edward and she had Jasper.

My brain accepted this as an inevitable fact of life, but my heart tugged, and I felt a small sadness.

The fact also remained that Alice deeply disagreed with Edward's involvement with the local IRA. She was a peaceful soul, idealistic to a fault, and what he stood for conflicted with her very sense of morality. Maybe that's why a foreigner had swept her off her feet; Jasper hadn't any ties to Belfast or its politics. And like Alice, he sympathized profoundly with nationalist opinion, but possessed serious doubts as to whether the means truly justified the ends.

Alice and I had been close for long enough to acknowledge when certain topics needed to be left alone - when it was time to simply agree to disagree. Edward and Emmett's activities were one of those things. There wasn't an ounce of animosity between her and me, but it was still personal and sensitive and there was little point in continuing to discuss our difference of opinion.

Before the summer, I hadn't known what I'd thought regarding the Provos role in the Troubles but now, I couldn't help but wonder… how could we achieve freedom and even peace if we didn't fight for it? Was a united Ireland worth the struggle, or, as I'd seen on a newspaper headline, did an "eye for an eye" leave us all blind?

Da had never really pushed his opinions much, probably because the Troubles brought so much turmoil to our environment that he wanted his house to be a safe haven. It wasn't til I was twelve that I knew he'd been with the IRA as a younger man, and the news had floored me. Perhaps it was because of this that I now felt I could understand Em and Edward's ideologies. I didn't always agree with their actions, but I understood.

Alice narrowed her eyes thoughtfully, an expression I knew well. She had things on her mind, things she hadn't yet told me, though I was quite sure I'd guessed them anyway.

"I think so, yeah. Student exchange programs work both ways, you know."

"They do," I agreed quietly, laying my cheek on the blanket. We didn't talk after that for awhile, and I probably would've dozed off had she not poked my shoulder. Pushing up off the bed a bit, I rested my chin in my hands and looked expectantly at her.

"D'you think I'm daft to even consider it?"

"No," I frowned, shaking my head. "You've always wanted to travel. What does your Mum think?"

"She and Da are fine with it, as long as I stay in a dorm," she smirked. "Obviously."

"As opposed to staying with Jasper," I smiled knowingly. "Which you'll do anyway."

Alice snorted, shaking her head. "The way I feel about him is so bleedin' strange. I know it hasn't been long in the scheme of things, but we agree on _so many_ fundamental things, and from the start there's been this…" she trailed off, gazing out the window.

"Connection?" I offered.

"Yeah," she breathed. "And when he kisses me…"

And just like that she was distracted, back into her daydreams. Without question this was the first boy I'd ever seen Alice get this way over, all at once a quivery ramble of half sentences and unfocused eyes. If he wasn't the One for her, I couldn't imagine who could be.

I envied the relative ease of her and Jasper's relationship. She didn't have to worry about whether or not he would come home.

Seconds later she blinked, turning her attention back to me, blushing furiously.

"It's ok, love," I giggled. "I know. So, have you two…you know…"

"Japers, no." she sputtered. "What do I look like?"

I held my hands up. "All right, then, just wonderin'."

"I haven't known him a sliver of the time you've known me brother," she chided. "Not that I approve of that either."

"Yes, Sister Mary Alice," I rolled my eyes.

"But anyway," she continued, ignoring me, "when he told me he was going back sooner than he'd originally planned, I knew I had to go too," she paused, taking a deep breath. "Even though the thought scares me."

"The thought of being so far from home, or of committing to Jasper so seriously?" I asked.

"Both. Both of those things frighten me," she admitted, grimacing.

I eased up to a sitting position and scooted toward her so our knees were touching. "I think it's going to be fine. He's obviously perfect for you, and your parents approve. Even Edward likes him. And anyway, yer goin' for yer studies too – not just him. If things go to shite you always have academia," I winked at her.

"Judas Iscariot, is that supposed to comfort me?" she laughed.

I smiled a little, glad to have a light moment. Here we were, considering the very real possibility of being apart within the next six months, and the reality of that was making me feel both sentimental and unsure. This wouldn't be forever – just a semester, maybe a few years, but it was a first for us all the same.

As if she could hear my very thoughts, Alice's eyes shone suddenly with tears. "I'd miss you, though," she murmured.

My throat closed as I became emotional, too, and I touched my fingertips to hers. "And I'd miss you. But I still think it's the right thing to do."

"Do you think you'll stay here?" she asked.

"I don't know, really. I know you don't like me planning my life around Edward, but I want to be where he is. If he leaves, maybe I'll go too. And if he stays, I'll stay - even though I hate how things keep on escalating here."

She nodded, chewing her thumbnail. "Imagine if you came to America," she mused. "The both of you."

"Imagine," I nodded, turning my gaze to the window by her bed.

At this rate, anything was possible.

* * *

"Did ya still want to learn to drive?" Edward asked a couple of days later when he'd picked me up from his parent's house. Like most weekdays, Deklan and Donal had dropped Alice and me there after classes.

"Yeah, but I can't today. I promised Mum I'd help her with the laundry. We're doing it all – bed sheets, blankets, rugs…" I said.

"Ah, well."

"I'm surprised you remembered," I commented, tickling the crook of his arm.

He grabbed my hand, stilling my fingers by lacing his through. "I've been thinkin' about it. I might be gone for a bit, so, I want to make sure you learn before I go."

My chest tightened at the mention of his leaving. I already dreaded the operation that would make it necessary for him to banish himself from Belfast, no matter how temporary. All of it worried me.

"Tomorrow, then," he said, pulling up to my house. "We'll go by the bluffs at Ballycastle where there's plenty of open space."

"All right, yeah," I agreed, unbuckling my seatbelt. "You can't stay, can you?"

He shook his head, looking remorseful. "Can't, not today."

"Okay," I shrugged. In just a few hours he would come and get me anyway, sometime late during the night. I could wait 'til then.

The next day, Alice was spending time with Jasper, so the boys brought me straight home. After having tea with Mum and Rose, I retired upstairs to focus on my studies. I was midway through an essay when Edward walked into my bedroom, swiftly sweeping my hair aside so he could place a kiss on my neck.

"I need to do something about you and that house key," I said, shivering when his lips left my skin.

"I can make you one for my flat," he said, pulling me to my feet.

"I'm never at your flat unless I go with you," I pointed out.

"If you knew how to drive you could surprise me with a visit," he hugged me, letting his freezing fingers sneak underneath my shirt.

I jerked away to escape the discomfort his icy hands brought. "The last time I surprised you at home you were doing things I'd rather forget."

"That was the safe house."

"What's the difference? They're both in your name, yeah?"

"One is for business, the other's for pleasure," he smiled innocently.

"I think y'mix the two more than you care to admit," I said, rooting through my closet for appropriate outerwear.

A glance outside as yanked my curtains shut confirmed that it was fierce out, substantial cloud cover smothering any bit of sun that might have helped warm the frigid air. I pulled a second sweater over the thinner one I was already wearing, and then snuggled into my favorite pea coat and a pair of mittens.

"I don't mean to," he said seriously, slipping his hands into his pockets.

I cupped his cheeks between my mittened hands, planning to kiss the grimness right off of his face. "Jeez, Edward, I'm only coddin' ya. I meant we use to fool about at the safe house before you n' Em got the flat."

"I know what you meant," he nodded, closing his eyes when my little kisses started traveling upward.

"Then, why-"

"I like to keep things separate. You're something good, and I shouldn't sully our time together with the rest of the shite in my life," he said.

"Thank you," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his midsection. "But that's not necessary. I want all of you."

"Not the bad things," he persisted.

"I've seen the bad things," I sighed.

"Not all of them."

"Are you trying to push me away?" I asked, letting go so there was space between us.

"No," he said quietly, turning his gaze to the floor. He seemed sad suddenly, wistfulness softening the lines of his face.

Sometimes, at moments like these, I remembered who he really was, who he'd always been to me. Usually it was because of a familiar expression: he'd grin a certain way, or laugh or scowl, and I'd see him at age twelve, when he'd the most awful hair-cut, or fifteen when he and Emmett were still riding bikes and he'd sprained his ankle coming home from school.

Whoever he was now, he was still that boy, and that was the part of him I yearned to protect. I imagined we all had the kernel of who we were as children, lodged deeply inside ourselves.

"I love you," I said, taking his hand and pulling him toward the door. "I always have."

He squeezed my fingers in response, and I let that be enough. "Did you eat today?" I asked as we entered the kitchen.

"I did, yeah, at Mum and Da's."

"Well, I'm having a spot of tea before going out there. D'you want a cup?" I grabbed the kettle and began filling it with water from the faucet.

"Yeah," he said, folding his lanky body into one of the chairs at our table.

"You're so tall," I said, smiling. "Remember when you shot up and all of yer pants were too short all of a sudden?"

"Ha, yeah," he snorted. "Da kept askin' when the flood was comin'."

That made me laugh, because I could so hear Carlisle saying something like that.

"It was real funny 'til he had to finance ten new pairs of school pants," Edward said, shaking his head at the memory.

The kettle started whistling not too long after and I poured us each a cup, making sure to set the dish of sugar cubes down in front of him before I sat. I took my tea with one or two, but he always over-indulged his sweet tooth.

"So, it's going to be next week," he said suddenly, stirring the spoon lazily 'round his cup.

"Oh?"

"And then we'll have to go for a while. Rose and Em are leaving as well – it'll be even worse for them, bein' in a mixed marriage and pregnant and all that."

"Where are y'going to go again? Your aunt in Cork?" I asked, thinking that tea was a wise choice because my stomach was all in knots again.

"Yeah, she's old and has plenty of room in her house, so she does."

"Hmm," I winced when the sip I took scalded my tongue.

We drank the rest of our tea quietly, and when we'd finished, I quickly rinsed the cups before setting them aside.

"Are you going to send for me, Edward?" I asked, busying myself with the buttons on my coat.

"Depends on how long I'm away."

* * *

"Jaysus, Bella, I said _ease_ off the clutch and _tap_ the gas, not the other way around!"

"Dry up, Edward! It's harder than it looks!" I snapped.

My inaugural driving lesson had been less than inspiring so far. It was a wonder the Land Rover was still cooperating at all, between Edward stamping on the non-existent brakes on his side of the vehicle, and me stalling out the engine every few seconds.

"Okay," he took a deep breath, and patted my arm. "Try it again. Slowly."

I did, and this time we actually rolled forward for a few seconds before jerking to a stop.

"Let's take a break," I suggested, pulling the parking brake up. That I'd mastered.

"Let's," muttered Edward, jumping out.

"So, why do I need to learn again?" I glowered, coming around to where Edward was leaning against the hood.

"I thought _you_ wanted to learn," he said, eyebrows raised.

Shrugging, I positioned myself on top of the hood as I usually did whenever we came out to the bluffs to relax.

"Don't get narky, Bella. No one learns right away," he chuckled, scooting over.

I leaned my head on his shoulder. "You did."

"I learned the first day, yeah, but Da had a rough enough time of it," he said. "How… how did you know that, anyway?"

Sometimes my prior obsession with him came up in conversation. This was one of those times, and I blushed. "Alice told me?"

"Was it because you were askin' her?" he teased, pushing off the car and standing in front of me. Hooking my legs around his body, I drew him closer as he hugged me.

"You're laughing at me again," I whined, as he tried to kiss me.

"Because it's funny. If I'd known how aware you were of everything I'd have taken advantage of you much earlier."

"You're a pig," I laughed, catching his bottom lip between my teeth. "But I like it," I added, knowing he'd say it if I didn't first.

He smiled against my mouth, and I released his lip so I could kiss him instead. He kissed me back, his tongue sliding seductively into my mouth, making my thighs tighten instinctively around his hips as I let my tongue move around his. He drew in a deep breath, our mouths hot things in an otherwise miserably cold day, and kissed me harder, holding my face in his hands as I knotted my fingers in his hair.

Through the layers of clothing and padding I could feel him getting hard, and I locked my feet around, pressing myself against him fully. He moaned quietly, moving his lips to my cheek, my ear, and then away.

"It's too feckin' cold," he said, pushing his chilly nose into the warmth of my neck.

"Can I try driving again?" I asked, more than ready to get out of the biting winds.

"Might as well," he agreed, pulling me down. He adjusted his pants, glaring playfully at me when I caught him doing so.

The inside of the Land Rover wasn't that much warmer, but at least most of the wind was kept at bay. By the time we left about an hour later, I was able to get us down the bluff and back out to the main road. Riding a natural high, I breathlessly begged to drive at least part of the way home, and Edward obliged, saying he'd take over once we hit the busier areas.

"Will we have time to do this again before you go?" I asked once we'd switched places a few miles down the road.

"I doubt it," he said, glancing behind as he pulled off the shoulder and back into traffic. "We've a lot to do…"

"Is it going to be like Derry?" I remembered how frantic I'd been that weekend, wondering if he and my brother were okay, and how awful it had been to see the headlines in the papers.

I didn't look forward to weathering that sort of distress again, but at least he'd be nearby.

He chewed his lip, keeping his eyes on the road ahead. "In a way."

"And James? Is he coming down, or – "

"James was arrested."

"What?" I twisted in my seat, staring at him in shock. "When did that happen?"

"Two days ago; they finally ran him down and took him in."

"Why now?"

"You don't want to know, really," he promised, shaking his head.

"I do," I insisted.

Edward ignored me, fiddling with some button on the dashboard.

"What did he do?" I said again, touching his arm gently.

"His chapter was involved in tarring and feathering the fiancé of a loyalist soldier," he said.

"Why would they do that?" I gasped. "To a woman?"

"The soldier shot and killed a Catholic man a few weeks back, and this was their method of retribution."

I sank into my seat, sickened.

"It was in the papers," he added tonelessly.

"I just… don't understand. The girl was innocent," I said.

"No one's innocent, Bella," he retorted.

"You know what I mean, Edward. Why didn't they just go directly after the soldier?"

"For the same reason the RUC took you that one time. It hurts worse when it's someone you love," he explained.

"What if someone did that to me? Tied me to a pole and covered me with tar and feathers?"

"It would be the last thing they ever did," he growled, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel.

"But it could happ-"

"It could _never happen!_" he all but shouted. "Bella, I've taken precautions. I'm not an eejit, I know what the risks are."

He looked wild, his eyes gleaming as he scowled. If he thought he had things under control, I wasn't going to keep up that particular line of questioning – not when he was already stressed out and prone to outbursts.

"Well, so…what about Victoria? Is she in Derry still?" My heart hurt for her; I knew she had to be devastated, knowing her man might very well die behind bars.

"They took her in, too," he replied, glancing at me. "She's pregnant."

"She – she's pregnant? How do you know that? What will she do in there? Why did they arrest her?" I cried, even though I wasn't completely naïve to the way James and Victoria lived.

"I know because James told me last week, when we met up to go over plans. And they took her in because she's always been very actively involved in both Belfast's and Derry's PIRA activities," he said.

I stayed quiet, digesting this new information. It was obvious why Edward and now Em and Rose would have to leave town after next week's operation. The boys were understandably tight lipped about it, but I'd a feeling it was going to be big, even bigger than Derry… and if the RUC had been watching their brigade as closely as we suspected, apprehension was inevitable.

"So you see why I'm not too feckin' thrilled to have you trying to get involved," Edward said, tapping his fingers restlessly along the console between our seats.

Nodding, I joined my hand to his, threading our fingers together. I was so tired, and no sooner had I shut my eyes, I'd fallen asleep.

Later that night, Edward came as he always did, sometime between twelve and one. As I turned to lock the door behind me, someone whistled shrilly from down the street. It was an out-of-place sound, startling and eerie in the dark hush of late-night, and Edward reopened the door, pushing me back inside. He slipped in after me, clicking the door shut, and peered out the window, looking through a space between the curtains.

Frozen with fear, I twisted my hands together, feeling vulnerable and exposed in my silly little nightie and overcoat. "What is it?" I whispered.

He reached for my hand, pulling me close so I could see whatever he was looking at: taillights, receding down the road.

My heart skipped a beat. "Who is that?"

"Remember the bloke in your store?"

"Yeah."

"Him and a few others. It's fine though, Deklan and Seamus are in my car there on the curb and Donal's down the block with someone else, watching."

I gaped at him. "And ye still want to go out?"

_Is he out of his bleedin' mind?_

"It's not the first time they've been about, actually," he said, raking his hands roughly through his hair. "You're safer with me now, you know that right?"

"Because yer armed and dangerous," I deadpanned.

He snorted and opened the door.

"Ready?"

That was an excellent question, actually.

_Am I?_

* * *

_So, I'll probably post again next Thursday - not this one coming up in two days, but the next. Then we'll be back on schedule. thanks for the PM's, reviews, and all-around lovin'. xoxo!_

_Oh, and don't forget to nominate your favorite stories for the Eddies & Bellies - http://www(dot)thecatt(dot)net/tw/default(dot)aspx --- i'm having a ball over here, going through my list of favorites so I can go on a nomming-spree! Yay! So much fic, so little time..._


	20. Chapter 20

**Twilight and all recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. All copyrighted, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization.**

thanks to Nic, who despite going through a rough time in "real life" took time to beta for me tonight. I love you, girlie. My thoughts & prayers are with you...

thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. xoxo

* * *

"I'll be by later, but only for a bit. I can't bring you out tonight," Edward said quietly as we pulled up to the curb in front of my house. He was serious again, the way he'd been before Derry.

I wondered how many times he'd been this way in the past year, before I'd been hangin' around him enough to know.

"Okay," I nodded casually, but every muscle in my body was taut with tension. He and I spent almost every night together, except for when he had to patrol or meet with the brigade.

The boys had a lot to go over tonight. Their operation rolled out tomorrow, Friday.

I still didn't know the specifics, nor did I want to, but I knew it was major. The possibilities chilled my soul; after what had happened in Derry, I was more than aware of the potential for death, be it accidental like with Pat or on purpose, at the hands of the authorities.

And then, assuming he survived the day, he'd be leaving Belfast for an undetermined amount of time. I was trying my best not to be so bloody dramatic about it all, I'd chosen this life now after all, but it was so hard. Again I was struck with how emotionally dependant I had become on Edward.

But he'd become dependent on me, too, and even when I attempted to conceal how I truly felt, he still tended to pick up on it.

"Hey," he caught my wrist as I began to exit the Land Rover. "I love you."

My eyes blurred and I nodded, leaning in briefly to kiss his cheek. "Love you too."

I got out promptly after that, not wanting him to see me cry.

The house greeted me with the smell of baking scones. Mum's sixth sense must've kicked in; I could swear the woman always knew when I needed comforting.

"Bella?" she called, hearing the front door close.

"Yeah, it's me," I said, moping into the kitchen.

"Ah, what's this now?" she asked, frowning when she saw my wet cheeks.

"Just worried about Edward, what else is new?" I muttered, wiping my face on my sleeve and collapsing into a chair at the table.

She silently placed a platter of scones in front of me, squeezing my shoulder before she began preparing our tea.

Not feeling very hungry but wanting to eat anyway, I broke a scone into little bits and chewed the pieces painstakingly slow, coughing when they stuck in my throat. Mum sat down with our tea and I gratefully sipped mine, shuddering as the warmth hit me.

"Is something in particular happening?" she asked.

I nodded.

"So I suppose Emmett is involved then," she surmised, shaking her head. Nothing of this sort seemed to surprise her, and it occurred to me that she'd been carrying all sorts of secrets and burdens throughout my childhood. Never once had it affected her mood-not that I could tell- or the way she handled day to day stresses.

I wondered if this was just who she was naturally, or her responses to circumstances such as these had been learned the hard way.

"They're leaving for a time, you know," I said, resting my cheek in my hand.

"No, I didn't know," she sighed in resignation.

"I'm sick of school," I said abruptly, crumbling the remainder of my scone.

"That I did know," she laughed humorlessly.

"After this semester I'm halving my workload."

"Fine, Isabella. Is that what's botherin' ya?"

"Everything is bothering me," I whispered, overwhelmed with the awful sense of helplessness covering me like a suffocating, too-warm blanket.

"There's only so much you can do, so you'd be better off saying a rosary," Mum replied sincerely, stroking the top of my hand with gentle fingers.

"I think I'll go to mass, actually," I twisted out of my chair and gave her a tight hug. "Thanks, Mum."

"It's fine, love," she murmured, rising to pour herself another cup of tea.

I paused in the doorway, considering telling her that I wanted to go wherever Edward was going, but decided that conversation could wait. The thought of leaving my parent's home, even temporarily, made me feel even more desolate and I didn't need to add that to everything else I was thinking about.

Knowing it was foolish to even consider walking to St. Mary's alone, despite the fact I'd done it hundreds of times in my life, I went next door to the neighbor's.

Jimmy Murphy opened the door, not bothering to hide his surprise at seeing me. He and his wife Eileen were good friends of my parents, but I usually hadn't any reason to go calling on them myself.

"Isabella?"

"Hi, Jimmy. Um… could I ask a favor?"

Everyone liked Jimmy and Eileen; she was a seamstress and worked from home and he was a retired police officer, one of the very few Catholics that had been on the force. Jimmy glanced up and down the street. "Go on, then."

"Would ya mind terribly bringin' me to St. Mary's?" I asked, twisting my hands nervously. What a life this was; I now had to have a chaperone to attend _mass_.

This was another reason I was startin' to really envy Alice's plans to get out; I missed the old days. I'd taken my freedom for granted for so many years and longed to live that way again.

"Oh," he seemed relieved. I wondered what he'd thought I'd come to ask. "Of course. I'll get my keys."Soon he was dropping me off in front of the church, the engine rumbling sporadically as it idled. "Now, when d'you need to be picked up? I'm not havin' ya walk back alone, yer Ma would perish, so she would."

"Maybe a half hour?"

"Right then," he nodded and waved me off.

His noisy little car didn't depart until I'd crossed the threshold and was safely inside. Quickly, I retrieved my rosary from my pocket and made my way to the front of the church, sitting in the second pew. There were a few other people scattered about, most of them genuflecting in silence as I was about to do.

The warm, soft light inside the sanctuary soothed me, emotionally and spiritually, and after saying my rosary twice I sat back onto the pew and added a few silent, personal prayers of my own. The flicker of vigil candles danced in my peripheral when I opened my eyes, and without further deliberation I went to the illuminated stand beneath the statue of Mary and knelt. I lit a candle for Emmett and another for Edward, and made supplication to St. Joseph and St. Michael, the two I knew for certain were patron saints of various sorts of protection.

The boys were in God's hands now; and really, I knew they'd always been. There was little more I could do but remain in prayer and try to be as strong as I could, not just for myself but for Edward. Like my mother had told me long before, it wouldn't do any good for Edward to be worried about my feelings while he was on the streets. He would have to be focused keenly on the task at hand if he had any chance of making it out alive.

* * *

Instead of going to sleep until Edward came to me, I stayed up, tinkering around my room and making frequent trips to the kitchen for tea to help me stay alert.

At eleven thirty I was halfway back up the stairs when I heard the stealthy metallic click of a key sliding into a lock. Turning, I came back down the steps and was right on the other side of the door when Edward came through it. He jerked back when he saw me, visibly startled.

"Jaysus, Bella, what're ye doing?" he whispered harshly, locking the door again.

"Waitin' for you," I murmured, taking his hand to bring him upstairs.

When we were in my room I let go of him so I could place my tea on the desk. I turned to find him right behind me and this time I was the one who jumped, not expecting him to be so close. He grinned, winking at me.

"Okay, now we're even," I leaned into him, my heart slowly releasing from its clench.

We stood still for a moment, just holding on to each other. He ran his fingers through my hair, over and over, bringing a fistful of it to his nose.

"Your hair always smells so good," he said, his eyes closed as he inhaled. "Sometimes I smell you on my bed when you're gone."

"Good," I smiled, grabbing his chin and stilling his movements.

I kissed him slowly, sliding my tongue into his mouth, the need to taste him urgent and deep. He kissed me back, walking us back toward my bed where we broke apart long enough to lie down and then come back together.

"Did you lock the door?" I breathed, my back arching reflexively when he lifted my shirt up and kissed my belly button.

"Yes," he leaned on his side, propped on his elbow, and unbuttoned the men's shirt I was wearing to bed. "I wouldn't live past tonight if Charlie found me in here."

Edward paused once he'd opened my shirt, running his palm from my collar bone down the front of my body, between my breasts, to my belly...the warmth of his hands felt good against the chill in my room. He lowered his head and kissed my belly again, and I dug my hands into his hair, goose bumps scattering across my skin as he came higher.

I wanted to see him, too.

"Take your clothes off," I said once we were face to face. He rolled off the bed and stripped so quickly I covered my mouth to muffle my laugh. Grabbing a condom out of his jeans, he got back onto the bed and resumed his place between my thighs.

"I hate these things," he sighed, tossing the little packet off to the side. He nuzzled my neck, kissing the skin there 'til I was senseless with want.

"Me too," I whispered, loving the tickle of his hair on my face.

"I wish we didn't have to use them."

"I know," I held his face between my hands, unable to stop from grinning at his hair, which was sticking up in all over the place.

"Let's have babies, Bella," he said mischievously, swooping in to bite my bottom lip.

Reality hit me like a ton of bricks and I closed my eyes against it.

"I can't raise them by myself," I replied, swallowing back the sudden lump in my throat.

He grew very still, unmoving except for the rise and fall of his chest. Bringing my hands back to his unruly hair, I ran my fingers through it, breathing in his scent and trying to cement that very moment in my mind and heart. No matter what happened, I would always have this: the knowledge that he loved me, and that I knew what it felt like to love in return.

Even though, I loved him so much it actually hurt.

"I wouldn't want you to," he said eventually. His eyes, serious and dark, met mine again and without warning he pushed into me.

"Edward," I gasped, and he kissed my open mouth.

"I just want to feel you, just a little."

He thrust three times, long deep, slow thrusts, and pulled out, only to quickly tear open the packet, cover himself, and re-enter me.

I kept my eyes on his face even though, to be truthful, it was very intense-almost uncomfortable- to look into his eyes like that when we were being intimate. It made me feel very bare and exposed, but I wanted it because as much as I pushed the thought from my mind, I feared this could be the last time I saw him this way.

He gazed right back, his eyes darting between my own.

"Come with me tomorrow."

The ache in my heart eased up the slightest bit. "Okay."

He smiled his half-smile, reaching down between us to touch me as he moved. I shut my eyes then; letting anything that wasn't the way he made me feel, disappear.

"Bella, you have to…soon…I'm going to…"he panted, frowning in concentration.

"I will…" I breathed, close.

He slowed to a stop, still stroking me until I started to come, and then sped up again, joining our mouths as his orgasm hit. Lazily he rocked, bringing us down easy, like leaves floating to the ground.

We shifted on to our sides, staying together. I pushed the damp hair from his face, feeling my stomach flutter as I did. He was so beautiful to me and each day my feelings for him hooked themselves deeper within.

"I need you to stay home tomorrow," he said; all at once back to business.

I nodded wordlessly, not surprised.

"I can't give you a time, but I will come, and y'have to be ready," he continued, watching his finger as it trailed a drop of sweat across my breast.

"We're always doing this, saying goodbye," I said. "I'm glad we won't have to do it again tomorrow."

"Me too," he said, pulling me closer. We kissed and then he let me go, detangling himself so he could get up. Drawing my blanket up to my chin, I watched as he moved around my room, cleaning himself up and pulling his clothes on hurriedly.

"Promise me you'll come back tomorrow," I begged when he knelt on my bed to kiss me goodbye. My throat closed up and I couldn't even stop the rogue tear that escaped.

_Please, God. Don't let this be the last time._

"I will. I promise."

* * *

The waiting game had commenced… again.

Late morning found me still burrowed beneath my blankets, somewhat surprised at how well I'd been able to sleep the night before. It was likely my body was just stressed out… I was mentally and emotionally exhausted.

_Or maybe the boyfriend tired you out, ya slapper._

Because of school and mass and Mum's incessant need for seizing the bleedin' day, it wasn't often I got the chance to linger in bed. Wrapping myself in a robe, I snuck to the bathroom before she could catch and interrogate me for being home when I was supposed to be at class.

I should have known better. No sooner had I crept back into my room and snuggled into bed, Mum strode in.

"Planning to spend the day in here?" she asked brusquely.

"Maybe," I mumbled, not bothering to raise my head.

"What's wrong with you?" Her voice softened as she sat on the edge of my bed.

"I'm worried is all."

"Rose and Alice are here," she said.

I sat up abruptly. "When did they come?"

"Your brother an' Edward brought them around seven. They're in the kitchen."

"Oh," I rubbed my face, not wanting to get up, but not wanting to ignore the girls, either. "Can you send them up?"

"Get your arse downstairs, Isabella, yer bein' ridiculous now. Come on," Mum chided, smacking my leg through the blankets.

"All right, all right, keep your alans on," I groaned, whipping the covers off and getting to my feet.

"Since when d'ye sleep half naked?" she asked incredulously, eyeing my bare legs and misbuttoned shirt.

Ignoring her, I grabbed a pair of old pants out of the dresser. "I'll be down in a minute, Mum, all right?"

"Fine."

Once she'd left, I pulled on a pair of socks – it was really feckin' cold – and took a glance out the window. It was drab and dreary, really lovely out. I paused, knotting my hair into a messy bun atop my head.

Curiously, I was nowhere near hysterical as I'd been the first time the boys had gone off to complete an operation. Either I was becoming used to this shite, or I'd done a good job of numbing myself with prayer and positive thought, because even though I wasn't in the best of moods, I wasn't panicking, either.

Pulling an old bag out from underneath my bed, I brushed the dust off and began filling it with underwear, socks, shirts and pants. I threw in a couple of dresses and skirts for good measure, an extra pair of shoes and what toiletries I could find. Several books went into the bag as well, and then I zipped it shut, lifting it a little to test its weight.

By this time the next day, I'd hopefully be in Cork with Edward.

* * *

"Ah, don't make me laugh," Rose gasped, holding her side. "I've had the worse feckin' side aches all day! My stomach's been a mess."

"Maybe it's gas," Alice commented, playing her hand.

We'd been playing bridge for most of the morning. Mum was the best player by far, but after beating us several times she had grown bored and abandoned us to continue her housework. Now Alice was in the lead, having won two of the three most recent games.

"I'm a bit sick of this, so I am," I griped, placing my cards face down and leaning back in my seat.

"I think I'm going to lie down," Rose said, standing up and stretching. Her stomach was finally starting to look a bit swollen, and she'd taken to wearing blouses that were looser.

"You can rest in my bed," I offered.

She smirked at me, grabbing my arm as she leaned close. "Wasn't yer boy here last night?"

My face warmed. There were obviously _no _secrets over at the flat.

"He was, yeah," I admitted.

"I'll be takin' the sofa then," she winked, leaving the kitchen.

I looked at Alice, who had also gotten to her feet. She held her hand up, making a face. "I don't _even_ want to know."

Making a face, I cleared the table of cards and shuffled them into a neat stack. "I'll go change the sheets then, Japers."

"You're so bad!" Alice squealed. She covered her own mouth, looking around before she spoke again, in a lower voice. "You've done it with your parents down the hall?

I shrugged, biting back a smile. "So?"

"Judas Iscariot, I don't know who's worse, you or me brother."

"Maybe we're equally bad," I said, raising my eyebrows. "Where's Jasper today?"

Alice's face fell slightly. "I was supposed to see him today after classes but Edward was bein' a gobshite and wouldn't let me go to University. I tried calling him this morning, but he must've left already."

"Sorry, love," I said, knowing how frustrating that could be. "You can call him later, yeah?"

"I suppose," she shook her head.

"Ye know why Edward wanted you stayin' in today, yeah?"

"I can guess. I don't know, Bella. I'm so close to askin' Jasper if we can go sooner than later," she huffed, glaring at her nails. "Have ya got a nail file?"

"Look on my dresser," I said, but she was already walking to the stairs. I watched her go, slightly stung by her nonchalance, even though I knew it was her way of protecting herself. We'd had enough crying jags lately to last us each a lifetime; neither of us wanted to leave the other, but we both knew things couldn't stay the same.

We'd done a fair job of avoiding it, but the nervousness in the house was palpable. As for myself, I didn't need to know what Edward and Emmett had done; I simply needed to know they were okay.

The phone rang discordantly, jarring me, and I snatched it off of its hook before it could do it again.

"Hello?"

"Hi… this is Jasper Hale, is Alice available?" the very-American voice said slowly.

At least, it seemed slow. It could've been his accent.

"Oh, hi Jasper. It's Bella. Alice is upstairs, can ye hold on?"

"Hi, Bella. That would be fine," he answered.

Setting the receiver on its side, I left the kitchen and sprinted up the stairs, only to run in to Alice, who was scurrying out.

"Is that Jasper?" she asked, pink with anticipation.

"It is, yeah. How'd you know?"

"I just know," she said, descending down the stairs.

I went to the sitting room to check on Rose and found her curled into a ball, a thin layer of sweat across her forehead.

Alarmed, I dropped to my knees at her side. "Rosalie?"

Her eyelids fluttered. "Mmm?"

"Are ye alright? You look a bit…pale," I said, touching the back of my hand to her cheek. She didn't feel particularly warm, but she was clammy, and that made me nervous.

"I don't know, Bella. The pain just," she paused, licking her lips. "It won't go away. It's not that bad, but it won't go away."

"I'm getting Mum, " I said, smoothing Rose's hair back. "Just to make sure."

"Okay," she breathed, her eyes staying shut. That worried me; she'd gone from giggling and playing cards to lethargic and pained within minutes. She'd miscarried years before, and even though she was currently calm, I knew if I was thinking about it then so was she.

"Mum," I called, finding her back in the kitchen.

"What?" she replied, immediately noting my anxiousness.

"I think something's wrong with Rose; she's not feelin' well," I explained. We returned to the sitting room, where Rose was in the same position.

"It's not bad," she kept saying, her face pinched.

Mum took one look at her and pointed to the door. "Go get Jimmy, Bella. Now."

I jogged outside, stopping only to pull my boots on. The cold hit me with a slap, and I wrapped my arms around myself in an effort to ward off the wind.

Jimmy wasn't home, but Eileen was, and she had a car. She followed me back into our house, where she and Mum helped Rose into a jacket. Alice emerged from the kitchen in the midst of the excitement.

"What's wrong?" she cried, her eyes falling on Rose.

"The pains haven't stopped, so we're bringin' her to the hospital, just to be safe." I said. "Everything okay with Jasper?"

Alice silenced me with a look and nodded toward the stairs.

"I'm running up to get my coat," I called out.

"Hurry, love," my mother said, sitting Rose down.

"What did he say?" I asked Alice, my voice lowered.

She shook her head slowly, her eyes like saucers. "Things are going to be really bleedin' chaotic when we go out there, Bella. Several bombs have gone off, all over the city."

"Oh," I frowned, pushing my door open. I slipped into my jacket and held out another one for Alice, which she put on right away. "Where, exactly?"

"Jasper says he heard about several bus and railway stations, as well as two RUC stations. One went off by the Queen Elizabeth Bridge, but no one was hurt," she said.

"So people have died?" I asked, a cold sweat breaking out over my body. This was a lot worse than I'd expected.

"What do you think?" she said, rather sardonically.

Turning from her, I faced my mirror, running a brush through my hair before throwing it into a ponytail.

"I'm sorry," Alice said, touching my arm. "I just… I feel like I don't know him anymore."

"You _do_ know him, Alice, but… people change. Just because there are parts to him ye don't like, it doesn't mean you don't know him," I said, ripping a piece of paper out of a notebook. I glanced up at her. "He loves you."

"And I love him, I just… miss how it was," she lamented, smiling the tiniest bit.

"Don't we all," I mused, jotting a note to leave on the front door.

_E – _

_Went to R.V hospital with Mum, Alice and Rose._

_B_

* * *

Several roads were blocked off as we weaved through traffic, trying to get to Royal Victoria before Rose's pain's worsened. Some areas were quiet, while others were blighted with confusion and structural damage.

We passed one of the RUC stations on the way, and I gasped at the wreckage, unable to tear my eyes away. The building itself was still standing, but a huge chunk had been blown off and there were wisps of smoke rising from it. A fire engine was parked outside, and the path was full of both RUC officers and firemen. My heart sank as I realized there was an excellent chance Edward had arranged for the station I'd been taken to months before to meet a similar fate.

Rose squeezed my hand, and I turned away from the window. Her eyes were glassy as she looked at me, and I squeezed her hand back.

"I'm afraid, Bella," she whispered.

Nodding, I angled my body toward her so I could gently caress her stomach. "It will be okay this time. You're meant to have this baby."

She smiled faintly, closing her eyes, and I could see she didn't really believe me. The thing was, I was sure she and the baby would be okay. I hadn't any idea what made me so sure; it was just a feeling. Had I been Rose however, I knew I'd have been just as frightened.

Eventually we arrived at the hospital. There were cars and pedestrians everywhere, and I realized with a sinking feeling it could all very well be linked to the bombings. Alice, Mum and I jumped out to help Rose inside while Eileen parked the car. Mum took charge, striding over to the reception window and signing Rose in, but because she wasn't quite in a state of emergency yet, we were put on a waiting list.

That shite simply wouldn't do, so just as I'd done the day Tyler was brought in, I went to the woman in reception and asked if Dr. Cullen could be paged. After a moment of haggling she gave in and managed to get him on the line.

Carlisle was about to go into surgery, so he couldn't come downstairs, but when I explained our situation he arranged for a colleague in obstetrics to tend to Rose immediately. Once Eileen joined us again, we were escorted to another waiting area while Rose was taken for a sonogram.

"What do you think is wrong?" I asked Mum, who was remarkably serene.

She shrugged. "Pregnancy is unpredictable. There's a good chance nothing at all is wrong, and she's just cramping… I really don't know."

That made sense, even though it didn't really answer my question.

"I'm going to call Jasper again," she said, rooting around her purse for spare change. She disappeared down the hall and I settled deeper into my chair, prepared to wait – for Alice to return, to hear about Rose, and for Edward to come back to me.

Both bored and antsy, I was berating myself for not having brought a book or something to distract me. Alice had more news when she sat down twenty minutes later.

"A couple of garages and a bar in one of the Protestant neighborhoods were attacked, too," she said tersely, rubbing her eyes. "I can't deal with this, Bella. We're leaving next week."

I blinked in surprise. "What about your Mum?"

Alice threw up her hands. "She wants me to go, at this point. It's a bleedin' war zone out there, completely out of control."

"It really is," I agreed, a little in shock by everything she'd just said. After the severity of what the Provos had done today, I wanted out of Belfast too. Even if Edward hadn't agreed the night before to take me with him, I'd have found a way out.

The doctor that Carlisle had sent to help us, Dr. Gerandy, came out to where we were sitting.

"She's fine, physically, but she's under a lot of stress. I'm going to recommend bed rest for a couple of weeks, and then whenever she needs it after that. Due to her history of failed pregnancy, she has scar tissue that will sometimes cause her pain. It's nothing serious, but it was wise of you to bring her in," he said.

"Thank God!" Mum stood up, beaming. "So the baby's healthy, then."

"Yes, he's fine."

"He?" I asked, sitting up.

Dr. Gerandy smiled, nodding. "He."

"I'm surprised you can tell; she's hardly showing," I said incredulously.

"Usually between eighteen and twenty weeks we can get an accurate reading from the ultrasound. I asked Rose if she wanted to know, and she did," he explained.

"Oh," Mum looked as if she was about to cry. "Can I see Rose?"

"She'll be right out, actually," he replied.

We thanked him profusely, and he waved us off, saying he was happy to help friends of Carlisle Cullen.

"Let's see how friendly he is when the medical bills come," Alice muttered after Dr. Gerandy left.

"Really," I snorted.

Rose walked out, unable to suppress her radiant smile. "I can't believe it; Em's going to be thrilled!"

We gathered 'round her, hugging her and offering congratulations. In the midst of all the horror and badness on the streets, it was a blessing to have this one good thing, this blessing.

"Let's go, yeah? Jimmy's probably thinkin' I'm out snoggin' the milkman," Eileen joked, jingling her car keys in her pocket. We took the elevator back down to the first floor and started toward the door.

"Rose!" Emmett's voice boomed across the room, startling several people standing around. I could only assume he'd gotten my note, and my heart sank when it appeared he was alone. Shaking slightly, I was about to ask what had happened when I caught sight of Edward, talking on a pay phone, his back to me.

Leaning on the wall for support, I breathed slowly, the rush of relief having left me a bit light headed. After all of my fretting and praying, having him right in front of me again felt surreal.

"Oh, God, Em," Rose cried, recapturing my attention as she ran to meet Emmett. They embraced, her ecstatic grin a sharp contrast to the worry on his face.

"It's okay, everything's okay. We're havin' a boy," she said quickly, tilting her head back as he held on to her even tighter.

"Wha- how d'ye know?" he asked.

"The doctor saw his mickey," Mum said wryly, folding her arms.

I looked over at Edward, noticing that like my brother, he wore all black. As if he sensed me watching, he glanced over his shoulder and our eyes locked. He said something into the phone and hung up.

He walked toward me, his eyes dead and flat, and I was almost knocked flat by the barrage of emotions that hit me all at once. I was nervous, afraid of people that would want to retaliate, of traveling so far from home. I was profoundly saddened by the continual back and forth of violence, perpetrated by "Us" and "Them".

I wanted to him to explain it all to me, to help me to understand the way he understood. I wanted my mind and my heart to finally be on the same page.

"I'm done, Bella," he whispered, pulling me into his arms.

"What do you mean?" I asked, tiptoeing so I could kiss his rough, stubbly chin. His hair was everywhere, much as it had been the last time he'd been wearing a mask.

Besides a smudge on his cheek, he appeared to be okay.

"Are you sure you want to go with me?" he asked instead, his eyes burning into mine.

I nodded.

"Then say goodbye to your Mum."


	21. Chapter 21

_Disclaimer__: All copyrighted, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. Twilight? Belongs to Stephenie Meyer._

_This plot is, however, all mine. Every angsty drop_.

thanks to all of you lovely readers who write, review and correspond - i love hearing from you. quite a few people have alerted this recently, favorited it... so, say hello! it only takes a second to let me know what you thought of the chapter... and just know i'm not asking for something i don't myself do. I review...about 98% of the time. ;)

thanks to my betafish Nic. the sun rises and sets for you. xoxo

* * *

So this was it, then.

My mouth felt dry and I wished I'd thought to drink something during our wait earlier.

"Are we stopping at my house? To get my bag?" I asked, staring at the collar of his jacket.

"I have it," he said, nodding toward the door, and I presume, the parking lot. "I saw it on the floor when we went to get you and Rose, only you weren't there…"

"Oh," I nodded numbly.

"You listened," he whispered and I looked up at him. "You were ready."

"I've been ready," I responded, hope blooming inside me when softness and warmth replaced the void in his eyes.

"We have to go," he urged, looking behind me at his sister.

Alice was standing next to my mother, an amused half-smile on her face as she watched Rose and Em carry on. Heart heavy, I went to her.

"Alice," I began, taking her hands in mine. I had a feeling she'd be gone with Jasper by the time we made it back to Belfast, and that made leaving a little harder.

Her face grew serious as she looked at me. "What's going on? Is everything alright?"

"I'm going to go away for a while…with Edward," I said, squeezing her fingers.

"I don't know if that's a smart idea or a stupid one," she murmured, her lips in a tight line.

"Neither do I," I shook my head. "But we're leaving, right now."

"All right," her eyes flickered between me and Edward, who had joined me at my side. "Will you call me? When you reach wherever you're going?" she asked, her eyes imploring.

"Yeah," I nodded, swallowing. "Stay safe, yeah? I love you."

We embraced, tight, and I could feel her trembling through our heavy clothes. This was the last I'd see her, at least for awhile, and I wanted desperately to keep my emotions under control 'til we were in the car. Alice and I'd had a strange few weeks; we were used to leaning on one another for comfort and that was all about to change. We'd cried more than a few times, and the last thing we needed was another outburst, here in the hospital lobby.

I left Edward with Alice and went to Mum, tapping on her arm to get her attention.

"Ready?" she asked, looking distractedly toward the door. I pulled her away from the others, over to an adjacent hallway.

"I'm leaving Belfast with Edward today," I blurted. "For a little while."

She stared blankly at me. "Now?"

I nodded nervously, chewing on my thumbnail. She gently removed my hand from my mouth and shook her head. "Well, you're old enough to go," she said, her eyes searching mine. "And ye know I'll be prayin' for you…but…" she paused as her voice broke. "Emmett's leavin' too isn't he? And Rose?"

"I think so," I whispered, wiping a tear from my eye. "I'm sorry…"

I hated that I was doing this to her, but I had to believe that it would have happened eventually. Like the natural separation from Alice, this too was a part of leaving childhood behind. Still, none of that made it sting any less… and it saddened me to imagine her and Da, alone in what was once a loud, full house.

But as always, her fortitude surprised me. "I understand, love, more than you know. Tis safer elsewhere at this rate. "

"I just…I can't be away from him," I said, forcing a deep breath to clear the tears.

"Shh, I know," she soothed, giving me a brisk hug. "Go. I'll…explain to Charlie." She rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes, giving me a watery smile. "Make sure he takes good care of you."

She looked over at Edward, motioning him over.

"Ye know we love you like our own, but Charlie's not going to like you shackin' up with his daughter. I know this out of necessity, but make it right," she said, giving him a quick hug.

He hugged her back, squeezing her. "I'll take proper care of her. We'll call along the way," he promised, looking flushed at her words.

"Em and Rose are takin' a different car, but we'll meet up soon as we're in the Republic," Edward said as we walked out of the lobby.

The whine of sirens pierced the air as another ambulance pulled into the parking lot. It had gotten busier at Royal Victoria since we'd first arrived and I purposely looked away, not wanting to have another sad scene to replay itself in my mind's eye later.

Wordlessly we walked to the Land Rover, our hands clasped between us. What had started as a dreary morning had brightened into a cool, cheery afternoon, the sky an unapologetic blue. Edward bent his head to kiss me before we got into the car, but the too-close sound of an engine backfiring startled us both.

Edward pitched toward me, his face contorted. Before I could ask him what was wrong, I heard a strange, silvery whining sound passing dangerously close, followed by two others. Edward jerked against me, using both of his hands to throw me onto the ground. I fell with a heavy thud, the back of my head hitting the asphalt so hard that the pain was eclipsed waves of blackness.

Edward collapsed next to me, moving to cover me with his body. I curled into him, whimpering as cold air licked at the back of my head, intensifying the throbbing.

"Bella," he groaned, lifting his head from my chest long enough to look at me before dropping it again. His face had gone ashy and grey, and panic washed over me.

The sirens had finally stopped, but now there were other sounds. Gunfire peppered the air in a sharp staccato, back and forth, a call and response. Someone was screaming, and I wondered if she had been shot. I heard the same shrill whistle we'd heard the night Edward had come to get me, when the strange car had passed outside my house. Edward had explained later that it was Donal Murry's signal, the way he alerted the others something was wrong. It was too late though, this time.

Through it all I could hear Emmett's voice, yelling, and footsteps thundering toward us.

"You okay?" Edward asked hoarsely, unable to open his eyes. My left arm stung, but I was more concerned with him.

"I think – are you….Edward. Edward," I cried, loosening my arms from around him so I could push the hair from his face.

There was blood all over my hand. Gasping for air, I looked down at my own body, but I couldn't see much of anything. Edward was in black, so it was impossible to see where he was bleeding, but by the way he was slumped, his breathing shallow, I knew he'd been shot.

I began feeling lightheaded and nauseated. Emmett and Seamus appeared, staring down at us, and my urge to pass out grew stronger.

"No," I growled, vexed my body would give out at a time like this. "No."

Edward squeezed my hand, and I tried to sit up. But Emmett pushed me gently down, cradling my head in his lap. Seamus was at Edward's side, pressing his fingers all over him.

They were saying things; their mouths were moving and Em was touching my forehead, but I couldn't help it. My face felt so _cold_. I realized before fainting it was because my cheeks were wet with tears.

* * *

Feeling hands prodding my neck and scalp, I dragged my eyes open.

Medics were all around us, talking in terms I didn't understand.

"Is he okay?" I asked, but no one heard me. And if they did, they didn't answer me.

I was lifted on to a stretcher and wheeled back into the hospital. "Try and stay awake, Bella," someone said, but it was so difficult. All I wanted to do was close my eyes, but a nagging feeling kept me awake, although not alert.

"Emmett?" I cried, twisting my neck to look for him.

A pair of gentle but firm hands kept my head and neck in place. "You mustn't move 'til we determine the extent of your injuries."

"Okay," I yawned.

"Stay awake, Isabella…."

I couldn't.

* * *

Slowly I awoke, instantly grateful for the soft, dim lighting. I appeared to be alone, and that terrified me for many reasons. Where were Mum and Da? Emmett? Alice?

Edward?

If no one was with me, who would stop someone from coming in and finishing the job?

The back of my head felt as if someone had taken a hammer to it. I abandoned my attempt at sitting up with a small gasp, dazed by how acute the pain was.

"Bella?" Alice's distraught voice was suddenly beside me. "Bella?"

She held one of my hands between both of hers and I opened my eyes, squinting at her. Her face was red and very puffy; she'd been crying for awhile.

"Where's Edward?" I asked, my voice cracking. "How long have we been here?"

"Just a few hours… you keep waking up and falling asleep, but it could be the pain medication. They had to make sure you didn't have a concussion."

"Do I?" I swallowed thickly.

She nodded. "But the doctor said it was minor, yer lucky. You've a nasty knot on the back of yer head, though. And… and your arm. You," she paused, wiping fresh tears off of her face. "A bullet grazed your arm, nothing serious."

While I remembered clearly what had happened in the parking lot, what Alice was saying shocked me. For so long I'd been living with the possibility of being harmed or arrested or something worse, but I supposed I'd never thought it would actually happen.

She hadn't mentioned Edward.

All the nights I'd prayed for him, the days I'd worried myself sick while he was away or out in the streets, and he'd been shot down in my arms. I needed to see him now, to touch him. Maybe he was in a nearby room…

"Alice," I begged, pulling her closer. "Where is he?"

She looked sadly down at me. "He's gone, he-"

My heart stopped and I took several breaths, trying to ease the agonizing flash of pain that trembled through my body.

_Gone…?_

"Judas Iscariot, Bella, I didn't mean gone I– I mean, he's alive! He's gone away. Da took him," Alice rambled. "He was shot twice in the arm and once in the shoulder. They managed to remove the two bullets that were still inside his body…"

"I thought he was shot three times?" I sobbed, trying to make sense of it.

"The very first bullet went clean through – they think it's the one that grazed you," she explained.

"But where is he?" I whimpered, losing it. Sobs wracked my body, making my head, and my heart, ache.

An overhead light went on, hurting my eyes, and a doctor strode in, followed by two nurses.

"Isabella? I'm Dr. Jenks. How are you feeling?" he asked cordially, pausing at my bedside.

"Like shite," I groaned, trying to regain a modicum of composure. It wasn't working; I was hysterical.

Dr. Jenks frowned, glancing quickly at Alice before returning his attention to me. "If you're in a good deal of pain, and ye probably are, I can introduce a stronger pain medication. I didn't want to do it 'til I was sure your head injury was minor."

"It hurts…" I trailed off as he spoke quickly to one of the nurses.

"I'll be back in a moment," he assured me, smiling sympathetically. The nurse carefully propped me up, placing pillows behind my back, and handed me two pills with a small cup of water.

"This should help, love," she said kindly, waiting as I swallowed down the pills.

Alice hovered back until the nurses had left. "I'm going to get your Mum; she went to get something to eat."

"Alice," I groaned, frustrated at the pleasant but cloudy sensations the morphine was producing. "Where is he?"

"Da took him down to our aunt in Cork. It's too dangerous in Belfast now, I mean, Japers they tried to kill him, Bella!" she shook her head, pausing. "He can hardly defend himself with his arm and shoulder all shot up."

"But how can he travel like that?" I asked hysterically, gutted at the reality that he had, in fact, left me behind.

"He shouldn't have, but Da couldn't take any chances. He tending to the wounds as they drive," she said. "My parents wouldn't let him stay any longer than he had to. Emmett and Rose left before he did."

Overwhelmed, I closed my eyes, wishing I could disappear into nothingness.

We'd been so close.

I should have known better.

"Bella," Alice whispered, kissing a tear I hadn't realized was railing down my cheek. "He didn't want to leave you behind."

"Where's your Mum?"

"Outside, with your Mum and Da. Do you…want her?"

I didn't know what I wanted. Maybe the pills were scrambling my brain worse than the fall had.

"Bella?" Alice stroked my cheek, careful not to put weight on my bed.

One of my arms was bandaged and stiff, so I used the other one to grip her hand. "Please stay with me."

"I will."

* * *

That night was surreal…and a bit of a nuisance. Every hour I was jostled into consciousness so that Dr. Jenks or one of the nurses could shine a light in my eyes or feel the bump on my head or check my arm. And even if they had left me alone, I wouldn't have been able to sleep soundly; thoughts of the day kept running through my mind: voices, images, sounds.

Of course I was glad Edward had gotten away safely. Of course prayers of thanks for my own survival were on my lips every time I had a quiet moment.

But I'd gotten so used to Edward being with me, or expecting him any minute, that the uncertainty was tearing a hole in my chest. I felt as if my heart was breaking, and I knew that was stupid because he hadn't left on his own volition…but he had left all the same.

I wanted one or the other, and here I was trapped in a purgatory of sorts.

My mother relieved Alice sometime late into the night. Jasper came to take Alice out, and though she was reluctant to leave my side I encouraged her to go. I didn't even feel bad anymore; I wanted to leave but I wasn't keen on returning home.

My father set himself up right outside my door, and didn't plan to leave until I left. He explained to me that he'd seen enough in his time to know that all it took was a second and someone dodgy could be in my room. Every so often one of the boys, like Deklan Crowley and Donal Murry, would come through. Even Tyler made an appearance, managing to be the first one to make me laugh when he pointed out that we'd switched places.

Night time tended to be the worst, because everyone was asleep while I fought with insomnia. Because of the pain medications, I napped intermittently during the day, which disrupted my sleep cycles at night. Mum or Alice usually dozed off beside me in the hideously uncomfortable chair, adding guilt to my ongoing litany of negative emotions. And then there were the thoughts I simply could not turn off. Edward was constantly on my mind; I wondered how he was doing, if he was bed-ridden or up and about, if he missed me like I missed him.

On the very beginning of the third day, when I was near out of my bloody mind with boredom and anxiety, Carlisle appeared at my bedside. Despite his haggard, unshaven appearance, he looked so like Edward my heart hurt. He had been driving almost nonstop for days and was the last person I expected to see.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, smiling.

Physically, I was doing much better, but emotionally I was a mess. I'd been carefully controlling my feelings and reactions for months and now that I'd let it all go, I couldn't seem to get it back. It was as if half a year's tears were finally overflowing.

"Fine," I said, unable to stop myself from crying again. "I miss him."

Carlisle's carefully constructed façade fell, and he took a deep, shuddering breath. "I know, love. He's been beside himself with worry for you as well."

"But he knows I'm okay?"

He nodded. "Dr. Jenks said you're free to go home today, as long as you stay in bed for a few days."

"But what will I do then?" I asked quietly, looking down at my hands. "How is he doing? How is his arm?"

"Healing. I put it in a sling before I left."

"So he's all right?"

Carlisle didn't answer right away. He walked over to my window and gazed out, his hands in his pockets.

"You had plans to go with him," he mused.

I frowned. "He didn't tell you?"

"He did. Many times," he smiled ruefully at me. "I have to wonder, Bella, if ye truly know what you're takin' on. You see what happened, and you've only been together a few months."

"No one ever knows what they're takin' on…" I said, shrugging. "My place is with him, and if that's what he wants too I won't stay away."

Carlisle smiled tightly. "He's lucky to have you."

He left as quickly as he had come in, leaving me bewildered. Carlisle had always loved me, the same way my parents loved Alice. Did he mean I was a good match for him in general? Or in the context of this life we were living? Or did he think it was truly unwise of me to proceed with his son, seeing the sort of danger we were always in? I made a mental note to ask Alice, or maybe even Esme.

Mum helped me take my first shower in days. Afterwards, she combed my hair as gently as she could, careful to avoid the swollen area on my head. Alice had brought me loose pants and a shirt; never had I been so thankful for something so simple. I was sick of hospital gowns. I couldn't imagine what it would be like had I been truly sick, or afflicted with a more serious injury. Three days was more than enough time for me, and I suspected the only reason I'd even been kept that long was because Carlisle had called in a favor- I wasn't the only one suspicious of what waited for me outside the walls of Royal Victoria.

Deklan and Donal came in to my room as twilight fell outside.

"Hi," I said uncertainly, wondering if they had spoken to Edward recently.

"Hey, Bella," Donal said, smiling briefly. "You've your bag?"

I had; it had been retrieved from the Land Rover and brought to me by someone soon after the attack in the parking lot.

"Yeah, why?"

"If you still want to go, it has to be now, yeah?" Deklan said, looking around the room until he spotted my bag. He picked it up, nodding toward me.

Surprised and slightly confused, I slid unsteadily off the bed.

Mum and Da came in; my mother had been crying.

"Ye should go, love. They'll bring you to Emmett," Da explained grimly. He walked over to me, smoothing my hair down. "We love you, and we don't want you so far away, but it's just not safe anymore. You'd do well to leave awhile."

"All right," I whispered, giving him a hug. Mum nudged her way in and we held each other for a bit. I felt her placing something into my hand, and when I looked, I saw it was a box of fresh scones. Anguish ripped through me as I considered the fact that I mightn't have these for a very long time.

"Thanks, Mum," I whispered, crying onto her shirt. Da cleared his throat, patting my back affectionately.

"Go on," he said, giving me a soft push toward the boys, who were waiting by the door. "Give me a ring once ye've dropped her off," he told them.

"Aye, Charlie, we will," Donal said with a nod. He turned to me, tilting his head. "D'ye need a hand, or have ye got it?"

"My legs are fine," I teased.

"Please call," my mother cried softly. I turned half way to reassure her, trying to smile.

"I promise."

* * *

We left in a vehicle I was unfamiliar with; apparently Donal had traded with his brother for the night. It was old and drafty, but I had a pillow and old blanket to keep me warm. Wanting to rest as much as possible during what was sure to be a very long night, I took an extra dose of my pain pills as soon as I settled into the backseat. Deklan had graciously offered me the front, but I told him it would be better for him to take it so they could talk and I could sleep.

Before long, the bumps and turns of the road lulled me into a better sleep than any I'd had in the hospital. Perhaps it was the knowledge that I was going somewhere safer, or that I could be with Emmett and Rose. I felt that if I was with them, in a way, I'd be one step closer to Edward. I knew he missed me too, and while it bothered me that I hadn't spoken to him since the day in the parking lot, I understood that it simply hadn't been prudent.

Deklan woke me roughly two hours later; we were approaching the border.

"They're tryin' to enforce the border lately, but we should be okay," he explained. "We're takin' a smaller road."

My heart leapt into my mouth. "What would happen if we got caught?"

"They'd search the car," Donal answered.

I pulled the blanket further up, as if it would shield me. "But…"

"It's fine, Bella. We know a good route; 'tis the same one your brother took the other day," he said. "They're feckin eejits anyway, the border's too bloody long for them to control."

"It's a shorter trip than I thought," I said, yawning and turning onto my other side. I'd been lying down for days now, it was getting ridiculous.

No one spoke for the next half hour. Eventually Donal pulled off of the main road and began down a smaller country lane. He pulled up in front of a tiny, rustic bed and breakfast.

"I think this is it," he said hesitantly, opening the door. He ran inside, leaving Deklan with me. Soon he and Emmett came outside, and I clamored out of the back seat.

I'd never been as ecstatic to see my brother as I was then. He hugged me very gently, rubbing my back. To my surprise, he'd tears in his eyes when he backed away. "Ye don't know have feckin' worried I've been, Bella. That was the worst day of my life, so it was."

"Probably mine too," I admitted, palming away my own tears before the bleedin' waterworks started up. "Is Rose okay?"

"She's fine, yeah," he said, resting his arm around my shoulder. "You stayin'?" he asked the boys.

"Nah, we need to get back. Nothing fer us down here," Deklan grinned, clapping the top of the car with his hand. "We need to call yer Da, though, let him know she's here."

"Right, come on," Emmett said, taking my bag from Donal. We walked into the inn, where Em pointed out the phone to Donal before turning to me. "She's right upstairs in number four."

I gave both Donal and Deklan quick hugs, thanking them for taking a chance and bringing me safely to Emmett. They shrugged it off as it were nothing, and maybe to them it was, but it meant a lot to me. Had we been stopped for any reason by the authorities, they'd have been the ones to bear the brunt of it.

Rose opened the door immediately, as if she'd been waiting right next to it. She beamed when she saw me, the golden glow of the little room making her appear angelic.

"Oh, my God, Bella," she breathed, embracing me. "How are you feeling?"

"Everyone keeps askin' that," I sighed. "I'm okay, more worried about Edward than anything."

"Yeah, he took it bad didn't he. He's a lucky one," she remarked.

"He really is," I agreed, kicking my shoes off and lying down. Rose cuddled beside me, bringing the covers up over the two of us.

"How are _you_?" I asked, reaching out to touch her belly. "And baby? Have ye thought up any names yet?"

"Pshh, we can't agree on anything," she rolled her eyes. "Everything Em wants is desperately patriotic or feckin' medieval. "

It felt good to laugh a bit. If there was anyone that could provide me with laughter, it was my goon of a brother.

"I'm glad you're here," Rose whispered, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"Don't cry, Rose," I begged, grabbing her hand. "I've been crying for days….I can't do it anymore."

"I'm sorry; I'm just… so relieved. Emmett's been a pain in the arse ever since we got here," she said, halfway between a giggle and a sob.

"Do you think I might see Edward soon?" I asked her, feeling a little desperate.

"You'll see him tomorrow, Bella. We'll take the train," Emmett answered, shutting the door to the room behind him.

"Really?" I sat up, smiling so wide my face hurt. "Does he know?"

"Of course he knows, who d'ya think has been plannin' and plottin' this shite since day one?" he chuckled, dropping onto the bed to wiggle his way between Rose and me.

"Watch it, ye can't be jumpin' around like that," Rose admonished gently. "Her head…"

"Ah, that's right, I'm sorry," Emmett said contritely, wincing. "How's it feelin'? Edward really shoved ye hard, I should do the same t'him."

"Yeah, well, it's better than bein' dead now isn't it," I said, resting my head on a pillow.

Rose tucked the blanket in around me, already seeming so maternal. "Get some rest, love, we've a big day tomorrow."


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: All copyrighted, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization.**

**(Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; I own this particular plot.)**

The holidays have thrown me off; my Mom is in from out of town, so my schedule is all off. :) Anyway, I know this is a few days late, but enjoy it anyway! (Next chapter will likely be up next week Wednesday or Thursday.) Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews and PM's...

Thanks to my beta Nic, for all the hard work and kind words, and to all the positive ladies in this fandom, who make it an inspiring, positive and fun place to be. xoxo

* * *

Even though it was difficult for me to think about anything other than Edward, I managed to fall asleep quickly beside Rose. Emmett had graciously taken the floor, saying one night on the hard, thinly carpeted surface wasn't going to kill him. He was out even before I was.

The next morning greeted us with frigid rain; even inside our room the temperature drop was noticeable. Emmett and Rose encouraged me to use the bathroom to bathe and dress first, and I did so gratefully, appreciating how the hot water both warmed my skin and soothed my nerves. I was antsy, wanting to get going on our journey.

Having been given explicit instructions to let it be for a few more days, I was careful not to get my left arm wet. And even then, I might have to ask Rose to help me redress the bandage. The wound was considerably minor, especially when I thought about the way I'd gotten injured, but it still hurt.

"So we're taking the train, yeah?" I asked Rose as we waited for Emmett, who was checking out at the reception desk.

She nodded, thrumming her fingers gently over her belly.

Puzzled, I looked around the parking lot. "Where's your car? I thought you drove here?"

"We drove Edward's Land Rover, but he wanted us to sell it."

"Sell it? He loves that thing."

"We need the money. And anyway, everyone knew that vehicle. It's better to be rid of it," she explained.

"That makes sense," I shrugged, glancing about. We were in a little town, not quite as rural as I'd thought initially when the boys had dropped me off in the middle of the night. "Where are we?"

"Sligo, just beyond the border," Rose said, looking back toward the inn as Emmett stepped out.

"Feck, it's cold!" he cried, making a face. "It'd freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"

"Is the train far from here?" I asked, ignoring his outburst and picking up my bag.

"Not really, and there's a nearly direct route to Cork," Emmett said, zipping his jacket so far up it covered the bottom half of his face. "The rain's stopped, we can walk it."

"Isn't it too cold?" I muttered, squeezing mittens on to my hands as we started walking.

Fifteen minutes later, a rather dreary brick building came into view. We crossed the street and went inside, promptly buying three tickets to Cork. The next train left in twenty minutes, and we would have to switch trains once during the seven and a half hour journey.

Rose sat on a nearby bench, covering her mouth as she yawned.

I sat beside her, anxious to get going. "Are you hungry? I've a mouth on me…"

"I am, yeah," she agreed, buttoning her sweater all the way up. Now that we'd stopped moving the brisk breeze was especially fierce. I scooted over to her, huddling against her for warmth.

"Go wait inside. I'll get a few things from the bakery we passed," Em said, jogging back down the platform. I supposed we could've all gone on our way to the station, but we hadn't wanted to risk missing the next train. It wouldn't have been worth it.

"Jaysus, it's cold," I complained, bouncing my leg. "We should go into the station, it's true."

"All right," Rose agreed, picking up her bag so we could go inside.

"Think it's any warmer in Cork?" I asked, trying to keep my teeth from chattering.

"I don't know, seems it would be since it's so far south but it _is_ almost winter after all," Rose said.

Emmett returned right as we saw our train approaching in the near distance. He handed us each a steaming cup of tea and tucked a paper bag under his arm as he grabbed his suitcase.

"We'll eat on the train," he said. "You've your tickets out?"

Once on the train, we relaxed and ate our breakfast and tea. The miles of green countryside and subtle rocking motion made me want to fall asleep again; Rose already had. She was pregnant, though; I on the other hand wasn't used to sleeping so much and wondered if it was a result of my head injury or just all of the recent excitement.

My stomach was tight and tense, but not really in a bad way- I was simply excited to be reunited with Edward. Since we'd started going together, we hadn't been apart for more than a weekend; it had been nearly five days. Time had practically stood still while I was in the hospital; those few days had felt like the longest of my life.

It also didn't help that the last time I'd been with Edward he'd been collapsed on top of me, shot three times.

Emmett chuckled. "Ya might as well rest, Bella. We'll be on here awhile."

"I know," I sighed, thinking about the books I'd packed all those days ago. None of them appealed to me now, but they were better than nothing. As lovely as the scenery was, it was becoming monotonous. Stretches of green punctuated by little towns, over and over and over.

Midway through, we switched trains. It felt good to stretch my legs and walk for a bit. The train that would bring us to Cork left within minutes, so we had to get from one platform to the other quickly. As the second half of our trip commenced, I saw that we seemed to be passing through more towns and cities than countryside now.

Wide awake now, I fidgeted in my seat, near vibrating in anticipation. Abandoning my book after several attempts at getting into the story, I settled for staring out the window again, half listening to my brother and his wife and their soft banter. I missed Edward and our banter. I knew it was good when we were together, but being forced apart made me see just how good it truly was.

I swallowed back the lump in my throat, abruptly aware of how close we were to losing it all -each other, our lives. We'd barely gotten out of Belfast in time, and even then barely by the skin of our teeth. It saddened me to be so afraid of the place I'd been born and raised, but that was my reality now. One day we'd be able to go back, but I didn't think it would be very soon.

As much as I'd wanted to leave home in the end, I really missed my parents. Mum had been so sad when I'd left and the image of her crying was branded into my mind.

"Next stop, Bella," Emmett said, gently knocking my shin with his boot.

I looked out the window, my heart skipping a beat as Cork's Kent Station appeared up ahead through the dense fog. It occurred to me that I was about as far from home as I could get without leaving the island altogether.

The train decelerated gradually, finally coming to a complete stop. This was the final stop, so there was a flurry of activity as everyone hurried to get off. Peering out the window, I scanned the station for Edward but he was nowhere to be seen in the vast throng of people. Emmett pulled at my sleeve impatiently, bringing me into the queue moving up the center aisle.

If the station had looked busy as we were pulling in, it was positively heavin' now that the train had emptied into it. We made our way slowly toward the wall and leaned against it, waiting.

I saw him first; he was wearing the jacket he always wore. His hair had been cut a little, so it wasn't so long in the back, and his arm was cradled against his body in a sling.

"Em," I said, hitting my brother's arm. He grinned as Edward looked our way just then, raising his arm in a wave.

Dropping my bag, I pushed impatiently through the crowd, every cell in my body pulling me toward him. He smiled faintly as I half ran toward him, his eyes locked with mine. Carefully, I drew him into a hug, not wanting to hurt him…but needing so badly to be as close as possible.

"Hey," he said, burying his face in my hair. He tilted my face up to meet his and kissed me gently but deeply, letting our tongues touch before he pulled away. "Don't cry," he whispered, pain flashing across his face.

"I hate being away from you," I sniffled, melting on the inside.

God, he was gorgeous. I swore his eyes had never been this bright and green or his hair so alight with red and gold. I never wanted to be apart from him again. Closing my eyes I lay my cheek on his chest, feeling the tension of the past week leave me now that he was holding me.

Emmett and Rose caught up to us. Em clapped Edward's back roughly but affectionately, catching him in a one armed hug. Rose stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek, and he let go of me to pat her slightly protruding stomach.

"This look suits you," he winked at her.

She hit his good shoulder softly. "Pssh, thanks. Can we get out of the feckin' cold now?"

I couldn't stop staring at him. It was as if he'd come back from the dead, and in a way he had. He'd been extremely lucky to survive not just one, but three bullet wounds. He took my hand and the four of us walked out onto the street, where the fog was being replaced by a fine mist of rain.

"My aunt lives about ten minutes away by foot. Think you can manage?" Edward asked, reaching for my bag.

"It's fine," I said, twisting away so he couldn't get it. "What's her name?"

"Aunt Vera," he replied, managing to yank it out of my grip. He rested the strap over his shoulder and smiled sideways at me, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "She's my father's aunt actually."

I stuck my tongue out at him, letting him have the bleedin' bag.

"So how's it been?" Em asked, looking both ways as we crossed the street.

"It's been fine. A bit boring is all."

"How can you be bored?" Rose scoffed. "Cork's nearly as big as Belfast!"

"What am I s'posed to do with me arm all bolloxed? Just wait 'til you meet Aunt Vera. The woman's off her nut; she hardly lets me out of the house," Edward complained.

"She probably worries about you," I said quietly, tucking myself closer to him.

He smiled ruefully, wincing a bit. "She does, yeah."

"Is it your arm?" I asked, glancing at his sling and how he favored his arm.

He nodded. "It hurts almost all the time, even with the pills Da left me."

"How long til the sling can come off?"

"Depends," he shrugged. "Da wants to come back in two weeks to check on the wounds." He glanced at me, licking his bottom lip. "He'll probably check yours, too."

"Mine's fine," I said. "It's my head that hurts."

His took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he looked straight ahead. "Sorry, Bella."

"It's okay, Edward. You probably saved my life."

Edward hadn't been joking about his great aunt. She was a portly woman with a tight bun at the nape of her neck and a cane, which she used to point out things around the house. Although she was demanding and shrill and a little intimidating, she was also very welcoming and seemed pleased that we'd come to stay with her.

Her husband had died ten years before and their children had moved out of the house decades before that. It was obvious that she'd been lonely and was excited to have guests – "young people to break up the monotony" as she put it. First she showed Rose and Emmett their room, deciding to put them downstairs so that Rose wouldn't have to run up and down in "her state". The bedroom that I would be staying in was on the second floor. She started up the steps at a painstakingly slow pace, swatting Edward away when he offered to help her. All along the wall going up the staircase were pictures of family. I even saw several of Edward and Alice throughout various stages of their lives, and I squeezed Edward's hand to get his attention and show him. He grimaced, shaking his head, and pulled me along.

"Now love, my room used to be up here in the younger years but after Henry passed – God rest his soul – I took a room downstairs. 'Tis better for me legs," she wheezed as we paused at the top.

"Yes, that's probably better," I said agreeably, waiting a moment while she caught her bearings.

"Now Eddie is here and you are down there, at the end of the hall," she said. Edward looked at me over the top of her head, rolling his eyes as we walked to the last door on the right.

Stepping around the old woman, I pushed open the door to a tiny but immaculate room. The window opposite the bed looked down over the neighborhood, reminding me vaguely of my room back home. My stomach ached with the thought of my parents; I missed them so much. I'd have to call them as soon as I could, let them know we'd made it safe.

"It's grand, Mrs. Masen, thank you-"

"Auntie Vera, love, the children all call me Aunt Vera," she instructed.

"All right, thank you" I said, stepping into the room. Edward followed right behind, setting my bag down on the floor by the bed.

Aunt Vera pointed her cane at us, peering at us over the top of her glasses. "Now, unless Eddie decides to dry his arse and ask ya properly to marry him, I want you to stay out of each other's rooms," she said sharply.

My cheeks grew warm and I ducked my head, mortified at her comment. "Oh, definitely…."

"Jaysus," mumbled Edward, shaking his head.

"Watch the mouth," she chided, poking him with her cane.

"Thanks so much, Aunt Vera," I said again, overwhelmed by her generosity. I'd never even met her and she'd opened up her house to me, even if she did seemed intent on keeping her nephew and me chaste. I couldn't blame her, really, that was the way things were supposed to be.

I couldn't help it if Edward made me want to do inappropriate things.

"Such a dote," she cooed, her eyes softening. "Come and have tea."

After having tea and sandwiches, Em and Rose went for a walk and Aunt Vera retired to her room for her afternoon nap. Edward said she usually did this, rising about an hour later to begin preparations for supper.

"I swear her life revolves around food," he chuckled, twirling a lock of my hair around his finger. "She's either getting ready to make it, or making it, or cleaning it up, or planning the next meal."

"At least you're well fed, so y'are," I said, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Mmm, " he ran his nose along my forehead and down my cheek, kissing me there. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," I whispered, the lump in my throat back. "I was so scared that day…"

He shut his eyes, shaking his head slowly. "It was too close. "

We stood quietly, thinking about what could have been, what could have happened. As much as I'd mulled it over in my mind, just being here with Edward brought it all to the forefront again.

"Edward."

His eyes drifted open and he gazed down at me, making my heart skip around.

"I want to be with you."

He nodded. "You are, Bella. I won't leave you behind…"

I shook my head impatiently, stepping even closer to him so that he was backed against the kitchen wall. "No. I want to _be_ with you, now."

His eyes darkened and he pulled me flush against him, already hard. "I want you, too, Bella."

My hands slid up to his neck, wrapping themselves in his hair, and I stretched up as he leaned down so we could kiss each other right. We'd not had a quiet moment, alone, all day, and I needed to touch him, to taste him. I licked his lip and he grinned, opening his mouth to me and letting me initiate the kiss. Heart pounding, I explored his mouth with my tongue the way he always did to me. After a second he responded, kissing me back just as hard, stealing my breath. I could feel his heart racing just as fast as mine through our clothes, and that made me want to lose the layers so we could be skin to skin.

"Now you've some cheek, pawing the girl that way," Aunt Vera's voice reprimanded the vocal equivalent to pouring cold water over Edward and me.

I jerked away, too embarrassed to even look at her. Never mind it was _me_ pinning _him_ to the wall…

_Jesus, Mary and Joseph, does the old bird have radar for inappropriate touching?_

"All right now, I think we should go to mass then," she sighed.

"We'll go Saturday, like normal," Edward said sternly, keeping his arm around me even as I tried to get away.

"Such a bold boy, just like your father," she lamented.

"I'm taking Bella out," he said, pushing off the wall. "To the River Lee to have a look about."

"In the rain?" Aunt Vera frowned.

"Yeah, in the rain. I'll take the umbrella," he said, hurrying me out of the kitchen. "D'you need me to pick up anything from the shops?"

"No, love…well, maybe another Tullamore Dew," she called out after us.

"Right, we'll be home before supper," he said, shutting the door.

"What's that all about?" I laughed, shivering. Edward opened the umbrella as we walked briskly down the path, giving it to me to hold so he could put his arm around me.

"Just needed to get out of the house. Aunt Vera's a good woman but shite, she'll be watching every move we make," he said.

"She's sweet," I said, shrugging. He was right though; if Vera had been concerned before, now she was really going to be all over us.

"Well, I wouldn't say sweet, but she's got a big heart, so she does," he conceded.

"Looks like your reputation has preceded you again," I commented, snickering.

"You were attacking me just now," he retorted. "Although Vera pretended it was the opposite…"

"True," I said. "So now, is the river far?"

"We're not going to the feckin' river."

Understanding washed over me. "You're bad, you know that?"

"I'm not," he said. "I'm just finishin' what we started back there. Ya can't be rubbin' up against me and not expect me to respond. There's a hotel up the way there…"

"Oh, now that's lovely. I'll look like a real slapper following you in there for a lunchtime quickie," I said, horrified at the thought. We didn't know anyone in Cork, but still.

He shrugged, obviously not concerned.

_Of course not; he's a man. You're the one who'll look like a tart…_

"This is like the time we tried to go to the safe house," I teased, elbowing Edward.

"Yeah, except there won't be any eejits breakin' down the door to get in," he snorted. "Here we are."

We were outside a cute little bed and breakfast, right in the middle of town.

"We're back by the rail station," I noticed, looking up the street and spotting Kent station.

"We are, yeah, I saw this place when I came down to get you earlier," he said, getting his wallet from his back pocket.

Thankfully, we weren't hassled checking in; the bored girl behind the counter seemed uninterested and polite enough as she handed us our key and went back to her magazine. Edward got the room for one night, figuring we could come back later on. I had my doubts about that; Vera seemed to have excellent hearing and I could just imagine the conversation that would ensue when we tried to explain where we were going after hours.

"You'll have to show me the river before we go back so I can be honest about it," I warned Edward, waiting for him to unlock the door.

"It's not far, we'll go."

"And we can't forget the Tullamore Dew," I added, peeling my coat off and placing it on a chair.

"It's the last thing she needs…"

"Well, ya did ask her if she needed anything."

He kicked his trainers off. "She goes through the stuff like it's water."

"Does she?" I asked, also taking off my shoes. "And what about you? You been hittin' up the Tullamore Dew?"

He walked closer, smiling down at me. "You provokin' me now?"

I shrugged, kissing him instead of answering. Cupping my face in his palm, he kissed me back.

"I'm going to take a shower," I said after a moment, wanting to remove the grime of travel from my body. I bathed quickly, making sure not to get my hair wet since there wouldn't be sufficient time for it to dry before returning home.

Edward was under the covers when I came out, sitting up against the headboard. I loosened my hair and dropped the towel I'd wrapped around myself, going to him quickly. He lifted the duvet so I could get underneath with him and I sat beside him, hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt so we could get it off of him. The sling made it awkward, but we managed.

"You'll have to be on top," he murmured, kissing my neck as I straddled his lap.

"I know," I breathed, not surprised to find that he was already naked from the waist down. We'd never made love that way before, but with his arm as injured as it was there wasn't much of a choice.

"When did you get so…" he trailed off when I licked a trail down his neck, using the same weapons he always used to arouse me.

"You made me this way," I said, shifting when he touched me with his fingers. Instinctively I moved against him, craving friction and feeling.

I brought my face back up to his, kissing his mouth firmly, slipping my tongue inside. He was turning me on with what he was doing and I felt my body reacting quickly, even more so than usual. I felt like I wasn't even the same girl anymore; I was desperate for him – for his heart, his body, for all of him. It was like I couldn't get enough; I wanted to consume him, and for him to consume me.

"I don't have anything with me," he said when I started to come against his fingers.

"I don't care," I gasped. My body seized and then I shook against him, my breathing heavy and uneven. I reached down between our bodies and lifted myself up so I could guide him into me.

He groaned when he was inside, holding me with one arm and tugging my hips against him. Any self -consciousness I felt at being the one on top vanished and I lost myself to the feeling of loving him, inside and out. He was so deep this way, it almost hurt, but it was good. Over and over I rolled my hips against him, our bodies becoming warm and wet.

The best thing about doing it this way, I thought, was how close we were. I held my arms around his shoulders and unfolded my legs so that I wasn't kneeling, but rather wrapped around him completely.

"Bella," he grunted, and I knew he was about to come. I curved closer to kiss him, and he shuddered against me.

He slumped back against the headboard again, pulling me with him, and we lay together as our heartbeats gradually slowed to normal. Closing my eyes, I felt at peace, satisfied. No matter what else happened, if we were together I could handle it. The rational side of me acknowledged how idealistic this sounded, but I just didn't care. I didn't expect life to be easy – it hadn't been lately – I just expected it to be worth it.

He trailed his fingertips up and down my back, wrapping my hair around his hand.

"I love you," he said, stilling his movements suddenly.

"I love you too," I smiled, kissing his chest.

After a moment he reached over to the other side of the bed, where he'd put his jeans. He felt around inside the pocket, looking for something. Carefully, I sat up, feeling him slip out of me.

"We need a towel," I said, a little sheepishly.

"Wait," he said, grabbing my arm before I could climb completely off of him. He took my hand and slid his ring off of my finger, keeping his eyes locked on mine.

A strange, fluttery feeling tickled over me as I looked back into his eyes. He didn't put a new ring where his had been before, instead sliding one onto my left hand, a delicate little Claddagh with a tiny diamond in the middle.

I flattened myself against him, starting to cry. Imagining this and having it actually happen were two different things. Though I knew what my answer was, I wasn't prepared for it.

"It's been in my family for a long time and when I told my Aunt Vera about you… she got it out and gave it to me," he explained, running his fingers through my hair again. "That's why she's been making comments."

"In some ways this happened fast…but then again I've known you forever. You love me like no one else can, and I love you like no one else," he continued, almost whispering. "We can get it resized so it fits."

I moved so that I could see his face, and he wiped my silly tears away.

"I'd do anything for you," I said, moving up to place tiny kisses all over his face. "I want to marry you." Saying it felt like fantasy, but the ring on my finger was real.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer; this plot here belongs to me.

thanks to my beta, Nic, who is sweeter than Ben n' Jerry's... a vivrant thang... and for the awesome-sauce recs, reviews and PM's you guys have sent my way. and thanks for putting up with my nutty schedule as of late. *rolls eyes* if you'd like, check out my WitFit entries (in my profile). there's a new one each day; i have several little stories going...

we're in the home stretch guys, only a few more chapters to go. xoxox

* * *

While Aunt Vera played tough as nails in her speech and demeanor, she really had a bit of a soft spot when it came to "the children" – Edward, Emmett, Rose and I. She loved feeding us, especially; it was obvious she missed having a full house.

Upon returning home from the River Lee, which Edward rushed me past so I could say I had seen it, Vera's eyes fastened immediately on my left hand. It was obvious she had spoken plenty to her great nephew about me and his plans for us, because she seemed to be expecting that ring to be on my finger. Her face softened as she looked back up at me with tears in her eyes, which of course caused me to have tears in my eyes all over again. Without a word she grasped both Edward's hand and mine-then dropped his to take the Tullamore Dew- and led us into the kitchen for what I had a feeling would be a celebratory drink.

Emmett and Rose had emerged from their nap by this point, and were talking quietly at the table when we entered the room.

"Go on, now, love. Tell yer brother," she said, beaming at Edward and me.

Emmett raised his eyebrows, looking back and forth between the two of us.

Taking a deep breath, I held my hand out for them to see. "We're going to get married."

Rose gasped, snatching my hand and pulling me closer. I glanced at Emmett, nervousness tainting my joy; what if he didn't approve? With our father so far away, was Edward supposed to ask him permission instead?

Thankfully, my fears proved to be unfounded. Emmett stared for just a moment at my newly adorned hand before shaking his head and smiling up at me.

"I can't believe y'actually did it," he said, standing up. He clapped Edward's uninjured shoulder. "Now I'll never be rid of ya."

I bent down to accept a hug from Rose, trying not to blush as she whispered that she knew exactly the sort of proposal Edward had used to get me to marry him. Emmett pulled me into his arms, squeezing me tight.

"I'm glad I was wrong, Bella," he said, releasing me after he'd nearly taken the breath from me. "Not that you'd have listened to me anyway."

"No, I wouldn't have," I kissed his cheek affectionately, happy and relieved at his reaction. That was the way it should be, after all. I was going to marry the one person he was closest to, besides Rose.

Edward put his hand on my hip, pulling me closer. "Now you can let us alone, yeah?" he teased Vera, who had poured small glasses of whiskey for each of us to drink.

She handed him his glass, regarding him severely over the top of her glasses. "This isn't a bordello, now. Ye can move along if that's the sort of thing you'll want to be doing."

Rose winked at me from behind Aunt Vera, her hand resting on her belly.

Before, I hadn't allowed myself to imagine myself pregnant with Edward's child – there were too many ifs and maybes and I just couldn't set myself up that way. Now, though, looking at my sister in law, I realized it was one of the things I wanted most.

Later on, after I'd had a bath, Edward waited until his aunt had retired before sneaking to my room. The hallway floor squeaked in several places, and I was nervous the old woman might come up at any minute.

"Didn't have enough earlier?" I asked drowsily, cozy beneath my blankets.

He closed the door carefully and tiptoed over. "Even for me, four times would be a bit much."

It would be too much for me, as well. I was sore from our afternoon at the inn, where we'd managed to make love three times before wearing ourselves out and leaving the place.

Apparently Edward really liked having me on top of him, and I couldn't say I minded it myself.

Yawning, I moved over to make room for Edward in the tiny bed.

"I'll only stay for a minute," he said, sitting with his back against the headboard.

"Okay," I nodded, fighting to keep my eyes open.

"We don't have to hash it out now, but we've a lot to do now, a lot to discuss. We can't go home for awhile, so we could be here for…for years, Bella."

"I know," I whispered, running my hand up and down his thigh.

"Do you?"

"Yes," I said, sitting up. "I knew that when I agreed to come down here with you. It'll be hard but we'll manage. Imagine when we get our own place…"

"Why do you love me?" he asked, placing his hand on top of mine. "Everything you had is gone now."

"Why does anyone love anyone, Edward? I just do." I said, trying not to laugh at his melodrama. "And anyway, nothing's gone. It's just different now. Things would have changed eventually."

He gazed down at me, his eyes bright despite the dim lighting in the room.

"Like that poem," I continued, yawning again. "Nothing gold can stay…"

We were silent awhile, and I felt myself drifting until Edward started to trace his knuckles along my cheek.

"I can't believe you'd actually marry me," he said, making me open my eyes again.

"I can't believe you asked," I said, a giddy warmth spreading through me. "I used to see you takin' all these other girls around, and now I'm going to be your wife."

"Does that bother you?"

"No," I said, and I meant it. Now that I knew him the way I did, I saw that it never could have been one of those other girls. Just as Alice had said from the very beginning, all those months ago as we'd chatted in my bed, Edward could trust me. I made sense to him. "That's the least of my worries, don't be daft."

"What's the worst of your worries?" He lay on his side so we were face to face again.

Saying the words might give life to them, so I remained quiet, shifting closer and running my fingers over the freckles on his neck.

"We're safe here," he said, understanding my reticence.

"Are ye done, you think? With the fighting?"

"I don't know," he admitted, his forehead wrinkling. "Probably. There isn't much I can do now, with everyone knowing my role in this."

I listened quietly, biting my thumb nail.

"I'll always support the cause, Bella. That never changes. I can't promise there won't be a time in the future when I'm called to do something."

I had expected this, so I wasn't surprised. The cause was in Edward's blood, and always would be just as it was in my father's. But like Da chose to put my Mum first, I had faith Edward had come to the point where he could prioritize our relationship as well.

"I don't want you out there anymore…but I'm with you no matter what."

"I know," he said, reaching to trail his hand over the curve of my hip. His shoulder was still in pain, and his movements were restricted.

Scooting closer, I kissed his mouth.

"Careful now," he smiled against my lips and then kissed me back, teasing his tongue into my mouth.

"I love you," I whispered, tightening my fingers in his hair before letting him go. "So much."

"I love you too."

* * *

The first morning I awoke in my new bed it was to the smell of breakfast cooking. Shivering in the drafty room, I shrugged a cardigan on over my pajamas and ventured out down the hall. The sparse belongings I'd packed would only last me so long and I needed to ask Edward to bring me shopping for a few essentials. Namely, a bathrobe or some sort of modest cover-up for the house.

Pausing at the top of the stairs, I glanced at Edward's closed door as I buttoned the cardigan. I hadn't any idea what time it was; judging by the morning light it had to have been early still.

I decided to let Edward sleep a bit longer. Carefully, I made my way downstairs, the olden wooden steps creaking. Some were considerably louder than others and I tried to commit them to memory in the event we'd need to sneak around. Now that Edward and I were actually engaged, we'd have to start pre-marriage counseling at the nearest church. I didn't want to waste any time; the sooner we got married the sooner we could get a place together and do whatever we wanted.

"Good morning, Aunt Vera," I said, coming into the kitchen.

"Ah, you're up early, love," she greeted me from the stove. "Pour yourself some tea, now."

"Would you like some?" I asked, pouring myself a cup from the kettle.

"I've mine here," she said, pointing her spatula at a steaming cup on the counter.

I was halfway through an enormous plate of eggs, toast, black pudding and grilled tomatoes when Edward and Emmett joined us.

"Where's Rose?"

"She's feeling a bit sick," my brother said.

"Poor thing," Aunt Vera said, patting his shoulder. "I'll bring her a cup of cha."

The boys settled beside me, Edward kissing the top of my head as he sat. They lowered their eyes in a quick grace before digging in, managing to finish their plates before I did.

"Japers, have ye somewhere to be?" I laughed, placing my fork down at last.

"We need to start lookin' for jobs," Emmett said, pushing back from the table.

"We've family in town," Vera said, coming back into the kitchen. "I'm sure we can find you something."

"My Uncle Barry owns a bookshop," Edward said, nodding at me.

"Oh, but she doesn't need to work," Vera admonished, picking up the empty plates. I jumped up to help, not wanting her to find me lazy and ungrateful.

"I'll wash," I offered, plunging my hands into the soapy liquid before she could argue. "And, it's all right – I wouldn't mind working for a few hours each day. Especially at a bookshop; I worked at one in Belfast."

"I suppose that's fine, then," she said dubiously. I suspected she'd be satisfied only when I was barefoot and pregnant in our future home. "And what of the two of you? Did you ring Ronan yet?"

"I did, yeah," Edward said, turning to Emmett. "My cousins work down at the docks. We can start anytime; I was waiting to get the green light from Da before I went."

"When's he coming?" Emmett asked.

"He said he'd be back in two weeks, and it's already been one. I'll call him."

"I need to call Mum and Da, too," I said from the sink. My mother would be overjoyed that Edward had proposed but Da might be a bit funny about it. He seemed to be fine with my dating Edward but marrying him was another thing altogether.

Marriage. Every time I thought about it my stomach quivered. I yanked my hand out of the sink, wanting to make sure that the ring was okay. Perhaps it would be better to take it off while washing dishes; I had plenty of memories of my mother doing that over the years. She'd had a tiny shelf near the kitchen sink where she'd set her wedding ring whenever she had to do cleaning of some sort.

Aunt Vera had no such shelf, so into my pocket the ring went for safekeeping.

Once the dishes were washed and Rose was feeling better, we accompanied Aunt Vera to mass. She introduced us to her priest afterward so that we could make arrangements for the marriage classes. Father Owen wanted us to undergo a six month course, which was typical. Edward politely declined, saying we needed to move a little more quickly, and that we could attend classes multiple times a week to speed up the process.

Like Emmett and Rose had done months before, we managed to get Father to agree. He set us up with another priest in the parish, Father O'Toole, who supplied us with the proper reading materials and agreed to meet with Edward and me Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings. In one month he would evaluate our progress and make a decision based on that.

I wasn't worried. Not only were we compatible, Edward could charm his way into anything. He could be very persuasive when he wanted, just as he'd convinced the priests to allow us to do the marriage courses our way.

We returned home so Aunt Vera could lie down and then headed back out so Edward could show us the city, including his uncle's bookstore. Barry Masen didn't really need anyone to help keep shop, but he was more than happy to give me a few hours each day anyway. I sensed that being in the bookstore would be one of the most comforting things about living in Cork for me; the familiar smell of ink and old books made me feel, literally, at home.

Although Esme had spent most of her life in Belfast, she'd been born in Cork. Her side of the family was huge; I'd never known Edward and Alice had so many uncles, aunts and cousins down south. Within days, news of our engagement seemed to have traveled around, and Aunt Vera started receiving calls and visits from well wishers wanting to meet me.

As I'd predicted, my own Mum was beyond excited when I called to tell her. She shrieked so loud I had to hold the receiver away from my ear. Da was more conservative, but he seemed pleased, much the way he'd been when Edward had first asked if he could take me out. They promised to visit Cork as soon as they could, explaining that they wanted to meet Aunt Vera and thank her for her kindness.

I suspected Da just wanted to have a wee chat with Edward.

In the end, my parents made plans to come down with both Carlisle and Esme. To my dismay, Alice had left for America soon after we'd gone. In one way, I was relieved she'd gotten out safely, and glad to know she was finally doing the traveling she'd always dreamt of. She'd found love, and the possibilities for her- in every aspect of her life- were endless.

On the other hand, I'd held on to the tiny hope we might see each other once more before she left. Even when we'd started spending less and less time together back home, we had still spoken on a regular basis and attended classes together. She would always be my very best friend, but the fact that we were suddenly on separate continents gave everything a ring of finality.

* * *

Edward hung up the phone and leaned against the kitchen counter. "They'll be here in about half an hour."

My stomach fluttered. "Oh, God, I'm nervous."

"They already know, Bella," he chuckled, folding his arms loosely.

"Still," I shook my head and got up, needing to relive some of the anxiety. "Let's go outside."

"It's a bit cold," he said, but he got his jacket and eased it on, careful to take his time doing so.

Although his arm and shoulder were still very sensitive, he'd stopped wearing the sling. Sometimes at night, after Vera had gone to bed, he would come to my room or I would go to his. We didn't want to disrespect Vera by sleeping together in her home, so we kept things relatively chaste. Still, during these times we'd examine each other's injuries, looking to see that they were healing correctly. He had a fundamental knowledge of medicine whereas I had none, but even I could tell the difference between a festering wound and a healthy one.

The best part of being in Cork was Edward's demeanor. It was the best bits of him all the time; he was much more relaxed. I realized just how stressed he'd been before; he laughed a lot more now, his eyes less tense. We spent most of our time helping Aunt Vera around the house, running errands for her and walking around the city. Because the Cathedral of St. Mary and St. Anne was within walking distance, we often left early and strolled there for our marriage classes.

After such a tense and hectic year, it was amazing how mellow our new life together had become.

"Have you spoken to any of the boys back home lately?" I asked, knowing he had. More than once I'd overheard him, even as he tried to keep his voice down, on the phone in the middle of the night. Not even Vera bugged him during those phone calls, regardless of the hour.

Tilting my face up toward the sun, I took a moment to enjoy the warmth it gave, even through the cold air.

"I talk to Seamus quite often, actually," he said.

"How are things?"

"The same. They've been keeping a low profile since… since that day," he said, his voice fading.

"Are ye ever going to talk to me about it?" I snuck a glance at him.

"Probably not."

"Why not?"

He sighed in irritation. "Because it's feckin' awful even to think about; why would I want to go over it again and again?"

"You talk to Seamus about it," I pointed out. "And Emmett too, I'm sure."

"That's different," he shook his head.

"How is it different?" I frowned, turning to him.

"It's different because you weren't there. With the guys, I have to talk about it. There are still things that need to be done-"

"You're not going back, are you?" I interrupted, a cold panic seizing my heart. I was probably being irrational, but old habits die hard, and unfortunately I was used to him "taking care of business" whether I liked it or not.

"We've been over this. I'd be shot or arrested if I went back now," he said.

I stared at the ground, making patterns in the grass with my shoe.

"You'll tell me one day," I said after a long silence between us.

Marriage meant forever, and forever was a long time.

Our parents arrived with little fanfare, although they were of course as happy to see us as we were to see them. Aunt Vera remembered my parents from a baptism she'd attended in Belfast years before, and bemoaned the fact her house wasn't big enough to accommodate them, too. That was fine, though; they'd already checked in at a nearby inn, wanting to make the most of their time away from home. Mum said she couldn't recall the last time she'd been on a real vacation.

Aunt Vera showed everyone to the sitting room while she went to make tea and sandwiches, refusing my help or anyone else's.

"So, let's hear the news," Da said, raising his eyebrows expectantly as my mother motioned for me to show her the ring.

"Well, um, I asked Bella to get married and she agreed so…" Edward said, the tips of his ears turning red. I'd never seen that happen before and I giggled, earning a subtle scowl from Edward.

"Congratulations, then," Mum said. "Officially."

"Yes, congratulations," Esme chimed in, beaming as she got up to hug us. "You already feel like a daughter to me, Bella."

"Does Alice know?" I asked.

"She's a bit cheesed off she won't be here to help ye plan the whole thing," Carlisle shrugged. "But she sends her love of course."

"You've started the marriage classes, yeah?" Mum asked.

"We go three times a week," Edward smirked.

"Someone's in a real rush," Aunt Vera said, coming in with a tray. "The conniving brat cajoled Father Owen to let him turn a six month course into one."

I took Edward's hand, linking our fingers. "We're not like others," I said quietly. "We already know each other so, so well. We know what we're getting into. I…" I paused and looked down, feeling a deep blush spread over my face, well into my scalp. "I could never love anyone else."

It was important for me not just to express this to our families, but to do so in front of Edward. He needed to know that my acceptance of his proposal was well thought out, that I had used my mind as well as my heart.

In some ways, it was as if we'd switched roles. In the beginning, I was the one who could hardly believe that someone as charismatic and beautiful as Edward would notice someone like me. I was secure enough in my looks, and I liked myself, but he was almost… dazzling.

When things had started getting serious between us back home, and I had been sucked into the dangerous lifestyle he'd chosen for himself, he'd begun to doubt that he could really be good for me. I knew he wouldn't leave me; he'd promised me he wouldn't and I hid that in my heart, but I didn't want him to constantly wonder if I could have "done better".

He was good for me.

Better yet, he was perfect for me. Edward squeezed my fingers, smiling into his lap, and I squeezed back – a nonverbal "I love you".

Someone sniffled and I glanced up in time to see my mother reach into her purse for a tissue. My father smiled gently at me, something like wonder in his eyes. I don't think he'd expected for Edward and I to get so serious, and he was seeing a side to me he never had before. He nodded slowly, absently pulling my now-crying mother closer.

"Mum," I said, smiling even though she was making me want to cry too.

"I'm fine, just a bit emotional." She patted my knee and turned to Rose. "How've you been feeling? You're showing much more than ye were when ye left."

At that, everyone began talking at once. Carlisle moved over to the couch Edward and I were sitting on, asking him to take off his shirt so he could examine his shoulder.

"How's your arm, Bella?" he asked. "And your head? Are you still taking the pills I gave you for the pain?"

"No, I stopped after a few days. My head's okay, I think. It's a bit tender, but only if I put pressure on it. My arm's fine."

"Good," he said, starting to poke and prod Edward, who winced at the intrusion.

"It could've been lot worse," Carlisle sighed.

Edward looked down at me, his eyes troubled as they always were when we talked about this.

"It could have been," I said. "But it wasn't. You made sure of that."

"I'll always make sure of that," he said.

"_That's_ why I love you, Edward."

* * *

_** Nothing Gold Can Stay - Robert Frost_


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer; the plot of Volition belongs to me.**

Thanks to my beta-love Nic. She's just... wonderful. We're a good team; she does me right, understands what I want to accomplish with each chapter. *hugs*

Many Thanks also to everyone who reviewed last chapter; at the risk of sounding cliched/like every other fic author... i do read every one (some more than once, ha!) and i appreciate them like you wouldn't believe. i'm sorry i wasn't able to respond to everyone this time; you know i normally always reply. xoxo

* * *

Grimacing, I remembered with a jolt that the pen I'd been chewing on didn't belong to me, but to Father O'Toole. I glanced slowly up at him to see if he'd noticed, but he was half buried in the paperwork on his desk.

Edward and I were finishing up the last few days of our Pre-Cana classes. Needless to say, knowing one another for our entire lives certainly gave us an advantage; we were already well acquainted with the good, the bad and the ugly. Still, the classes were useful, and forced us to think about the more practical side of forever. The open discourse we shared with Father was actually quite relaxed and fun. Today we had been separated and questioned individually on everything from finances to babies, a wrap-up of all we'd discussed over the past four weeks. At the moment Father was having me write a brief essay on handling conflict.

Jaysus, we'd discussed conflict till we were blue in the bleedin' faces; was it really necessary to have yet another go at it? I liked Father O'Toole, but the man was slightly senile. Trying to curtail my impatience, I jotted down a few thoughts and then handed the paper to Father, making sure to subtly wipe the pen off before placing it on his desk.

"Ah, now that's nice," he said, peering down at my paper.

_Well, it should be. They're your words and ideas._

He smiled serenely at me, tilting his head. "Call Edward in, dear."

I slid off of the sofa and stuck my head out into the hallway, where I'd left Edward had about a half an hour before. He wasn't in the lone chair he'd been sitting in, so I ventured further out, looking up and down the hall. Right as I approached the corner he rounded it from the opposite direction, almost colliding into me.

"Done?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"He's ready to see us both now," I said, my heart beating a bit faster. This was our proverbial moment of truth; Father O'Toole would now tell us if he felt we were ready to be joined in holy matrimony. Even though I knew we'd done well, just knowing that one person had such influence over this part of our lives was a bit unnerving.

Edward grasped my clammy hand in his warmer one, and together we walked back into the office.

* * *

"Ya passed with flying colors, so you did," Mum said, sighing a little at the end. "And you're sure the second is available? You really want it so close to the holidays?"

"Yes, yes and yes," I said, unable to stop smiling. Father O'Toole had said very little to us once we'd rejoined him. He explained kindly that we seemed like friends first, and stressed the importance of keeping it that way. He reminded us to keep God in between us at all times, and then congratulated us, penciling our date into his desk calendar.

"D'ye think God's supposed to be between us in bed, as well?" Edward had whispered as we walked out onto the street.

Snickering at the memory, I realized Mum was talking.

"…and I finished your dress this morning. You're going to be so lovely…" She sounded like she might be getting emotional again; I figured it might be wise to cut the call short.

"Can't wait to see it," I said, twisting the phone cord around my finger. Edward appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, motioning that he needed to use the phone. "Mum, listen, I need to go. When will you an' Da be down?"

"The twenty eighth," she said, her voice wavering. I could hear Da in the background, probably harassing her to get off the phone before the dam broke _again_. "I wanted to come for Christmas but your grandparents are coming here…"

"Yeah, I wish you could come for Christmas too, but, at least we'll have New Year's."

"Our last New Year's together," she said, sniffling loudly this time.

"It won't be the last one, Mum!" I laughed a little, even though my heart tugged at what she was saying. "I'll call you later, yeah?"

"All right love. Be good," she said, out of habit. She'd been telling me to "be good" since I was a tiny girl.

Flushed with anticipation, I hung up the phone and turned to Edward. "I still can't believe…" I trailed off, catching his expression. "What? What is it?"

"Nothing… I'll, just let me make this call and I'll tell you in a bit," he said, not meeting my eye.

He was troubled, and his seriousness cut right through my ebullience, sullying it with worry. I left the room promptly, not wanting to overhear anything he wasn't ready to tell me properly himself.

Aunt Vera was in the sitting room, stamping her cane in irritation at the football game she was watching.

"What sort of gammy play was that?" she shrieked, startling me as I passed by.

"Auntie?" I paused, drumming fingers against the doorjamb.

She waved me off. "This match is really some can of piss. Don't know why I bother… "

"All right," I shook my head in amusement, giving a swift kiss on the cheek. "I'm going upstairs, then."

If there was one thing I learned while living in this house, it was that Aunt Vera was the paradigm of all things proper until it came to her whiskey and her football. When she combined the two, as she was doing now, she got downright belligerent – but only at the telly.

But it was all in good fun. I imagined I'd want some fun in my old age, as well.

Climbing the stairs two at a time, I found my mood vacillating between the giddiness of the upcoming holidays and our wedding, on the second of January, and Edward's mood just now in the kitchen. Generally there was one thing that made him that way, and it was news from back home.

_Who now_, I wondered. Who had been arrested, or had to run away, or, I thought with dread, had gotten hurt? It was always something; we may have physically left Belfast but it never left us, stuck as closely to us as our own shadows, so it did. While I'd come to terms with this more or less, I still feared that one day things would catch up with us in one way or another.

Absurdly, a bit selfishly, I hoped that whatever it was wouldn't interfere with the wedding.

For now, our lives were calm and pleasantly predictable. Carlisle had cleared Edward to start working again, so the boys worked most days down at the docks, unloading shipments. Meanwhile, Edward was also in the process of getting his transcripts and records transferred from Queen's University to University College Cork so that he could continue his studies in the spring, just as he'd always planned.

It made me really glad that, despite everything, he was still going to be able to go to school. Regardless of what he said, I knew it was what he had always wanted and I was relieved he wasn't giving up on it because of me or what had gone down back in Belfast.

Emmett and Rose had moved into a tiny flat of their own just a week before, which was grand because now they could finally embark on married life properly. When the baby came, they would be truly ready. Still, I was sad to see them go. I'd gotten used to chatting with Rose when the boys went to work. Had it not been for my brother, she and I probably never would have met but now that we had, I couldn't imagine being without her. She truly was like a sister to me, an old soul with a youthful face. I found myself telling her everything; she was the one person who could truly understand every single aspect of my life, because what she was going through was _so_ similar.

Retrieving a nightgown and panties from my room, I went into the bathroom to draw myself a bath. Like a lot of older homes, Vera's house got really drafty in the winter and nothing but a hot soak could rid me of the chill.

When the water went lukewarm I dried off and dressed, anxious to curl up with one of the books I'd brought home recently from the bookstore. It had been a good day, but also a long one and I was ready for some downtime.

A few chapters in I put down my book, slightly disappointed Edward hadn't come in like he normally did. Wrapping a blanket around myself I walked down the hall to his room, pausing only to knock before going in. If I was to be completely honest with myself, it wasn't that surprising he'd gone straight to his room. He'd been acting dodgy in the kitchen with regard to his phone call and I knew not to expect much when he got that way.

Also, he didn't like being told "no".

Roughly a month before, when he and I had approached Fathers Owen and O'Toole about our wedding, I had told Edward I wanted to stay chaste until our wedding night. Needless to say he balked initially, but gave in – reluctantly - when he saw I was being sincere.

Rose had teased me, saying I was being daft, but I liked the idea of being celibate until we got married - for a month, anyway. By giving myself to Edward before, I'd actually gone against a promise I'd made to myself and the church as a young girl, and while I couldn't regret it, I longed for some semblance of tradition.

Unless it was my time of the month, Edward was used to having me when he wanted. He'd agreed to go along with my request, but he still tried every chance he got despite the fact we were living in his aunt's house. If Vera had been severe about chastity before our engagement she was awful now and I just didn't want to sneak around anymore.

Edward and his healthy libido would just have to wait.

"Hey," I said, shutting the door quietly.

"Hey," he sighed, slouching lower on his bed. His old expression was back, the one that told me he'd the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"What's wrong?" I hesitated at the door, unsure of what he needed more: comfort or time alone.

He shook his head, holding out his hand to me. Relieved, I grabbed it and sank into his bed with him, pulling a blanket up over us. "Tell me."

"The usual shite back home," he hedged.

Scooting closer, I threw a leg over him and waited for him to go on.

"They got to Tyler again," he said after a beat of silence.

I stiffened, remembering the day I'd ridden to the hospital with him. "Is he okay?"

"He didn't have to go to the hospital this time, so, I suppose," Edward said, running his hand through my hair. His face was impassive, but I knew he was upset; he had to be. "And Deklan was arrested along with some of the others… it's just a big feckin' mess now, Bella."

I sat silent, not knowing what to say. I knew he was frustrated, being so far away and basically in hiding, unable to act.

"How did they get Tyler? Where was he?" I asked.

"There was a row at some pub by university. You know how he gets when he's been drinking…"

"Yeah," I said, agreeing. Maybe boys like Tyler Crowley never really learned, after all. "How'd you hear?" I asked.

"Seamus called while I was at work and left a message with Vera," he said. "All of this happened last night."

"Hm."

"Sometimes I wonder if everything I did for the past two years is being undone now, or if it even made a difference in the first place," he sighed.

"Come on," I said, sitting up. "You know that isn't true. You do know what you did and why you did it… nothing ever happens right away. People have been fighting for the cause before you were even born."

Edward shut his eyes, exhaling roughly. "That's sort of my point," he said.

"Oh," I said, scooting down again to where it was warm underneath the sheets and blankets. "Well, I don't know…"

"Look at you all on fire for the cause," he teased suddenly, poking me in the ribs.

"I just hate seeing you this way," I said, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing. "I can't say I liked all the things you and Emmett did, but I understand why you did them. You can't worry about things now; you did your part."

"You're worried I'm going back," he said, watching me.

I nodded. "Yes."

"I'm not, Bella. What do you want me to do? I've told you it would be really feckin' stupid for me to-"

"I know that," I interrupted. "But I also know that you'll always be a Provo, in your heart. You yearn to be there…"

"I yearn to be here," he said, slipping his hand up my nightgown.

"That's one way to end the conversation," I said, content to let it go. If there was one thing I was learning about Edward, it was that there was a fine line between extracting information and nagging.

_Looks like those Pre-Cana classes were a bit useful after all..._

I let him touch me for a moment before grabbing his hand. "Just one more week…"

"Ten days," he said, pouting.

"Oh, look at you," I laughed, squirming away from his wandering hands. "Aunt Vera's right, you are spoiled."

He grinned, pushing me on to my back. "That's probably your fault, then, isn't it?"

Still smiling a bit, I shrugged, letting him lay his head on my chest.

"What would you have done if I'd said no the first time?" I asked, twirling locks of his hair around my fingers.

"You never would have said no," he said, peering up at me smugly.

Frowning, I flicked his ear.

"Ow! Jaysus, Bella. I don't know, I probably would've worn ye down somehow."

"That's really romantic," I said, resuming my playing with his hair.

"Nah, I knew you'd never been with anyone. If you'd said no that would have been okay, I would have asked you out the proper way," he said.

"Oh," I said, thinking about that night. It made me blush, still, and we'd been together so many times since then.

The thought of Edward and I courting made me smile, but then I thought about how different things could have been. He'd been right in the thick of things when we came together, swiftly approaching the culmination of all of his and Em's efforts over the past year. Would he have even had time to chase me? We'd barely made it as it was.

"Besides, there are other things…" he inched up my body, dragging his fingers along my thighs until he got to the elastic on my underwear.

"That's true," I whispered, kissing his chin.

* * *

Unlike Rose and Emmett's wedding, when only our family was represented, our guest list was huge, seeming to have taken on a life of its own. My parents and Edward's were paying for the whole thing, which was good, because we hadn't much money; once I teased him, saying that this was one of the benefits of marrying a doctor's son.

"I'll be a doctor soon enough," he'd promised.

A few days before the wedding, members of both families began arriving from all over. They stayed with the Masens, who were scattered all over Cork, as well as in guesthouses and inns. Since we'd chosen to get married during the holidays, neither the boys nor I were working. Every day there was another social gathering to attend, another uncle to meet, another cousin to toast with. It was exhausting, but really exciting.

While I'd wasn't averse to attention, I'd never been one to seek it out, either, so this flurry of activity revolving around Edward and I amused me. Frankly, sometimes it was hard to believe that I was actually about to be married. Just seven months before my main concerns had been my classes at Queen's and though I'd be returning to university during the summer, it would be as a married woman.

It was surreal.

Because of the amount of family and friends attending, and the time of year, we wouldn't be able to have a backyard get-together like the one we'd had for my brother. After the ceremony at the Cathedral of St. Mary and St. Anne, the reception was to be held at a relative's villa outside the city. Edward and I would be going home to our new flat from there in lieu of a honeymoon; he'd moved most of our things into it already.

I awoke the day before the wedding to the news that Alice was flying in to Cork that evening. Carlisle and Esme had wanted to surprise me; apparently everyone else had known for the past week, since Father O'Toole had agreed to marry us. While I cringed at the thought of how much Alice's last minute ticket had cost, I was overjoyed that she was going to be with us after all.

How many times had we fantasized about fairy tale weddings as little girls? It wouldn't have been the same without her there. Already, I missed her desperately, missed our endless chatter and ability to know one another's hearts without having to use words. Rose might have become an older sister to me, but Alice was the one who knew me most instinctively.

My mother had worked overtime to get my dress ready, and had enlisted the help of another seamstress to deal with the dresses Alice, Rose and my cousin Charlotte would be wearing. They were all simple dresses; the girls' were pale green.

"Are you nervous?" Alice asked as we sat at Vera's kitchen table, the last two awake. I couldn't sleep, and she didn't want to.

"Yes… but not because I'm marrying him," I said, warming my cold hands around a cozy cup of tea. "I don't want to fall on my arse in front of all those bleedin' people."

She laughed quietly, reaching across the table to pry one of my hands off of the cup so she could hold it. "Your Da will be there; you won't fall."

"That's true," I said, linking our fingers affectionately. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too," she said, her eyes welling up. "It was killing me to miss it…"

I nodded wordlessly, taking a long drink of tea to wash down my own tears. "I didn't let myself go on about it, you know? It felt like a lost cause… but we always would've regretted you not being there…"

"I know," she said, squeezing our clasped hands tight.

"How's America? Jasper?" I asked eventually, wanting details on her new life.

"I love it, Bella. It's so different from home. I mean, nothing replaces home, you know that, but it's so exciting, so much going on all the time. The university is huge, Judas Iscariot…"

"I'll have to visit. _We _will," I said, wondering how long it would be before that became a reality. Not too long, hopefully. "But now what about Jasper? He's glad to have ye near, yeah?"

Even in the dim light of the kitchen, I could see the apples of her cheeks turn scarlet.

"Mary Alice Cullen," I said, putting my cup down. "You tart!"

"Oh, you're one to talk!" she gasped, covering her mouth.

"You've your own place, but you stay with him," I guessed, tilting my head.

She bit her lip, nodding once before looking down.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes," she said softly, a small smile on her lips.

"Don't be mad, but I'm not surprised is all," I said, thinking about the times I'd seen them together. I was glad she had someone like Jasper, someone who obviously took care of her and loved her like she deserved. "Maybe the two of you'll be next."

"Don't bet on it," she snorted. "I've too many things I want to do first. He's not exactly going to want to follow me around Central and South America."

"I know," I said, yawning. "I didn't say ye had to get married off this year, Japers."

"I have time," she said, nodding.

"You do," I yawned again, wider this time.

"Do you want to go to bed?" she asked, pushing her chair back a bit.

I grabbed her hands again. "Not yet. Let's just… talk."

* * *

Nattering the hours away had felt brilliant at the time, but in the morning I was beyond sleepy. There was little I could do though, because as soon as the rest of the house woke up I was handled and dressed like a little girl's doll. Everyone else's nervous excitement soon transferred to me, and I became so jittery I couldn't even eat my breakfast.

Once I'd been tucked into my dress, Rose put make up on my face and Alice curled the ends of my hair, pinning tiny sprigs of baby's breath all through it.

"It's so pretty, like snow," she said, holding a mirror up so that I could see too.

I loved the way I looked, and I wanted Edward to love it too. I wanted to be a vision for him, visual affirmation that we'd made a perfect choice.

Surprisingly, we'd been blessed with a bright, sunny day. The temperature was too cold to even discuss, but at least the pictures would look nice.

By ten o'clock, I was waiting with my father to walk down the aisle. My heart was fluttering wildly in my chest, not unlike a hummingbird trying to escape its cage.

"Ready?" he asked, his face solemn as he gazed down at me.

"Yes," I whispered, tightening my grip on his arm. "I love you, Da."

"I love you, too. Now are ye _sure_ you're ready?"

"Yes," I laughed.

"Ye always did want to do what Emmett was doing, didn't ye? You wanted a bike because he had one when you were small, too…" he teased, trying fruitlessly to loosen his necktie. I suspected he was trying to keep from getting emotional.

"Shush," I said, tugging him toward the double doors.

He stopped right before we went through, patting my arm. "I love Edward, you know that, but you're my little girl. If ever ye need me… call. I'm serious now."

I nodded, using my knuckle to catch the tear about to brim over on to my cheek. "I will."

I'd expected to feel a sense of déjà vu; it had only been a few months since we'd done this song and dance for Emmett and Rose.

This felt nothing like that.

Everyone turned to look at us as we made our way to the front of the church. I wasn't used to shoes like this, even though Mum had done well in finding ones that were comfortable to walk in; I kept telling myself to look at Edward, and not at my feet. He gazed back at me, unblinking, smiling just a little.

It felt like we had a secret, and I wondered fleetingly if that was how every couple felt at this moment.

When Da handed me over to Edward, the dreamlike quality of the past few days dissipated, leaving everything in sharp focus. Looking into his eyes and seeing the same things I felt being reflected back at me made my chest ache. I handed my flowers to Alice so that I could hold both of Edward's hands and we proceeded to say our vows.

Few things were better, I thought, than knowing he'd chosen me. When Father O'Toole told Edward he could kiss me, I slid my fingers into his hair, smiling when he slipped his tongue into my mouth in front of all those people. The boy had cheek, even in church.

"Love you, Bella," he said right after, into my ear. "Always."

I hadn't cried, and I wasn't going to… not much, anyway. "Always."

* * *

He insisted on carrying me through the threshold that night. I'd had a bit too much champagne, sneaking some into the car with me once we left the reception, and now I couldn't stop giggling.

"You can't get rid of me now," I crowed, tugging at his ears playfully as he tried to lock the door with one hand. "Japers, just put me down. We're inside now…"

"Yeah," he grunted, managing to slide the deadbolt shut. He took another step and then put me gently on to the floor where I wasted no time in getting my shoes off. Edward flattened me against the wall as soon as I straightened up, his mouth warm and wet on my neck.

"I want you now," he said, holding my face with both of his hands.

"Can I take a shower first?"

"No."

"But-"

He kissed me again and again, pulling away just enough so that he could take me into our bedroom and toss me on to the bed.

"Mm, I like you like this," I said, feeling golden and tipsy and loving his aggression.

"You've made me wait too long," he said. His voice was rough and made my insides feel like liquid.

"Sorry," I gasped when he practically ripped my pantyhose off. Good riddance to the awful things; I'd never wear them again if I didn't have to.

My panties came off next and then he yanked his zipper down, releasing himself from the confines of his pants. I tried to reach around so that I could pull my zipper of my dress down too, but he dragged me to the edge of the bed and wedged himself between my now trembling legs. His impatience made me impatient, and I brought him closer still, wanting him.

The room was dark, and I could hardly see him, but I could feel him, his cold fingers and the smooth skin where his hips met my thighs. He pushed inside of me, hard and quick and groaning and I moaned back, handfuls of bed sheet in my fists.

Holding onto my hips, he drove into me over and over. My legs were weak, partly from standing up all day but also from the way Edward made me feel. Feeling them shake, he let go of my hips and gripped my legs around his body instead. He came quickly, tipping on to me when he was done, his face buried in the fabric of my dress.

"Now you can shower," he mumbled.

Because he'd finally gotten his jollies, the rest of the night we made love right.

There was nothing like knowing I was his and he was really mine. We were in a place of our own, could sleep naked if we wanted, and could stay in bed for all the next day if we chose to. God smiled on us now; our union had been made holy, and as much as I'd tried to ignore that before, it felt good now.

"I want my baby in there," he said at some point the next day, kissing and nibbling the skin around my belly button.

"I do too," I said. "It won't be long..." There were bits of baby's breath strewn around the bed and I picked some up, placing it in his hair.

The phone began to ring; our first phone call since we'd come home.

"They should know to leave us alone," he said, laying his cheek on my belly. But the phone continued to ring in earnest, the sharp rings getting louder the longer they were ignored.

"For fook's sake," he growled, jumping up. I tried not to laugh as he stormed off, naked and with little flowers in his hair.

I found more baby's breath and traced it over my skin, giving myself goose bumps. When Edward didn't come back right away I slipped out of bed, putting the blanket over my shoulders. We had leftovers in the fridge and I was starving…

"How long?" he was saying, his forehead resting on the wall in front of him. He was facing away from me, and I could see the tension in his posture, how rigid his back looked.

I took another step and the floorboard squeaked, making him glance back at me.

My stomach flipped anxiously and I tightened the blanket, trying to stop the shivers.

"Well, I'll have to feckin' get it then, won't I," he said, almost whispering. He tugged nervously at his hair, not noticing the baby's breath that fell to the ground.

The way he stood, the look on his face… something was wrong.

* * *

Pre-Cana - a course or consultation Catholic couples must undergo before they can be married in a Catholic church. (thanks for the succinct definition, wikipedia!)


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization**. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, Volition belongs to me.

Thank you to the one and only Nic, my beta & girl whom i love and adore. Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews; some of the kind things you guys say really encourage me to write. So, thank you. At one point I wasn't sure I'd hit even 1,000 reviews - now I'm aching for 2000. :) talk about addictive...

After this chapter there will be one last chapter, and then an epilogue. :( will miss you. put me on author alert; i write daily... literally.

* * *

Before, I'd have walked back to the bedroom to wait.

But we were married now. For better or for worse, whether he liked it or not – whether _I_ liked it or not – we needed to deal with this together. I adjusted the blanket that was around my shoulders, tugging it further down so that it covered all of me as I went to the fridge. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Edward angle his body away from me slightly, and I knew he did it out of habit.

Obviously, I could still hear him.

Still, I wouldn't linger. I quickly assembled some of the fruit and bread and bits of meat we'd brought home from our reception into a bowl and left the kitchen.

Edward's call ended seconds after and he followed me back into the bedroom, watching blandly as I pulled on an old shirt of his. I put socks on too before curling up in the centre of the bed, popping food into my mouth all the while.

"Come," I said, patting the spot next to me. He'd pulled on his jeans now, and I felt silly and sad, like our honeymoon was over. He sat next to me, his shoulders hunched as he picked at his nails.

"What is it?" I asked, keeping my voice steady and quiet as I chewed.

"That was Andy. He's at the docks today," he said, referring to the cousin who had gotten Em and him jobs. I offered Edward a hunk of bread and he took it, biting absently into it. "He said local Gardaí were down there today with a few RUC officers from Belfast."

The food in my stomach turned to lead. I dropped the hunk of ham I'd been holding back into the bowl and set it aside, tears burning my eyes. I couldn't even look at him, my disappointment cut so deep.

"Bella," he said, touching my elbow.

I lay back, pulling him down with me.

"We'll have to go," he said, running his hand over my waist, beneath my shirt.

"But where?" I whispered, thinking about Emmett and Rose and their safety. I hadn't considered that I mightn't be able to see their baby when he was born, and it broke my heart.

"I don't know yet," he said. "But I was feckin' stupid to think this was going to stop. Andy said they were asking him all about me, if I worked there all the time, when I'd be back."

I shuddered, turning toward him so I could hold him tight.

"It's like," he paused, and I could feel him swallow hard. "they knew. Like… someone's been watching and telling them things."

"Who would do that?" I cried.

"I don't know," he said, narrowing his eyes. "There could be a squealer we don't know about, someone who got caught… I don't even want to consider that because it makes me feckin' murderous."

He closed his eyes briefly.

My mind raced as I thought back to all the other boys I had met in the time I'd been with Edward in Belfast; not one of them seemed the type to squeal. Of course, there were plenty of dodgy types who would love nothing better than to see Edward locked up… any fool on the street or member of a rival group could have made an anonymous call.

"If it wasn't that – and it better not be – then I'm guessing the RUC finally got fed up and went into my family's shite, past records, personal information, where me Mum an' Da are from…"

"Either way, everything's bollixed," I said.

"Yeah… either way, we have to go. Tonight."

My eyelashes were wet and cold when opened my eyes. "But how can we go if I don't have a passport?"

"We can hide out in the countryside for a bit… " he said. "We'll have to distance ourselves eventually, though. I need to make a call."

I tucked my hand into his back pocket, keeping him still. "How far do we have to go, Edward?"

"At this point, I'd like to leave altogether. Maybe to America, to where Alice is," he shrugged.

As exciting as that sounded, I hated that we had to do it under such duress. My parents were going to be crestfallen, as were his. I tried to snap out of that sort of thinking, because I'd always known life with Edward mightn't be smooth, but it was hard. A month of peace in Cork had lulled me into a false sense of security.

Again, my stomach ached with thoughts of Rose and her growing belly, how we could now feel when the little one inside her kicked and moved. I was supposed to be there for her when her son was born…

"How will we pay for airplane tickets?" I asked.

"I've some money saved," he said, his eyes flickering up to mine.

"I do, too. Not a lot…"

"So you don't have you a passport..." he drummed his fingers absently along my skin.

My stomach sank. "No, I've never needed one."

He nodded thoughtfully, chewing on his bottom lip.

I leaned forward to kiss him quickly, needing to be closer. "You've one, then?"

"I do, yeah," he smiled, leaning forward to kiss me back. "I can get you one. It'll set us back a bit, but no matter."

"So, tonight," I sighed.

"Yeah," he kissed my neck and pulled away. "Let me make a few calls, then you can call your Mum and Da, okay?"

"Okay."

He rolled off of the bed and walked out, leaving me in the bed alone. I reached half-heatedly for the rest of my food, no longer hungry but not wanting to waste it, either.

There were things I could be grateful for, I supposed. At least we'd heard about the local law enforcement's investigation before it caught up with us. I kicked petulantly at my blanket, staring at the small pile of boxes across the room.

At least I hadn't started decorating.

* * *

All of the places we'd frequented since coming to Cork – the pubs, Barry's bookstore, the docks where the boys worked, Vera's, even the inn we'd gone to in the very beginning – were all potential hotspots now. We didn't know how much information the Gardaí had about him, or if they were even sure he was still in Cork, but we had to assume the worst.

Like Edward had said, our best bet was to wait someplace remote until my passport was ready. Even then, it would be dangerous to move about when it was time to leave Ireland but that was the risk we'd have to take. Staying and waiting indefinitely was just as bad.

Because we hadn't been in the flat long, we felt secure that no one could link it to us yet. The only people who had been there were our parents, who had helped Edward move our things in during the days leading up to the wedding. Edward made arrangements with his father to forward the boxes on to Alice in Texas so that we could travel lightly with the barest essentials.

A year before, I'd never imagined I'd one day be on the run from the law with my husband. It would be almost comical if it wasn't so bloody serious.

Alice was glad that we would be coming to join her in the States, but her excitement was muted by anxiety and concern. She knew as well as we did that we had a rough few weeks ahead of us, and that we wouldn't really be safe until our feet were on foreign soil.

We could probably go to another country somewhere in Europe, but I trusted Edward's judgment; if he thought we needed to cross an ocean to feel safe, then I did too. And anyway, I'd always dreamt of going to America; it was just sad that I'd be going in such stressful circumstances.

Edward and I spent the remainder of our day re-packing, dividing our belongings into what we could send and what we'd keep with us. As soon as the sun went down my parents came over with the Cullens to drive us to a guesthouse Esme knew of out in Baltimore, a small seaside village in West Cork.

"We'll be back tomorrow," my mother promised, surprisingly calm. I'd have imagined that she and Esme would be hysterical by now but they weren't. Perhaps they were becoming as inured to this shite as much as I was. "D'ye need anything?"

I looked around our room, small and rustic but very comfortable. "I think we should be okay…"

"Da's bringin' my money tomorrow," Edward said to me, walking into the room. He handed Carlisle the key to our flat. "Whenever ye have the chance, just send our things on to Alice's address."

"It'll have to be soon," Carlisle said, pocketing the key. "I need to get back to Belfast sooner than later; we've been down here a bit much lately."

"I'll bring food," Mum said knowingly. "Tomorrow."

Nodding, I caught her in a tight hug, opening my arms to include Da when he joined us.

"Be safe," Da whispered, clapping me lightly on my back. "This isn't a game, now."

"I know," I said, wrapping my arms around myself when they stepped away.

"Goodbye, Bella. I'll be back tomorrow with Renee, yeah?" Esme kissed me affectionately before hurrying out.

A gust of cold wind blew in as Edward shut and locked the door, making me shiver violently.

"Jaysus, it's fierce out there…I thought it was bad before," I said, taking my shoes off before climbing into bed.

"It's because we're so close to the sea," Edward said, stoking the fire he and my father had built before. He set the poker down and came to me, rubbing his hands as he got into bed.

"Y'alright?" he asked, clasping his hands behind his head.

"Yeah," I yawned, wondering if I should take a bath. "Tired…emotionally."

"Hmm."

I peeked over at him; he was looking at the ceiling. "What about you?"

"Just… my mind won't stop, ye know? I can't believe we're doing this again, so soon…"

"You thought we'd be okay in Cork?" I said.

"When no one came after us right away, I thought we'd made it. I was wrong, and I'm feckin' cheesed off," he scowled, flinging the sheet off. He walked over to the bathroom and went in, slamming the door behind him.

I frowned, trying to catch up. He'd gone from calm to volatile in seconds… he was obviously a lot more stressed out than he'd been letting on. And why wouldn't he be? He had a wife to be responsible for now as well, and nowhere to live. All of our delicate plans had gone to shite the moment that phone call came through.

Emmett and Rose had it even worse. Even though no one had been asking about my brother, it was a mere matter of time because of his involvement and his closeness to Edward. They were leaving, too, but I didn't know where they'd go or when. I doubted they'd be joining us in America; Emmett had never wanted to be _that_ far from home.

I heard the water running in the bathroom. It sounded like Edward was drawing a bath.

Could wait until he was done to take my own, I supposed, or I could join him. Things didn't have to be so dour; we could pretend this was the honeymoon we were meant to have. And anyway, I wanted him again.

I pulled my sweater and shirt over my head and unbuttoned my jeans, leaving everything in heap on the floor.

_Jesus, Mary and Joseph, it's cold!_

Chattering slightly, I knocked on the bathroom door.

"Are ye takin' a bath?" I asked.

"You can come in," he answered.

I opened the door immediately, shivering in relief when the steamy air hit me.

Edward was already in the tub. He lifted his head when he saw me, a little smile playing at his lips as his eyes wandered down my naked body.

"Hey," I said, stepping into the tub. "It was rude of you not to invite me…"

"Sorry," he said contritely, reaching for me. "I needed…to relax."

"I can help you relax."

He laughed, such an improvement over the glower and gloom. "Please and thank you."

I wrapped my legs around his body, leaving room between us so that I could clean my skin with a bar of soap. Once I'd finished with myself, I moved on to him, tickling his feet and teasing his cock with my slippery hands.

He sucked in a sharp breath and snatched the soap away, washing up quickly before tossing it into the opposite end of the tub, making me giggle. Then he slid me closer, up onto his lap, making bathwater splash over the side.

I could feel all of him now, pressed up against me. "How is this going to work?" I murmured as he pulled my nipple into his mouth.

"Same way it always works," he said, his fingers pressing into my hips.

"But the water…" I said, my words coming out with no meaning. Instinctively I knew that didn't matter; we were going to make love now, here. I wanted to forget everything that wasn't us, and wanted to make him forget, too.

Spreading his wet hands over my cheeks, he pulled my face to his so our mouths connected. I rocked my hips against him and he kissed me harder, his hands tangling in my hair. We shifted so that I was sliding along his length and I trembled, goose bumps scattering across the skin that was above water.

"I love you," I said, kissing him all over his face.

"I love you too," he said, his eyes fluttering shut.

Back and forth, over and over, until he held still, moving to slide inside of me.

"Oh," I whispered, trying to find something to hold on to.

Edward stopped abruptly, his eyes opening. "Maybe we should do this in bed."

He throbbed deep inside, twitching when I clenched purposely around him.

"Let's," I said, standing up on wobbly legs. The water had grown lukewarm.

We climbed out and I began to reach for a towel but he pulled me along, leading me back to the bedroom. I lay down in the middle of the bed, not really caring that we were dripping wet and soaking the bed. He lowered himself onto me, gliding into me easily.

The fire was really roaring now, having had time to build, so our room was much warmer. I groaned as Edward moved faster, every part of him in every part of me, slick, tight, hot.

"You feel so good," he panted, rolling us onto our sides. He slowed his pace and tangled our legs together, running his hand over my damp skin. "It feels so good every time."

"Mm," I said, raw and completely open and _his._

Kissing me once, he withdrew and moved down my body, kissing the inside skin of my thighs. He licked his way higher, kissing me between my legs and then higher still. For once I watched instead of hiding, breathless with the way he made me feel, how exquisite his mouth felt. As soon as I came he was back inside, thrusting harder than he ever had, but somehow it didn't hurt.

He cried out when he climaxed, spilling into me and onto the bed. I coaxed him closer, and he laid his head right under my chin, breathing so fast, his heart racing with exertion.

Minutes later I caught myself drifting and I yawned, rubbing Edward's back affectionately. "Hey," I whispered, but he didn't move. I felt that his breaths were even and steady; he'd fallen asleep.

Things were different in this strange in-between world we'd found ourselves in, like we were floating neither here nor there. In some ways it was cozy… tucked away in a secret place, not expected to be anywhere or do anything just yet.

Nothing mattered.

We could rest for a few days.

Realizing this, I let myself drift off, too.

* * *

We barely saw the outside of our room, but it wasn't because we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. It was simply a matter of safety; as much as I liked to pretend we were on our honeymoon, we weren't. We were in hiding.

Knowing this would be the last they saw of us for awhile, both my parents and Edward's came by every day until it was time for them to drive back to Belfast. Alice had flown back to Texas a day before, intent on preparing her place for us.

My mother lingered by the door, weeping silently. I hugged her, burying my face in my neck the way I'd done as little girl. "Love you, Mum. I'll miss you, so much."

"Oh, I love you, Bella. Please be safe," she said hoarsely.

"Promise me you'll visit one day, please…"

"I promise," she said, squeezing me before letting go. "Take care of her," she said to Edward.

He nodded, hugging her.

No sooner had they left, he turned to me. "I've to make a call."

The only phone was down at the reception desk, so he slipped his jacket on and boots on and left to use it. I knew he was calling to check on the status of my passport; it had been almost a week since he'd ordered it, using the picture from my school identification card.

Mum had brought me a bag of scones from a bakery they'd passed on the way. She'd made a face when giving them to me, complaining that they weren't as good as hers, and she was right. But they _were_ very tasty, and I was hungry. Her gesture brought a fresh round of tears, making it hard to chew.

This was really it. After all of the false starts and back and forth, we were really separating ourselves from them and from our home.

I was still sniffling when Edward bounded back into our room, excitement coming off him in waves.

"It's done," he said, grinning.

"Oh!" I stood, the half eaten scone forgotten in my hand. "So we're going…"

"Tonight. Or, when I can make reservations. He's meeting me in town in an hour," he said, hurrying to one if his bags. I watched as he took a stack of bills out and counted them. Folding them, he slid them into his back pocket and went back to the door.

"I'll be back. Just… make sure we have everything ready to go, yeah?"

"Yeah, okay," I said, watching with trepidation as he left.

He'd only ever ventured out to use the phone, but it filled me with nerves every time. I was almost paralyzed with fear that each time he left could be the last time; I felt only marginally safer in this new town. This was the first time he'd actually left the guesthouse property; his contact had opted to meet him at a small pub in Baltimore.

To distract myself, I put clean clothes for myself on the bed and then packed our bags. I took a quick shower, making sure to wash and dry my hair; I didn't know when next I'd be near a shower and I wanted my bases covered. In the bathroom, I twisted it into a tight bun at the nape of my neck, wondering absently what I'd look like with red hair.

_No, forget that. Edward doesn't like redheads._

The door opened and shut with a muted click, summoning me away from the mirror. "Edward?"

"I got it," he grinned, flashing a large envelope at me.

"Oh, good," I breathed, relieved and little apprehensive. "What now? Do we… go?"

He nodded, peering into the envelope before handing me my new passport. It looked official enough, not that I had anything to compare it against.

"My uncle's coming to give us a ride to the ferry," he said.

"Which one?"

"The one to England."

"I know which _ferry, _Edward," I laughed. "Which uncle?"

"Oh," he smiled, shaking his head. "Uncle Chris… he was at the wedding… remember? The one who was completely fluthered –"

"That describes everyone," I snorted.

"-at the ceremony," he finished, cocking his head.

"Oh! With the big gut!"

"Yeah, him. He'll be out front in a half hour. You've everything put away and packed?"

"Yes," I said, placing my passport back into its envelope and then into my purse. "So, we'll fly out of Heathrow, then?"

He nodded. "I think it's better. If anyone's still hangin' about Cork, or even Dublin, they might be expecting us to leave from the airport…ah, I don't know. Every way has its own set of risks."

"Is there a ferry from Dublin?" I asked, making the bed.

"There is," he said, brightening. "You think that's better? We've no ties to Dublin…"

I shrugged. "Maybe…"

"No, that's brilliant," he stuck his wallet into the pocket inside of the lining of his jacket and began helping me with the bed.

"How long does it take to get to Dublin?"

"I don't know, not long. Two, maybe three hours?"

Uncle Chris didn't have much of an opinion on whether it would be better to leave from Cork or Dublin; he just wanted to get going. We put our bags into the boot of his tiny car and left promptly, stopping only to grab takeaway when we were in a more urban area.

Edward's guess was on target; about three hours later we entered into Dublin, a city I hadn't been since my competitive swimming days. In fact, most of the traveling I'd done had resulted from being on the swim team and winning meets. I'd never been on a plane, but I'd taken buses, trains and ferries all over Ireland, England and even France and Spain.

Today I'd be riding a plane and going to America - two huge firsts for me.

Uncle Chris dropped us off at Dublin Ferry Port, located right inside the City Centre. Much to our disappointment there were no direct ferries to London, and the one heading to Liverpool left at ten o'clock, which was still four hours away.

"Two please," Edward said, passing money through the ticket window to the cashier on the other side. "I'm starvin', so I am," he muttered to me once we'd stepped away.

"Well, we've plenty of time to find something to eat before we go," I said, adjusting my backpack. We were hardly into our travels and already I was feeling the wear and tear.

We found a local fish n chips shop, and although I was a bit tired of that sort of food, it was cheap. I could be picky once we were safe. Taking our time with the food, we lingered inside of the little restaurant where we were protected from the cold bite in the air and hopefully, any curious eyes.

In reality, The Dublin City Centre was crowded and busy; people coming and going from every which direction. The chance of us being indentified in a place like this was slim; I was glad we'd chosen to leave from here and not Cork. Still, there were Gardaí scattered around and we'd no way of knowing if they could recognize us somehow, from pictures or the like, or if they were even looking at all. I felt that we were probably safe, but Edward stayed vigilant, his eyes darting about constantly.

The sky was dark and we were tired by the time we boarded the ferry. We'd be traveling through the night, arriving in Liverpool just before dawn, so we quickly settled into a pair of seats and got comfortable. Edward, always hungry, went off to find things to eat and drink, and I took a moment to pray quietly, thanking God for getting us this far and requesting safety for the remainder of the trip.

We took turns dozing so that one of us could watch our things while the other slept. Around four, with just an hour to go, I woke up and went to buy coffee for us both. We moved to a window and watched the horizon began to lighten, the faint outline of England now visible.

From Liverpool we caught a coach to London, and then the tube to Heathrow Airport.

By the time we dragged ourselves to the ticketing counter, we were a sorry looking pair. I felt greasy and in desperate need of a bath… and we still had a ten hour flight ahead of us. Thankfully, it was direct, which meant we could finally sleep undisturbed for a good while.

I was a bleedin' basket case when Edward left me to purchase our tickets, terrified something would go wrong with my passport. What if it didn't register? What if someone recognized us? Was Edward on some sort of list for apprehension? How long were the arms of the RUC? I felt hot all over, my heart beating double-time.

Edward appeared next to me again. He handed me my ticket before sliding down the wall and joining me on the floor.

"That's it?" I asked, scanning the information on the boarding pass.

"They were mind-numbingly expensive," he grimaced, taking the ticket back and putting it with his in his backpack. "You'll show your passport when we board."

"Grand. I thought the hard part was over," I said, scrubbing my hands over my face.

"The hard part _is _over, Bella," he said. "We've been traveling for nearly a day."

I dropped my hand into his and he curled his fingers around mine. "Can you believe it?" I asked softly, the exhaustion making me a bit sentimental.

"I don't know," he shrugged, closing his eyes. "It'll hit us later on, probably."

"I'm glad we're together," I said, gazing at him. His hair was long in the back again. "I'm glad you're not… alone. And I – I'd be heartbroken right now if you'd left me in Belfast."

"I couldn't leave you there, ever," he said, wrinkling his forehead. "It wasn't safe anymore."

"I know, but I mean… even before we got serious. You'd plenty of chances to walk away."

His eyes drifted open, and he turned to look at me. "Don't you know?"

Slowly, I shook my head.

"You doubted me for a while, after we first came together, but that was it for me. I didn't kiss you or anything before then because I couldn't be what you wanted… I knew you weren't a casual girl. But then one day I wanted to try, and you let me… and I never would have walked away. I never _could_ have."

He thumbed a tear from my eye and I kissed the palm of his hand in response.

"I was just as bitten as you were," he smirked, leaning in to kiss me.

The busy airport… the ache in my legs… my stringy hair… my need for a toothbrush… the incessant hunger gnawing at my stomach… it all fell out of focus for a second when he kissed me.

"Stop doubting," he whispered, his gorgeous green eyes glinting in the harsh overhead fluorescents.

"I will," I promised, cupping his cheek. "I have."

Our flight began boarding, and the butterflies in my stomach, which had all but calmed, started up again. Hands literally shaking, I gathered my portion of our bags and luggage and followed Edward into the queue waiting to get on the plane.

Soon there was just one person in front of us. Edward glanced back at me, smiling reassuringly. "Love you."

I nodded, my mouth dry.

He went through; the perky little brunette barely looked at his passport before smiling sweetly and welcoming him aboard. I stepped up, trying to look normal and calm.

"Good morning. May I have your boarding pass and identification please?" she cooed.

I handed it to her and waited, wiping a clammy palm against my jeans.

She glanced at my passport and returned it promptly, still smiling. "Welcome aboard, Mrs. Cullen."

* * *

the Gardaí - Garda Síochána na hÉireann (literally, "Guardians of the Peace of Ireland".) local police force.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. **Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer; Volition belongs to me, Rochelle Allison.

_Special love & kisses & thanks to my beta Nic, who has become the most special of friends throughout this process. We've stayed up many a late night, tweaking this thing._

* * *

Edward gave me the window seat, knowing I'd want to be able to look out. I both did and didn't; while I was excited to finally be on a plane, I was rather nervous as well. I knew planes flew all the time, every day, and had for years…but that didn't really stop the anxiety from bubbling in my gut.

"Y'alright?" Edward asked, struggling with our bags. He'd gotten most of our things into the overhead compartment and was now wrestling the smaller ones into the space beneath our chairs. We'd had to check two of our largest bags through, and that was another thing I'd on my mind; if the bleedin' airline lost my things I'd be really cheesed off…

"A bit nervous is all," I shrugged. It was near impossible for me to sit still, my fingernails clacking lightly against the armrest as I drummed my fingers. I was anxious about flying, about landing, about what was going on back home, about my brother and his wife, about our future in the States. What if I hated it? What if I was miserable and lonely?

Edward finally managed to stow our bags and sat up, squeezing my thigh. "Try and sleep, yeah?"

"Maybe when we take off," I said, resisting the urge to just grab his hand and never let go. He was as exhausted as I was, and he surely didn't need me clingin' to him for the entire flight.

A really lovely dark haired stewardess made her way down the aisle, smiling warmly as she handed out blankets and pillows. I could've kissed her; that was exactly what I needed. Then I noticed her notice my husband, her eyes fixated on him from several rows ahead. By the time she made it to us she barely looked at me as she handed over my pillow and blanket.

"Good Morning and welcome aboard," she practically panted.

Sighing inwardly, I turned to look out the window. Though I didn't quite like it, I supposed I needed to just get used to the way women looked at Edward; he was, after all, easy on the eyes. I was no better - I'd wanted him myself for years and years.

Edward didn't seem to notice; he yawned, pressing a little button on our armrest so that he could recline and I imitated him, surprised at how comfortable I was in such a cramped space. He turned to me, smiling faintly. I loved the way he looked right then, his facial hair longer than usual and blonde at the tips.

"I like you with a beard," I murmured, running the pad of my thumb over his chin.

"Yeah?"

"Mmm," I snuggled deeper into my seat, pulling the blanket tight around me.

"Maybe I'll keep it," he whispered, yawning again. "I'm so tired."

"Me too," I whispered back, my eyes heavy.

We were quiet awhile, listening to the quiet hum of conversations all around us, the occasional click of a seatbelt being fastened. Another stewardess positioned herself in the front of the plane and started demonstrating safety procedures and though I struggled to pay attention my exhaustion was winning.

I didn't even realize I'd fallen asleep until I was shaken gently awake by Edward. We were being asked what we'd like to drink.

With a start I looked out the window, both fascinated and terrified to see that we were so high up I couldn't even see the ground because of the thin layer of clouds beneath us.

"Wow," I breathed, my nose pressed against the cold window. "How many times have you flown?" I asked Edward, turning back to him.

"I don't know, two, maybe three times?" he shrugged.

Soon after we were served lunch, and I attacked it with gusto. Now that I'd napped – although nowhere near enough - I could focus on how hungry I was.

"So, we'll have to figure out the best way to go about this when we get there," Edward said, once he'd polished off his meal. "You know I had to buy round trip tickets so it looked like we were on vacation..."

"So what will we do?" I asked, feeling a little pinch of panic in my stomach. I hadn't thought that far ahead; getting on the plane had been the hard part, or so I'd thought.

"Had we time, I'd have gotten us work visas or something… but it all happened so fast, you know? That's usually how people come to the States and stay for a bit. It's no matter though; the same guy who got your passport has all sorts of people in America who deal with this sort of thing," he said.

"That's convenient" I said, wiping my mouth with a napkin.

"We're not the first to flee the country for the reasons we did," he smirked, running his hand tiredly though his hair.

"That's true, isn't it," I said, gazing out the window again. "He'll be able to help?"

"He gave me his number, and the number of someone in New York City."

"How far away is that from where we're going?" I asked.

"I don't know; far. I know there's a large group of Irish supporters there. Some of them are from home, and some have been in America for a couple of generations. They support the effort."

"Financially?"

"Sometimes," he nodded.

I'd never thought how our struggle would extend across oceans that way; it always seemed so personal. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. We were now going to be living over in the States, but I knew we'd probably continue to support the cause back home as well. It was the right thing to do; we'd left Belfast, but our hearts remained there. Our parents, people we knew like Mikey and little Danny Crowley, were all still there.

I'd hoped to rest more, but I was too keyed up. Edward and I talked intermittently for hours, planning and wondering what life would be like. He wanted to go about getting his transcripts sent over as soon as possible so he could re-enter medical school. Everything was going to be different now, and he was prepared for the possibility that he might have to re-do certain courses to be deemed ready for American medical school.

Fortunately, the same exchange program that had brought Jasper over to Belfast initially worked both ways; the University of Texas at Austin apparently had a favorable relationship with Queens University. We could only hope that Edward's near flawless scholastic record, as well as Carlisle's considerable pull with Belfast's medical and academic communities –would help enable the transition.

Edward was used to living a charmed life of sorts, for things to work out for him somehow, some way – as if it was written in the stars – but I was prepared for the rocky road ahead. I didn't doubt we'd thrive eventually, but there was so, so much to get through first. Too many things were out of our control, and nothing short of divine intervention would guarantee our success.

As for me, it looked like my studies were being put on hold for a bit, and I was fine with that. I'd been complaining that my workload was getting to be a bit much, so a break, no matter how forced or unexpected, was a blessing in disguise. Edward had always supported what I wanted to do in terms of schooling; it was time for me to fully support him now. His medical degree, when he finally got it, guaranteed good money, and if we had to delay a few things to get there, then so be it.

We had three weeks to figure out what our next move would be. After that, our return tickets would expire and we would be, officially, illegal aliens.

* * *

"Oh God, Bridgette, but he's gorgeous! Did you see him?"

"The one in 17A?"

The first voice tittered. "Ah, so you did notice him. I wouldn't mind taking him into the first class bathroom."

"Oh, but I think he's married though…"

"He's too young to be married and even if he is he might want a bit on the side."

"You're awful," the second one laughed.

I rolled my eyes, unable to believe I was actually listening to this conversation with my own two ears. The queue to the bathroom wasn't that long, but there were two people between myself and the little galley where the stewardesses were preparing snacks and drinks, and the slappers weren't exactly keeping their voices down.

I tried not to let it bother me; really, I did. Edward had proved that he loved me, and I felt in my heart we were meant to be. It wouldn't do for me to go off my nut every time someone paid attention to him, and like I kept reminding myself, I too had lusted after him for years, so I had.

But then the irrational, over-tired side of me reared up. It was just really feckin' inappropriate for them to be eyeing him like a piece of meat when he was obviously with someone. I snuck a glance around the people in front of me to see who exactly was nattering on.

Ah yes. Ms. Roving Eyes from earlier and a petite blonde with huge breasts. Typical.

The two bathrooms opened at the same time, freeing the space in front of me. Folding my arms, I leaned against the wall and waited.

Blondie popped out first, her eyes widening for just a second before she cocked her head and smiled. "Can I get you anything, Miss?"

"No, I'm fine, thanks," I said, a cordial smile on my face.

"All right," she nodded, moving past me to go back up the aisle.

Moments later I came out of the tiny bathroom and started back to my seat, sucking in a sharp breath when I saw Roving Eyes lingering beside Edward's seat, her perfectly manicured hands resting on the back of it. I'd never flown before, but I was quite sure slutting about wasn't one of the services offered.

"Excuse me," I snapped, glaring until she stepped away so I could climb back into my seat.

She smiled and sashayed off, leaving me fuming.

"What did she want?" I huffed, buckling my seatbelt as I looked at Edward.

He grinned. "You're not jealous, Bella."

"No, I'm pissed. You should've heard the shite they were sayin' back there – that one there wants to take you to the back," I said.

"Yeah, she was askin' what my plans were in the States, so I told her we were on our honeymoon."

That made me smile, and I bit my lip sheepishly. "Oh. Good."

He shook his head. "Some honeymoon," he snorted.

"Really…" I sighed.

We'd been in the sky for so long that the day had risen, passed and begun to set. I stared longingly at the dwindling light outside, wanting so badly to be out of transit. It was going to be awhile until we were settled, but having a place to sleep would be a grand start.

Finally, the pilot announced that we were approaching the Robert Mueller Municipal Airport. He mentioned the temperature and the wind condition, and I winced in discomfort as my ears began to react to the pressure of losing altitude. Once again, I pressed my face to the window, gazing down at the tiny lights sparkling like stars below.

"Alice knows when we land?"

"I called Da before we took off, so, he said he'd tell her," Edward said.

Nodding, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, and he squeezed back as we started to make our final descent. This was unreal. In about fifteen minutes, I'd be in the United States of America.

I closed my eyes and said a quick prayer, as always, thanking Him for how far we'd come, and asking for help in where we were going.

* * *

Alice couldn't stop talking.

From the second we found each other in the crowded baggage claim area to now, in Jasper's bright red Chevrolet Chevelle (or so he'd said; I hadn't a baldy about cars), she'd been chattering nonstop. She couldn't wait to show us her new everything - her apartment, her university, her job.

Meanwhile, Edward was sitting upfront with Jasper, talking about whatever men discuss. He was quite taken with Jasper's car, and I had a feeling he'd look to get one just like it when the dust settled and funds were coming in. We didn't have cars like that back home; Jasper called it "American Muscle".

I was so worn out that I'd caught a second wind; I felt almost lightheaded, but in a really good way. The cool evening breeze blew past our faces, rushing in through the open windows, and I breathed it in gulps, grateful after ten hours on an airplane.

"Are ya'll hungry?" Jasper asked, pulling up to a stoplight.

"I am, yeah," I said without hesitation. It had been a while since they'd fed us on the plane.

"Let's get tacos!" Alice said, clapping her hands in excitement. I had to laugh; her enthusiasm was very welcome after the stress and worry of the past few weeks.

Jasper chuckled, too, eyeing her in the rear view mirror. "Sounds good."

Another thing I had to get used to: the food. I had no idea what a taco was, but chances were if Alice liked them, I would as well. Besides, beggars can't be choosers and I was starving.

We stopped at a cheap Mexican restaurant for take away, and then ate in the car as Jasper drove around a bit, pointing out things along the way. He and Alice both lived relatively near the campus of their school, although he owned a house whereas she was in student housing.

Once we got to Alice's apartment building, we wasted no time in getting our things inside. Not surprisingly, Carlisle and Esme had spared nothing for their little girl; her apartment had two nicely sized bedrooms and simple but very elegant furnishings.

"Shame you're hardly home, isn't it?" I whispered after the tour was complete and Edward had gone to take a shower.

Alice shrugged, smiling a bit. "It is."

We walked back into the kitchen, where she put on the kettle. "I can't believe yer actually here, in Austin, in my kitchen," she said, shaking her head. "I can hardly believe I'm here half the time…"

"It's surreal, isn't it," I agreed, looking around. It still hadn't fully hit me.

I feared that once the glitz and glamour of being in a new place wore off things would seem a lot less promising. What was I going to do with myself? There was only so long we could live on savings…

"Relax, love," Alice was at my side, pulling up a chair. "You've so much tension on your face… "

"I'm scared," I admitted, resting my face in my hands. "I'm tired, and I don't know what we're going to do."

"I know," she said. "We'll take it one step at a time. It's too much to think about right now."

Nodding, I wiped away the wetness in my eyes.

Jasper walked in, crossing the room to toss something into the rubbish bin.

"Y'alright, Bella?"

"I just need sleep," I said, forcing a smile.

"I can imagine; ya'll have been on the run for awhile now," he said.

Alice punched his arm. "Judas Iscariot, have some tact, Jazz."

"It's okay," I laughed, waving them off. "It's true. We are on the run…exiled from our own country."

"Jaysus, that's grim," Edward said, rubbing a towel through his hair as he joined us. He already had on his sleeping pants and shirt.

"All right, I'm going to bathe," I said, standing. "I'll have tea when I'm done."

Alice and Jasper exchanged a glance. "We're going to head back to my place," Jasper said, looking carefully at Edward.

Edward nodded, and I could see the ambivalence on his face. I knew he probably felt a bit odd, knowing his sister was staying with her boyfriend, but he also knew what it felt like to be in Jasper's place.

"Tomorrow, then?" Alice hugged her brother, whispering something into his ear before coming to embrace me.

"You'll be okay," she said, kissing my cheek.

"Yeah," I squeezed her tight, and then she and Jasper left.

I smiled weakly at Edward. "I'll feel more human after a shower."

He nodded. "I'm going to make a few calls."

I'd never experienced a shower quite like this. It was just a regular shower, but after two days of travel, it was heaven. I stayed beneath the warm streams 'till my fingers and toes were wrinkly and my skin was scrubbed pink.

With one towel wrapped around my hair and another on my body, I walked into the bedroom I was sharing with Edward. I could hear him in the living room, his voice kept low, and a warm, comforted feeling spread through me.

He was already at work, putting things into place.

He wouldn't let us flounder out here; we would make it. He'd said from the very beginning that he would always take care of me, and I realized, more strongly than I ever had, how true and real that was.

I pulled on my nightgown and joined him, curling up on the sofa to brush the tangles from my hair.

He watched me as he spoke on the phone, his eyes following the movements of my hands, as he'd done so many times back home.

* * *

Slowly, I awoke, incredibly cozy and comfortable.

Eyes barely open, I focused on the narrow slats of sunlight coming in through the closed curtains. Everything was so different here, even the windows.

Alice's bed was wonderful, but my legs still ached, as did my shoulders, and I felt as though one night's sleep had hardly put a dent in my fatigue. I looked over at Edward, fast asleep beside me.

I didn't even remember coming to bed; he must have carried me in the night before. The thought made me smile, and I snuggled closer to him, my heart so full it overflowed in tears.

Jaysus, I was turning into a sentimental sap.

He stirred, rolling over so he was facing me, his eyes opening for just a second before he closed them again. I kissed his face and he smiled the tiniest bit.

"Go back to sleep," he said, his voice hoarse.

"I will," I let my eyes drift shut, so close to slipping under again.

"Why are you crying?" his voice was hushed, his fingertips tracing my cheeks.

"I love you."

He pulled me closer, wrapping his arm over top of me. "I love you, too."

We fell back asleep, and no one, not even Alice, called to wake us up.

For hours I floated in and out of sleep, noticing how the light shifted as it came through the windows, signifying the passing of time. According to Edward, Ireland was six hours ahead of Texas. Eventually I woke all the way. The little clock on the nightstand read one o'clock, so I supposed my body thought it was seven at night. I still felt lazy, but needed to use the bathroom so desperately it couldn't ignored.

Edward was awake when I made it back to the bed, running his fingers absently through his hair.

"What're you thinkin' about?" I asked, pulling the cream colored duvet up to my chin.

"You."

"What about me?"

"Gettin' off with you," he said, crawling rather languidly on top of me until he'd me caged in with his arms and legs. "I wanted to do it earlier but I was too feckin' tired."

I gazed up at him, holding his cheeks between the palms of my hands. "Don't shave."

"I have to shave, eventually," he laughed, relaxing his weight on top of me.

"No, Jasper's hairy," I said, wrapping my legs around his.

"Oh, ye like Jasper now?" he teased, rubbing his sandpaper skin against me.

"Ow!" I cried, prying his face away. "I'm just makin' a point. He's studying to be a lawyer, and if he can get on looking scruffy so can you."

"So you admit it looks scruffy," he said, kissing me along my neck.

"Yeah," I whispered. "But I like it…on you." He was distracting me now, but he didn't need to, because I wanted it as much as he did.

"Love me," I said, quiet and into his ear.

He sat up, taking his shirt off, and then lay down, peeling his pants off. I pulled my nightgown over my head and dropped it onto my floor, along with my panties.

"You on top," he said, laying flat with his hands behind his head.

"I don't want to be on top," I said, laying beside him and mimicking his pose. "I like when you're on top… when you …" I smiled, chewing on my thumbnail.

"Have my way with you?" he said, sitting up and moving over so that he was in between my legs.

"Mhm," I nodded.

"Yeah, I like that too," he said, kissing my mouth.

Our playfulness dissipated the longer we kissed, and soon he shifted to the side, touching me inside and out. I tried to put my leg over his hip but he stopped me, pushing my legs open wider. Leaning over me, he kissed me harder, deeper, his tongue playing inside my mouth while his fingers rubbed back and forth and in circles until I reached down, placing my hand over his to keep it in one spot, and he did, and I came.

Pulling himself up, he slid into me, moving slowly. I was still tight and tense inside from coming, and he felt so good inside. We rocked lazily together, every stroke concentrated and complete. He began to move faster, and then his eyes closed and his face changed, rigid to relaxed in relief.

* * *

A month later we were still in Alice's apartment, but it wasn't the problem I'd imagined it would be. We'd fallen into new routines; I waited tables with Alice at a place down the street while Edward dealt with the less savory aspects of living as fugitives. Because, even though no one was actively seeking us out in the States, we were still staying beneath the radar.

And, because it had been more than three weeks, we'd officially overstayed our welcome. We could be deported, a thought that made me sick to my stomach as it meant we'd be delivered right into the hands of the very people who we'd run from in the first place.

I hated waiting tables; I was no good at it. Working in a book shop would have been more my speed, but I had to take what I could get. Alice, with her people skills and natural grace, was great. I just sort of hobbled along, waiting for Edward to tell me what our next move was.

"You sure you don't want to come to Jasper's, now?" Alice asked as we walked home one afternoon.

I folded my small, soiled apron into a square and tucked it under my arm. "No, I'm fine, love, thanks. Edward said he'd be home by tonight and I want to be there when he is."

Edward had taken a Greyhound bus to Boston days before to meet with members of an Irish-American mob that had connections to some of the Provos in Belfast. I'd taken on extra shifts in the meantime, wanting to busy myself so that I didn't have time to worry about him. If he was successful, he'd come back with papers for the two of us, and we'd be able to work and go to school "legally".

Well perhaps not legally, but _officially._

It was awful, though, the waiting. Knowing he was going to meet with career criminals didn't exactly put my mind at ease, even if they were all supposedly on the same "side". I hadn't any delusions about Edward; he wasn't innocent or blameless, but he _was_ a foreigner. I hated knowing he'd be at a disadvantage if anything went wrong.

Back at Alice's, which was slowly starting to feel like "home", I quickly showered and washed my hair, wanting to clean off the smells of coffee and grease. I threw together a casserole I'd seen in one of Alice's old _Women's Day _magazines and popped it into the oven.

My heart raced when I heard the door open, and I half-ran to Edward, so happy to see him.

"Hey," he said, dropping his backpack and hugging me tight.

"I missed you," I said, kissing his bottom lip. "How'd it go?"

"Brilliant, actually. They were full of questions about "the life" back home; they acted like I was a bleedin' hero. What shite," he snorted. "Oh, good, you're cooking. All I had today was a bag of crisps."

Frowning, I walked back into the kitchen. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, ye could've fed yerself better than that, Edward. You're not a child."

"I was rushing, I almost missed the bus this morning," he said.

"Late night?" I guessed.

"Everyone wanted to buy me a pint," he grinned.

"I was so anxious the whole time…"

"Yeah, me too. I didn't know what sort of dodgy characters I'd be gettin' in with, but they do know James and Aedan both, so…"

"Who's Aedan?" I asked, pulling the casserole out and setting it atop the counter.

"That's who got me your passport," he said. "I met him through James a while back."

"So what now?" I asked, once we'd sat down to eat and said grace.

"Whatever you want, I suppose… do you like here?"

Taking a bite, I chewed thoughtfully. I did like Texas, with its wide open skies and local attractions. There was always something to do, day and night, always something new to try.

Yes... Austin was a nice city, but something was missing. For one thing, it was dry. I missed being near the ocean and the abundance of rain I'd grown up with.

"It's all right," I shrugged. "I like being close to Alice…"

"But you don't love it," he said, taking a bite.

I shook my head. "Not really, no."

"Neither do I," he sighed. "This country's feckin' huge; I don't even know where to start."

"I never thought I'd say this, but… I miss the rain," I said.

"We could go to Seattle," laughed Edward. "They say it rains almost every day there."

"Where's that?"

"On the west coast, above California," he said, watching me as he chewed.

"Let's go," I said, smiling at him. I was already envisioning it, green and wet…

"You want to move someplace because of the rain? We have no idea what it's even like, Bella. What if it's awful?"

"What if it's grand?" I countered. I just wanted a change. Austin was great for Alice, and she had Jasper, and this was his hometown. But we had no such roots; I wanted to go someplace we could make our own.

Edward stared at me, shaking his head.

"I'll have to see what sort of schools they have," he said slowly.

"We don't have to…" I said, relenting. But he waved me off.

"Do you have to work tomorrow?" he asked.

"No, thank God," I shoved the last bite of casserole into my mouth. It had been tasty, but nothing spectacular. I might have to stick to Irish food after all. "Why?"

"I think it's time we bought a car. I don't know where we're going, but we're not gettin' there in a bleedin' bus," he said.

"Yeah," I said, collecting our plates and plopping them into the soapy water. I _knew_ he'd been fantasizing about cars like Jasper's - they were all over town.

Edward came up behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"I'm going to take a shower."

"Okay," I said, smiling at the domestic little scenario.

In bed later on, after love, we talked in the dark like we usually did, back and forth until we drifted off.

"Is it what you imagined?" I asked, yawning.

"What?"

"Everything… your life…being here, being married."

"Nothing's ever the way you imagine it," he said, running his fingers lightly along the side of my breasts. "Some things are harder, and some things are better."

"Are you excited? About moving again?"

"I'm excited about really starting our lives somewhere. This has felt very-" he yawned, cutting himself off.

"Temporary," I whispered.

"Yeah," he dropped his hand, tired.

"I'm excited too," I said, letting my eyes close. My mind wandered as it often did in those moments before losing consciousness, a jumble of thoughts and images, worries and good things.

I _was_ excited. My life was wide open, the possibilities were endless. In my heart of hearts, I knew that the choices I had made had been the right ones. I'd never have to look back on my life in sadness for not having followed my heart.

I'd come to this place in my life of my own volition.

Pulled in by Edward's steady breathing, I started to fall asleep.

* * *

**End.**

_thanks to all of you who were kind enough to review, or favorite, or alert. I love writing, and it's been so cool connecting with you all this way. feel free to author alert me if you haven't; I'm taking a breather but will be starting another story in a month or two. In the meantime, I do write daily WitFits, so, i guess I'm not taking that much of a breather. :)_

_There will be an epilogue for Volition in about two weeks. Also, I will write two chapters from EPOV; please let me know which ones you'd most like to see and I'll choose the most popular two. _

_much love_

_xoxo_


	27. Epilogue

_Disclaimer: All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, Volition belongs to me._

_Thanks to my beta, my darling Nicki, who is so instinctive when it comes to this sort of thing. Much love - for real - and appreciation._

* * *

**September 1973**

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I watched Edward get ready for his classes. "So what time will you be home y'think?"

He paused in front of the mirror on our dresser to check his appearance before turning to me, smoothing the collar of his Oxford before pulling a sweater on over it.

"Three, at the latest," he promised.

"Okay," I nodded, lying back with a yawn. I was still in my pajamas.

"You approve?" he leaned over me, his hands on either side.

Pulling him down to meet me, I kissed his mouth.

He kissed me back and pulled away, brushing his hand over his zipper with a grin. "You're always makin' me late, enough of that shite."

I eyed his bulge in the front of his pants with satisfaction. "Okay then, run along. We can do it later…"

"Much later; we'll be up 'till all hours with Em and Rose, so we will." He adjusted his jeans, looking around the room. "Where's my bag?"

"By the door, where ya always bleedin' leave it," I sighed, hearing my mother in my tone. Instead of curling up beneath the blankets like I wanted to do, I forced myself to get up and follow Edward to the door, where he kissed me goodbye and left.

I worked at a local bookstore a few days a week, but not today and for that I was thankful. I was exhausted, and still needed to prepare the apartment for Em, Rose and the baby.

I'd been tired a lot lately, probably the result of late nights with Edward. We spent most of our days apart so we made up for it at night, driving around and exploring our new city or relaxing at home, watching the telly and fooling around. We still weren't used to having such unlimited access to each other; there were no parents, friends or roommates looking in on us, no fights or brigade meetings or interrogations for Edward to contend with.

Just him and me.

Edward had eased into his school schedule, slowly working toward the degree he'd dreamt of since he was a child. It was remarkable how generally relaxed he was; his only concerns being of class work and finances. In many ways I felt like my life had come full circle, only this time I wasn't the one currently in school, he was. I'd seen glimpses of this Edward back home, but it had always been chased away by the responsibilities of the brigade. He still spoke to the boys back home, most especially Seamus, but he seemed to accept we'd passed the point of no return.

Nothing good could come of getting involved in Belfast's affairs again. It remained a part of our lives, but from a distance. There was a reason we'd left the way we did, and I never had to remind him of that; for that I was grateful. It would be impossible for us to move ahead if he was forever looking behind.

Admittedly, I got a bit homesick at times, but it was mild and usually remedied by calling my parents or Alice. Now Emmett was moving his family to Seattle, and I was overcome with gratitude all over again. I'd have my own flesh and blood, a woman I considered a sister, and my nephew all within reach.

The fact that Edward and I hadn't conceived yet bothered me a bit, but I refused to let myself worry about it. I trusted God's timing for things, and fretting just for the sake of it seemed ungrateful, especially when He'd gotten us through so much. We had peace now; a sense of safety, and that was more than enough for me.

* * *

Within days of our decision to move west, Edward and I'd acquired a used, midnight blue Dodge Charger. Jasper had insisted on going with us the day we'd gone to buy a car. Austin was his hometown, so he knew who to go to, and because cars were a hobby of his he knew what to look for.

Roughly two weeks after that, we rounded up our belongings, which had multiplied considerably since we'd relocated to the States. Besides the boxes Carlisle had sent from Cork, both my parents and Edward's had been sending boxes from Belfast as well. I'd teased Mum once that she was really taking the "empty nest" thing seriously, getting rid of every last bit of my things.

Unfortunately, she'd gotten a bit shaky in the voice when I'd said that, and I'd promptly changed the subject, moving on to happier, sillier things like Alice's infatuation with Mexican food.

So while it was grand that we had everything we'd need for a household of our own, save furniture, it was going to be a nuisance getting it all across the country. It quickly became apparent that we were going to need a trailer to help us move our things, so we rented the smallest U Haul truck we could find and hitched the Charger to the back of it.

Initially Alice was disappointed that we were leaving, but she understood our reasons. She had grown to love her life in Texas and could see herself staying long after her time at university was complete. Edward and I needed to find somewhere we loved too, a place where we could finally settle down and carve out a life for ourselves. I was really excited at the prospect of Seattle, having soaked up as much information as I could about it at the local library.

Driving across the country with Edward would prove to be one of my favorite early memories of our marriage. As a goodbye gift, Alice got me a little camera so that we could capture our journey on film, making me promise to send her copies. I'd never had my own camera before, and midway through our trip Edward had to put his foot down on my frivolity with film, saying he'd rather have food to eat than pictures to look at.

America was vast, and every state seemed to have its own personality. Everything varied: the landscape, the weather, even the sorts of trees and sunsets we saw. We left on a Friday morning, when the sky was still dark, and headed north. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Texas was bloody huge and it seemed to take forever to get out of it, but we eventually did, stopping for gas and snacks along the way. After nearly a day and half of driving almost nonstop through Colorado and Wyoming, we pulled into a motel to sleep, utterly exhausted.

Once we'd recovered a bit, we continued on through Montana, and then headed west for Washington. I marveled at how much chillier it became the further north we went. Washington was definitely closer to what I was used to; silver skied and comfortably cool, and at least forty shades of green.

As happy as we were to finally reach Seattle, we didn't waste time sightseeing. Money was tight and we needed to return our U Haul to the nearest location as soon as possible. Finding a place to live had been paramount.

After driving aimlessly for a bit we stopped in a nice looking part of town, which we later came to know as Lower Queen Anne. We checked into a motel so that we could leave the truck while we drove the car around, looking for rental signs in windows and inquiring at gas stations and coffee shops. Luck was on our side, because by the end of the day we had found a small but snug two bedroom apartment that wasn't cheap, but wasn't too expensive either.

We ate a lot of potatoes the first month.

But then I found a job to supplement Edward's income and the money we were getting from his Da back home. Wandering around our new neighborhood one day, I found a bookstore on the ground floor of another apartment building a couple of streets over. I went inside to browse, asking on the way out if they needed anyone to help stock books or work the register. They did, and I was hired. It wasn't much, but it made a small difference.

Two months after that Edward finally got his paperwork straightened out and by the time summer rolled around he was back at university. Just like that we were like every other young couple in the area, working and going to school, trying to make a life for ourselves.

I'd yet to meet someone else from Northern Ireland or even the Republic, but there was an older woman in our building originally from London. She'd been living in the States for twenty years and had only the scarcest hints of her accent left. She said she hadn't been back in years, mainly because most of her family had relocated as well. It saddened me to think that we probably wouldn't be going home for a very, very long time either. I thought about how bored I'd been with Belfast just a year before, how I'd longed to go to school elsewhere just for a change of scenery. Now that I was gone I missed it dearly.

And I missed my parents. Sometimes they called me, other times I called them; either way we were spending more money than was prudent on long distance telephone bills. I knew the reason I missed them as bad as I did was because Edward and I'd left the country so abruptly. I longed for the day they could come to visit us, even though, financially speaking, that mightn't be for awhile.

Late in the spring Rose and I started corresponding regularly by mail. I had been so pleasantly surprised to receive the first letter from her; it had been postmarked and sent from Allihies, a coastal village of Cork southwest of the city. She had just given birth to their healthy little baby boy, William Shane Swan; they called him Liam. Hungry for news from home and desperate to connect with someone familiar, I wrote back almost immediately, telling her all about our new life and asking how things had been going for them.

Rose told me that she and Emmett had remained in Cork for awhile, although they'd traded the city for the countryside soon after we'd left. The authorities up North were still asking questions and investigating the brigades in Belfast, and even though it seemed they had ruled out Cork as a hiding place for the boys, it still wasn't safe.

If Edward and Emmett both hadn't been high profile before, they certainly were after the bombings the day Edward and I had been shot. They had endangered too many lives and destroyed too much public property – including several RUC stations – and would probably be on wanted lists indefinitely. It was only a matter of time before someone said the wrong thing to the wrong person and sent the RUC right back down to Cork.

Emmett had never wanted to leave his country; it killed him to even be out of Belfast… but being in hiding was becoming difficult and stressful. Rose wrote that they were living in a tiny one room flat with very little money, and that Em hated having to leave her and Liam alone all day while he worked odd jobs around town. I felt absolutely awful for her. Though she spoke to my Mum on the phone all the time, it wasn't the same as having family or friends nearby. To make matters worse Da and Emmett discouraged my mother from going down to Allihies because they suspected they were being monitored and didn't want to find out the hard way. Poor Rose had no real support system, and it broke my heart.

I read bits of the letters to Edward, asking him to intervene somehow. He missed my brother too, but he reminded me that ultimately it was Em's choice as to what he would do with his family.

Soon though, Em and Edward were in contact quite heavily as well. It was decided that they would come to Seattle, and Edward began arranging for them to receive the same sort of paperwork, including passports, we ourselves had gotten months before. It took a little longer this time around, but Emmett called as soon as he met with Aedan, the same guy who'd helped us. Da sent him money, probably the last of his paycheck, bless his heart, and he and Rose caught the next ferry to Liverpool.

* * *

Emmett called us from London to say they'd be arriving at Sea-Tac at eight o'clock the evening of September fourth. That didn't give Edward and me much time to prepare, but it didn't matter. I was absolutely giddy with the knowledge that I would soon be reuniting with family, finally meeting my baby nephew.

After Edward left for class, I made a quick breakfast of toast and tea and then got to work. The apartment was tidy enough, but I wanted it spotless. I cleaned for hours, making sure to pay special attention to the little room where Em, Rose and Liam would be staying. Unfortunately, we didn't have a bed for the spare room; we'd been using it as more of a storage space. I hated thinking of them sleeping on blankets on the floor, but there was little we could do for now. It was temporary.

The few pieces of furniture we'd managed to acquire since moving in were all from the local Salvation Army or Goodwill. I wasn't sure what sort of humble beginnings my parents had started out with, but I doubted they were_ that_ humble. Back home, there was plenty of family around to pass things on to the younger folks until they could afford to buy things for themselves. Mum had done that to an extent with me, sending household items she no longer really needed, and we'd received generous wedding gifts from both Edward's side of the family and mine. As for the larger items, though, second hand it was.

Thinking of Mum reminded me of one specific box she'd sent about a month before. Smiling, I unearthed it from our closet floor. It was like she had a sixth sense… something I'd thought time and time again, actually. There was bedding in the box, and because Edward and I already had a set or two, we hadn't bothered to unpack yet another. It was perfect.

Dragging the box to what was going to be our "guest room", I emptied its contents. There were two pillows, a duvet with mismatched sheets and a down comforter I recognized from Emmett's room back home. I spread everything out over the blankets I'd already set down, tossing the two pillows at the head once I'd slipped pillowcases on.

"That's not so bad," I mused to myself, stretching out atop of the bedding. It was more comfortable than I'd thought it would be.

* * *

"Bella."

I startled awake, slightly confused. Edward was kneeling next to me, and we were on the floor, on the makeshift "bed" I'd made earlier.

"What are you doing?" he asked, smiling as he lent me a hand.

"This is for Em and Rose, and Liam…" I said, allowing him to pull me into a sitting position.

He looked around, nodding. "It's grand."

"No," I shook my head. "I don't want them to be on the floor. Let's give them our bed, yeah?"

"That's fine," he nodded. "Since they have the baby."

"Okay," I smiled at him, glad we were on the same page. "Although this _is_ comfortable…"

"I can see that," he chuckled.

"I can't believe I fell asleep," I said, standing. "I still need to take a shower so we can go to the market."

After bathing, I got dressed and changed our bed sheets, replacing them with fresh ones. We drove to the supermarket and picked up a fair amount of food, figuring we could always get more as we needed it, and returned home so I could start dinner.

Something about me being domestic seemed to get Edward going; I swore whenever I was at the counter or in front of the sink he was behind me, letting me know what he wanted.

I usually wanted it too. I wasn't sure if we'd always be this way, but I liked it.

"Just let me finish," I said, cringing away from his warm mouth on my neck.

"We have to make sure our sleeping quarters are sufficiently padded," he said, pulling on my belt loops.

"They are," I laughed, resisting. I'd give in to him once the carrots and onions were chopped.

"Come on…"

"Doing it almost every night isn't enough for you?" I snorted, dropping my knife on the cutting board. "Let me wash my hands, else I'll smell of onions."

We'd probably made love in most every room of our apartment. There was nothing and no one to worry about, and it was fun. It was especially nice in the daytime. A lot of light came into our living space, and I liked being able to see his face, the colors in his hair if the sun was out and shining through the window.

Turning from the counter, I wiped my wet hands on my jeans and left the kitchen. Edward followed just behind me, his hand reaching out to slide beneath the back of my shirt as we walked down the hall.

He pulled his shirt off over his head and tossed it to the side before pushing my hands away so he could unbutton my shirt for me. He slid it off, and I unbuckled his belt, tugging on his pants. Once we were out of our clothes we fell back, coming together with easy kisses and touches, savoring the just-before-sex anticipation.

I loved the way he touched me. No one had ever seen me the way he had; I was so glad it had always been him. He'd taught me things, things I liked that he did to me and things he liked that I did to him, like putting my mouth on him. Jaysus, he loved that.

There was none of that today though. He touched me until I was wet enough to enter and then pushed into me, kissing me as he did. I kissed him back, licking my tongue through his mouth until our position began to feel strained and he pulled away so he could move the way he wanted to. I didn't always climax from being with him, not unless he did something other than thrust into me, but I didn't always care. I'd found there was a difference between carnal release and soul satisfaction. Both were desirable, but depending on my mood, sometimes I just wanted to be filled by him. It made me feel loved and loving, wanted and whole.

* * *

I'd barely finished assembling the stew when Edward announced it was time to go. We slipped into our coats and hurried to the car, making sure to bring an extra blanket in case Rose needed it for the baby. Even though it was cold in Ireland at the moment, Seattle might have been even colder with its biting sea air.

We hadn't long to wait at Sea-Tac. Edward and I were only in baggage claim for about ten minutes when passengers from the London flight began spilling into the area. I very nearly cried when I caught sight of my brother and his wife; they look exhausted and worn thin, the same way we must have looked to Alice and Jasper so many months before.

Rose did cry when we finally made our way over, the first time I had ever seen her do so. I hugged her and kissed her cheek, careful not to upset the little bundle in her arms. He was mostly covered by a tiny blanket, and as much as I wanted to see him, things were hectic in the terminal and we needed to get going.

Emmett caught me up in his arms, lifting me off the ground. "I feckin' missed you," he said, his voice half hoarse with weariness.

"Me too," I said, still squeezing him fiercely as he loosened me. "I'm so glad yer here; you don't know how much I've wanted to see you…and the baby," my throat tightened then and I stopped speaking.

I didn't know how they'd managed with the amount of luggage they'd brought from home, especially having a wee one as well, but they had. We staggered back to the car, where Emmett nearly had a conniption when he saw what we were driving.

Edward laughed, looking at me across the roof of the car. I knew we were both thinking of our first night in Texas, when Jasper's car had impressed him much the same way. I could already envision Emmett with a similar car.

"Are ya hungry?" I asked once we were on our way. "I made food…"

"Oh, yer cooking properly now?" Em teased.

I smacked the back of his neck. "I made Mum's stew, so y'might want to treat me right if you want to eat."

Rose shifted beside me, putting Liam into the crook of the arm nearest me. He'd begun to stir, and I watched, rapt, as she unbuttoned her blouse and then partially covered herself with the blanket to feed him.

She smiled tiredly at me. "He eats a lot," she said.

"I can imagine," I nodded. Only, I couldn't. I'd no idea what it was like.

When Liam was finished she promptly fastened her shirt and laid him against her body so she could pat his back. I could finally see his tiny face, and what a precious little thing he was.

"Oh God… he's gorgeous, Rose," I whispered, gazing at him. His eyes were closed, but every few seconds they'd open lazily before drifting shut again.

"Thanks," she whispered back, a small, sleepy smile playing at her lips. Even haggard and travel-weary Rose was beautiful. Maybe it was motherhood. "I'm quite in love with him myself."

Back at the apartment I got Rose situated in the bathroom, giving her towels so she could wash up while Edward and Emmett brought the bags in from the car. Liam had fallen asleep, and we'd put him in the centre of our bed with pillows all around him to keep him snug and safe.

Lying beside him, I propped my head up on my arm and stared, committing to memory the exactness of how he looked _now. _I could scarcely believe how tiny he was, and how perfectly formed. When Emmett had first told us that Rose was pregnant, everything felt very far away and vague. As time went on, though, and she began to show, I started feeling a curious sense of ownership knowing that the same blood running through my veins ran though the baby's.

I'd loved Liam before he was even born and now that he was here I ached to know him.

Emmett lumbered in moments later, cracking his knuckles as he gazed at his son. "Thanks for the bed, Bella."

"It's fine," I nodded, rising from the bed. "I can't wait to hold him," I said, unable to stop looking at Liam. His eyelids fluttered slightly as his little mouth puckered, making sucking motions. "He must be dreaming about eating," I laughed, fascinated.

"Yeah, he does that all the time," Em grinned. "Speakin' of eatin', I could eat a farmer's arse through a blackthorn bush."

"Oh, you sound_ just_ like Da," I groaned, elbowing him as I passed by to go back out to the kitchen. "Soon you'll have the gut and the receding hairline."

"Jaysus, let's not rush it," he said, his footsteps stark on the floorboards he followed me. "I've a few good years left on me yet."

Rose joined us, looking relaxed and fresh after her shower. Yawning, she sat at the table. "Smells good, Bella."

"Thanks, it's just about done now," I said, glad to have made them something substantial.

The front door closed and Edward came in, a paper bag in his arms.

"I didn't know you went out," I said in surprise.

"Just to the corner," he said, passing out frosty bottles of Harp lager, a favorite of Da's we'd found at a local shop carrying English and Irish bevvies. "To wet the baby's head," he toasted, touching his bottle to each of ours.

We drank and ate, catching up on what we'd missed in each other's lives and reminiscing about home. A sense of contentment blossomed deep in my belly. I'd accepted that separation from family was part of my lot in life, and I could say with honesty that I'd never once regretted anything when it came to Edward. I did feel complete with him.

But having my brother and Rose with us, and knowing they were going to stay, made life a whole lot brighter. I had a confidante in my sister in law, a nephew to adore, and my brother who'd protected, teased and loved me since I was small.

* * *

I awoke the next morning to bright, blinding sunlight in my face. Climbing to my feet, I stumbled to the window and yanked the curtains shut. There was no way I'd had enough rest… but the day didn't look as young as it usually did when I got up with Edward in the morning.

Rose was in the kitchen, frying up rashers of bacon and eggs. I glanced about the room, spotting Liam on a blanket near the couch. "Morning," she smiled over her shoulder.

"Morning," I echoed, wrapping my arms around myself to ward off the chill. "Where's Edward?"

"He took Emmett with him to university," she said, transferring several strips of bacon to a waiting plate. "It's nearly nine."

"Oh," I said, grateful I'd asked for the day off. I'd wanted to spend time with Rose and the baby without having to worry about the bookstore.

"You okay?" she asked, frowning lightly.

"Yeah, feeling a bit tired is all," I wandered over to Liam, who was awake and staring at the ceiling. His eyes were the deepest, darkest blue, little glittering sapphires against his nearly translucent skin.

"Morning, baby," I cooed, getting on my knees so I could kiss him hello.

"It's ready if you're hungry," Rose called.

I got to my feet and was about to lower myself into a chair when I caught a particularly pungent whiff of bacon grease. Usually I loved the smell but today it turned my stomach and I froze, holding my breath.

"Actually, I'll just…" I never got the chance to finish. The urge to vomit rocketed through me, making my mouth water in all the wrong ways, and I rushed to the bathroom to heave fruitlessly into the toilet.

Rose appeared behind me, Liam in her arms. "You're pregnant, Bella."

"I know," I wheezed, my stomach muscles contacting involuntarily, trying to empty what wasn't there.

Rose brought me tea and dry toast once I managed to leave the bathroom. I sat gingerly on the makeshift bed I was sharing with Edward and took tiny sips, afraid of upsetting my stomach again. Liam rested between us on the comforter, his tiny fists and feet in constant motion.

"Has that happened before?" Rose asked.

"No."

"Have ya been sleepin' a lot?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding, almost lightheaded with the realization I probably had a child growing inside of me. Nerves, wonder...relief that there was nothing wrong with me, that I could, and _would_ in fact be a mother sooner than later.

"I think that's what it is then…don't be scared, we'll-"

"I'm not scared, Rose. We wanted this," I said, smiling faintly as I chewed a bite of bread, relieved that my urge to throw up had passed.

"Oh!" she said, obviously not expecting that sort of a reaction. "Well, good. Edward will be thrilled then, won't he?"

_That's an understatement. _How many times had he told me he wanted babies?

"Don't say anything to Emmett yet. I'll tell Edward when he gets home…maybe we can go to one of the clinics by the university tomorrow…" I said.

"Like a doctor's office?" asked Rose, smoothing her hand over the crown of Liam's head.

"Yeah; Edward just got paid and we've already spent most of it. I don't want to wait till he gets paid again to see a doctor. They've clinics I can go to, where I can be tested."

I'd wanted to become pregnant for so long that now I was actually facing the prospect it didn't feel real. I'd fibbed a bit to Rose; I _was_ a bit scared. But I was excited, too. Putting my plate down, I eased onto my side so I could play with Liam.

"Tell me all about it," I said to Rose. "From the start. How'd you know?"

By the time Edward and Emmett got home, we were suffering from mild cabin fever. Instead of eating leftovers, we opted to go down to the waterfront and grab dinner from one of the many open air vendors selling chowder and seafood.

I waited until Edward and I were by ourselves on a bench, my heart pounding heavily in my chest. He looked so handsome, the late afternoon sun making his hair look almost auburn.

"So," I started, picking at my sourdough bread. "I think I might be pregnant."

"Really?" His smile made me want to melt.

"Yeah, I think so," I ducked my head, floored by the excitement in his eyes. "I… I'd have to the doctor or the clinic to make sure, but….yeah."

He scooted closer and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, his food forgotten. "I really hope so," he said, staring out at the choppy water, the wind tossing strands of his hair around his face.

"So do I," I said, straining up to kiss his chin before resting my head on his shoulder. "Even though I have _no _bloody idea what I'm doing."

"We'll figure it out," he said, his nose cold against my temple before he kissed me there. "We always have."

* * *

_So....that's it. *cries*_

_You guys have been so wonderfully kind, encouraging, and just... all around amazing with your reviews and notes. Thank you, a million times over; I've loved corresponding with you!_

_** have to give credit to songster for the phrase "wetting the baby's head". too good._

_So, the outtakes that garnered the most votes were Chapter 1 (the original one shot), Chapter 10/11 (when Bella's taken in for questioning) and Chapter 21 (when Edward and Bella are shot outside the hospital). I'll be writing each one in EPOV... no promises on when exactly, but i won't keep you waiting. Promise._

_xoxo_


	28. Chapter 28: Chapter 1 Edward

**Disclaimer: All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization.**

This is the first of three chapters in EPOV. Enjoy. I'm exhausted, ha.

_Thanks to Nic, for staying up late - as per usual - and helping this to be its best. I honestly do adore you._

_Thanks to everyone who has left me notes and reviews. They mean so much to me. I hope you enjoy this. It's the first chapter I can honestly say I wrote just for you guys. xoxo_

* * *

Four o'clock and a soft rain was falling outside, more mist than water, yet any excuse for a pint'll do and people were pouring in to the dry warmth of Flanagan's to escape the weather. I'd been there long enough though, and was ready to leave.

I scanned the new faces walking in, wondering yet again where the feck Tyler and Deklan Crowley were. They were long overdue, and unfortunately that could be construed as a few things; their own malarkey being one, being attacked or arrested another. The latter was the main reason I told the boys in our battalion never to walk alone unless absolutely necessary.

No one challenged me on it; enough guys around had been taken in for "questioning", jailed for having the wrong sort of surname, beat within an inch of their lives because they attended the wrong sort of church. If Catholics were treated the same way as Protestants, there wouldn't be a problem, but we weren't. We were discriminated against left and right, from voting rights to housing and employment. We were sick of it, and maybe some were resigned to that way of life but I surely wasn't.

The fighting had been going on decades and decades, and some saw that as proof we'd never make a difference, that things would never change.

But I knew better. If persistence is what it took than persistence is what they'd fookin' get.

As if the politicians and police authorities weren't bad enough, there were the loyalist gangs; bad eggs the lot of them. The only difference between them and the local RUC were badges and uniforms.

Then again, they thought the same of us. Real shite, so it was.

Sensing my irritation, Emmett looked at me, drumming his fingers listlessly against the top of the bar.

"Do you think something happened?" He drained the rest of his pint and pushed his glass away. We'd already been through two a piece, more than enough time for the Crowleys to complete the errand I'd sent them on. The only reason I'd asked in the first place was because they'd been at Queen's earlier in the day, recruiting for the cause. Had I known they'd take so bleedin' long to get back I'd have gone myself.

"I don't know," I said, shaking my head. "I hope they didn't run into trouble by the bridge."

Emmett shifted, checking his watch. "Maybe we should just-"

"There they are now," I said, easing off my barstool.

Deklan looked aloof as usual but Tyler's face was red as a beet, probably either from fear or running. He spotted us right away and came straight over, his eyes wide. "Something's goin' on over by Donegall Pass."

"Ah, feck. What now?" I asked, running a rough hand through my hair. Lately a group from the second battalion had been running into trouble with members of the local UVF. I tried to keep my nose clean when it came to personal shite like that, but we would intervene if we had to.

"I don't know really, there was a lot of UFF-"

"UFF or UVF?" Emmett interrupted impatiently.

Tyler shrugged, his eyes darting between Emmett and me.

Deklan spoke up. "I don't know, I think UFF… there was a fight at Queen's earlier and it spilled into the streets."

Immediately I thought of Alice and Bella. They would've been home by this point, but I didn't like not knowing for sure.

"Did you get the instructions?" I asked.

Deklan patted his jacket. "I did, yeah."

"No problems?"

"No."

"All right, bring it to the safe house, yeah?" I clapped him on the back and they left, obviously eager to be on their way. I didn't blame them; Flanagan's was heavin' now with people and it made me nervous, too. It was difficult to keep an eye on things when it was so crowded.

Anything could happen.

Emmett cracked his knuckles, a nervous tic he'd had since childhood. "I told Rose I'd walk her home later but… if those gowls are out roaming the streets already I'm going to go to her now."

We left the bar and stood by the front windows, watching as the rain started coming down heavily, fat drops exploding like tiny bombs on the street. I stopped Emmett before he went out, grasping his elbow. "Where'd you put James' gun?"

"Under Bella's bed."

I stared blankly at him. "What?"

He shrugged. "Mum's been pokin' about my room… she acts like she doesn't know anything, but I know she does."

"What if Bella finds it? Jaysus, you're off your nut," I sighed, zipping the front of my jacket up. I knew she wouldn't mess with the gun if she did discover it, and I doubted she'd go running to her mother, but I didn't like mixing that part of our lives with her and Alice. We made it a priority to keep them away from that aspect of our lives; they spent their time at university, the cinema, each other's homes… and that was the way it should be.

I envied them for that, and I missed the times of my life when things were so simple. But I couldn't very well sit on my arse, not doing anything. That was no longer an option for me - I'd had to put away childish things.

"Ah, keep your alans on; she's not going to go rummaging beneath her bed," he scoffed, stepping out on to the path.

"If you say so."

"I'll get it out tonight," he said, squinting down the street. He wanted to go.

"How long d'you think you'll be?" I asked.

"An hour, maybe?"

"Then just meet me back at your house, yeah?" I suggested. "I want to make sure Bella didn't find anything."

"Fine, Edward. And tell her to stay in tonight," he said, turning to go down the path.

I wished he'd just given me the gun to hold; had I known he'd be hidin' the thing in Bella's room I'd have taken it for sure. How was I going to explain myself if she found me being dodgy in her room?

Their house was less than ten minutes away, just a street away from ours. The rain was pelting down harder now and I walked briskly, wanting to get away from both it and the openness of the street. If there had been fights at the university and UVF boys nearby, the authorities were sure to be patrolling.

We knew these streets like the back of our own hands; we'd played in them as youths, but they were tense now, often filled with fighting. The worst areas were the flashpoints, where our neighborhoods met theirs, so really it was no surprise there was a row brewing out at Donegall Pass.

It wasn't safe for anyone to be going around by themselves.

Renee Swan answered the door, her shirt dusted with flour.

"Edward," she sighed, ushering me in. "Emmett's not here, love."

Charlie and Renee were my godparents and Alice's as well. Likewise, my parents had the same relationship with Em and Bella. They'd been friends years before any of us were born, and the bond had only strengthened over the years.

In fact, Charlie had been a source of advice and information when Emmett and I'd begun to show interest in participating in the cause as he'd been heavily involved as a youth himself.

"Yeah, I know. He's meeting me here in a bit," I said, roughing my hands through my hair to get the excess water out.

"Oh, that's fine. Go on; get yourself a towel from the bathroom then."

"Thanks, Renee. I'll be upstairs, all right?"

"Okay," she called, already back in the kitchen.

After running a towel through my hair so it wouldn't drip all over the floor I jogged up the stairs, not bothering to knock on Bella's bedroom door before going in. I'd been in there plenty of times after all and had known her so long she could've been my sister.

If I was honest with myself, though, I didn't think of her as my sister.

That changed the day she climbed out of the public pool after one of her swim meets, sleek and wet in a plain black suit that clung to her skin, the shape of her nipples completely visible. It was awful; I'd spent the rest of the afternoon hiding a feckin' erection, berating myself all the while for thinking of Emmett's little sister that way, knowing for sure I was going straight to hell.

That had been three, maybe four, years before. Three or four years of staring at me when she thought I didn't see and turning scarlet when I looked at her, of her nipples poking through her shirts, of her jeans getting tighter around what was now a perfect arse.

I wasn't the only one noticing, either. Thankfully she'd a beast of a brother to keep the neighborhood dogs at bay. I knew, mainly from Mum and Alice, that Bella had dated in school, but I also knew she was a good girl. Like my sister she was saving herself for marriage… not that you'd know from the way she looked at me. Jaysus, sometimes I wondered if her thoughts were as dirty as mine.

I hadn't ever acted on it because it had always seemed inappropriate - a breach of trust between our families, most especially between her brother and me. It was becoming difficult to convince myself of that lately though, both because of the way she acted around me and my thoughts about her. Was Emmett really enough of a reason to deny myself? To deny her?

She was sitting on her bed when I walked in, her back to me as she messed around with her hair.

"You have explaining to do," she said in a snippy little voice.

She'd probably thought it was Emmett.

"I do?" I paused in the doorway as she looked at me, obviously caught off guard. I was probably the last person she expected to see, and I watched in amusement as her cheeks turned pink.

She frowned suddenly. "Where's Em?"

I ran my fingers through my hair, still trying to slough rainwater from it. "Hello to you too, Bella."

"Sorry Edward, hi. I just…wondered where Emmett was. I haven't seen him all day and I really need to speak to him."

I nodded, leaning against the door. "He'll be home soon."

Her eyes narrowed a bit as she watched me and I wondered – not for the first time – if she had suspicions about Em and I. The girls had witnessed and even attended rallies and demonstrations at Queens, much the way we had before getting involved ourselves. It was hard to avoid the situation when it was all around.

Bella eyes were still on me, but they'd glazed over, like she was lost in thought as well. I saw that her hair was wet too; she'd either been in the rain or in the shower. I glanced involuntarily at her chest -her tits were the one pair that was off limits to me so I was fascinated by them -and saw that her nipples were on display, because she probably wasn't wearing a bra.

_Jaysus._

"I just left him," I added mindlessly, walking to her window before I got hard and she thought I was a feckin' pervert.

"We'd a long day at work today – lots of deliveries – and then at the pub we heard there'd been a fight after the rally at Queen's today?" It was hypothetical; I didn't expect her to answer, and I continued on, watching the quiet street below. Emmett would be with Rose by now; I knew he'd be safe – he was no fool – but I didn't like him being on his own. I had to trust he'd be all right. Like me, he carried protection; we had to.

"Anyway, I thought I'd check in on you; make sure you were home safe. Em doesn't really want you going back out, you know, just in case. He had to run an errand up the road but he'll be back within the hour… so I'll just wait here till he gets back."

I turned back to Bella, but she'd checked out of the conversation, and probably a while back. She blinked at me, and I had to wonder what was really on her mind. I wasn't so full of myself to imagine my very presence had rendered her speechless, but there was definitely something distracting her.

She almost seemed… guilty.

"What's with you?" I asked.

Without a word she slid off the bed and dropped to her knees, reaching underneath.

Ah, feck. I knew it. I was going to throttle Emmett.

"What's this?" she asked, full on accusing me as she tossed a brown paper bag onto the bed.

I crossed right over to where she stood and snatched up the bag, automatically tucking it beneath my arm. "What are you doing with this?"

She flinched slightly, looking at the wall. "I should be asking you and Emmett! This is my room, Edward! The two of you have real nerve coming and planting that shite underneath my bed. If you want to do that sort of thing, keep it in his room. Or yours."

I glared down at the top of her head, furious Emmett had put me in this situation at all. I didn't want the girls knowing a thing; it could endanger them.

"And what sort of thing is that?" I asked, wanting her to just spit it out. At least then I'd know how to deal with her.

She sat heavily on her bed, staring down. "I don't know, just…"

Just like that, the fight in her was gone, and knew then she'd probably drop the issue. She and Emmett had always been fairly close, and I knew she'd probably do anything she could to keep our secrets.

Watching her carefully, I sat down next to her, and touched her hand. Things had shifted, as if she'd been plucked from her world and dropped into mine. "You won't say anything, then?"

She exhaled slowly, resigned. "Who would I tell?"

"Alice."

"I won't," she promised, still not looking at me.

In a way, I felt bad asking her to keep things from my sister, but it couldn't be helped. What Emmett and I did was none of their business. I didn't like that she was being exposed to things like this; it made me feel like I was robbing her of her innocence somehow. She wasn't a child, and she wasn't completely naïve, but knowing something and seeing it were two different things.

What's done was done though, and the important thing was that she was trustworthy. There weren't many girls I could say that about, but then again I didn't exactly give most of them the chance to prove themselves. Since being put I charge of my battalion I hadn't time to be someone's boyfriend, so my interactions with the opposite sex were usually rather… to the point.

Leaning forward, I placed the brown paper bag on the floor and pushed it back underneath the bed. Our eyes locked, and for once she didn't blush. She did look away before I did, though.

She fell back onto the bed, closing her eyes.

I looked at the clock, wondering when Emmett was going to show up. It had been about forty minutes, and Rose's flat wasn't far from where she worked.

I eased back on to her bed, propping myself on to my elbow. Bella had grown up, I realized.

And I was really bleedin' tired of trying to stay away from her.

"Bella."

She opened her eyes, looking slightly surprised and then suspicious. "Yes?"

I gazed into her big brown eyes, noticing for the first time how long her eyelashes were. She was trying so hard to look impassive but I knew I affected her. She rolled on to her side and mimicked me, leaning on her elbow.

_What are we doing?_

Knowing I was blurring the line, I tucked her hair behind her ear and watched as her eyes grew wider, just barely. Bella was altogether different, and she did deserve the time and effort I rarely gave other girls. She was the sort of girl you stayed with, not one you tossed away, and though I had reservations as to whether I could be what she needed I knew in my heart I couldn't ever use her.

If she wanted me the way I thought she might, I would try for her.

"What?" she asked after a moment.

"You like me," I said.

She smiled, but it was forced, and I knew I'd made her uncomfortable. "Of course I do."

We were in the middle now, and although I could easily retreat and go back to the way we'd been I didn't want to. That was ridiculous. Bella was inexperienced, and maybe she didn't know how to tell me what she wanted, but I knew and I was tired of the ambiguity.

"No. You love me."

Her expression hardened, and she sat up, putting distance between us. She was cute when she was cheesed off, and I pulled at her hair, wanting her attention.

"Why exactly are you here?" she snapped, yanking her hair away.

I hadn't meant to embarrass her, but Jaysus, she'd known me her whole life. I sat up too, closing the distance between us, and reached over, tugging my fingers beneath her chin 'til she looked at me.

Then I kissed her.

She frowned slightly, her eyes closed. "Why-"

I kissed her again, longer this time.

This time, she looked dazed when I pulled away. "Why did you do that?" she whispered.

"Because you wanted me to," I said, smirking at her.

Her face fell a bit and I right away I regretted my impertinence.

"And because I wanted to," I added truthfully, wanting her to know.

She looked at me, well, at my mouth, and I knew she wanted to kiss me again. I ran my hand down her face and neck, pulling her close, and brought our mouths back together, faintly surprised when she opened up to me right away.

That was it.

I slipped my tongue inside, tasting Bella for the first time, vaguely aware of how sweet forbidden things were. She responded to me, running her tongue against mine, her fingernails digging into my arms because she was holding me so tight.

Tilting my face, I kissed her deeper, harder, finding it hard to hold back now. She was just… opening herself to me, trusting me. I took her hands off my arms and wrapped them around me instead, improving the awkward angle of kissing side by side. Holding her cheeks between my hands, I kissed her jaw and then her neck, sucking her skin.

She gasped and tightened her arms around me and all I could think of was getting her on her back, feeling her arms around me that way.

The fog dissipated when we heard the heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, signaling Emmett's return home. Bella froze, her arms dropping away, and I looked at the door, knowing he was about to walk in any moment. She moved to the head of the bed, blushing, and I hadn't the heart to tell her she looked guilty as sin and that it wouldn't be surprising if Em figured it out anyway.

"Bella?" he called, walking right in as I had done earlier. He strode to the window and looked out, checking the street before looking back to me. His mind was elsewhere, thankfully. "We have to go."

Had he been running?

Bella cleared her throat. "Emmett-"

"Not right now, Bella. I'll be back in a bit." He began moving back toward the door, once again preoccupied.

I stood up, my hands in my pockets. "She knows, Em."

Emmett stopped just short of the door, his shoulders sagging as he turned to look at her over his shoulder. He tried hard to protect his family from the reality of what we were doing, and I know it killed him that Bella was now exposed to a side of him – of us – that he'd wanted to keep from her.

"I found it under my bed this morning," she said, and the accusing tone she'd had with me earlier was gone.

"I'll move it later," he said quietly, giving her a long look before walking out.

There were so many things I wanted to say to her, but we hadn't the time just then. I'd known that when I'd flirted with her, when I'd kissed her, but I was selfish. I'd been curious for so long that when the chance came I took it.

Talking would have to come later.

I followed Emmett out of Bella's bedroom, not looking back as I closed the door.

* * *

Usually Friday night found Emmett and me with the boys at one of the pubs by Queen's, but because of the shite that had gone on earlier we decided to go elsewhere. No self respecting Protestant would be seen in the Markets area and so that's where we went, congregating till wee hours in a little billiards hall.

I'd played several games and had put away twice as many Harp's when Tanya Murphy sidled up to me at the bar, wedging her body between my legs. She was a fine bit of stuff, but she knew it. We'd been together once or twice, but I had a feeling she was half a bubble off true – one of the nutty, possessive types.

"Edward," she greeted me, grinning slyly.

"Hi, Tanya." I put my hands on her hips and moved her gently away, not wanting to be rude but not wanting to encourage her, either.

Like a rubber band, she slid right on back, rubbing her arse all over my crotch.

This time I wasn't as gentle when I pushed her away. Confidence was sexy in a girl, but this was just desperate. I got off the stool before she could reattach herself and walked to stand with Em, who was talking with the bartender.

"I'm about ready to go," I said, taking his pack of cigarettes and lighting one for myself.

"Tyler need a ride?"

I glanced around, finally spotting him in dark corner, all over some girl. "Hey," I said, approaching them. "We're heading out. You coming?"

Tyler whispered something to his "friend", who whispered something back. "Nah, I've got a ride, thanks."

"I'm sure ya do," I muttered, turning and motioning toward Emmett.

"Leavin' so soon?" Tanya asked, posted by the door.

"Had a long day, so I did," I said, edging past her. She seemed to get the hint and left me alone, not bothering to follow us out. She wasn't that bad of a girl really, she just wasn't for me.

And anyway my mind kept wandering to Bella, her innocent eyes and her maybe not-so-innocent mouth. I didn't know what the hell I was doing with her but it felt wrong to let some other girl push herself on to me now.

I finished my cigarette and stamped it out, motioning for Em to do the same. My father trusted me to take care of his car and to be home at a decent hour when I had it, and I respected that. Also, I was tired, and even if we were in a "safe" part of town, the RUC liked to roll through at times to check on things and I didn't want to be around when they did.

I dropped Emmett home first, waiting until he opened his front door to drive away, and wondering if his sister was sleeping.

* * *

I stayed in bed till nearly eleven the next morning, relishing the fact I hadn't any work. The smell of sausage wafted up from the kitchen when I opened my door to go to the bathroom, making my stomach grumble.

"Morning," I said, giving my mother a kiss when I went downstairs.

"I was beginning to wonder if you'd grace us with your presence," she teased.

"Where's Da? And Alice?"

"He's at the hospital, and she's with Bella. I think they were going to try and see a film later on. D'you want coffee or tea?"

"Coffee please," I said, yawning.

"What're your plans for the day?" Mum asked, placing a hot plate of food in front of me.

"Nothing, preferably." I bowed my head and closed my eyes, muttering a quick grace before digging in.

"I'm going to mass tonight if you want to come." She sat across from me, stirring her tea.

"I'll go tomorrow, I think."

"Okay. Let me know if you change your mind; I'll probably go with Renee."

I knew I wouldn't change my mind but I nodded anyway.

Later on, we were back at Flanagan's. It was an uncharacteristically sunny afternoon, and the place was packed… again. Rainy day? Let's have a pint. Sunny day? Perfect day for a pint.

Chuckling, I took a sip of beer.

"Oh Jaysus, Cullen's laughing to himself now," Emmett said, giving me a funny look.

"Just thinkin' is all," I said. "Rose coming out tonight?"

"Later on, after supper. She said she wanted to go to some new place over by Queen's. Things have calmed down, so we'll probably go."

We stayed for awhile, talking the way we usually did. Charlie came after a bit, joining us at the bar for several pints before saying he had to go home for dinner. It was getting on in the evening, and I knew I'd have to walk home soon as well. I left to go to the bathroom and when I returned, Emmett was nowhere to be found.

Feckin' eejit. He probably thought I'd left.

I paid my tab and was about to leave when I saw Bella making her way through the crowd, chatting with a few people here and there, probably looking for her Da. Flanagan's wasn't really her scene, even if it was laid back. I didn't think Bella was much of a drinker.

Following her back toward the front of the pub, I reached out and grabbed her wrist, stopping her before she went outside. She turned to me like she wasn't that surprised to see me, the prettiest smile on her face.

The sun shone in through the windows, warming the spot we were standing in, making things seem brighter.

I leaned down to speak into her ear. "Are you lookin' for your Da?"

"Yes, and Emmett. Mum wants them home for supper," she said, raising her voice a bit to be heard above the noise.

I nodded toward the bar. "We were all sitting together."

She looked, too, searching the sea of faces. I wondered if she'd been thinking about me, about kissing me. By the way her eyes kept wandering to my mouth, I had a feeling she had been.

She looked abruptly back at me, catching me staring at her, and I was about to offer to walk her home when a familiar face walking quickly by the far window caught my attention.

I knew that face, would recognize his odd sandy blonde hair anywhere. I hadn't seen him inside, but that didn't mean he hadn't been there and I instantly felt a cold fist of dread close inside my stomach.

Instinctively, I knew something was wrong, knew it even before I realized it logically.

I saw it before I heard it; the window shattering, the sunlight reflecting off of it as it radiated inward.

I had Bella's hand in my own before she could react, and I pulled her roughly through the hysterical crowd, pushing an unforgiving path to the back where I knew there was a door leading to the alley.

The second we reached the back door another bomb went off, and I heard Bella cry out this time. Panicked, I yanked her outside and pushed her up against the wall so I could check the extent of her injuries. She was white as a sheet, covered in dust and shaking so hard I could scarcely hold on to her, but she managed to direct me to her arm.

My heart dropped when I saw the blood, but it quickly became apparent it was a shallow cut; she probably wouldn't even need stitches. Something warm dripped into my eyes and I put my hand to my forehead, grimacing when I saw blood on my hand. It hurt, but not badly.

We'd been lucky, but I had to get her as far away as possible, and right away. Taking her hand, I urged her down the alley toward the street, which was packed with people. I heard Bella crying, asking about her father and Emmett, and while I thought they'd both gotten out before the first explosion I wasn't sure.

My main goal was to just get away. "We have to go, Bella. There's nothing we can do right now – I need to get you home, it's not safe…"

She tried to touch the wound on my forehead but I moved my face, impatient. We hadn't time for that. I wanted her as far away as possible, where she couldn't be hurt.

The sound of screaming and sirens coming from different directions filled the air. Another explosion shook the very ground we stood on and I began running, squeezing Bella's hand tightly so I wouldn't lose her.

The flat we used as a safe house was closer to Flanagan's than either my street or Bella's, and it was there that I brought her. I took the back way, unsure of who was out on the street. I didn't know if the bombings were isolated or if there was more to come, and I needed to be somewhere quiet and safe to regroup.

"What's this?" Bella asked once we were inside the building.

"A sort of a safe house."

"Why didn't you just bring me home?"

I didn't know how to answer that; the adrenaline had worn off, leaving me exhausted and empty. Turning on the light, I pointed silently to the couch and then went to the bedroom, where we kept a first aid kit.

"Is there a telephone?" she called out.

"In here," I said, dabbing at my face. The blood continued trickling down, and I was starting to get annoyed.

Bella sat wordlessly beside me, putting antiseptic on to a piece of cloth before holding it to my head. She pressed it gently until the bleeding had stopped, at which point I was able to put ointment on it.

I gave her the phone once she'd finished, half listening as she spoke to her mother, whose voice I could hear even from the bathroom.

A shudder ran through me.

What if I hadn't been there? What if Bella'd been alone?

When it sounded like she was wrapping up her conversation I motioned for her to give me the phone. I needed to speak to Emmett, right away; he needed to know what I'd seen. This had been a blatant, cold blooded attack in our very neighborhood, exacted to cause as much loss of life as possible. I was seething, and it was only for Bella that I didn't go back out into the night and return the feckin' favor.

So caught up was I in my discussion I hardly noticed she'd disappeared into the bathroom. I knew there weren't towels in there, and I didn't want her to have to put her dirty, blood stained clothes back on.

Getting off the phone, I rounded up a clean towel and extra clothing I kept there and brought them into the bathroom for her. The boys and I normally used the safe house as a place to meet, plan and discuss operatives and missions we needed to execute, but there had been times we'd used it for refuge.

Because of this I kept small amounts of clothing and food, never knowing when I would need it.

I was sitting on the bed, going over who I needed to call the next day, when Bella came out of the bathroom, steam billowing around her. My clothes were too big on her, but she looked cute and I laughed a bit. She looked better physically, but I knew she was still in shock from what had happened.

How could she not be? She'd had to run for her life.

She sat down on the bed, leaning against the wall.

"We didn't have anything to do with what happened today, Bella." It was imperative she understand; she might have thought she knew, but she didn't. There were other groups outside the IRA that did things like this, but we were often the ones blamed. I couldn't have her thinking this had been something like that.

The small smile she'd had left her face and she sagged against the wall, chewing her lip. "Aren't you going to bathe?" she asked finally, looking up at me.

Her dismissal of what I'd said bothered me, even though it didn't surprise me. Em and I kept things from her, and now I wanted her to accept those things? Even if we hadn't been responsible for Flanagan's, we'd been involved in similar things.

My shower was brief; I quickly scrubbed remnants of the explosions from my body and hair and dried off, somewhat anxious to return to Bella. I wanted to make sure she was okay; I found sometimes it took a while for frightening events like the one we'd just survived to sink in.

More than anything, I needed to be there for her.

When I walked out though, still drying my hair, she'd fallen asleep, curled in to a little ball.

I went out into the living room, double checking the locks on the door and turning off the lights before returning to the bedroom, where I left only the bathroom light on, in case Bella needed it later.

Not wanting to disturb her, I took a heavy blanket from the foot of the bed and covered her with it, but she woke up anyway, sitting straight up.

"Sorry, Bella. Go back to sleep." I said, lying down next to her and shutting my eyes.

The mattress shifted as she settled back down, and I opened my eyes after a moment to see if she'd fallen back asleep. She gazed back in the half-dark, reaching out to touch my hair, and I grabbed her wrist, wanting to maintain the contact. Bringing my body closer to hers, I leaned on my side, touching the long, dark waves in her hair.

A sense of… relief flowed through me. I wanted her to be awake. I didn't know when next I'd have her to myself and there were things I wanted to tell her.

"I love your hair," I admitted, and I did. I always had.

"It's a mess right now, I'm sure," she said, touching it.

I smiled down at her, my stomach tightening in desire for her. Her lips were just barely open, and I leaned down to kiss them, not wanting to resist anything anymore. I wanted to taste her again, and so I did, licking my tongue against hers, pleased when she responded to me. Shifting over, I eased in between her legs, wanting to be close, and she let me, her fingers rough and insistent in my hair.

This was a side to her I'd imagined but never seen, and it made me wickedly aroused. I wrapped one of her legs around me and she brought the other one up on her own, hugging me with her whole body. She pushed her hips up against me, rubbing my cock when she did. I groaned, pushing back so I could feel it again and again.

Her little gasps and moans were turning me on, making me want her in ways I knew she mightn't be ready for, but I wanted to make her feel good and I knew I could if she'd let me. I worried fleetingly that she trusted me so much, that she'd open herself this way to me, but then she whispered my name and all I could see and feel was her, then, there.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, sucking her earlobe.

"Mhm," she moaned, and I licked my way down her jaw to her neck and back up, kissing her and sucking along the way, loving her shudders below me.

Pushing away from her, I supported my weight on one hand and opened the button of her jeans with the other.

"You're good at that," she said, her hair long and messy, framing her face and falling around her shoulders. She was so bleedin' appealing and she didn't even try.

"I'm good at a lot of things," I assured her, a bit amused. I could just imagine her blushing in the darkness.

I pulled the jeans off and lay back down, pushing myself against her slower, harder, running my tongue along her lips and then into her mouth. Easing slightly on to my side, I grazed my fingers across her stomach and paused at her panties, looking at her.

"Is this okay?"

She nodded, pulling my face to hers, kissing me so sweetly. I ran my hand down her stomach, between her legs, and under her panties, sliding my fingers against the slick, wet skin there. Her eyes fluttered shut and she gasped, opening her legs even wider as I touched her, slowly and then quickly, her sounds and movements making me even harder. I didn't know how much more I could take; I felt like I was about to come in my feckin' pants.

She was close to coming, I could tell; her hips began moving quickly against my hand. I worked her harder, wanting to see her fall apart, wanting to watch her have what would probably be her first orgasm.

We kissed again and then she came, her body arching away from the bed, her head thrown back as she panted. "That felt good," she sighed, still holding on to me.

She sounded so innocent, all over again. I was struck by how receptive to me she was, how trusting, how wanting. If we continued down this path, I would be taking something from her that she'd meant to protect and keep until she was married. I was seducing her now, but she had to really want it.

I couldn't just take it.

Leaving little kisses against her neck, I eased off a bit. "What do you want to do, Bella?"

She stilled in the dark. "I want…to be with you."

"I want you. I want…" Lying on my back beside her, I flattened my hand across her stomach, touching the dips and curves of her ribs and belly button.

Suddenly Bella sat up, pulling the shirt she was wearing up over her head. She climbed onto me, her breasts warm against my chest, and started sucking on my neck the same way I'd done to her before.

Maybe she wasn't too forthcoming with her words, but she hadn't any issue communicating in other ways...

I rolled us over so I was on top of her and finally touched the nipples that had been taunting me for years. She was so soft, and smooth… made for me.

"I want to be inside you," I said, looking right at her.

She licked her lip and started pulling her panties off, and I helped her, my heart pounding heavily inside my chest. A voice insisted we slow it down, that I just talk to her… but I couldn't. Not now. Later.

We were going to do this. She was giving herself to me, and I did not – could not – take it lightly.

I was responsible for her now.

Once we were naked and beneath the blanket together I stretched over her, wanting to feel as much of her skin on mine as I could before we started. Once we joined together this way, we could never go back to how things were. I'd never be able to look at her again without thinking about this.

Sliding down her body, I took one of her nipples into my mouth, running my tongue over it, sucking. She moved continually beneath me, her hands soothing through my hair, her heart racing so fast I felt it against my chest. Coming back up, I opened her legs a little more with mine and guided my cock to her.

"Promise me you'll tell me if you want to stop," I said, beginning to push my way inside her.

"Okay," she whispered, tightening her arms around my shoulders.

I tried to go slow, but it seemed as if that was just prolonging her pain – and she was obviously in pain. She was tight, almost too tight, and I paused, tilting her hips up to a slightly more comfortable angle before entering her completely. She cried a little, her eyes squeezed shut, her nails embedded into my back. I kept moving, wanting to acclimate her body to the feeling of me inside of her, trusting, hoping, she'd tell me if it was too much. I watched her face carefully, willing her to relax.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, feeling like a real arsehole because she obviously wasn't.

But she nodded her head and opened her eyes, looking up at me. I lowered down to kiss her, and she kissed me back, her tongue tracing a drop of sweat on my neck.

That one thing, her licking me like that, pushed me over. I tightened inside, trying to control the thrusts so I didn't hurt her, but it was difficult to go slow when I just wanted to pound into her.

"I'm gonna, I'm gonna," I pressed my cheek against hers, incoherent with pleasure. She lifted her legs, putting them around me, and I eased back, my eyes closed as I rode it out.

_Oh, my God._

I emptied into her, knowing I should have worn a condom but also knowing I'd take care of her no matter what, and relaxed on to her. Not wanting to crush her, I started to ease off of her but she held on to me fiercely, not letting me move.

Soon, though, I had to move so I could clean myself, and her, up. I went to the bathroom, and brought a towel out for her, but she said she wanted to take another shower. I watched as she walked carefully to the bathroom, hoping she was okay.

Part of me was content and satiated and in awe of all that Bella was, but part of me worried she'd resent me. One thought kept running through the recesses of my mind: I should have talked to her. There wasn't anything I could do now, though – I couldn't go back, nor did I want to. Tomorrow. We had tomorrow.

I'd begun to doze off, utterly exhausted, when she crawled back into bed, once again wearing my shirt. She started to get under the blanket with me, but then stiffened, and I realized she was probably overwhelmed by what we'd just done.

I pulled her down to me, curling around her, wanting her to feel secure with me.

"Sleep," I said, pushing my face in her hair.

And she did.

I, however, was now wide awake, and more than once I went to the window in the front room to look through the crack in the curtains. My mind roiled with the thoughts of Flanagan's, the explosion, and then making love to Bella. I couldn't get my mind to shut down.

By the time I made it back to bed and started to finally doze, the room was starting to lighten and she was stirring.

As the hours passed she turned to face me, her shirt becoming twisted and pushed up around her body. I slid my hands underneath the fabric and inched lower, loving the way she smelled. I didn't want to leave that very spot, hadn't felt that way about a girl in quite some time.

I felt when she woke up, how her chin moved against the top of my head. I sucked her nipple into my mouth and she gasped and giggled, trying to get away. I just pulled us closer, pushing my leg up between hers, feeling her wetness against my thigh.

"Mmm, feels like you're ready for another go," I said, running my nose up and down her neck. She smacked playfully at me, but didn't let go, and I wondered what she was thinking.

The night before, she'd seemed nervous, almost distant.

I scooted up so I could look at her, touching my hand to her cheek.

"You're in a good mood," she commented, smiling shyly. She seemed all right now.

I had to keep in mind I'd been in more relationships than she had, that all of this was new to her. I'd sensed her doubting herself, doubting _me_, right before we'd gone to sleep the night before. I'd have to change that.

Her hand was on my hip, so I placed it on my erection instead. "I'm a morning person."

She rolled her eyes and moved her hand back to my hip, but I hitched her leg around my body and got closer, teasing her entrance with my dick, kissing her.

"Are you sore?" I asked.

"Yes," she breathed.

"Too sore?"

"No."

I held her open and guided myself inside. She winced, but held me closer too, breathing heavily.

I pushed her onto her back and held our bodies tight together, moving slowly.

"Your brother might kill me," I laughed breathlessly.

"But how will he know?" she asked, opening her eyes slowly to look at me.

Pausing, I positioned her leg so that it would be more comfortable for her. "You don't expect to keep this a secret, do you?"

She grinned, shaking her head. "I guess not."

She wanted to believe I would be true, and I wanted to her to believe it, too. "I know you're frightened Bella, but I will always take care of you." And I would. I couldn't leave her now.

Her eyes grew wet and she wiped roughly at her face. Leaning down, I kissed her eyelids.

"I promise."

"I know."

I was going to come soon, but I wanted to make sure she did first so I reached down between us and touched her, rubbing her clit as I pushed into her over and over. Her whole body clenched and then went lax, and she shuddered. "Always," she moaned, her eyes shut.

"Always," I agreed.


	29. Edward: Chapters 11 & 12

_This is the second of the EPOV chapters. Sorry it took so long; the third will be out by the time April is over._

_thank you Nicki, my betafish and partner in crime...you've got the certain something... thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited or alerted. i get excited every. single. time._

**_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Volition's plot belongs to me._**

* * *

Navigating methodically through the streets, I had to slow every now and then to let someone cut in front of me or allow a child to cross. Typically this was the busiest time of day, and had I been thinkin' I'd have gone a different route. But I hadn't been thinking so here Emmett and I were, caught up with every other eejit trying to get home during the late afternoon rush.

The thing about our job with the courier service was that it kept odd hours; sometimes we were done by noon but other days, like today, we were swamped with deliveries. Even errands of a more_… personal_ nature – the ones we fit in between official stops – had to be put on hold, which hadn't made me too happy. Now, instead of relaxing at home I'd be ironing out details with the boys 'till the wee hours of morning.

"You didn't want to stop for a pint, did ya?" I asked, turning on to a quieter street that housed one of the locals the boys frequented. In fact I saw Tyler outside right then, smoking.

Emmett shook his head, yawning for effect. "Not really. I'm feckin' exhausted."

"So am I," I agreed, honking the horn at Tyler as we passed. He lifted his hand in greeting, nodding toward the pub.

Glancing in the rearview mirror to make sure no one was behind me, I pulled to a stop, letting the engine idle.

Tyler flicked his fag into the gutter and trotted over, leaning into the window. "Howya?"

"Just got off the job, headin' home." I stifled a yawn. "You?"

"Just havin' a few jars." He glanced at Emmett, who looked ready to fall asleep sitting up. "Come in, I'll buy ya both a pint."

I shook my head. "Maybe later, we've things to do now. Safe house around nine, yeah?"

"Right." Tyler clapped the top of the car and disappeared back inside the pub.

We rode in silence the rest of the way. I was tired, but I was also in the mood to see Bella… I hoped she was home or maybe with my sister at our house. It had been a while since we'd _been together_ and she had to know I was itchin' for a ride. I smiled to myself; knowing Bella she was itchin' for one too. God, she was like no one else. Hopefully she'd plans to spend the night with Alice again soon, even though that shite was getting ridiculous, sneaking around in the dark. It was better than nothing at all though and I doubted it would take much to convince her.

Then again, Em and I were putting money down on that new flat in the Markets in a day or two. I could wait.

_No I can't._

_It's never enough. The sounds she makes, the way she holds on to me, the way she takes me…_

"Why's your Da's car here?" Emmett asked suddenly, startling me from my dirty thoughts.

Frowning, I pulled up to the curb and parked. Mum drove Da's car some days, so I had to assume she was here since Da was never out of the hospital around this time of day.

No sooner had we gotten in the door, Renee Swan came out of the kitchen with Mum and Alice, her face pinched and white. Something was very obviously wrong, and I felt my insides shudder as my adrenaline spiked.

"They took your sister," she said, grasping Emmett by his arms.

He froze. "Who did?"

It was like I'd been punched in the gut, and I knew what she was going to say before she even responded.

"The RUC… she and Mikey Newton were right out front on the path. Little Danny Crowley saw them cart her off," she said, her voice uneven.

"And they left Mikey?" I asked, trying to keep a straight head even though my heart was racing like a feckin freight train. It didn't matter this sort of thing happened time and time again; it was never good to be hauled off like that. Especially not for Bella. "Where's he now?"

"Danny said they beat his face," Alice said quietly, and I could see she'd been crying. "Because he tried to stop them."

Spinning around, I went to the door and wrenched it open, intent on going straight to Mikey's.

"Edward, wait. Let me go. You shouldn't be out there right now," Renee pleaded, holding my arm.

"Someone needs to talk to Mikey. We can't just sit around on our arses," I snapped, peering through the window.

"Edward!" My mother's voice cut sharply through the haze. "Cool your jets; the last thing we need is you acting the fool."

I ignored her, watching Danny Crowley and his little friends scamper past with their bikes outside. I could see the spot where they would have taken her, and imagining her fear at that moment made my blood run cold.

I'd no control in this situation. There wasn't a bleedin' thing I could do and it was making me crazy.

"When did this happen?" Emmett asked, slumped against the wall.

I'd a difficult time even looking at him. He, more than anyone, had always wanted to keep the girls as far from this shite as possible and now they were knee deep in it. It was hard not to feel like this was mainly my fault; the filthy gowls wouldn't have taken Bella had she not been so tied to me.

"Nearly two hours ago," Renee sighed, slipping a light coat on. "You're right. Edward. We should have gone to Mikey's. I just… I hoped she'd be back by now. I never…" she trailed off, shaking her head. "I'll be back."

She seemed remarkably calm and it occurred to me she'd probably been through this shite with Em and Bella's Da all the years he'd been involved with the Cause. Still, I knew she'd never imagined her daughter could have been affected. Again, I blamed myself.

I knew how this worked, and I should have warned Bella. I'd known not to tell her too much, but I'd never really explained why, or what could happen if she wasn't watchful. I should have told to be careful, to stay off the street. The RUC was known for this sort of thing; they knew we were harder to pin down so they went after the people we were closest to, to either draw us out or get information from the detainee.

Out the window, I watched Renee walk quickly up the path toward the Newton household. Her head was down and her shoulders hunched like she'd the weight of the world on her shoulders.

And in a way, she did.

***

"Have a bit of tea, Edward," Mum prompted, reaching for me as I passed. I'd been sort of wandering about the house since Renee had left, too antsy to sit. And I loved my mother, really I did, but why did the woman think tea would fix every-feckin-thing?

"No, I'm fine thanks," I said, trying not to be a pain in the hole. "How long's it been? D'you have the Newton's phone number, Emmett?"

"No," he called from somewhere inside the house.

The waiting was the worst. The not knowing.

Had Bella been taken by the local police things wouldn't have felt so dire, but the RUC were semi-military and their methods severely reflected that.

They could be doing anything to Bella right now, interrogating her, intimidating her… touching her.

My stomach churned violently. God, if they did anything to her I would lose it.

Even without sexual abuse there were awful things they could be doing to her to get her to talk, and it wouldn't matter if she pled ignorance. I'd talked to guys who'd been forced to stand naked against the wall for hours and hours 'till their muscles had cramped, sometimes with hoods on their heads to make breathing difficult. Others had been practically starved, given the scarcest amounts of food and water for days at a time.

The longer Bella was held the more possible these things became. Granted, she wasn't directly involved, but the officers holding her didn't know that for sure. And even if they did know it, they were the ones in control. In their minds she likely had the one thing they wanted: information.

I didn't know what I would do with myself if Bella was returned to me broken because of things I had done. It would be simple enough to exact revenge the only way I knew how: by blowing their piece of shite buildings to bits or pickin' them off one by one. It wouldn't change what had happened though.

In the end, the only one I had to blame was me.

***

Pacing about wasn't helping.

Well, nothing helped, but walking around and seeing things that belonged to Bella – her boots, her jacket – certainly made things worse. Alice sat beside me, laying her head on my shoulder as she wiped her hand across her face.

"Okay?" I whispered, wrapping my arm around her.

"Yeah," she said, shrugging. "I'm frightened for her, you know? I can't believe how easy it was for them to just snatch her of the street like that. They- they might as well have kidnapped her."

"I know, and it happens all the time," I said, knowing it was true and hating it.

Alice sniffled, wiping her face again and I drew her even closer, guiltier still that this wasn't just affecting Bella, or even me, but every one of us. Alice and Bella had been friends before they could walk. I loved Bella, but my sister loved her too, very much so.

And thinking about siblings, Emmett had shut himself in his room soon after his mother had left. I could only imagine what he was going through – he'd always been wickedly protective over his sister. He'd had such reservations about me getting involved with Bella from the beginning. At the time he'd said it was because of how I dealt with girls, but now I had to wonder if it was also because of our involvement with the cause.

Any and every which way I looked at it, this whole mess fell on me.

It wasn't Alice they'd taken, it was Bella. Because they'd been watching and they knew the most effective way to me was through her.

Eventually Renee returned with Charlie right behind her; he must have just gotten home from the docks.

I'd never seen him as angry as he was just then; his face was bright red and his hands were shaking as he walked in, slamming the door. Renee had obviously briefed him before coming into the house.

He was livid.

"I'll go down to the feckin' station myself, so I will," he snarled, storming past us and going straight upstairs.

"Charlie," Renee called, racing after him.

I didn't know if he was going to go or not, but I wasn't going to be able to sit around too much longer. Feeling useless was not something I was used to; there had to be _something _I could do, seeing I was the reason she was locked up in the first place_._

Emmett had been on his way down when the commotion occurred; he paused on the stairs, looking between us and his parents.

"What was that? What's he on about?"

"What d'you think?" I said.

Em shook his head, descending the rest of the way slowly. "I mean what's he think he's doing? He looks off his nut racin' about like that."

Alice snorted, covering her mouth as she looked up at me, and that made me smile a bit. Emmett came to stand beside me, drumming his fingers anxiously on the banister.

"I don't know if I can deal with this," he said suddenly.

"We don't have a choice," I said, squeezing Alice's hand before moving away from her. "And if we have to take matters into our own hands, we will."

"I knew this was going to happen you know. It's why I tell Rosie – stay inside – act like you don't know me. It isn't worth the risk." He scrubbed his hand over his face, his pain evident. "God, ever since we were small, Bella's been my responsibility. I should have been there…"

"How d'you think I feckin' feel?" I whispered harshly, not wanting Alice to hear. "You know _I'm_ really why they took her, Emmett. All this shite comes right back on me – I should never have let her get so close."

He didn't disagree.

"I can't… I can't let this happen again," I said, feeling slightly sick to my stomach.

No matter what I did now she was going to get hurt.

"It's probably too late for that, Edward," Emmett said. "What's done is done. Things are going to have to be different now; we can't let any of them out alone."

For the first time in my life, I'd serious thoughts about leaving Belfast. Maybe not now, maybe not for awhile, but eventually. If they could take Bella from in front of her own house, anything was possible.

***

By the time Charlie came back downstairs he'd calmed down a bit. He went silently into the kitchen, probably to get a drink, and I noticed as he walked away he'd his .442 Webley tucked into his waistband.

I'd settled onto the very last step, unsure of what to do with myself. Every part of me screamed to do something, anything – to figure out a way to get Bella – but I didn't even know where she was. There were a few RUC stations in town, if that's where they were keeping her.

Besides, acting on that impulse would land me just where they wanted me.

I was ready to ram my fist into the wall.

Renee came down soon after Charlie.

"How's Mikey?" Alice asked, blowing on a cup of tea my mother had convinced her to take.

"He'll be okay… looks awful though. They don't know if it's broken but it's all bruised and swollen, so it is. So sad. His Mum really went through it with his Da and now this."

"Danny said they just knocked him down for no real reason," Alice said, as if she couldn't wrap her mind around such a thing.

"They never have a reason," I grunted, glaring at the floor. "Mikey's lucky they didn't clatter him unconscious."

"Anyway," Renee continued, resting a hand on my shoulder. "Mikey's Mum did have an idea… I don't know how effective it'll be but it's worth a try."

Charlie reemerged from the kitchen, folding his arms as he leaned in the doorway.

"The priests vouch for people sometimes… they've done it for years. Maybe Father Harrington at St. Mary's will do it for us. For Bella," she explained.

"It's worth a try, love," my mother said. "I can go with you if you'd like."

Renee shook her head. "No, it's better I go alone."

"No, it's not. I'll go with you," Charlie said obstinately. He looked like I felt.

"I said I'll go alone!" Renee snapped. She snatched her purse up and turned to Charlie. "Keys, please."

And all we could do, again, was wait – and pray that one of the priests would be able to help. Because if they couldn't, it could be hours more, even days, before we saw Bella. The thought of her stuck in a dank, tiny cell, or being mercilessly harassed by RUC officers turned me inside out and for a moment I very nearly hated myself.

It should have been me.

***

Soon after Renee left, Alice took up residence beside the window.

I stayed right where I was, not wanting to get my hopes up. I needed to figure out what course of action I'd be taking if Renee returned home empty handed.

After what seemed like an eternity my sister jolted to her feet, gasping.

"Oh, God, she's got her!" she cried, practically ripping the door form its hinges in her rush to get outside.

I'd have thought that getting Bella back would have eased my desperation, but it only tightened the knot deeper. Suddenly I was enraged, to the point where I didn't know if I could even talk to her. I wasn't sure I could handle the account of her detainment if it got really bad.

"I don't believe it actually worked," Emmett murmured, walking slowly to the window. "Jaysus, who'd have thought?"

I had to commend him for keeping a cool head throughout the ordeal. I felt like I needed a drink.

The minute she came through the door I wanted to just grab her and leave, to go far away. I would have done it for her, either right then or in the very near future. I wanted her as removed from this shite as she could possibly get. I'd been a fool to think I could lead a battalion and be committed to someone the way I was to her. Maybe some could do it – guys like James – but Bella wasn't like Victoria. She supported the cause but she didn't participate.

At least, she hadn't meant to. Today had changed everything.

Amidst the carry-on, my mother's hovering and Alice's chattering and Charlie's effin' and blindin', our eyes met and I got to my feet, recognizing the instinctive urge to just _hold her_.

It was apparent she'd been crying; her face was still wet, her hair loose and tangled looking. Running my eyes down the rest of her, I looked to see if she'd any bruises and was relieved when I didn't find any.

She came to me and I brought her close, kissing her face and smelling her hair, gripping her as tightly as I could without hurting her.

I loved her. I'd told her I loved her but seeing her right then, having her back when I thought she could be gone, I knew I loved her more deeply than I'd realized. I'd have done anything for her, even things neither of us wanted, to keep her safe.

When I opened my eyes, everyone had left the room, as if they'd understood our need to be alone.

It did, after all, boil down to the two of us. I was the cause, and she been affected.

The thought renewed my anger and I tried to swallow it down, not wanting to upset her.

She was shaking a little and I leaned back, wanted to look at her properly.

"Edward," she said, touching the back of my neck. Her eyes were full of questions, concerns…as if I were the one who needed to be comforted.

"No," I said, failing to keep my feelings hidden. "For fook's sake, you did _nothing wrong, _Bella! They'd no right-" I stopped, not wanting to even talk about it, taking deep breaths to calm myself.

Yes, the bastards had gone too far. It hadn't been personal before, not really, but now it feckin' was.

She hugged me again.

"I didn't tell them a thing," she said.

"I know that, Bella. I know."

"They didn't believe me though; I can't believe they released me…"

Her voice just made me feel worse. "I'm so sorry…"

"I know, Edward, it's fine. It's over now…"

"It won't happen again," I promised.

"I know."

She'd always trusted me too much. All I could do now try to be worthy of it.

"We won't let you or Alice alone from now on," I told her.

"Fine, just promise me you won't do anything stupid," she said, but I barely heard her.

I'd calls to make, people to see.

Renee had made dinner and the smells coming from the kitchen made me realize how hungry I was. Bella went upstairs to clean herself up a bit and I joined everyone else at the table. They seemed to be doing a grand job of pretending everything was fine now, and I supposed they were doing it for Bella but I just couldn't yet.

I was relieved, of course. But I was pissed off.

Charlie shot me a look as I sat down. "You'd do well to leave it be, Edward. Just stop it."

I nodded, knowing he'd been through this sort of thing before, but his words went in one ear and out the other. Bella came back downstairs and we said grace, and then began eating. I felt like I was floating about the edges of things, not really hearing the conversations around me. Bella kept her hand on me knee, grounding me to an extent, and I loved her for it.

I loved her, but I didn't deserve her.

After dinner and a drink of Jameson's that did, thankfully, calm me a bit, I followed Bella upstairs, intent on talking to her now that we were alone.

Standing in the doorway, I watched her move tiredly around her room, taking her shoes off and gathering her nightgown in her arms.

"Are you going to be alright?" I asked.

"Are you?" She said, almost jauntily.

"Bella," I groaned, going to her. I just wasn't in the mood.

She shrugged and joined me, folding her body into mine. "I'm okay. Just really bloody tired, and I've two exams tomorrow."

"I hate this; you shouldn't be dealing with this," I blurted.

She closed her eyes and then opened them slowly, her previous light heartedness gone.

"I've made my peace with it for the most part, Edward. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. We can't go back now, can we?"

She made it sound so easy.

It made me sick to say it, but I had to put it out there. "Are you…sure that this is what you want? I don't want to keep you from getting what you want out of life."

She recoiled slightly. "You are what I want."

I shook my head, wanting her to listen to what I was saying before giving me an answer. This was serious; it had always been but today had upped the ante. Her future – and safety – depended on the decisions she was making right now.

"I just don't want your plans to get all banjaxed because you're running around with me. You were getting along fine before."

Her eyes got shiny and wet, like I'd just slapped her. But before I could react she took a step forward and yanked my arms down from in front of me.

"Don't do that," she growled at me; I'd never heard her so cheesed off."Don't be a fecking martyr, not for me. I made my decision years before you made yours, so save the desperate shite."

She watched me dead in the eye and then pushed past me. I didn't like her walking away from me like that so I caught her arm and held her still, digesting what she'd just said.

She was right. She'd chosen me.

And I'd choose her every time.

"Alright," I said.

"Alright what?" Her voice was quiet, and I knew I'd stung her with my questioning.

"Alright, nothing changes. I don't want to hurt you, is all." I touched her hair, tucking it behind her ear.

"The only way you could really hurt me is by leaving me," she said.

Her honesty astounded me, and I wondered if she realized how brave she really was.

I tugged her close, needing to kiss her. "I won't leave you."

And I wouldn't, for as long as she would have me.

***

Leaving Bella that night wasn't easy, but I was much too restless to sit still. After promising her that I'd be by in the morning with Alice to give them both a ride to school Em and I rode past the pub to see if any of the boys were still hanging about.

At half past ten the streets were near deserted so we headed for the safe house instead. That's where we'd agreed to meet anyway, and I hoped they'd still be there even though I was an hour and a half late.

They were. Tyler, Deklan and Seamus were all inside, playing cards when we arrived.

"I was about to go home," Deklan said dryly, tossing his cards onto the table. "Everything okay?"

"Not really. The feckin' RUC arrested my sister today," Emmett said, stalking over to the fridge to get himself a Harp's.

"Jaysus, she still in there?" Tyler asked, gaping.

"Nah, we'd a priest get her out," I said, opening a beer of my own.

"Aye, didn't think that actually happened anymore," he said, shaking his head. "Priests intervening and all that..."

"Yeah, and ya should've seen what the bastards did to Mikey Newton's nose, probably broke it so they did," Emmett said.

"Anyway, listen. We've things to go over. There's been a change in plans," I said, dropping into a chair.

Seamus leaned back, clasping his fingers over his belly. "November?"

Bella was at home, safe. I was back in control, and oddly calm considering the events of the day.

Calm, but not content. Not at all.

"Yeah. November."


	30. Edward: Chapters 20 & 22

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

_Many thanks to my beta, Nic. i can't even describe how thankful i am for your friendship, encouragement, and late night tomfoolery. :) I really do adore you. Thanks to everyone who ever gave this story a chance; i know its content and events are not the easiest to read. The reviews and PMs I've gotten have been incredible and I love and appreciate them, hold them close to my heart._

_This is the 3rd and final EPOV chapter, and therefore the very very end of Volition. _

_xoxo_

* * *

If I concentrated hard enough, I could still feel the ground reverberating beneath my feet.

The last bomb had gone off three minutes before – Em and I'd heard the explosion as we'd left the vicinity of Donegall Road. My group of twelve had split up soon after disseminating the explosives earlier, and, if they'd followed directions, were now far from downtown too.

A glance in the review mirror revealed a dirty grey cloud of smoke, rising from what used to be a garage. All in all, the day had been a success – fifteen explosions in a little over an hour – major structural damage, minimal loss of life.

At least, that had been the idea. I'd alerted the local media of our plans, suggesting they might want to go ahead and warn the authorities so people could be evacuated. What the bastards did with the information was up to them. This was the way the PIRA operated, the way I'd been told to do things. No one could ever say they hadn't been given fair warning, now could they?

Emmett patted his pockets, looking for his cigarettes. Wordlessly, I held out my hand for one, grateful for the distraction.

My feckin hands wouldn't stop shaking. It had been this way in Derry, right after we'd lost Pat. It was hard for me to be involved now without thinking of him and how his fate could be that of Em or Seamus or Tyler. Or me.

I'd been on autopilot all morning and afternoon. We all had; going through the motions like a fine tuned machine. We'd been preparing for this day for months, right up until this very morning, when the boys had delivered the suitcases and driven the car bombs to their respective locations.

The entire day had gone so smoothly it was almost beautiful.

I should've felt relief and satisfaction. We'd done what we'd been told to do, what we ourselves had worked on painstakingly. Most importantly we'd made a point. There was only so much failed negotiation and broken promises we could deal with and if the British government wanted to ignore what had been discussed with the IRA in private, then we could force them to pay attention, in a very public manner.

But instead my stomach was churning; I was tired and ready to get as far from home as I could. I'd known going into this particular operation that it would be my last, whether from arrest, absconding or death.

I couldn't wait to get Bella and leave; by the tense way Em was sitting, I knew he was thinkin' the same. It was even worse for him because Rose was pregnant. He'd even more riding on a prompt and secure escape than I did.

The fag was finished in minutes – I sucked the very life from it, not even realizing how heavily I'd been pulling on it.

"Here," Em handed me another, already lit, as I flicked the last one out the window.

Emergency vehicles and RUC trucks flew past every few seconds, all headed toward where we'd just come from. My gut twisted, knowing we'd been the cause of the current mayhem in the city. It was hard living this way, my instincts and beliefs so often at odds with themselves.

I knew what I was doing, though, and I'd known when we'd first joined. It had started out with a well intentioned desire for social change. I didn't want my sons and daughters growing up the way I did, the way my Da and Charlie grew up – with peace lines and police brutality, unfairness and sectarianism so prevalent in the government.

There was a fire in me that wouldn't let me sit aside and watch others fight without me. Before I could convince myself out of it I'd stepped up, hungry to help. Em had wanted the same things I had, and refused to let me go alone. What one did, so the other.

But now I'd seen both sides of this war, how it started in the street and bled into the hospital. Charlie Swan had gone before us, paying his dues before any of us had been born. And there was my father, who'd helped countless people, police and civilian, Catholic and Protestant.

The radical in me wanted to smack the authorities into listening; the healer in me yearned to help, not harm.

Pulling up in front of Emmett and Bella's childhood home, I blinked, realizing I'd made the drive in a daze. Yanking my hat off, I tossed it into the backseat and got out of the car, following Em to the front door.

There was a piece of paper taped to it.

"That's not good," said Emmett, snatching it down to read it.

"What's it say?" I asked, peering at it from over his shoulder. It was a note from Bella.

_E –_

_Went to R.V hospital with Mum, Alice and Rose._

_B_

Frowning, I looked back at Emmett. "You think it's Rose?"

He shrugged, looking troubled. "She's the only one who might need a doctor, don't you think?"

While that made sense, I couldn't help but think about Bella and possible retaliation by RUC officers. Anything was possible lately. I fished Bella's key out of my pocket and opened the door. "Well, we're already here so I'm running upstairs to get some of Bella's things. I want to get out of town as soon as possible."

Bella's room wasn't messy but her bed was, making me think of the night before and how I'd loved her in it. I wanted that again, but we needed to leave first. There was a large duffel bag right at the end of the bed and I unzipped it, relieved to find she'd listened and packed early. That made it a lot easier for me. I swung the bag over my shoulder and took a last look around, wondering if there was anything else she'd need.

It didn't matter. I'd get her whatever she needed

The house was too empty and quiet as I came back down.

_How long have they been gone?_

Em emerged from the bathroom just then, his face marred by worry. "I just don't feel good about it. The hospital's always a bad thing…especially today of all days."

Wanting to do more acting and less talking, I walked impatiently to the door. "Well, come on then. Let's head over."

If I'd thought the streets were bad when we'd come up the first time, they were heavin' now.

The hospital was even worse.

Besides the parking lot being near filled to capacity, ambulances were coming through every few minutes. I trailed behind Em, locating a payphone in the lobby while he went to the information desk.

I took a quick look around and then dialed a number I knew by memory.

"Yeah."

"Deklan?" It sounded like him, but it was loud where both he and I were.

"Edward… everything fine?"

"Yeah. You okay?"

"Yeah. Ready?"

"Go ahead."

He gave me the rundown of what had happened with the areas he'd been assigned as well as those nearest him, even giving me his estimates of injuries…and deaths. He was methodical, almost clinical in his approach and I knew he'd be a good candidate for taking my place when I left. I'd been that way once, but I aged in the two years I'd been serving within the Belfast brigades, becoming too thoughtful about things instead of growing harder.

You didn't want to be caught _thinking _when you were out there. You could get killed when you weren't paying attention.

It was one thing to be willing to die for something, quite another to have something you wanted to live for. In my case, the latter had completely transcended the former and her name was Bella.

"Rose!" I heard Emmett yell suddenly, his voice carrying above the bedlam. I looked over, relieved to see Rose hurrying to him. She seemed fine.

Deklan was still talking, voice a low drone. "A couple of the boys have gone south till things blow over a bit, but for the most part we're just layin' low around here. You heading out tonight?"

"Nah, today. Soon. I'm picking up Bella now."

"D'you know how long for?"

Closing my eyes, I propped my arm against the wall to rest my forehead on it. "I don't know. They'll know I was involved… it's going to be awhile before I can show my face."

"Trust me, I know."

I glanced back over my shoulder, reassured when I saw Bella standing off to the side a bit, her eyes trained on me.

"Listen, I've to go now. I'll ring you when I have more information," I said, straightening up.

"All right then."

We hung up and I pushed away from the wall, antsy and on edge. We'd done big things today, majorly significant, terrible things we couldn't undo, things I'd see forever in my mind. Because of this, Belfast had never been as dangerous for us as it was right then, and as the activity within the hospital escalated I could feel myself becoming anxious.

But there was Bella. Sane and calm and beautiful, waiting for me.

I pulled her close once she was within arm's reach. "I'm done, Bella."

"What do you mean?" she asked, kissing my chin and then leaning back to really look at me.

She was obviously concerned by what she saw and the same thoughts that had plagued me since I started seeing her began to surface. I wasn't good for her, not really. She was always afraid, for me, for herself. She'd told me she wanted to be with me, but was taking her away from her family really the right thing to do? I could say I was doing it to protect her but really, she'd be just as safe with her father. I just wanted to_ be_ with her. I loved her and she loved me, supported me, and that wasn't something I wanted to lose.

Her eyes were steady on me now. I'd never loved anyone the way I loved her.

"Are you sure you want to go with me?" I asked, feeling my hands tremble a bit against her back.

She nodded quickly. That was it.

"Then say goodbye to your Mum."

Bella blinked slowly, breaking eye contact. "Are we stopping at my house? I've a bag packed, I just need to get it and we can go."

Again, I was relieved she'd taken me seriously and packed ahead of time. Her trust was so implicit and it made me love her even more.

"I have it," I said, nodding toward the parking lot. "I saw it in your room when we went to get you and Rose, only you weren't there…"

"Oh."

"You listened," I said, wanting her to look at me again. "You were ready."

"I've been ready," she said, her words echoing my thoughts.

If I hadn't known it before I knew it for certain just then: I was going to marry her, and sooner than later.

My eyes fell on the others. It was time to say goodbye. The longer we stayed, the more dangerous our situation became. "We have to go," I said, squeezing Bella's hand.

After Bella and Alice said their goodbyes, Bella went to her mother while I stayed with my sister. She gazed up at me, not even trying to hide the fact she was crying.

"I hate this," she said in a shaky voice. "I feel like I'm losing everything all at once."

I'd nothing to say to that really; in some ways I felt I was losing everything too. It was times like these that I had to remind myself why I'd done the things I'd done.

Instead of offering her some hackneyed shite, I pulled her closer for a hug. "Promise me you'll keep safe. Stay in the house if you have to. Leave with Jasper if you must."

"I know, I will!" she gasped, her hold on me tightening.

We hadn't felt close lately, and I knew it was largely a result of my doing things she didn't agree with. But right then none of that mattered. I knew we'd be fine, within time.

Renee called me over.

She gave me the once over. "Ya know we love you like our own, but Charlie's not going to like you shackin' up with his daughter. I know this out of necessity, but make it right," she said, her embrace belying how she really felt.

As if I didn't already feel like shite about stealing Bella. Still, she was right. I was essentially taking her daughter away the way a man should when he's marrying that daughter.

Suddenly I was glad Charlie wasn't at the hospital.

"I'll take proper care of her," I promised, not knowing how else to respond. "We'll call along the way."

I gave Em a quick nod as we headed toward the front. This was it. They'd meet us later at an inn in Slago, just south of the border.

Taking Bella's hand, I walked out of this hospital, glad to leave its dim, noisy interior. Besides the ambulance that had just pulled up, it was remarkably quiet outside.

I looked down at Bella, feeling really feckin' lucky she was coming with me. It was like I could do anything as long as she was with me. She turned her face to me when we got to the Landrover and I went to kiss her, missing her taste.

A single shot rang out. I heard it, but I felt its near incapacitating burn searing through my left arm more. Stunned, I stumbled into Bella, and then, as I realized what was happening, pushed her down right as two more bullets tore into me. The pain from the first was severe enough that the second two barely hurt, but I knew Bella had been hit too and that hurt worst of all.

I fell on top of her, desperate to cover her body with mine. "Bella."

She looked terrified, crying and saying my name over and over, her hands gripping my shoulders.

_Oh, God_.

The pain was intense. The fight was on now… shots coming from all over… by now Em and maybe Seamus and Donal were involved…no one else... I couldn't handle that now…

Bella's hands in my hair. Her voice.

Seamus was next to me, touching my body, asking where it hurt.

Emmett.

It was so bloody cold.

* * *

The pain in my arm and shoulder was feckin awful enough to both keep me awake and make me wish I wasn't. It hurt so bad I almost wanted to vomit. Worse than all that was Bella. I thought she was okay, at least... I hoped. I knew she'd been shot; I'd felt the impact when the bullet had hit her, but I didn't know where or how badly.

Other than saying simply that Bella was fine, the emergency room team hadn't any answers. But, they did work quickly and efficiently, managing to retrieve one bullet out of my arm and another from my shoulder. There was a mark from where a third had grazed me.

My father didn't work in that part of the hospital but as soon as I was brought in he was there, shouting orders and being a pain in the hole. He wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise and I could tell he was pissed beyond reason. He'd always been afraid this day would come and now here it was.

Once I was cleaned, bandaged and medicated, I was brought to a small room to recover. Da wasn't having any of that, though. He swept in carrying a large leather bag.

"We're leavin' now, Edward. It isn't safe for you to stay – for all we know those boys are right outside, waitin'."

"Where's Bella? Is she okay? No one will give me any fookin' answers…"

"She's going to be fine, just a bullet graze to the arm and a mild concussion – "

"What?" I sat up, ignoring the stiffness and throbbing in my arm.

"She hit her head when she fell," he explained, draping my jacket over my shoulders.

I lay back against the pillows, realization hitting me in the worst way. "She didn't fall, Da, I pushed her."

"A minor concussion's better than a fatal bullet wound," he sighed, as if that should alleviate my guilt. It didn't.

Mum and Alice burst into the room. "Is he – Edward! How do you feel?"

"Like shite," I moaned. "Where's Bella? Is she – where am I? Are we on the same floor?"

"Y'are, but she…she's not awake," my mother said quietly, coming to stand next to my bed.

I looked back and forth between my parents. "What d'you mean she's not awake? You said it was minor!"

Da grimaced. "It _is_ minor; this is normal – "

"Alice," I said, cutting him off. "Have you seen her yet? Is she okay?"

She nodded, sniffling. "They said she'll be fine…"

"They said or you saw? If she's still out it doesn't sound like she's feckin' fine to me."

"Jaysus, Edward, dry up," Da finally said, scowling. "Everyone's doing the best they can do. Now get up, we need to go."

The thought of leaving Bella behind sickened me, and I immediately began racking my brain on how I could bring her – if not with me now, then with someone else as soon as possible.

Alice leaned down and hugged me, pressing her face into my neck. "I was so scared, Edward. I'm so glad you're fine."

"I am, but she's not. Tell her… tell Bella I didn't want to leave her." I squeezed her tightly and let her go, my eyes burning.

"It'll be okay," she said, reaching out and wiping my face. "She'll understand."

But that wasn't the point.

I'd failed at the single most important mission I'd ever taken on – to take care of Bella. And now I was practically abandoning her.

* * *

After Da had given me more pain pills, I said goodbye to my mother and Alice. Flanked by Seamus and Donal, we went out to the car, where I gave them money and explicit instructions on what to do with Bella once I called them from Cork. They weren't to leave the hospital unless someone else could relieve them.

Night had fallen and I slept a lot in the car, completely bushed from the medication and the events of the day. Da took all the back roads, not wanting to run into trouble with any sorts of border control or whatever they were calling it, and then hit the main road once we were safely south.

We stopped only to piss and get food, reaching Cork City just past midnight. My father's Aunt Vera had been expecting us but she'd fallen asleep, so it took her awhile to get to the door.

I hadn't seen her since I was maybe fifteen, but she hadn't changed a bit. She doted on me, giving me whiskey while Da changed the dressing on my wounds.

It was easier to sleep then, in a bed and slightly drunk. I hoped Bella was awake by this point, and that she understood why I'd had to leave.

* * *

"Come on, eat up. You mustn't waste," Aunt Vera said, pushing more food onto my plate. She was insatiable, always cooking and eating and complaining that I was too skinny.

"I'm all right, thanks," I said, yawning. "I'd like to go out for a bit."

She gave me a look. "To do what?"

"Aunt Vera, I've been inside for days. I want to walk around a bit, see…"

"Oh, no. Don't think I don't know what you're going lookin' fer. I wasn't born yesterday," she scoffed.

"What's that?"

"You need to stay here and heal, not run about lookin' for some tart with –"

"I'm not looking for that here," I said, laughing a bit. I supposed I couldn't blame her; the last time she'd seen me I'd been much younger and absolutely girl crazy. "I've a girl back home."

Her face brightened. "Do ya now? Tell me all about her!"

"Her name's Bella…"

Since Da had left, I'd spent the past few days keeping in touch with Em, who was with Rose at the inn in Sligo, and Seamus and Deklan back in Belfast. As soon as Bella was cleared to leave the hospital, I wanted her to come to me.

I hated that the last time I'd seen her we'd both been laying on the cold ground, shivering, bleeding, terrified. I hated even more that I'd left her behind; I felt like I'd broken a promise to her, somehow.

Deklan finally called with the news that Bella could leave the hospital. Poor guy was probably even happier than I was. I hadn't exactly been patient, calling him and the others several times a day to see if anything had changed. We made plans for him to go with Donal later on in the evening to pick Bella up and drive her down to Emmett.

Aunt Vera looked the cat who'd swallowed the canary when I'd finished my story about Bella.

"I've just the thing for ya. She's the one, is she?"

"She is, yeah."

"You just sit there then," she said, pushing herself up from the table. She returned a few minutes later with a little velvet pouch, which she handed to me. "It was my grandmothers, then mine. Now it's yours to give to the girl you want to marry".

I emptied the little gold ring out onto my hand, marveling at how pristine it was despite its age. It was a Claddagh with a diamond embedded in it, and perfect for Bella.

"This is really grand," I said, reaching over to hug my aunt. It surprised me that she took my word so seriously, that she seemed to trust my feelings for Bella. "She'll love this."

"If she loves you the ring won't matter."

"Maybe, but she'll love the ring, too."

I slipped the ring back into its pouch and put it deep in to my pocket, where it would stay until I could get Bella alone.

* * *

I arrived at Kent station nearly twenty minutes early the next day, wanting to make sure I was there when the train pulled up. My arm was still in a sling, which made movement a little harder, but I was managing. The train arrived right on schedule. I stared at every face that got off, anxious every time I saw long brown hair.

And then I saw her, eyes roving the station, searching. I waited until she caught sight of me and then waved, warming when I saw her smile just for me.

She tucked herself into me and I buried my face in her hair, loving her smell, her look, her feel.

It had been hard to leave Belfast and I'd begun missing it. Missing my parents and the streets I knew like the back of my own hand. But most of all I'd been missing Bella, wanting the distance between us to be gone.

Now we were together, and it didn't matter where we were. She was with me, and that was home.

* * *

_This is based very loosely on Bloody Friday, which took place in the summer of 1972. For the purposes of the timeline in this story, I respectfully changed a few things._

_lastly, i keep forgetting to mention that I'm participating in the next Fandom Gives Back auction. so, when the time comes, i'll be there. :)_


	31. Volition May 1981 FGB Outtake

All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Volition's plot belongs to me.

thanks to the lovely ladies of Team Irishward (the name never ceases to amuse me, ha) for allowing me to share this with everyone. lots of love.

* * *

**May 1981**

_**Edward**_

_**

* * *

**_

The television intoned softly behind me. I wasn't really listening to it, but having it on had become a habit. Bella didn't like it as much – she said she'd enough noise with children running about.

I loosened the knot I'd just made in my tie and tried again. You'd think after all these years I'd be good at this shite, but no. I still preferred having my wife do it. But she was busy so I was on my own this morning.

A familiar name caught my attention and I glanced back at the screen, stilling my movements.

Bobby Sands.

I let go of my tie and sank on to the unmade bed, feeling as if the breath had been knocked from me.

It was an old, overwhelming feeling, one that reminded me of a long time ago. Didn't matter I'd been gone for a decade… _it_ never left _me._

Bobby Sands had died a few days before. It was all over the television, which surprised me some; American reactions toward the hunger strikes back home were divided and not always sympathetic. At least, that's how it felt. I supposed cities with larger Irish populations like Boston and New York were mourning just fine but sometimes Seattle felt like the edge of the feckin' world in that regard.

I couldn't believe it, only I could.

The hunger strikes had been going on for awhile. I'd known it would end badly – we all had – but seeing it plain as day like that broke my heart. Bobby had been just twenty seven, hardly younger than me.

Pictures of him and Long Kesh, the prison where he'd been incarcerated, flashed across the screen.

He'd died for nothing. He'd died for everything.

Yeah, times like this I was back in Belfast as if I'd never left. No time had passed. But it was also times like this I remembered _exactly _why I'd left. While a part of me would always feel that burn to _do _something, I could accept that I'd done my part for my country. I had different struggles now, familial obligations.

Grace appeared in the doorway, the ribbons in her hair the same blue as her dress. "Daddy?"

Tearing my eyes from the screen I focused on my eldest daughter, trying to swallow back the lump in my throat.

"Mom's freaking out because she can't find the keys to the Chevy."

"What does she bleedin' need them for?" I asked, exasperated. We didn't even drive that car anymore.

"So Gran and Gramps can drive it to church," Grace sighed, looking just like her mother with her big brown eyes and her long dark hair. I wouldn't let her cut it.

"I'll be right down," I promised.

"We're gonna be late." She folded her arms, not leaving.

And I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want to be alone in the bedroom, thinking about Bobby and the never feckin' ending conflict.

So I stood up, turning the telly off.

I pulled Grace's ribbon, teasing her, as we walked down the stairs together.

"Dad," she groaned, hurrying the ribbon back into a bow. She was such a girly girl, much more so than I remembered her mum being around that age.

Bella was half tearing the kitchen apart, looking for something as one of the twins clung to her. She looked like she was about to cry. "Where's my purse?"

"I saw it on the stairs," I said, snatching Gemma from her mother's leg.

Bella half ran from the room and I turned to Renee, who was waiting with Charlie by the door. "We can take the twins," she offered, gesturing toward Gemma. "Where's Molly?"

"I'll find her," I said, handing the child in my arms off to her grandmother. "Charlie, the keys to the Chevy are hangin' by the garage door. The red key chain."

"Right-o." He nodded and left with Renee and Gemma, probably glad to be escaping the insanity. I spun around, nearly colliding with Bella as she came back into the room with her bag.

I grasped her arms, kissing her forehead before releasing her. "Where's Molly?"

"I don't know… the stairs maybe?"

As Bella had suggested, I found Molly beneath the stairs and rushed her outside to where Charlie and Renee were idling on the curb.

"Thanks, Renee. We're right behind you, yeah?"

She smiled, shaking her head as they pulled away.

You'd think by baptism number five we'd be old pros.

Frankly, it had only gotten worse.

* * *

Jack had come first.

For awhile it was just me and Bella and the baby, living in a tiny flat while I worked through med school. Those were simple times. We'd had a rough time of it, sometimes having very little to work with, but we'd managed. If my Da could do it when he'd been young then so could I.

But it's not like it was a bad period for us. Some of my favorite memories were of that flat, spending Saturday mornings in bed with baby Jack between us.

Grace was born a year later, and the twins a few years after that.

I couldn't count how many times we'd moved. Bella probably could; she'd always been the one packing our shite while I was at work. Our homes tended to reflect both my income and how many little ones we had at the moment. When we found out Bella was pregnant with number five, we knew we'd outgrown our starter home.

Bella and Rose had found the house while driving around Madison Park one day. I'd have gone anywhere Bella wanted, really, but she'd insisted I take a tour the next time I had time. We took the tour together and watching Bella's reactions to things made me want it as much as she did. By the time she was in her third trimester we'd closed on the house.

Anthony James was born several months later.

We'd given him my middle name as well as the name of a fallen friend. James had passed away several years before in prison. I'd found out from Seamus, years after leaving Belfast, that James was one of the reasons Bella and I had been able to leave undetected. I owed my freedom to him and not a day went by that I didn't think of him.

"Edward?" Bella was at my side, slipping her arm though mine. "We're late."

"We're always late," I reminded her. "It's practically tradition."

"Tradition I can do without," she murmured, pulling away.

I pulled her right back, kissing her. Never got enough of that mouth, which is probably why we found ourselves in this position again and again – rushing to the hospital, rushing to the church, rushing to school.

"Oh gross," Jack complained, appearing from thin air.

"Get in the car," I sighed. "And bring your sister."

He cocked his head. "Which one?"

"Grace, ya smartass."

Bella gave me a withering look and wrestled my tie into a Windsor.

St. Anne's was packed with our family and friends. Jaysus, I hoped they'd all fit in the yard for the get-together afterwards.

Like Charlie and Renee, my parents had traveled from Belfast for the christening. It was sort of a big deal having everyone in the same place again, a far cry from the very beginning, when only Em, Rose and Liam stood with us for Jack's baptism. Now they were in the front pew with their brood of seven, as were Alice and Jasper, who had come from Austin. They had two boys and another on the way.

Soon Bella and I were standing at the altar with a very squirmy Anthony. He was going to be strong, I could tell by how he struggled against his mother's embrace.

Wordlessly, I held out my hands and she turned him over to me.

I'd always love this, holding the children Bella had given me, smelling their baby hair, touching my cheek to theirs.

* * *

_**Bella**_

It never got old, seeing Edward that way with our babies.

He was so good with them, patient in ways even I wasn't. Granted, I was the one home with them all of the time, but still. He was a great father. It was easy to forget the years of struggle and financial hardship at times like this, when things just seemed so right and so good.

We'd worked hard to get to where we were and I couldn't be more proud of Edward and what he'd accomplished. In the past year he had begun taking on more responsibilities at Harborview Medical's ER. He was young, but he'd already begun establishing quite a reputation locally as a promising doctor.

We were beyond blessed. And God, he just got more and more handsome by the day.

He winked at me then, probably recognizing the lusty glint in my eye. I smiled and turned my focus back to Father Murphy. Edward was the last person I needed to be looking at right now, making me blush with his cheeky glances.

That was the sort of shite that got us in trouble.

The christening was a brief affair. We thanked Father – he'd baptized every one of our children – and convened with everyone outside. It was a mild day, the sun shining gently at the edges of the clouds.

Anthony began fussing. The poor thing was likely starving.

I caught Edward's eye and motioned toward the car, knowing he'd stand about and shoot the breeze with everyone if I didn't pull him away now.

We'd set up the yard ahead of time, dressing it with tables and chairs and balloons. I ducked into the bedroom to feed Anthony, letting my parents and in-laws handle the food downstairs.

He was a gorgeous baby, with eyes and hair like his Da. I held his little foot while he nursed, amused at how calm and behaved he was when he was eating. This was one of the things I missed when they got older, how they'd gaze at me as I gazed at them, this little space in time when there was nothing else. It was so simple.

Eventually he was sated, so I burped him and changed him and brought him back to his family so they could dote on him some more. At this rate I'd hardly see him for the rest of the day, with all of the eager sets of arms waiting for a turn.

I made myself a plate of food, wondering where Edward was. Usually he was right at the front of things, tellin' tales or acting the fool with Emmett. Neither of them had grown up in that regard.

"Mum?"

She turned at my voice, smiling expectantly when she saw the baby. I gave him to her, grateful for the reprieve.

"Have you seen Edward?" I asked.

"He went inside a while ago, so he did."

Leaving her with Anthony I returned to the house, wondering why I hadn't seen Edward on my way out moments before.

It didn't take me long to find him, though. He was in his study, a newspaper laid out across his desk.

I lingered in the doorway, recognizing the tension in his face. It brought about an old sensation in my chest, something I hadn't felt in a bit.

After a moment he looked up. "Bobby Sands died."

My heart lurched. "When?"

"Tuesday."

I sat in the chair across from him, resting my arms on his desk. "Y'alright?"

"It's taken me for a bit of ride. I… I don't know. We've been expecting this, but now…" He frowned, looking back at the newspaper, at a photo of Bobby.

We sat in silence awhile. Every now and then things like this happened, dragging us right back into the state of things at home. Sometimes Edward felt guilty, I could tell. There was still a bit of fight in him left and he'd always be sympathetic to the cause.

And I didn't blame hm. That fire was one of the things I loved most about him.

As for me, I loved Seattle – always had –and I loved our life. Still, there were days I missed Belfast so bad and knowing we could never go back ached. I knew in my heart we'd made the right choices, but that didn't make it hurt any less. I wanted my children to see where they'd come from.

Emmett's laugh boomed obnoxiously from the backyard, snapping me from my reverie.

Edward's eyes met mine, and we shared a smile. I stood up and went around to his side of the desk, craving closeness. He turned toward me and rested his head on my stomach, something he'd always done. I ran my fingers through his hair, loving it. Loving him.

After a moment he kissed my belly and stood, wrapping his arms around me.

He didn't have to say anything; I knew.

He just needed me to be there.

* * *

The best part about having our parents visit was that they insisted on cleaning up. Mum and Esme did the dishes while Da and Carlisle nattered about out back, their voices punctuated by laughter and the clanking of bottles.

For once, Anthony was asleep early. He'd been thoroughly knackered by the time the last of our guests had left and after a quick bath I put him down. He still woke up all during the night to eat, so his crib stayed in the corner of our bedroom.

Grace helped sometimes with the younger children, even though she was still quite young herself, but she was off the hook tonight. She'd done enough earlier, before the christening. I finished up with Gemma and Molly and got them into bed, calling for Edward to take over so that I could finally take a shower.

He did it better, anyway.

No one told bedtime stories the way he did and no one had quite as much fun saying prayers. I listened for a moment to the rise and fall of his voice as he read them one of their favorite books before slipping down the hall.

I took a long shower, washing the sweat from my skin. Had I not been so exhausted I'd have gone for a bath, but dozing and then waking in ice cold water didn't sound too appealing. For someone who hadn't dealt much with young children growing up, I really loved having a large family of my own.

Things were hectic but never dull. And depending on the weather, I spent as much time outside with smaller ones as possible while Jack and Grace were at school. That was my method: tire them out before they tired me out.

It had been a good day, though. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been surrounded by this much family; it felt like home.

Edward was peeling his clothes from his body as I stepped out. He watched me wrap a towel around my hair.

"The girls are asleep?"

He nodded. "They all are."

"Good," I sighed. "I'm worn out."

"Sure y'want to get out?" he asked, trailing a finger along the wet skin of my hip.

I nodded, pressing close to him, dampening his skin with my own. He reached up and unwound the towel from my head, letting my hair fall. It was still long, though nowhere near as long as it had been once.

I recognized the desire; it was written plain as day all over his face and in other parts of his body as well. I knew it like I knew my own body, like how I was reacting to him this very second.

He caught my face between his hands and kissed me deeply, letting me know.

"Hurry," I whispered, tearing myself away.

He grinned down at me, nodding slightly before moving around me to get into the shower.

After drying off properly I went into our room and lay flat on the bed, knowing there was little point in putting any sort of clothing on. Edward would just take it off anyway and I wasn't in the mood for coyness and games.

Just him.

We'd been married for nearly nine years. It was difficult to believe; in some ways I felt like we'd been together forever. And, in a way we had – we'd _grown up_ together after all. But then in other ways our relationship felt fresh. I never tired of seeing his face, always felt my heart skip a beat when he came home from work. It wasn't a crazy, out of control feeling the way it had been when I was younger, but it was intense and real all the same. Mum said that's how you knew you'd chosen the right one and I supposed she was right.

Over the years there had been times when I was too tired to make love. Other times he was the one falling asleep before I could make my move. But other times, like now, we were on the same page. We hadn't had much time since Anthony's birth but I'd been ready for awhile now.

He came to me, his skin soft and damp from bathing. "Missed you."

"I've been here," I said, but I knew what he meant. "I missed you too."

He kissed me softly and I kissed back, running my tongue lightly against his.

"Are you… all right?" I asked after a moment, noticing his distracted expression.

He knew what I was asking. I hadn't been able to fully chase thoughts of Bobby Sands and his ordeal from my mind, so I knew Edward hadn't been able to either.

"I'm fine," he answered, eyes downcast. "I will be. Just one of those things, you know? Caught me a bit unawares is all."

Nodding, I took him into my arms and held him close, loving him with all that I had. When I thought about where we'd come from and how easily he could've been lost to me I shuddered inwardly, glad we'd escaped when we had.

I thanked God every single day for the life we'd been given.

I let my legs fall open as he crawled between them, kissing my thighs and belly. Childbearing had changed my body and I was no longer as thin as I'd been once. My hips were wider, my tummy rounder. Depending on my mood, I was either endeared by this or frustrated by it. But Edward loved it. He kissed my belly button and then came to my side, drawing me close to kiss.

His hands were all over me, owning me like they always had. I responded in kind, touching him in the places I knew he liked, some hidden and some obvious. I could feel him hard against my leg and it excited me, knowing that in moments I'd be feeling him fully.

Edward kissed me, drawing my bottom lip down with his thumb before leaving my mouth altogether and working his way lower, kissing me where he knew I wanted.

I sank my fingers into his hair, tugging gently. Time had given us technique, methods of coaxing orgasms from each other's bodies. He brought me to the brink and worked in his fingers inside, making me clench inside.

When I came he kissed his way up to my mouth and pushed into me, where he'd made me wet and slick and ready. I'd never get tired of this; never grow bored with the physical aspect of our relationship. Each time we made love was the best time.

"Oh God, Bella," he grunted, hitching my leg up higher. I gave him my other leg, knowing he loved to do it that way. I liked it too; he went a lot deeper. I moved with him, clung to him, wordless, unable to feel or focus on anything than him inside of me.

"I love you, I love you," I whispered, kissing his ear.

Edward eased back, gazing down at me. "I love you. Always."

It was impossible to tell where he ended and I began.


End file.
